RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing...

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing...

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/15/2006 3:48:57 PM

H2Otigre

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

Points taken...

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/15/2006 4:29:33 PM

MstrFury

Posts: 77
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline

just something very simple in what you've said....the two of you started sharing fantasies.....not really knowing any of the more basic facts....this alone stands out as clear as glass...it may just be the fantasy has run it's course...now her life is returning to what it has been for her...

as hard as it may be to let go of that rush you got from your kink aspects....you've also said...this was less to her than just the simple love of the relationship....I will stand corrected on this if I've misread it...

this is just my opinion...but I don't see any tricks or misdirection on anyones part....what I see is...a relationship coming from two different directions...YOU want that all encomposing world of your Domination...SHE on the other hand...with love for you in her heart was willing to give this a chance...but it's not her cup of tea...

your choices and options are your own to make...but you want more...she wants less.....if this union was born out of love...with time and a lot of patience...she may begin to enjoy what's not forced on her....but if this union is driven by the kink it can bring out....well..only you know those answers...and the results thereof...

pulling my cape around me and slipping back into the shadows

_____________________________

Fury

(in reply to H2Otigre)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/15/2006 4:32:05 PM

sharainks

Posts: 499
Joined: 12/13/2004
Status: offline

Crouching tigress makes some very good points. She is totally away from every support system she had and has only you. Try being there for her. Try some honest deep communication and listen. D/s is not based on "I want you do." Obviously she doesn't like being bossed around. What is your tone of voice when you address her? Do you demand or do you ask? The phrase "would you" goes a long way. I think her behavior is an indication that something is wrong between the two of you. Its up to you two to determine what it is and try to resolve it. I doubt she is very happy at this point either.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/15/2006 4:45:11 PM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: H2Otigre

... She has declared that she'll give me a blowjob anytime I want, and it has so far stuck to her word. She has also said she loved the idea that I can fuck her any time I want, anywhere....

ahem... perhaps you have also stated here part of your own answer to your dilemma?

Perhaps the more dominant you are in ways that appeal to her or her commitments, the more submissive she becomes to your skilled hands. When she becomes unruly I suggest applying the basics in heavy doses and get her totally hooked to your deviances, feed the need so to speak... then see just who manipulates who!

If it is still she, then perhaps she's not really a sub, or you haven't taught her the shortcomings of topping from the bottom.

Hold her to her word/commitment... when she starts going off... then you be the Dom and demand some head to keep her busy as a sub... although I still see a large huge swollen manipulation potential here, at least it goes both ways to a common core.

(in reply to H2Otigre)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/15/2006 4:50:54 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Did you find her on one of those Russian/ Eastern European Dating/ Marriage sites?
I tell guys to stay away from those!
Most of them are scams and all the women want is out of Russia and a ticket to the U.S.!
I've heard more than one horror story about guys getting taken for lots of money!
All you guys on here, STAY AWAY from those sites!
You will be used and it'll cost you a bundle!

(in reply to NastyDaddy)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/15/2006 5:03:37 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

This is a great example of someone who used D/s as a means to an end. She played your game and you took the bait. She got an american husband.

This is what underscores the quote "Don't let your desires by your damnation".

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to H2Otigre)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/15/2006 5:24:24 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

You state that you are also new in the Dominant department.You may also want to attend a few munches or the like to possibly talk with other Dominants first hand,maybe they can tell you or show you or council you or teach you how to be the best Dominant you can be.I am sure they as well have come across some of the difficulties you are facing and how to appropriately address these issues, also maybe after you get a bit more involved in your local group..you can bring your wife to some as well, let her see how the other submissives are, to meet a few to make friends to maybe get comfy with the whole WIITWD scene..be well..Tempting

(in reply to LotusSong)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/16/2006 3:16:37 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings

please go to the master fourm they may have more asnwers for you there they have helped here too but go there and learn read books all may not be lost
take care and i wish you luck ''

mons

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/16/2006 10:09:03 AM

H2Otigre

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

No, I'm quite clear that she certainly has not "signed on" to a shared interest in BDSM just to get to America. I know that there is this stereotype about some women who will exploit an opportunity to immigrate... and it is sometimes true. My wife is actually from no sort of disadvantaged or desparate situation, especially not ecconomically. She is educated, speaks four languages (including better English, both spoken and written, than some people I know who were born in the US), and though not a native of France she holds a French passport (lived in Paris for 10 years). She likes California, but she actually left a great job with an international business consulting firm to move here. She is also not looking for any sort of free ride, and knew early on that I am no "sugar daddy." She was somewhat reluctant to get married so soon, actually, but the legality of her status here sort of rushed things, and forced the issue, as mentioned. This should clarify this part of the picture.

< Message edited by H2Otigre -- 7/16/2006 10:21:08 AM >

(in reply to Level)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/16/2006 10:25:00 AM

H2Otigre

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrFury
this is just my opinion...but I don't see any tricks or misdirection on anyones part....what I see is...a relationship coming from two different directions...YOU want that all encomposing world of your Domination...SHE on the other hand...with love for you in her heart was willing to give this a chance...but it's not her cup of tea...

Well put... and pretty accurate, I'd say.
Thanks to all....

(in reply to MstrFury)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/16/2006 10:36:43 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

From your first post, it seems like neither of you had a lot of experience going into this type of relationship. So perhaps you introduced her to something that she enjoyed on some level. Then, very quickly, you got married and are now living 24/7. With the changes such as moving from her home and all the stresses involved in that she may very well feel overwhelmed. Her beginning interest in your likes may not have translated well when the reality hit her.

I would not assume you got played or her interest is waning but perhaps because she was never living it 24/7 that it is not until now that she is realizing she does not like it that way. She could have gone into this with the best of intentions but as she gains experience is seeing that it is not for her. Or, that only certain aspects are for her.

I would discuss some limits and have very open and frank discussions about what is and is not acceptable to her on an ongoing basis. Counseling is also a good idea. But, if you are wanting to stay in the marriage, you will likely need to do some compromising to fix it. It can not be all about her.

Perhaps you can change your style of domination to more suit her needs. Perhaps you can do a more part time situation where it is more in the bedroom rather than 24/7. I realize you stated you were very clear in what you wanted but wanting and reality can be two different things. I would look on this with a bit of an open mind from your perspective and some compassion. I do not think this is the time for a heavy hand, which might likely cause more damage than good.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: HELP/advice: wife not playing... - 7/16/2006 2:11:38 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

Honestly we cant help you here it is aparent that you dont want to take advise as everytime someone gives it to you you find a reason why you cant do as sugested. Your wife sounds like she isnt as interested in beeing a sub as she thought and now that she experianced it she doesnt want it and she is aloud to change her mind as you said you are both new to this she had no real way of knowing if this was for her till she tried and it seems she tried and desided it wasnt for her... from what you say she is a bedroom sub meeining she likes to sub only in the bedroom meaning she doesnt want to be told what to do she doesnt want you to be the Dom anywere but during sex she isnt into rules and punishment and haveing to do as told... at least that is how it looks to me. She is aloud to be like this and you cant change her into beeing more just like she cant change you into being less what you have to deside now is weather you can live with this or not!!

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Profile

Post #: 32