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RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 5:50:19 AM   
peterK50


Posts: 433
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline 		I do better with Dom/mes who have a "Zero-Tolerence Policy". I like black & white much better then grey

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(in reply to SaphireLynn)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 7:30:34 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		being how everyone interprets things their own way.. everyone DOES have a determination of what they would consider slight and/or offensive. The question was worded  broadly for that reason. 

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I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 8:35:51 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

"The measure of a Domme is how he/she treats the slightest offence".

True?  False?



Though a simple and subjective contrivance of words, I believe this comment puts a finger on something valid. The crux leans toward the psychology of cumulative disobedience and resistance, and how exponential it can become if left unchecked.

As with any child or pet, we can enable bad behavior by letting it slide all too often. It's human nature to push boundaries, but what servant really wants to defeat her owner? Even if at the time it seems like a good idea and she "gets away with it", the resulting experience in doing so will make her unhappy. Her respect for her Master/Mistress lessens, and there may be a haunting feeling within that something vital in the structure is cancerous.

We can go on about how intolerance and hardness is an unlikable trait in an owner/dominant. We can wax poetically about the nature of love's gentle touch and the virtues of patience and tolerance, but I feel it is wise to keep in mind that if pursued too far, this recipe can before long betray the very reality of true dominance and submission—ideals something deep within us aspires toward, even if surface ego and traditional sensibility attempt to tinker with and redecorate it.




< Message edited by amayos -- 7/28/2006 8:44:20 AM >

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 8:46:55 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

We can go on about how intolerance and hardness is an unlikable trait in an owner/dominant. We can wax poetically about the nature of love's gentle touch and the virtues of patience and tolerance, but I feel it is wise to keep in mind that if pursued too far, this recipe can before long betray the very reality of true dominance and submission—ideals something deep within us aspires for, even if surface ego and traditional sensibility attempt to tinker with and redecorate it.


I would agree with these words, however, is this the sole measurement of a Dominant?  I can not wrap my arms around finding one key element with which to measure a Dominant or any human being for that matter.  The measure of a Dominant is found in many things, in my opinion, and is not so simplistic as to say "only this one area."  While the handling of offenses (as defined by those involved, I suppose) is critical, what of creating a path for success, and the handling of such?  What of leadership and guidance and consistency?  What of the way the Dominant manages the submissive in general?

I see the importance of offence-handling, but it is not the measuring stick.  I am not sure there is just one measuring stick.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 8:52:41 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I would agree with these words, however, is this the sole measurement of a Dominant?


Heavens, no. But it is the nature of humans to attempt crumpling the entire universe up into a single pleasing turn of phrase. Let us say that the above point of the original post is "a key pillar."





< Message edited by amayos -- 7/28/2006 8:56:34 AM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 9:01:03 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

"The measure of a Domme is how he/she treats the slightest offence".
 
True?  False?  
 


I believe a Dominants character shows in how they handle different situations. The manner in which they react and the severity in which they react, can be very telling. While I would not define the skill or merit of dominant by this example, I do believe it is but another piece of the puzzle. 

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 9:03:09 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
The only measure of a domme/dom
is how well the relationship works for those in it.

Well said.  If it has no bearing upon your personal life and those within your inner circle, it's best left unmeasured!!!!

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 7/28/2006 9:05:16 AM >

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Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 10:12:37 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
The only measure of a domme/dom
is how well the relationship works for those in it.

Well said.  If it has no bearing upon your personal life and those within your inner circle, it's best left unmeasured!!!!


But doesn't everyone have their own litmus test as to what is overboard and what is not.  I guess a better question would be what a person thinks is overboard to them.

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Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 10:49:18 AM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos


But it is the nature of humans to attempt crumpling the entire universe up into a single pleasing turn of phrase.






Now that is a wonderfully pleasing turn of phrase up there.

Not only do you diagnose "the nature of humans"
but your sentence also does exactly what you are describing
at the same time.


DD
PS... you aren't the reincarnated
ghost of Michel Foucoult, are ya?

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 6:38:35 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious

quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos


But it is the nature of humans to attempt crumpling the entire universe up into a single pleasing turn of phrase.






Now that is a wonderfully pleasing turn of phrase up there.

Not only do you diagnose "the nature of humans"
but your sentence also does exactly what you are describing
at the same time.


DD
PS... you aren't the reincarnated
ghost of Michel Foucoult, are ya?



* Laughs

Not since I last checked! But I do thank you, Sir, for the above compliments—and for observing the intended irony and humor of that line.

