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Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:24:25 AM   
domohcp


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/28/2006
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Hi! We are a fairly new dom couple that has been seeking and think we may have found our first slave. My questions is this. She is located 2400 miles from us almost on the other side of the country. We were willing to provide transportation costs thinking we could get her a plane ticket or bus ticket. However she has an almost new(2004) car. She was willing to sell it, but we would like her to bring it with her, so that she has a car to get to and from work. My question is how would you handle transportation costs for this? It will cost from what we figured around $600 with gas and a few nights in a hotel as it will take a little over 3 days to get here. She doesn't have enough to get here on her own. We considered gas cards, but that wouldn't work at the hotels. We also considered western union but then that's giving her cash and not guaranteeing (is that even a word...lol) that she won't run with our money. Any suggestions how to handle this situation for the safety of both parties?

Sincerely
Heather and Ben
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:26:47 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
Don't send for someone you don't trust.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:28:33 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Questions are before anyone (I believe) can really answer.
 
1) Is this a move that she is making to join you on a full time basis?
2) If this is - have you even met her before?
3) If it is just a trip across - then is she staying with you or hotels only?
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________


.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to domohcp)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:32:08 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
Frankly, if someone long-distance wants to serve me, one of the requirements is that they can afford to move or to travel back and forth without help.

I consider this part of them getting ready to be in serve.

Of course, I don't do long-distance relationships but you did ask how we would handle it and my answer is that it is up to the wouldbe slave to demonstrate their ability to serve by providing for their costs. Until they are actually in my house, they are not part of my household and therefore they are responsible for themselves. Once part of the household then they join the family and each family member is expected to contribute in some financial fashion to the household.

I know, I know, I read like a cold-hearted bitch here.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:33:58 AM   
domohcp


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Joined: 6/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Questions are before anyone (I believe) can really answer.
 
1) Is this a move that she is making to join you on a full time basis?
2) If this is - have you even met her before?
3) If it is just a trip across - then is she staying with you or hotels only?
 
Peace and Rapture



Yes this a full time 24/7 live in move.
Have we met her face to face? No we have chatted online, and on the phone. I do feel I can trust her and she is sincere, but there is still that nagging internet warning we all here that says to not trust anyone. And being new to this although I feel i can trust her I still want to be sure to cover all my options for protection anyway.
The hotel stays are only for the trip. It will take her 3 days to get here and she needs a place to sleep at night to rest, so that's the reason for that.

Hope these answers help

(in reply to darkinshadows)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:39:43 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domohcp

The hotel stays are only for the trip. It will take her 3 days to get here and she needs a place to sleep at night to rest, so that's the reason for that.


I too am of the school of thought that she should have her own money both for the trip and in case it does not work out so she can return home. If however you are insistant on doing this plan her route, check for hotels along the way and prepay the rooms  making sure to explain to the manager of each hotel that you are prepaying but need to have the reservation in her name for check in.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:49:28 AM   
PhoenixLM


Posts: 79
Joined: 5/12/2005
From: Fort Wayne, Indiana
Status: offline
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: domohcp

Hi! We are a fairly new dom couple that has been seeking and think we may have found our first slave. My questions is this. She is located 2400 miles from us almost on the other side of the country. We were willing to provide transportation costs thinking we could get her a plane ticket or bus ticket. However she has an almost new(2004) car. She was willing to sell it, but we would like her to bring it with her, so that she has a car to get to and from work. My question is how would you handle transportation costs for this? It will cost from what we figured around $600 with gas and a few nights in a hotel as it will take a little over 3 days to get here. She doesn't have enough to get here on her own. We considered gas cards, but that wouldn't work at the hotels. We also considered western union but then that's giving her cash and not guaranteeing (is that even a word...lol) that she won't run with our money. Any suggestions how to handle this situation for the safety of both parties?

