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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 11:31:51 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

What challenges have you faced as some of the ideas, thoughts, images you had of a loving partner changed.... but in truth the only change was how you see them and not that they changed at all. How have you dealt with these issues.... How have you dealt with taking off those "Rose Colored Glasses" your have you taken them off yet?

There's a time and place for nice and a time and place for wicked, evil, mean and nasty. A fair balance of the two works well for me.

With Himself, there hasn't been anything with which to deal. He is exactly as he has always appeared. Maybe it's a New York, Bronx thing .. what you see is what you get with no illusions about it. Actually, it's quite refreshing and I do appreciate it. He's got a great sense of humor, highly intelligent, sometimes he's nice, sometimes he's a son-of-a-bitch .. pretty much simply human .. just like the rest of us. ::chuckles::

Celeste

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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 12:05:25 AM

JessieMe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilninotchka

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Jessie, Florida is full of perverts you just need to find the right one and I am sure there are plenty who would long to have you at their feet.

This is true, but, ummm, how will that help her in Ft Worth? Is this why there aren't any left for those in Florida looking? They all went to Texas?

Funny thing is.. there is a dom in Florida I am interested in >>> LOL.. I just thought Crappy was being psychic on top of all his other abilities!

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 12:13:10 AM

lilninotchka

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Maybe chase him your way? You can catch him as he runs past, right??

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 3:23:46 AM

mons

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knight of mist greetings

love is a flower so gentle and sometime wild but is it soft
you have something many would die just have someone gave this
gift to you, kind as the the a wind brezze yet strong enough to hold
together two people no one can ever take apart hold on this knihgt tightly

mons

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Post #: 24

RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 4:43:42 AM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

I'm really hoping that this doesn't turn out to be a thread about disappointments,,though.

Not a disappointment, not even a little. More awe and wonder than anything else. Most of the perceptions were unconscious, based on a lifetime of poor choices in men, but now the choice was anything but poor.

Knight's kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 4:51:55 AM

SusanofO

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My first and only Dominant was actually as great and wonderful as I'd suspected he'd be. That was not particularly a surprise, but I was grateful (very) for that.

- Susan

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 11:11:38 AM

Taylore

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Joined: 6/19/2006
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quote:

What challenges have you faced as some of the ideas, thoughts, images you had of a loving partner changed.... but in truth the only change was how you see them and not that they changed at all. How have you dealt with these issues.... How have you dealt with taking off those "Rose Colored Glasses" your have you taken them off yet?

In some areas, this slave thinks that she has been extremely fortunate that her first experience was, and is, with a man who is extremely nice. I found out during the course of our relationship just how much he could go from being 'a nice guy' to 'an asshole"

, and yet, even at times like those, Master still manages to maintain the 'niceness' that attracted me in the beginning. However, our relationship is not based on love, so I can not answer from that persepctive.

The best way to deal with those changes, for myself anyway, is to just remember who Master is, and why I chose to be his to begin with.

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Taylore

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 11:24:48 AM

NakedOnMyChain

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From: Indiana
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I had a lot of preconceived notions about my husband when we started dating. He was very well dressed, attentive, responsible and tidy. Those all went the way of the Dodo. Sure, he still gets dressed up on occasion and looks awesome, but it's the exception rather than the rule. I later found out he has the worst ADD of anyone I've ever met, so the attentive thing isn't very frequent. (Here's an example: he forgets what he's doing in the middle of giving me a backrub and will start doing something else.) He's responsible about work, but I have to remind him a trillion times to do anything else. And he definitely isn't tidy. He just kept his messes well-hidden when he lived on his own.

Naturally, with any relationship there is going to be a period of adjustment to what the other person is really like. Unless they bold-faced lied to you, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. My husband and I are comfortable around each other and love each other as much as ever, regardless of the little changes that were bound to happen and the little things we do that irritate each other. It's unreasonable to expect perfection, in yourself or your partner. Hoping and working for happiness and content is a much better goal.

Edited to add: No matter how spectacular a start things get off to, it is likely that your "Knight in Shining Armor" (no pun intended, Knight) will end up watching Sports Center on the couch while drinking a beer and scratching himself a year down the road. And would you really want to have it any other way? It's the normal evolution of relationships as you get comfortable with one another, provided you still make time assure that the "spark" is still there.

< Message edited by NakedOnMyChain -- 7/17/2006 11:27:45 AM >

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"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 1:25:30 PM

MMMMudd

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In my own journey it took several years to find someone who would be willing to spank me, much less anything else. I went out with every mean person I could find. Many many missadventures insued. My land lord found me one day tied to the ceiling where a certain pissy waiter had tied me up hit me once with a paddle from the local porn shop, it had left a welp and he ran out of the house in terror.

