RE: Single Doms as Mentors

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Single Doms as Mentors

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Single Doms as Mentors

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Single Doms as Mentors - 8/29/2006 8:10:41 AM

subkitten32

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline

In the beginning I had a mentor, he was amazing! He helped to see, to figure things out, he was my friend. He was single. And never asked for anything in return. All I gave was my appreciation for his help, his listening ear and his understanding. Apparently I was lucky, but then I already knew that.

kitten

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Single Doms as Mentors - 8/29/2006 8:34:46 AM

SCORPIOXXX

Posts: 223
Joined: 11/6/2004
Status: offline

FAST REPLY...

I am not a fan of self-appointed titles and mantles, so I am not going to call myself a "mentor". But I correspond with subs who ask me for advice (about BDSM or anything else) even if we can't actually meet due to distance and inability to relocate. Does that make me a mentor or a friend?

As for those with suspicions about single DOMs: does it not occur to you that some of us are single because, as in my case, we are too damn picky to take any sub/slave just because it's easy??? So many subs' profiles insist they will not settle, why should we DOMs not do the same? Duh!!! It's fine to Play, with no expectations -- but for the Long Term you want to be sure...

(in reply to subkitten32)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Single Doms as Mentors - 8/29/2006 8:44:09 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

A true mentoring type of personality is indeed a student, for the teacher, the good ones, learn from each student and incorporate and apply that knowledge, so both grow and learn form each other. It is the mutual EXCHANGE and respect that occurs between the teacher or mentor and the student that is, in fact the best teacher. This is not liimited to dominants teaching dominants, or vice versa. It is rather the like mindedness of the individuals, who uinderstand that they are both students in the bigger picture, and who share the same goals and aspirations. Everyone has something of value to offer or contribute.

Those who claim to want to mentor then domineer the situation are the ones i would steer clear from. Those who need that ego boost, are not as likely to be the best at teaching from my experience. If teacher cannot listen to what the student shares, then that teacher is not the best he or she can be, true mentors and teachers recognize the value in their students.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Single Doms as Mentors - 8/29/2006 8:47:41 AM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: raiken

A true mentoring type of personality is indeed a student, for the teacher, the good ones, learn from each student and incorporate and apply that knowledge, so both grow and learn form each other. It is the mutual EXCHANGE and respect that occurs between the teacher or mentor and the student that is, in fact the best teacher. This is not liimited to dominants teaching dominants, or vice versa. It is rather the like mindedness of the individuals, who uinderstand that they are both students in the bigger picture, and who share the same goals and aspirations. Everyone has something of value to offer or contribute.

Those who claim to want to mentor then domineer the situation are the ones i would steer clear from. Those who need that ego boost, are not as likely to be the best at teaching from my experience. If teacher cannot listen to what the student shares, then that teacher is not the best he or she can be, true mentors and teachers recognize the value in their students.

I feel that in giving advice,one really needs to be clear that it is from a personal objective. And to put aside things like roles,and always act as equals. Including any arrogance over "seniority"-kink is not unionized.

(in reply to raiken)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Single Doms as Mentors - 8/29/2006 9:12:44 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Thank you to all who have responded. I apologize for taking so long to check back in on this thread but I have been changing some of my internet connections and was without access since early yesterday.

The profile that I stumbled onto that spurred this post was of a single male Dominant who declared that he only wishes to find "only" newbie subs/slaves for mentoring. It stated that he "doesn't have time or desire for commitments" beyond a mentoring relationship. It stated that he has been strictly mentoring for over 20 years now and that due to that he desires not to be in any type of long term or committed relationship as he is very happy to be able to share himself with many women. Maybe it's just me but it sort of smacked of "I want you to stroke my need to feel important by placing me on par with the second coming of Christ, I want you to be fresh clay that I mold and use how and when I like...and I will not make any commitments to you beyond that".

In reading it I simply wondered why anyone who is looking to learn how to function within the parameters of a D/s or M/s relationship would turn to someone who clearly has no interest in being in one themself in an attempt to learn the necessary skills from.

