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have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 7:48:08 AM

hisforever

Posts: 81
Joined: 7/8/2006
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I think that today I may just have been outed! My sister came over while I was in the shower and I had forgotten to close the window to this forum, and when I got out she was reading it!!!! She just looked at me like I had three eyes and didnt say a word. Has this happend to anyone? What did you do in your situation? I know she will discuss this with my mother. By no means is my mother a prude, I have come to visit her and asked what she was up to, only to see her laugh and tell me she was looking at porn on the computer LOL but this is a bit different and I am not sure how to deal with the situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Post #: 1

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 7:51:43 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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Let it go until you re asked about it.

(Unless of course you are in the midwest where people will have more fun talking ABOUT you than Asking you to your face :/)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 7/13/2006 8:32:06 AM >

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RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 7:53:47 AM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
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My response would be simply, if she asks questions and you feel like it is something you wish her to know.. answer the questions.. This might be akin to a child asking uncomfortable questions so my recommendation would be to ONLY answer the question ASKED. Dont elaborate. If they are truly more interested, they will let you know.

Of course.. I out myself because I really dont care much who knows.. makes it easier for me to not "trip" myself up just being who I am.

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RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 8:03:15 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
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On my first meeting (orientation meeting) with the first BDSM group that i joined, they always held these meetings in the local public library, as i am walking up to the table that the meeting is going to be held at, who is sitting 3 tables over reading the newspaper but my brother-in-law. i almost turned around and walked out.

(in reply to JessieMe)

Post #: 4

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 8:17:36 AM

JessieMe

Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
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I noticed you said "almost" LOL

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

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Post #: 5

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 8:25:48 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
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Yes i stayed for the meeting, but warned the person in charge of the situation and asked that if i should come back another time. The meeting was very discrete, as a matter a fact that was most of what the meeting was about, not outing anyone. But i will say, i can still remember how fast my heart started racing when i saw him there.

< Message edited by heartfeltsub -- 7/13/2006 8:26:27 AM >

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Post #: 6

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 8:44:57 AM

NyxNymph

Posts: 43
Joined: 4/6/2006
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Got outed.. sort of.. y'see, I'm under the parental roof while saving up for a place, this has naturally forced the kink-side to tone down A LOT.. however, my father for some unknown reason has NO concept of privacy and decided that it'd be a nice idea to put my laundry away for me.. now my top left dresser drawer is my 'toy drawer' when I was a little girl however, it was my underwear drawer and I guess he remembered the old way and decided to go into it. BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGG mistake.. fortunately there was no trouble, just an "umm honey I think I saw something you wouldn't have wanted to share exactly, but lets never speak of it again okay? You're still my little girl and I aim to keep that idea!"

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 7

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 8:51:31 AM

thetammyjo

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Joined: 9/8/2005
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If your sister asks you questions, answer them honestly but with only as much information as you feel comfortable giving her. If she seems sincere in her interest I can recommend this book for her:

"When Someone You Love is Kinky" by Dossie Easton & Catherine Liszt

My guess is that your sister, like most vanilla people I've known, will file that information away and never assess it again or not think of it until something triggers the memory (good or bad ways).

Of course you may want to invest in locking your doors from now on or go the opposite route and not bother to hide things anymore and see what happens.

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(in reply to hisforever)

Post #: 8

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 10:26:33 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I agree with the other's. Wait until she asks you. Which will only then mean she is curious and will be more open to what you have to say.
Explain to her what the lifestyle is to you when she asks. Myself, I can make the lifestyle appear as normal as any other relationship in the world. Because it is to me. All of my family members have been to the munches I host and the parties I host. I guess I am lucky in some ways that everyone who surrounds me knows exactly who I am.
They can accept me or not be part of my life at all.
I've never had a situation like yours. Generally I go to them first and talk. So, I may not be the best advice of all.
Though when the topic actually comes up and questions are asked I do seem to know the right answers to smoothe people over.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 9

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 8:24:02 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
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I outed myself. My sister knew before anyone. Thank goodness she is a kinky nut herself. I told my mother and father out of respect and love, as off as that may sound. The rest of my family kinda found out with what you are describing. A cousin "heard" about the site; logged on; and boom. I was there. He was kind enough to inform everyone. No one wants to know though. So like others have said, you can wait them out, or you could gently explain. I chose the latter, so I didnt screw myself up later.

Good luck
Lee

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Post #: 10

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 8:29:14 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisforever

I think that today I may just have been outed! My sister came over while I was in the shower and I had forgotten to close the window to this forum, and when I got out she was reading it!!!! She just looked at me like I had three eyes and didnt say a word. Has this happend to anyone? What did you do in your situation? I know she will discuss this with my mother. By no means is my mother a prude, I have come to visit her and asked what she was up to, only to see her laugh and tell me she was looking at porn on the computer LOL but this is a bit different and I am not sure how to deal with the situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I never had to worry about. The only people that I would consider family know everything there is to know about me.

Personally, I would not worry about it too much. If they ask you about, then answer them as honestly as you can. Otherwise, leave it be.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to hisforever)

Post #: 11

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 9:33:44 PM

Sparr0w

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/11/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I actually told my family myself. Some have asked me questions, some have not. I just answer as honestly as I possibly can.