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 7:02:22 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

Hi LotusSong, good topic!
 
I think the measure of a "person" is how they treat an offense.
 
If someone is quick to anger, easily offended, or unreasonable in the face of a sincere apology, I walk away fast.
 
If someone is slow to anger, difficult to offend, and/or peacable whenever possible, I tend to draw closer... and when/if this person ever DOES take offense, I sit up and listen.
 
It's much harder to pursue peace than it is to wage war...


Too bad our natural "leaders" can't hear that last sentence..lol.

The rest is also terrific...nothing more to add.. thanks for saying it so well <g>

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to Calandra)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 7:11:18 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

Though a simple and subjective contrivance of words, I believe this comment puts a finger on something valid. The crux leans toward the psychology of cumulative disobedience and resistance, and how exponential it can become if left unchecked.

As with any child or pet, we can enable bad behavior by letting it slide all too often. It's human nature to push boundaries, but what servant really wants to defeat her owner? Even if at the time it seems like a good idea and she "gets away with it", the resulting experience in doing so will make her unhappy. Her respect for her Master/Mistress lessens, and there may be a haunting feeling within that something vital in the structure is cancerous.

We can go on about how intolerance and hardness is an unlikable trait in an owner/dominant. We can wax poetically about the nature of love's gentle touch and the virtues of patience and tolerance, but I feel it is wise to keep in mind that if pursued too far, this recipe can before long betray the very reality of true dominance and submission—ideals something deep within us aspires toward, even if surface ego and traditional sensibility attempt to tinker with and redecorate it.


Whatever you do, don't talk to another person like this when you are both drinking.

To me, a good measure between the difference of a "bad" dominant and a "good" one would be to compare and contrast Herber Sobol (bad) with Captain Richard Winters (good) from BAND OF BROTHERS.

Superior Dominants have a capacity to lead, which goes way beyond reacting.

Herbert Sobol: "After a period of training in the United Kingdom, Captain Sobel was removed from command of Company E after several of the company's non-commissioned officers refused to fight under him, believing him to be an incompetent commander who would get many men killed."

Captain Winters: "After landing off-course near Sainte-Mère-Église and having lost his weapon during the drop, Lieutenant Winters was able to figure out where he was, collect a few lost paratroopers, and march toward the unit's assigned objective near Sainte-Marie-du-Mont.

Lieutenant Winters was recommended for the Medal of Honor for leading an assault that destroyed a battery of German 105 mm howitzers which were situated to fire onto the causeways that served as the principal exits from Utah Beach during the D-Day assault."

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/28/2006 10:29:53 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Superior Dominants have a capacity to lead, which goes way beyond reacting.



Well stated. When dispensing advise on sovereignty of thought, I often suggest the mantra of act, don't react, which is a beneficial mental stratagem for life itself.

As for the tactical footnotes, I will keep them in mind when I deploy my black ops teams against key loci of the NLA.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/29/2006 1:49:55 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings to all
 
the measure of a person is not when they are in the mode of the dom/mes it is the person who is that person who goes to work watches their childern if they are angry and mean believe me they will be the same when they go for the submissive or slaves. if they are a nasty and easy to angry yes it will be the same as they are when they are with their slaves or submissive.
but i must point out that i am not easy to angry but i do love to bring out the tears in the slave but i also respect him as a person who is human. teaching him how to learn from me is great, this is why when pciking a parnter watch for his or her temperment and how they act in public with you an angry dom/mes is a mess in a place full of vanilla people i hope this made sense it
 
mons

(in reply to SaphireLynn)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/29/2006 1:31:40 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

"The measure of a Dom is ... ?





==>

=====>

======>

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/29/2006 1:38:09 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		You're truly evil, Doctor!! And funny.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/29/2006 1:39:24 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I always judge people on how they treat their pets.. (animal pets)

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/29/2006 1:42:07 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmm. Never thought of that, but it probably would be a fascinating and valid indicator, wouldn't it?

- Susan.  

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/29/2006 3:49:14 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		cloudboy and amayos just crack me up when they interact like this with eachother. I've seen it before, and I think it's better than watching tv comedy.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/29/2006 3:53:51 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The Measure of a Dom/me - 7/29/2006 4:20:22 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

cloudboy and amayos just crack me up when they interact like this with eachother. I've seen it before, and I think it's better than watching tv comedy.

- Susan


Heh, kinda puts Seinfeld to shame, doesn't it? 

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 40
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