It was a pivotal day when I realised that the best dominates of either gender are nice people. An asshole or spitefull person can't handle the honesty of having someone submit to them. Being a mean person is only about being insecure and weak of spirit, which are quite the opposite qualifications for a dom.

Mudd

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 4:14:47 PM

Cloudz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MMMMudd

In my own journey it took several years to find someone who would be willing to spank me, much less anything else. I went out with every mean person I could find. Many many missadventures insued. My land lord found me one day tied to the ceiling where a certain pissy waiter had tied me up hit me once with a paddle from the local porn shop, it had left a welp and he ran out of the house in terror.

It was a pivotal day when I realised that the best dominates of either gender are nice people. An asshole or spitefull person can't handle the honesty of having someone submit to them. Being a mean person is only about being insecure and weak of spirit, which are quite the opposite qualifications for a dom.

Mudd

Mudd,

Lovely insight. Thank you for the reminder...for all of us <smile>.

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Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 6:46:38 PM

denika

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Who would have known that under the wicked exterior was the heart of a romantic. *s*

I will be the first to admit that as I got to know Knight I was suprised as any to find such a deep hearted man, with a large capacity to love, not just for His girls alandra and krya or for his little ones but for those around him friend and family alike. The exterior image, the person I first got to know was my predator, (meant in the best way) He was powerful and solid and a bit up on a pedistal ( those damn pedistals Knight *w* very tricky things) because I put him there. He was everything I had even imagined a Dominate/Top to be.
Then I realised the bastard was human!! Crap now what? He can still get me to my knee's with a single look it's not about image it's now about a respect that grew as Rob and I both grew with them. We now share a diffrent type of relationship than the one first cultivated but just as valuable and cherised. Preconceived images are very powerful for both the good and bad.

denika

(don't let the 'asshole' title fool you *s* He's a big squishy *G*)

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 7:56:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

How have you dealt with taking off those "Rose Colored Glasses" your have you taken them off yet?

Usually I get pissed at myself for following the same bad patterns I ALREADY know not to follow.

When I reached the end of my sub frenzy haze I was more embarassed at myself. Luckily it only lasted two weeks and I didn't get myself into any serious relationships or silliness- but oh the silly stories I could share of phone cyber sessions, yes sirring any dork who bothered to whisper a hot naughty word in my ear...I could go on.

I think I'm pretty disillusioned at this point about everything in the scene, although occasionally I am still surprised. I find my more interesting disillusionments are about myself and the ones around me.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 9:57:30 PM

losttreasure

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

What challenges have you faced as some of the ideas, thoughts, images you had of a loving partner changed.... but in truth the only change was how you see them and not that they changed at all. How have you dealt with these issues.... How have you dealt with taking off those "Rose Colored Glasses" your have you taken them off yet?

I haven't had to face the changes you mentioned, and I honestly don't believe that I will. While I have suffered repeated disappointments in the past due to an optimistic nature and a willingness to be open, I have since been extremely blessed to find myself "entangled" with FirmhandKY and it's hard to imagine that any "rose-colored glasses" exist with him.

As a result of my earlier experiences, I had already determined to try to be as pragmatic in my search as possible. With a strong desire to please and be pleasing, though, it isn't always easy... and the person you are talking with also has to be willing to take the same approach. From our first contact, FHky has insisted on nothing but open and realistic communication. In fact, he made a point at the outset of bringing to the forefront anything he thought might be a negative issue. It gave us a very strong foundation to begin with, and when we finally did met, there were absolutely no "surprises".

I think for a time, I kept waiting for "the other shoe to drop"... and perhaps even to this day there is still a slight remnant of that hesitation. But only because it seems too good to be true.

However, as each day passes I'm more and more confident that this time, my "glasses" are crystal clear.

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/17/2006 10:18:54 PM

Vendaval

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I feel that the "illusion" stage can be maintained for a long period of
time if the person(s) involved see each other only for limited periods
of time; play parties, dungeon excursions, weekends, dating,
vacation time, etc.

The really tough times are when you inhabit a shared living space
with other people, no matter how well you got along previously.

I feel that it is better to go slow and adjust to the other person(s)
gradually than to rush into a situation where all the wishfull ideals
will crash and burn in the sudden revelation of shared human
imperfections and idiosyncrisies. Time and patience are the
best qualities for learning to accept and love ourselves and
others.

YMMV,

Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

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