RE: D versus s (Full Version)

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Cloudz -> RE: D versus s (7/23/2006 8:14:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peterK50

70 % of my contacts come from Male Doms who have "Straight" in their profile & do not list sub males in what they are seeking. These men want me to serve them sexally. Seems to be a dirty little secret.


peter,
I think they call it being on the dl these days...



mstrjx -> RE: D versus s (7/23/2006 8:42:47 PM)

I don't suppose everyone is as open-minded, but I embrace anyone who has determined honestly their level of 'kink', regardless of their orientation.  Their interests might not be the same as mine, but we should all be applauded for having determined that we do have kinks that need to be explored.

Jeff



RavenMuse -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 2:45:42 AM)

The only time someones gender and orientation is a major issue is if they are looking to be involved with me. If they are not then it is more important wether they have an interesting personality and are good company or not. If they have then I'll enjoy talking to them, if not I'll probably ignore them.



Nikolette -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 3:15:58 AM)

I wouldn't say that I look down on anyone based on whether they choose to be Dom(me)/sub whatever their gender is.

However I will admit... I get somewhat disturbed if I think about another woman submitting to a man. Just typing that and thinking that phrase was yucky for me. It is just totally makes my skin crawl. On the other hand my best friend since middle school is a female and a sub... and I respect her more than anyone. So its not really that I look down on females for submitting, I know it fulfills them just as I am fulfilled by Dominating- but since its so contrary to what is comfortable for me, thinking about it makes me uncomfortable. So I simply tend to avoid it. I think everyone deserves to have their desires respected, even when it makes us uncomfortable- and that its silly for someone to think less of someone for having those desires.

As a personal side I think a lot of my feelings of discomfort could have to do with the fact that I was in an extremely physically/sexually/emotionally/psychologically abusive relationship with a male (who was submissive actually). I think its not so much the actual submitting that is distressing as the associations of being forced and brutalized into things, which is NOT what BDSM is about, I know, but the association is still there somewhere.

~edited to add:

Btw, I was Dominant long before I got into the abusive relationship. I have had way too many people conclude this was something I adopted to get back at men for what was done to me. Usually though those assumptions come from vanilla people who know nothing about BDSM as a lifestyle and how most people had these desires their entire life.



sabswife -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 4:08:09 AM)

im not a domme but for me i couldnt be bothered either way, a person is a person, regardless of their choices.  male subs could never do it for me the same way blondes don't.  its just preference.

i see what LA is saying because male vanillas with submissive characteristics annoy me, but then that could just be because that defines my ex husband [;)]



twicehappy -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 4:33:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

male submissive... what is that, is it animal, mineral or vegetable, is it bigger than a breadbox?  [sm=dance.gif]


While I have met one or two that could qualify as a vegetable.......... [:D]


I recently met one who i am fairly sure was a turnip........



Level -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 5:03:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

male submissive... what is that, is it animal, mineral or vegetable, is it bigger than a breadbox?  [sm=dance.gif]


While I have met one or two that could qualify as a vegetable.......... [:D]


I recently met one who i am fairly sure was a turnip........


[8D] good morning pretty lady. A turnip, eh? Hehheh.
 
All kidding aside, I've never thought just because a male was submissive, that he was also a wuss or to be peered down upon, though some are wusses, of course, it's just not due to being on bottom.
 
Some very illuminating answers thus far.....[8|]



RavenMuse -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 5:10:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
All kidding aside, I've never thought just because a male was submissive, that he was also a wuss or to be peered down upon, though some are wusses, of course, it's just not due to being on bottom.


Quite, I am not keen on wusses, but as you say, that isn't anything to do with being a sub.

There are two sub males on these boards I am sure I'd enjoy having a drink and a chat with in RL (OK fergus is actualy a switch, but I pick up more on his sub side when I read him). Yet I've met a few total and utter wusses wandering around under the lable of dom who I simply won't give the time of day to. Wusses irritate me but that is the persons personality, not their orientation.



twicehappy -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 5:11:59 AM)

 Good morning to you too dear. I never thought being a submissive male or female made you a wuss. Though it does appear to be a common misconception.

We are more of the opinion in our house that the male subbie is more like a unicorn, very hard to find. Plenty appear to be online but the number that are "real"(gasp, i hate that term)seem to be miniscule.



CuteIrishM4F -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 5:12:15 AM)

SavageEu makes a lot of sense to me. It isn't easy to admit submissiveness, and in this patriarchal world we still unfortunately inhabit, it may even possibly be harder for a man to admit it than a woman.



Level -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 5:17:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
All kidding aside, I've never thought just because a male was submissive, that he was also a wuss or to be peered down upon, though some are wusses, of course, it's just not due to being on bottom.


Quite, I am not keen on wusses, but as you say, that isn't anything to do with being a sub.

There are two sub males on these boards I am sure I'd enjoy having a drink and a chat with in RL (OK fergus is actualy a switch, but I pick up more on his sub side when I read him). Yet I've met a few total and utter wusses wandering around under the lable of dom who I simply won't give the time of day to. Wusses irritate me but that is the persons personality, not their orientation.



Agreed 100% about Fergus, Raven. He seems a good guy to me as well.

And I'll say there is one here local, I've met him once or twice and he's a solid guy.



Level -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 5:18:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

Good morning to you too dear. I never thought being a submissive male or female made you a wuss. Though it does appear to be a common misconception.

We are more of the opinion in our house that the male subbie is more like a unicorn, very hard to find. Plenty appear to be online but the number that are "real"(gasp, i hate that term)seem to be miniscule.


LOL at "unicorn". I remember Jewel started a thread about her thoughts and frustrations on finding one, and whether they were submissive after cumming heh heh.



