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Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:33:13 PM   
DixieBellle


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/26/2006
From: middle TN
Status: offline 		I have had this issue in my mind for a while now but have really had no one to ask. First off, I will give my background. I am married/collared very happily, to my Master of four yrs. We have been toying with the idea of adding a female sub to our play, which is something that we both want. It also seems to be a common occurance among partners per the many ads here looking for a "sister sub" . My question is why do you never see, or with less frequency, a couple seeking another male? I have to admit that this fantasy is attractive to me but having mentioned to Him, it is not going to happen as He is dead set against it. Is this a double standard to you? Is it fair?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:41:46 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		It is all about Master and His wishes--not about you.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to DixieBellle)
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RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:43:49 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		My best guess is that it would usually be based on the sex of the dominant individual in the couple.  If we are assuming a couple where the man is dominant, finding a woman has the compatibility issues of both women being bisexual (reasonably common these days) if there is to be sexual interaction between the two.  Also, that scenario plays into many men's fantasies on various levels.

To have a man as a third would assume, for compatibility purposes, that the men are bisexual (not so common) if sex will be involved.  In the case of a pure service-oriented submissive/slave, then physical contact might not be implied and it matters less.

For a woman dominant the situation could be different, but I'll leave this be for the time as you implied that you were the collared one.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to DixieBellle)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:47:40 PM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		Depends on how you view it, I suppose.  If you are submissive, then technically what MHOO314 said makes sense.  If you are looking at it from a level playing field where it's just two individual people... then no, it isn't fair.  I would assume that he would refuse adding a male for one of two reasons; 1) he isn't sexually attracted to other males and/or 2) he's afraid you as a female will prefer the new male to himself.
 
But that's just my speculation.  I could easily be way off target, since I don't know your Master.  Individuals vary.
 
YMMV
 
zuma

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:48:11 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		you are comparing apples and oranges.

First.... both of you are interested in have a female.

Second... only one of are interested in having another male.

so how is it unfair to be happy with the relationship one has

so where is the double standard..... oh wait

what if..

First.. both of you are interested in having a female.... but the female is willing to have another female for the sake of the male's pleasure.

Second... only one of you are interested in having another male... poor female is upset cause male will not recipocate as she would do to have a female.


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to DixieBellle)
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RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:50:51 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DixieBellle

I have had this issue in my mind for a while now but have really had no one to ask. First off, I will give my background. I am married/collared very happily, to my Master of four yrs. We have been toying with the idea of adding a female sub to our play, which is something that we both want. It also seems to be a common occurance among partners per the many ads here looking for a "sister sub" . My question is why do you never see, or with less frequency, a couple seeking another male? I have to admit that this fantasy is attractive to me but having mentioned to Him, it is not going to happen as He is dead set against it. Is this a double standard to you? Is it fair?


It isn't double standards, nor unfair (fair is where you ride rides and eat cotton candy, btw), as MH said, it's about what the dominant decides, ultimately. And most men are not going to bring in another male to their dynamic.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to DixieBellle)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:51:51 PM   
DixieBellle


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/26/2006
From: middle TN
Status: offline 		I am not upset at all, He doesnt want it to happen so it wont. Just wanted others opinions on the matter. Yes He is straight only.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:55:01 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		If this was very important to someone then it should have come up during their getting to know you period, if a person is collared and considers it a life long commitment and thought this might become a poly situation they  would enjoy to explore it should have come up before they were collared. As far as "fair", life ain't fair for anyone, even a master deals with the unfairness of life.

I am not yet collared, and this is the kinda stuff you work out before you become collared in my opinion. I am not poly. I am not sharing my Daddy. I do not want to be shared... these are hard limits and I will not accept a collar without that being understood. It is my opinion that people should really think about these things before they hitch themselves to someone else's wagon.

I think that most men do not want another penis around their house all the time, not that this is true for everyone.  It maybe a double standard, but there are ways of keeping yourself out of that conflict and not start a relationship with a poly dominant.  The power is in the hands of the submissive until she allows herself to be owned... just my opinion

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/23/2006 2:56:41 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DixieBellle)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:55:14 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DixieBellle

My question is why do you never see, or with less frequency, a couple seeking another male? I have to admit that this fantasy is attractive to me but having mentioned to Him, it is not going to happen as He is dead set against it. Is this a double standard to you? Is it fair?


A. More women normally means more SEX!

B. The majority of men are straight. He does not want anything to do with other men sexualy and most men do not want to share there women. Biologicaly/chemicaly wise, sharing you with another man would take away his likely hood of passing on his seed. 

Incase you never studied sperm, let me give you an example of men not liking to share. When a female has had semen entered into her, some of the sperm have no intention of making it to the egg. Instead, they will cling together forming a wall that will work to prevent another mans sperm from passing through to your uterus. However, they will allow your spouse's sperm to pass.

So is this fair or a double standard? That depends if you don't want another chicken in the hen house. I'm assuming that you are bi and he's straight. Straight men do not find other men sexualy attarctive. He only wants what he is finding attarctive. Since you like other women as well, go ahead and just take whay you can get. Double standard or not it is FAIR. Why? Because he's the Dom you agreed to serve. What he says goes and you know it.  

