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The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 7:33:12 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Oh my.... She thought I was an "Asshole"... She thought it was going to be all about Sex and Play.... I was prefect..... but dang it... she figures out that I am a Nice Guy.... and that I want more than Sex and Play... How dare I change from what she precieved... She didn't fall in love with this... I was an Asshole... I was sexual prevert... she loved that... and now she is in love with this Nice guy!

So what is she going to do?


What challenges have you faced as some of the ideas, thoughts, images you had of a loving partner changed.... but in truth the only change was how you see them and not that they changed at all.  How have you dealt with these issues.... How have you dealt with taking off those "Rose Colored Glasses"  your have you taken them off yet?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.
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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 7:36:16 PM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		I like my "rose colored glasses" thank you very much....

... welll.... wait a minute... hmmmmm..... yep.. still alone..

MAYYYBBEEEE its time to take them off after all....

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 7:39:28 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Haha, great question KoM!  And perhaps one that will will prove to be a timely one for me, within the next 6 months. I need to hear what people say about this in this thread. Because, in the past, my traditional method of dealing with things like this has been to mostly ignore the "issues" (misconceptions), and hope they go away, hehe. This is when I am speaking of me having put someone on a pedestal and they turn out to have a side to them I don't necessarily admire. Eventually, I address the issue(s) whatever they are, but only when my frustration tolerance has reached the level of a dam about to burst - and that probably isn't great for my own mental and emotional health. Strangley enough, this only seems to happen in my "love life", as I am pretty frank (gently) with friends and family.

If it is someone who might turn out to be, just "different" than what I was anticipating (good or bad, but not damaging, necessarily to the relationship) than I'd characterized them, via only knowing them online only for a time, (or even having met them in real life and known them for awhile) vai my turning them into some two-dimensional caricature of what I want, then I am usually aware, even if I do that (I am a romantic, what can I say?), that I am dipping into possible "self-delusion" territory (on some level).

I may still hope they are actually what I perceive, but try to be aware (on some level) they may not be exactly as I am imagining. So far, this is all conjecture, as I am seeking friends only, for now. But, even some of the folks I admire here at CM, I am sure in real life are much more "real" as far as being human and therefore imperfect, then I probably sometimes like to imagine.

Sometimes, though, I think people can tend to live up to someone else's expectations for them (I am sure some Doms know how this works pretty well). So - maybe one can always hope. But I guess it pays to be realistic, too. I am referring here to personality and character, not things like what color their hair might be, or how tall they are, etc.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/16/2006 8:04:52 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 7:55:30 PM   
deltadawn


Posts: 224
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline 		Ack, You mean he is NOT perfect?  He makes mistakes too?  How can that be so, he is Master afterall isn't he?????

LOL

I think when the rose colored glasses come off, the real fun begins.  I remember the first time I told him I was sorry and he said "for what?"........ well won't go into the details, but once finding out he was human too, things seemed so much more level.

dawn

_____________________________

Beneath his wings, I can fly.

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 8:00:17 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Tough question..the best I can say is that we all have our acceptable and unacceptable things that one may find in a partner.If it turns out that it is something that you just cannot deal with then it is best if you part.If it is something that really is just another part of the whole that doesnt necessarily impact you much one way or another then all is good, rose colored glasses or not.Example:..I could never ever, if I found out that my rose colored glasses hid an alcoholic nature that to me is unacceptable,if however it hid a gentle nature in what I thought was purely sadistic then ok fine just a part of the whole.None of us are perfect.We just have to decide if imperfections are doable to us personally....humm..well I am perfect..but I do not expect it in anyone else..*wink*...Tempting

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 8:03:00 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		In the begining of my exploration i know i was guilty of this.  i saw things i wanted to see in those that no more had those traits than my dog,  (and for the record i am the leader of the pact and she is submissive to me)  However i did move along in my growth educated myself, did major soul searching, sorted out who i was and what it was i wanted - needed - and desired.

As a result of that i was able to find the One who know owns me.  W/we have been together 6 years now, living together in the same house.  There have been trials and tribulations however not with us but with the melting of two families, (5 kids between us just to name a few).

Master and i continue to grow daily in our M/s relationship, each day brings more, and brings me more and deeper in my submission to him.

Cheers

owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 8:19:31 PM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline 		Hey, havent you learned that nice guys always finish last?

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 8:41:35 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'm too cynical to do more than want to hear the nasty stuff first. It's all downhill from there.

