RE: D/s interrupted by illness

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RE: D/s interrupted by illness - 8/24/2006 6:01:30 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
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I have done a search and found some websites that may be helpful for
you.I typed in OCD support and there was a whole list of websites and it looks like they are aimed at both people with OCD and family/friends.

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/OCD-Support/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/obsessivecompulsivedisorder3/
http://www.ocfboston.org/

It is important to remember that as well as supporting your dom you need to look after yourself .... if you do not take time out to care for yourself, talk with friends, see a movie etc you may find it more difficult to be a support to your dom. Also please know that (it sounds like you already know all of this, sorry if this sounds 'preachy') you are unlikely to be able to provide everything that your dom needs as he lives his life with OCD -you are not superwoman so don't beat yourself up if you find that you are struggling, do what you are doing now - talk to others.

You mentioned that your dom is interested in cog beh techniques to assist him to live with OCD - a book that may be help is 'get out of your mind and into your life' by Steven Hayes. This is a self-paced workbook that can be used for all sorts of problems including depression, anxiety, OCD, anger and chronic pain.

I wish you all the best and hope you will find what works for you

(in reply to pqwinny)

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RE: D/s interrupted by illness - 8/24/2006 6:13:43 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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I have been on both sides of this coin. When two people love each other, they deal with whatever life chooses to throw at them. My heart goes out to you because I know how difficult it can be. Don't feel badly for asking questions....answers from a variety of sources can help us to be more prepared to deal with the possibilities. What I am hearing from you is not that you are looking for a way out...but that you are asking for understanding and advice on how to work through this thing together.

My husband was in a very bad motorcyle accident. He spent nearly a year hospitalized and then many years recovering. For a couple of those years, he could only get up to use the bathroom. Now his condition was a physical one...but over time it also affected the D/s dynamic on a mental level. When one is injured to that level it changes them. In many ways he could still maintain a degree of Dominance, however, over time that became less as he grew to depend upon me for all of his decisions. It was a difficult time, but I loved him and that love carried me through. The people that came out on the other side of the experience were not the same people that went in though. As he recovered and became more confident in asserting control...the D/s dynamic once again strengthened. I believe though, that he also saw me in a new light....one that gave him a deeper respect for me. He saw that I was a strong and capable woman who could manage heavy burdens on my own...and he told me that it actually made my submission to him seem more profound as he realized that the only reason for it was the desire that came from within me. It wasn't born of need.

Later in our relationship I became seriously ill and needed his care. He told me that the one thing that he never questioned was whether or not he could....because he had been shown by my example how. When I became sick he said the thought that struck him was simply...ok, now it's my turn. Granted, during the times that I was not hospitalized, I tried to keep our lives as normal as possible and do as much as I could. There were many days however, that the burden fell upon him as it just simply hurt too bad to get out of bed. I found, as he did, that over the course of that time, that I grew a new respect for the man that he was.

Our relationship ended many years ago....but not because of our illnesses. We remain close today and continue to have great respect for each other.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to pqwinny)

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Post #: 42

RE: D/s interrupted by illness - 8/24/2006 6:56:39 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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And just for the cherry on top, a link!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_517295/mpage_2/key_ocd/tm.htm#517508
Perfectionist

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to wandersalone)

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RE: D/s interrupted by illness - 8/24/2006 7:07:06 AM

pqwinny

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/23/2006
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Thanks for the cherry LA *grin* and the links from wandersalone...one of which i think will be quite helpful.

i have a piece of advice for myself...what happens in life will either make you bitter or better, you always get to choose.

i usually opt for better in the long run, but sometimes after a short bout of bitter. Thanks again to all who have replied (well, almost all *wink*)

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I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 44

RE: D/s interrupted by illness - 8/24/2006 10:33:48 AM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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Yes, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Just a thought, how about "part time Doms" or like a substitute teacher a "Substitute Dom?"
Anyone ever heard of that before?

(in reply to pqwinny)

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Post #: 45

RE: D/s interrupted by illness - 8/24/2006 11:17:50 AM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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Okay, I just want to say that I feel privileged to be posting with such an intelligent, supportive, and realistic group of people. Bravo to you all!

My son has a multitude of labels that I won’t go into…but as a single parent with no close family; he and I had a tough row to hoe. He was in Special Ed till he was 21…but for all his ‘handicaps’ he is quite high functioning. Still, it is unlikely he will ever be self-sufficient. And…he left the adult program he was in a year ago, and is missing; so all this talk of care-taking is really pulling at my heart. I can’t bring myself to talk about it.

What I DO want to talk about is what Popeye just asked. About ‘part time Doms’ or substitute Doms? I have realized that several Dominant friends of mine DO sort of step in from time to time with me…outside of ‘play’. One could call them ‘part-time’ to me, I guess. Each one is very experienced… has his/her own family who also embrace me…make time to spend with me and often tailor ‘play’ to suit what they perceive as what I need at the time. One actually punished me for not ‘focusing’ on something I’d said I would do/share because I’m a bit stressed. It was what I needed at the time. Good friends, these!

beverly

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RE: D/s interrupted by illness - 8/26/2006 7:36:12 AM

pqwinny

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/23/2006
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Just wanted to share an update in case anyone who replied was interested.

Things have leveled out a bit. Nothing is 'fixed' but my thoughts, attitude and approach have been properly adjusted by a number of influences (not the least of which being the thoughtful and helpful respondants to this post).

We are getting through each day. We are addressing challenges as they arise and we have grown closer because of it. It turns out that my spoken and demonstrated commitment to Him during this difficult time have served to deepen His commitment to and feelings for me (He has said so.)

To my surprise, the act that i interpreted as a breach of trust has not rocked my ability to trust Him to the extent or in the ways that i expected it to or have experienced in past situations with others in my life. In fact, it has become a non-issue (we did discuss it at great length though, and i'm sure that is a major contributing factor to making it a non-issue)

One last 'thank you' for the input and support offered here.

_____________________________

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to Bearlee)

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Post #: 47