Sincerely
Heather and Ben

I apoligise for butting in however wished to express my Mistress opinion on the matter as we have experince in this;

My Mistress and I have been serching for about a year to add 2 people to her house.  My Mistress offers trial periods of one to two weeks to see if the person really fits or at least seems too. Slaves coming to this house are required to pay there own way for travel. This shows my Mistress they are commited to finding a 24/7 live in position. They are not required to purchase anything specific prior to the trail, as we can work with what we have. After completeing a trail if everyone is in agreement (my Mistress & the new slave) a training contract is signed the slave is required to go back to thier former home and close it up. Return back to her house ASAP.
We have met many in rt for interviews and trail periods, few have fit as well as we had hoped initally. My point is that untill you meet rt you will not really know if you fit. If you pay her transportation my suggestion to you is that you do it by reimbursement of reciepts. That way the sub/slave shows her commitment to you and you do not get conned. (Sorry but it happens)

_____________________________

Phoenix
House Ds Haven
http://dshaven.com

(in reply to domohcp)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:52:07 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
She may well be sincere and trustworthy - but there is a huge risk to this arrangement.
 
She is driving miles out to you and you havent even met her.  Have you even spoken on the phone?  What happens if the whole event backfires - is there provision for her to return home, or to move out on her own?  I know distance makes things difficult.  But I would advocate at least meeting first before proceeding further.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________


.dark.




...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to domohcp)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:52:56 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
Perhaps you should consider one of you flying out there and driving back with her? At least then you would know where your money is going... plus, if you suggest that and she doesn't like the idea... that would be an answer as well. If she insists on driving out by herself and turns down the offer for one of you to help her drive... I wouldn't send a penny. BUT... if one of you does go out there to help her drive back... make sure you have enough on you to fly home again too... we've had that happen, got stood up at the air port a couple of thousand miles from home. Either way... I would suggest you not send money, gas cards or anything else except perhaps a non refundable ticket.
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to domohcp)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 9:59:39 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
Reimburse her expences when she arrives on your doorstep... IF she does.  Paying expenses up front is foolish in this regard..  If she wants you bad enough, she'll find a way to get there. 

Lotus


_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 10:00:13 AM   
domohcp


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
Thank you all very much for all this wonderful advice. I do now think that i need to take some time to rethink this situation, and make a better plan. I did consider the trip out there to make the drive with her, but wasn't sure about that option either although it was seeming the safest option so far, but hearing all this advice has opened my eyes to some things I had not considered. Thank you.

I would still like to continue to hear any other advice anyone has on this question even if just for future reference. Thank you.

Heather

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 10:00:49 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Frankly, if someone long-distance wants to serve me, one of the requirements is that they can afford to move or to travel back and forth without help.

I consider this part of them getting ready to be in serve.

Of course, I don't do long-distance relationships but you did ask how we would handle it and my answer is that it is up to the wouldbe slave to demonstrate their ability to serve by providing for their costs. Until they are actually in my house, they are not part of my household and therefore they are responsible for themselves. Once part of the household then they join the family and each family member is expected to contribute in some financial fashion to the household.

I know, I know, I read like a cold-hearted bitch here.

No you are the voice of reason, there is nothng bitchy in your post at all. I would handle it the exact same way.

To the OP if you are hestitant to send her money fearing she may take off with it, you don't know her well enough to bring her into your home. I would suggest perhaps bring her out for a trial week or so and try to get to know her better if you have to handle it this way. But honestly what thetammyjo suggested, is the best way to go.

Good luck,

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 12:48:07 PM   
domohcp


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
Thank you to Everyone fo all the help. This is all good advice and has made me think about how I should handle this situation. I have talked with her and had her read all your wonderful replies, and after all that she is still eager to get here, but now it is going to be for a trial period, and then we will go from there. However she still does not have enough money to travel just yet by public transportation, but after reading your responses I have told her that it is up to her to work and save up the money to do so which she is fine with. So now that brings me to another question you might be able to help me out with. I have never consider an online relationship, I wanted real life, but being I do care for her, and want to still work on some training and things with her in the time it takes her to save the money up. Can anyone tell me how to do this? What things tasks could I have her do through email, IM and phone, what works for this type of relationship and what punishments work best? I am used to having actually contact so this will be really different for me. Any suggestions or Ideas would be appreciated.