As I said before...I don't agree with the idea of having one Mentor. I believe that it is best to learn from a variety of viewpoints and apply what feels right to your own specific situation. But this particular profile just really got me wondering who this would appeal to.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Single Doms as Mentors - 8/29/2006 9:15:00 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Perusing profiles I see many single (mostly male) Doms offering "mentoring". If you are looking for a mentor, why would you choose a single person? Wouldn't that be kind of like going to a priest for marriage counseling?

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
And yet if you are a good Catholic that is exactly where you would go, lol.

I am with you one this one. I would rather seek advice from a few trusted acquaintances who i knew to be well experienced with real time relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I agree. It would be a very rare single dom who would be interested and useful for mentoring to a single sub.

But then the odds aren't that good when they aren't single either- then they can go for threesomes and the golden fleece of bdsm- POLY!

OK, that does it..I want to see all three of you after class...lol.

Erin, LA, i think we were just threatened! So.....does this weekend sound good to you two? It is a holiday weekend.

Funny...I normally have a much different response when I am threatened than the one I got when I read this....lol.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned........

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to twicehappy)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Single Doms as Mentors - 8/29/2006 9:17:49 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

If you are a curious newbie, do not ask me to mentor you, teach you, be your friend or any other term you want to use in the D/s world. I will be using all my energy, charm and knowledge to make you desire me to Dom you and make it seem like it just happened. I will have some no strings fun unless I decide I want more from you. End of story.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Single Doms as Mentors - 8/29/2006 9:36:33 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear mistoferin, Ladies and Gentlemen;

The "intent" of someone to mentor is often the deciding factor as to see them as well intended instructors, teachers, guide or inspiration.
Some go into mentoring for many reasons. Some are honorable and some are not.

Not all single dominants who wish to mentor are evil but, as with anything in BDSM; there will be bad apples to sour the basket of apples. Each person needs to get mentored by those who inspire them and other than student protocol/rules/respect, beyond that I don't see many who have string attachments.

I will offer advice, help and such to slaves and or submissives. I do mentor dominants though, quite frequently. With couples, sometimes it is an outsider's observation that can be a plus and give options to explore but, that said; the way to fix an relationship is fixing it within. Sometimes it is a matter of somebody seeing something that they totally missed. It warms my heart to see them fix the problem and enjoy their relationships. But, that is what friends do.

Mentoring can be brief. Mentoring can be prolonged. Mentoring can be intermitten. Mentoring can be saying or doing something once. Mentoring can be as long as needed and or wanted. Everybody who posts on this forum is a mentor; as each person's words help someone one way or the other.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to mistoferin)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Single Doms as Mentors - 9/2/2006 12:25:41 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: denverdomm

Well it is not a bad idea to have a mentor when one is introduced into bdsm. My slave had a fantastic one in the chicago area years ago. In regards to whether they are single doing whatever, you are an adult, do what feels right. Most metors will negotiate an agreement. I know it is popular these last 5 years especially, with the internet growth to be all concerned about others and see them as victims. Well, grow up do it if you want,otherwise dont. If legal laws are broken have folks charged or arrested. But be responsible for yourself whether single, new,old, responsible or irresponsible.

Okay, I'll let you folks know, DenverDomM is one of those 'very experienced Dominants' I often talk about. He and his slave have done much to not only welcome me into this lifestyle, but also to teach and guide me.

It's been three years. We have not been 'sexual', but we have played and played hard. I have learned a whole bunch from both he and his slave. They are VERY active in the community here in Colorado...and surounding areas. They are 'real' people who have a real M/s relationship. Again...I have learned much from them. Personally, I appreciate mentors; single or no.

And...I would agree with Sid's (DenverDomM...and no, I did not just 'out' him) assessment that we all be adults here. I believe, like me, he is overly tired of people looking for others to do their thinking for them! Be reponsible for your own actions and those with which you participate. Sheeshhhhh...being submissive is not an excuse for not having common sense.

bearlee

(in reply to denverdomm)

Profile

Post #: 49