Bearlee -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 6:12:08 AM)

Level, you identify as a switch; which I presume to mean you are sometimes submissive.  You seem to me to be one of the most ‘stand up’ guys on the boards, (strong, logical, masculine) so I can only imagine you must still be so regardless of which ‘mode’ you’re in.  I tend to think more about the person’s personality than which side(s) of the '/ '  they identify with.
 
Yeah, a lot of folks think that penis = Dom; I’m not one of ‘em.  Some think submissive men = gay, too.  I just pretty much ignore such people if they go on too much about it; it just shows they don’t ‘get’ the D/s dynamic.  The term ‘wannabe’ comes to mind.
 
bear



CreativeDominant -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 7:00:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy

male submissive... what is that, is it animal, mineral or vegetable, is it bigger than a breadbox?  [sm=dance.gif]


While I have met one or two that could qualify as a vegetable.......... [:D]


I recently met one who i am fairly sure was a turnip........


And what part of himself did he 'turn up'?  [;)]



Tamerofwild1s -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 7:03:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Do male dominants look down upon male submissives? Female down upon female?
 
This thought came to my mind while perusing some older threads; one male dominant admitted that when he sees a male submissive, he had the urge to tell them to get up off their knees. [8|]


While I have some issues with submissive of the same gender I do not hold it against them . I have met and talked with quite a few male submissives and had my eyes opened by them .. where I used to think male subs were only around for the sexual side of the lifestyle . I now know quite a few that aren't they are sincere in the quest to be owned. I Don't know if women have the same issue but I imagine some men and women as well because of the dominance and their perspectives see same gendered submission as a degrading act towards all of that perticular Gender .. I would think it's called some kinda Gender Supremacy. as I evolve I tend to become wiser so now I would have to honestly answer that it is not an issue to me at all.



CreativeDominant -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 7:12:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Do male dominants look down upon male submissives? Female down upon female?
 
This thought came to my mind while perusing some older threads; one male dominant admitted that when he sees a male submissive, he had the urge to tell them to get up off their knees. [8|]

From my observations, I've seen it more likely to occur with male dominants than with female dominants.  I think that it comes down to the imprinting of cultural ways:  a man is "supposed" to be dominant, which also equals "strong" in the vanilla world and therefore...whether they want to or not...they carry this thought over to the D/s world where any submissive man is also seen as being weak.  This mindset seems to be enhanced in some male dominants such that when they run into a male submissive, it's like an affront has been made to them.  Female dominants know that society says that they are "supposed" to be submissive...yet, they are also being taught more and more that they can be "strong and independent and in charge".  I think this makes for an allowance within these female dominants for an acceptance of the female submissive.

Personally, I tend to react to the character and behavior of the person more than the gender.  I don't do well with feminized male submissives nor with feminine-acting gay men.  I don't do well with 'tough-guy' female submissives nor with overly-butch lesbians.  These are character/behavioral traits that bother me though, not gender or orientation issues.



sub4hire -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 7:20:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Do male dominants look down upon male submissives? Female down upon female? 
 


I've seen it happen before.  More often than not the one doing the complaining is not a person anyone wants to ever be around anyway.  It is hard for the world to revolve around one single person in this day and age.
The majority could care less, it only makes the world have more of what they are seeking.



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 7:40:27 AM)

Well, I have to admire Nikolette, and Tamer, for coming forth and admitting that they did have some difficulty with seeing people of their gender submit. I really wondered if anyone would admit to it, because we all know it exists.

I know, myself, that until I started meeting my domme friend's subs (she knows how to pick them!), I wasn't all that comfortable around submissive men. Mainly because, except for one lovely regular of our munches, most of the male subs I'd met were quick to try to convince me to be dominant, or somewhat rude when they found out I wasn't.

And let's be honest, a few of them were my age, single, and attractive, and it just plain pissed me off that they weren't doms! How's that for hypocritical, huh? [:D]

Seriously though, now that I have met some truly healthy, self-actualized male subs I don't have any issues at all. I still don't want them serving me, but now, when my domme friend orders them to kneel and massage my feet, I know I'm in for a treat. [:D]



thetammyjo -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 8:16:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Do male dominants look down upon male submissives? Female down upon female?

This thought came to my mind while perusing some older threads; one male dominant admitted that when he sees a male submissive, he had the urge to tell them to get up off their knees. [8|]


The only time my feeling is different is when I see someone acting out a stereotyped role then I usually feel a bit sad but not angry -- not a matter of D or s or female or male either.

I've had some wonderful submissive women kneel at my feet. Why would I look down at them? I don't look down on the men who are strong enough to kneel at my feet. And it takes a damned strong person to serve me.



Cloudz -> RE: D versus s (7/24/2006 10:23:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
All kidding aside, I've never thought just because a male was submissive, that he was also a wuss or to be peered down upon, though some are wusses, of course, it's just not due to being on bottom.


Quite, I am not keen on wusses, but as you say, that isn't anything to do with being a sub.

There are two sub males on these boards I am sure I'd enjoy having a drink and a chat with in RL (OK fergus is actualy a switch, but I pick up more on his sub side when I read him). Yet I've met a few total and utter wusses wandering around under the lable of dom who I simply won't give the time of day to. Wusses irritate me but that is the persons personality, not their orientation.



Raven,

I agree, submission is not for wussies. Male or female it takes a large amount of strength and courage to submit your will and desire to another. Trust, and love and blah, blah, blah aside. To put YOUR wants and desires aside. To remain motionless while being physically hurt, to give your best service and devotion on your worst day. THAT is courage beyond measure and my deep respect goes out to every submissive - male or female - who attemtps it.



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