Thanks
Heather

< Message edited by domohcp -- 7/11/2006 12:51:59 PM >

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 12:48:45 PM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline
I'd be very careful in the situation that you decribe. Unfortunately, there are a lot, a LOT, of people using this lifestyle to bilk people. I'm not saying that this is the case here. But you'll be sticking your necks out in a situation like this. It takes a lot of knowledge, a LOT, to build a D/s relationship. Especially if it is long distance to start with. I would be very careful and think about this very hard. It's not the money I'd be worried about. Be very careful introducing someone you don't know very well into your household. I don't care how attractive the person seems to you and how compatible she seems. Takes time to really know. Tread carefully here.

(in reply to domohcp)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 12:56:30 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domohcp

Hi! We are a fairly new dom couple that has been seeking and think we may have found our first slave. My questions is this. She is located 2400 miles from us almost on the other side of the country. We were willing to provide transportation costs thinking we could get her a plane ticket or bus ticket. However she has an almost new(2004) car. She was willing to sell it, but we would like her to bring it with her, so that she has a car to get to and from work. My question is how would you handle transportation costs for this? It will cost from what we figured around $600 with gas and a few nights in a hotel as it will take a little over 3 days to get here. She doesn't have enough to get here on her own. We considered gas cards, but that wouldn't work at the hotels. We also considered western union but then that's giving her cash and not guaranteeing (is that even a word...lol) that she won't run with our money. Any suggestions how to handle this situation for the safety of both parties?

Sincerely
Heather and Ben


I would buy her a round trip bus ticket, have her come out for at least two weeks. Then send her home .. let her think about the service you require and what she was able to provide and then, armed with some knowledge (you actually had the same chemistry in person you did on the phone) move towards making the move more permanent. Once she gets home, a few more months of everyone working, putting away a little something out of everyone's pay can help make the move go smoothly without putting an undue burden on anyone.

IMO, you are moving too quickly .. what's the hurry? If it's meant to be, taking some time to see if you all even like each other in person is going to be worth the wait.

Best of luck to you all,

Celeste



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 1:07:22 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
I would echo what many have said and just add that it is also a risk for a woman to travel across country in their car, alone. I wouldn't do that if I were her. It would be better to send a plane ticket and get to know her, if it works out you can always have one of you fly back with her to pick up her car...


If you want her to have transportation while there and it is a short visit, rent a car.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 1:09:25 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I would buy her a round trip bus ticket, have her come out for at least two weeks. Then send her home .. let her think about the service you require and what she was able to provide and then, armed with some knowledge (you actually had the same chemistry in person you did on the phone) move towards making the move more permanent. Once she gets home, a few more months of everyone working, putting away a little something out of everyone's pay can help make the move go smoothly without putting an undue burden on anyone.


I think that's an excellent idea!

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 1:10:06 PM   
jezabelKH


Posts: 663
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline
i would have to agree with you, reimburse when she arrives.

suggestion: have her save up the money until she can afford to make the trip safely, then reimburse 50%  of the costs upon arrival, so that is it is a win/win situation for both parties and if she does not work out she can take the reimbursement and leave. If she decides to stay, accept your collar, and live in your house put the other 50% in a savings account for her future needs.

also another suggestion on the savings account thing, in Masters house....Master and all slaves work, all money is handed over to Master. Master puts 10% of every check into a savings account for each slaves future. Master also has us put 10% of every check into a 401K for each slaves future. we do not touch the savings or 401K but we do have access to it if something should happen to Master.  we get a weekly allowance of $20 and all other money goes in Masters account. Master pays for all expenses for everything from clothing, housing, food, electric and so forth right down to our pedicures. our every need is taken care of.

just a little suggestion.

sincerely,
jezabel{KH}
just simply a slave
Property Of Master Ken

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 1:20:03 PM   
farglebargle


Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline
Generally, showing up somewhere without a "Return Ticket" ( in terms of funds for carride, bus, plane, train, mule, etc... ) is a bad idea.


(in reply to jezabelKH)
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RE: Questions for Masters/Mistresses? Need Advice. - 7/11/2006 1:28:56 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
I'm going to pretty much echo what everyone else has said.

I will also add that there are a large number of things to discuss before any of this takes place. This is a person that is giving up just about everything to be in this relationship.

Giving up the job, local friends, sometimes family. There are little small things that are overwhleming about a move like this. The stores and the brand names are different, which means that even small familiarity and comforts are gone.

Because of that I feel strongly that the "what ifs" need to be discussed and need to have a plan in place for them.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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