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 8:48:49 PM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline 		Yup, definately so Caretakr. Despite all the female protestations otherwise, at the end of the day the nice guy truly does finish last.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to Caretakr)
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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 9:30:38 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I learned long ago there is no such thing as "perfect."  My problem has been in getting hung up on errors when they are made.  I am learning to let go.  The thing is, Master makes all the decisions, and I trust those decisions.  I trust he will be right on target about 95% of the time, and will have to adjust or completely turn a decision around the other 5%.  Within that 5% there may be decisions that have caused one or both of us unnecessary pain, although we always end up better for it.  I'm totally estimating with these percentages, by the way.  So having said that, knowing the overwhelming majority of his decisions are spot on, I can live with a 5% error rate.  Realizing this has really cut down on the screaming and gnashing of teeth.  Now it's more like, "OK so that happened and it hurt.  Let's move on."  Well sometimes there is still some screaming and gnashing of teeth but to a much lesser degree.  It's more like sniffling and pouting for awhile and lots of journaling on the subject and then moving on.  That's about the only thing I really get hung up on, though.  His attitude, habits, etc., are who he is and who I love.  The person he represented himself to be two years ago is the person I have known since then.  If he has changed significantly, I haven't noticed, unless I've just changed with him.

(in reply to Saint)
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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 9:43:34 PM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I'm too cynical to do more than want to hear the nasty stuff first. It's all downhill from there.


Knew there must be someone somewhere who appreciated that...

Nasty stuff first always - if they are going to run screaming, let them do it in the beginning...lol

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 9:45:44 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilninotchka

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I'm too cynical to do more than want to hear the nasty stuff first. It's all downhill from there.


Knew there must be someone somewhere who appreciated that...

Nasty stuff first always - if they are going to run screaming, let them do it in the beginning...lol


Best filter of all.

I'll guaranteed to find a pretty twisted bitch-I may really enjoy....if I say something like "It's really fun to chain a girl to the floor until she's forced to mess her diapers, are you into it baby?

If they get past that, I'm not terribly worried they'll be inhibited by much else.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/16/2006 9:49:47 PM >

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 9:59:22 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO


If it is someone who might turn out to be, just "different" than what I was anticipating (good or bad, but not damaging, necessarily to the relationship) than I'd characterized them, via only knowing them online only for a time, (or even having met them in real life and known them for awhile) vai my turning them into some two-dimensional caricature of what I want, then I am usually aware, even if I do that (I am a romantic, what can I say?), that I am dipping into possible "self-delusion" territory (on some level).



- Susan



Disapointment requires a great deal of preparation.


DD
ps... and it's one of the few things
that most folks work really hard to prepare for.

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 10:14:50 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		That filthy little whores and cum sucking little cunts need to be told that they are daddy's favorite little girl and he is so proud of them.

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 10:16:20 PM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Damn it Crappy.. why arent there any doms like you in Ft Worth??

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 10:25:27 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Good thing I adore nice guys that enjoy using my body anyway they like... My ear to listen, my brain to help them solve problems, my compassion to help them see another view, my chest to craddle them, my hand to rub their brow.. it isn't all about using my orifices for sex.. I have other body parts to use too... like my smile at the end of the day... only a Nice Guy could ever fully use all my parts... grins.

Life would be total hell if there was no room to grow past our illusions and into an even better reality.. it always gets more interesting after the "new" wears off.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 10:27:06 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Jessie, Florida is full of perverts you just need to find the right one and I am sure there are plenty who would long to have you at their feet.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 10:42:21 PM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Jessie, Florida is full of perverts you just need to find the right one and I am sure there are plenty who would long to have you at their feet.


This is true, but, ummm, how will that help her in Ft Worth? Is this why there aren't any left for those in Florida looking? They all went to Texas?

(in reply to CrappyDom)
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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 10:45:03 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Oh I saw the F and just saw florida.  As for Texas, it is full of pervets, don't you know Bush used to brand the little butt boys in his frat on the ass with a red hot coat hanger?

yep, Texas is full of them!

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RE: The illusion dispelled! - 7/16/2006 11:11:34 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

What challenges have you faced as some of the ideas, thoughts, images you had of a loving partner changed.... but in truth the only change was how you see them and not that they changed at all.  How have you dealt with these issues.... How have you dealt with taking off those "Rose Colored Glasses"  your have you taken them off yet?


I try not to go in attempting to find out how to fit a person into my cookie cutter, for starters. Certain expectations do turn out to have been there, though, cultivated consciously or unconsciously based on some early data maybe, as your question suggests.

I'm really hoping that this doesn't turn out to be a thread about disappointments,,though.

I'm pretty choosy. When I do decide to delve I'm very glad to say that the pleasant surprises seem at least as numerous as the value-neutral or unpleasant ones.

Regardless, any time my perceptions are tweaked in the direction of What Is I try overall to be grateful, though sometimes the best I can manage is a "grateful" expletive or two.

Sometimes illusion dispersal is delightful, sublime. I knew she was great but she turns out to be freaking amazing. Sometimes it hurts bad. If both parties show some integrity and an open heart all along the way, I choose to believe that clarity which results is preferable to the wishful thinking or poor focus which the eventual clarity resolves.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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