  





_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to DixieBellle)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 2:57:07 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

It is all about Master and His wishes--not about you.


This is BS... it's not just about one person in a given relationship... REGARDLESS of the relationship structure.

We all have needs/desires that need to be met in our given relationships.


It's about Compatiablity and Acceptance.  Find a person that is Compatiable to fullfill the Primary needs and desires that you require in the relationship as well as Accept that you or your partner can't fullfill EVERYTHING for each other.

relationships that are only one way.... will end up One way... DEAD!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 3:00:44 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The majority of men are straight.

I think that's it right there.  I think if you take a 100 straight men and 100 gay men and ask which of them are open to having a third party join the relationship, you'd have generally the same percentage.

It's simply that there are a lot more straight male doms visible in the scene in which women attend.  If the homo and hetero scene mixed more, you'd likely see more of a equal balance there.

As far as double standard- if you wanted a male and he didn't, then yes that would be a double standard.

But that's pretty much what I define as DS- Double Standard.  One person has the authority, the other doesn't.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 3:06:36 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

It is all about Master and His wishes--not about you.


This is BS... it's not just about one person in a given relationship... REGARDLESS of the relationship structure.

We all have needs/desires that need to be met in our given relationships.


It's about Compatiablity and Acceptance.  Find a person that is Compatiable to fullfill the Primary needs and desires that you require in the relationship as well as Accept that you or your partner can't fullfill EVERYTHING for each other.

relationships that are only one way.... will end up One way... DEAD!


A very valid point Knight, but she has said he is straight, end of story, does the Master not have the final say?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 3:07:27 PM   
DixieBellle


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/26/2006
From: middle TN
Status: offline 		I am very happy not ever having another man, its not something i need. It's not an issue for us as His happiness is what matters. All i wanted to know is how others feel about this subject.
Julieoceana- We did talk about this before my getting collared. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other.
He is the love of my life i am His, we are together forever.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 3:19:20 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		yep *nods at f&f*
 
more women more sex for the guy
 
more men less sex for the guy, kinda a no brainer.
 
 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to DixieBellle)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 3:19:33 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

A very valid point Knight, but she has said he is straight, end of story, does the Master not have the final say?


Just because the Master has the final say ...Does not equate it being All about HIM or more specifically  NOT about her!

Wise Dominants will make decisions with consideration for all of the individuals in the relationship.

Of course there is always some that quote Stupid phrases Such as

quote:

it is all about Master and his wishes--not about you


Which equates to your needs/desires are of no importance!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 3:21:04 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I am glad for you.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to DixieBellle)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 4:37:44 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Most alpha males cannot stand another male in their harem, I think they may view them as competition. Besides alot of men have that two women together fantasy going on. With alpha females I believe it is more common to have two males in the harem.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 4:40:13 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

A very valid point Knight, but she has said he is straight, end of story, does the Master not have the final say?


Just because the Master has the final say ...Does not equate it being All about HIM or more specifically  NOT about her!

Wise Dominants will make decisions with consideration for all of the individuals in the relationship.

Of course there is always some that quote Stupid phrases Such as

quote:

it is all about Master and his wishes--not about you


Which equates to your needs/desires are of no importance!

Excellent post Knight and just because the OP Master isn't gay doesn't mean he couldn't successfully incorporate a male slave into his house. It would just mean that male slave would play with the female one and Master could watch or whatever.

I don't believe these relationships are ALL about Master/Mistress if they are then what is the appeal for the sub/slave? They ARE people too with wants, needs and desires.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 4:41:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DixieBellle

I am very happy not ever having another man, its not something i need. It's not an issue for us as His happiness is what matters. All i wanted to know is how others feel about this subject.
Julieoceana- We did talk about this before my getting collared. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other.
He is the love of my life i am His, we are together forever.


I was not referencing your relationship, just the fairness aspect for other people.. you asked if it was fair and I answered with my opinion.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DixieBellle)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Double Standards - 7/23/2006 4:49:56 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Excellent post Knight and just because the OP Master isn't gay doesn't mean he couldn't successfully incorporate a male slave into his house. It would just mean that male slave would play with the female one and Master could watch or whatever.

I don't believe these relationships are ALL about Master/Mistress if they are then what is the appeal for the sub/slave? They ARE people too with wants, needs and desires.

~Lashra


I would add that being gay or not gay doesn't equate that a person can't successfully incorporate the male into his play not just his house.  The play however (especially if the male is het) would lack any sexual connection between the two males.

I have done play that included males.  I have done... Male - Male   and Male Female Male.  I am het... so my play will take my perference in account.  However, it's really a questison does having a Male - Female - Male relationship dynamic make the individuals happy as an ongoing relationship.  In most cases of poly it is going to be Male-Female-Female, I am not about to guess why that is the case.  But, What really matters thou, is the relationships are stable and happy.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 7/23/2006 4:50:31 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 20
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