(in reply to hisforever)

Post #: 12

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 9:39:23 PM

MistrssM

Posts: 45
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

People look at all kinds of things online.... it does not mean they are into them... so maybe your sister will just chalk it up to surfing and nothing more...

In my case if my hippy father knew he would probably not bat an eye... my mother on the other hand would never believe it of me... she still sees me as a virgin.......she could walk in on me with a male sub, gagged, blindfolded bound on all 4s and me ramming his ass and she would demand of him... "what are you doing to my daughter????!!!"

(in reply to Sparr0w)

Post #: 13

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 9:39:35 PM

littlemissub

Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline

My mom found my journal and read it. I have two seperate journals, one for my writings and one for my bdsm practices and such. She read thru the whole thing and then asked me about it. I tried to explain it in a way that she would understand and not think that it is all about the negativity that a lot of society puts on bdsm but she just didn't really wanna listen and chose not to understand. So I dropped it at that. She occasionally makes connects that she is worried about me though, lol.

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(in reply to Sparr0w)

Post #: 14

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/13/2006 11:34:09 PM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

My entire emediate family knows... i started visitng sights when i was much younger on my family computer and my mom checked the history and then well you can guess..they personly dont mind they crack jokes but i try and ignore it... I have a bracelate a gift from a Domme that is leather and says submissive on it she had it made for me i wear it all the time my mom simply asked me to remove it when we were going to my poppys funeral and she has asked me to take it off on other family occations as well I do it to make her happy she may be ashamed of what I am into and not want other members of the extended family to know but i personaly dont care what they think I take it off to make her happy it isnt worth the argument as i still live at home. Im actualy glad they know it makes life easier... they found out such a long time ago (nearly 6 years) that all shock value has worn off and its just part of how they see me. ( hehe though they can never keep straigh if Im domme or sub even with the bracellet)

-da enigma-

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RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/14/2006 4:16:38 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

No actually i have not; most of my family is "out". We are all pretty open about our lifestyles, i have 6 brothers and 2 sisters and one daughter who openly practice bdsm in one form or another, not to mention various other assorted family members.

The older generation has grown accustomed to it over the years and accepts it at face value or just ignores it altogether. My owner’s family is pretty much the same way.

It is as normal for us to as a group to share bdsm secrets or show off new toys as it is to exchange cookie recipes or show off a new car.

For example over the 4th my Mistress's daughter's lesbian mate came over and we were gabbing in the kitchen while i told her how to make a whipped crème filling, then we ran off to the bedroom so she could try on my Mistress's vampire gloves. Both were activities were normal to us.

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RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/14/2006 7:10:02 AM

JP719

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Joined: 3/18/2006
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I had quite a few toys stashed in a crawlspace in my basement, and my mother found them when I was in college. It was a short conversation which came down to her walking away with her fingers in her ears saying she'd rather not know what they were for and please don't tell her.

My family has seen the dynamic that my relationships with women, lifestyle or vanilla, have always had, so I don't think it would be a shock (though I wouldn't volunteer any information they didn't ask for). They have always said that as long as there's trust respect and safety on both sides they're cool with what I do on my own time.

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 17

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/15/2006 7:19:29 AM

Manawyddan

Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistrssM
my mother on the other hand would never believe it of me... she still sees me as a virgin.......she could walk in on me with a male sub, gagged, blindfolded bound on all 4s and me ramming his ass and she would demand of him... "what are you doing to my daughter????!!!"

That's quite amusing.

I put a page on my personal website entitled 'Pervery' and my sister read it. She and her husband are definitely not kinky, but were very curious, and had a lot of questions on an occasion when I alluded to it briefly.

I don't know whether my parents have seen the page. I have since taken down the public version, largely because I don't want my daughter knowing quite that much about her parents just yet.

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RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/16/2006 4:21:14 AM

subjamesmuk

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/4/2006
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For me i'd be quite embarrassed if my family found out, maybe this would be something i'd be more comfortable with when i'm older i don't know. Various topics arise in conversations and you can judge their opinions on it, for example i know my dad wouldn't understand if i were gay, and my sister thinks guys that cross dress are weird sex perverts - so to tell them i like to cross dress and am bi-sexual... well, i know the answer before i start!

(in reply to Manawyddan)

Post #: 19

RE: have you ever been outed to your family? - 7/16/2006 4:39:31 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

I live in Australia with Master, all my family live in New Zealand. I am out of the closet here as a bisexual submissive but my family (mother, brother, two grown kids) don't know and I prefer to keep it that way. My mother was disappointed in me when I decided to leave my "wonderful"

husband....if she knew the truth about me she would probably disown me. She lives in her own happy little world anyway so I'm not rocking the boat.

My 18 year old daughter visited for a month recently so we toned things down a bit, but she did see the D/s dynamic in action with me serving Him meals first for instance, and He jokingly referred to Himself as the Master

If she asks any questions I will be honest with her but until she does I'm staying in the closet!

(in reply to subjamesmuk)

Post #: 20

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