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Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 8:45:03 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		*this is not a rant but an honest question*

what's the difference (besides the obvious)?

i see alot of married couples on searching for someone in the lifestyle and aren't having alot of problems getting what they are looking for and they are easily excepted by lifetylers?

yet, when someone that is single but has a long-term vanilla relationship comes on they are treated quiet different.

enlighten me


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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 8:48:37 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Perhaps married people are more adept at attracting others?....Maybe, but I doubt it

Perhaps it is what they seek that makes it easier for them to find each other... Fun, kink fulfillment, someone to look forward to spending time with, that rush of first romance.. without all the commitment involved.

Actually Michael, I do not know they have an easier time at all.. maybe you just think they do?

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/8/2006 8:49:16 PM >

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 8:51:27 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		i should have said "why are married people excepted and singles in a long-term vanilla relationship are not?"

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 8:52:42 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		What are these differences you're seeing?

The only time I see people treated differently is when they are seeking a discreet relationship and hiding something from their partner, and that issue has been talked to death several times here.

~stef

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 8:56:44 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I wasn't aware this is the case.. I have seen married peeps flamed over and over unless their partner approves of their BDSM proclivities. What do you base this view on? Maybe I missed something?

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 8:57:36 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		i have been told many times that the main reason i am having difficulties is the fact that i am in a vanilla relationship (details of which are clearly stated in my profile). the no Mistress wants an "attached" submissive.

and julie, i have openly stated that my gf is fully aware of my submissiveness and has no problems with it, in fact she is readily available to confirm this (in fact, i ask that she be included in any initial meeting with a Mistress)


< Message edited by michaelGA2 -- 7/8/2006 9:01:12 PM >

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 9:00:39 PM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

*this is not a rant but an honest question*

what's the difference (besides the obvious)?

i see alot of married couples on searching for someone in the lifestyle and aren't having alot of problems getting what they are looking for and they are easily excepted by lifetylers?

yet, when someone that is single but has a long-term vanilla relationship comes on they are treated quiet different.

enlighten me



The first question we ask anyone who is in a relationship but their significant other is not in the lifestyle is does your S.O. know of your activities. If the answer is no we politely decline going any further. If the answer is yes we want to talk to them to make sure that what we are doing is okay with them.

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My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 9:04:07 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		Yes, the fact that you are attached will cause difficulties, but not all Mistresses require a sub to be unattached. You being attached just shrinks the pool of possibilities, it doesn't make it disappear completely. Beyond that, it's still a matter of compatibility and connection in finding a Mistress. Just my 2 cents for what it's worth. I wish you the best.

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 9:12:54 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		Michael,
It is extremely hard for me to take on a submissive who is already attached and "owned" by someone else. I don't want one who has to check in with someone else to be sure it is ok with them, every time I tell him to do something. If I ask my submissive to come over to my house, I don't want him to ask his girlfriend or wife if it is ok. It undermines my authority over him. You have already given your girlfriend the power over you. It is hard to split that up between her and a Mistress. Just my thoughts.

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 9:27:26 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		For me, its an issue of ethical poly. If a couple comes to me, then I know that they aren't cheating on each other. If a single comes to me, I don't know unless I talk to the spouse. Sometimes I insist, sometimes I don't. It depends on my gut feeling and the activities that will be involved. So, I'm guessin' that a lot of people who meet the single-but-not-unmarried. in the scene, they are assuming that there's adultry. Lots of people, as we've seen in the forums, have issues with that.

Master Fire


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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 9:32:32 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		In life we make choices and we have commitments that at times hamper what we desire. For years I felt as though my son hampered my search for a mate and took many possibilities out of the pool. I did not resent my son for this, I did not blame him, it wasn't necessarily a burden to bear, and I would have him again... but the fact of the matter is that it was harder to find appropriate dates under that circumstance.

I know it is not an exact analogy to your situation, but I think there maybe some parallels.. you have a responsibility to someone that you love and it is a commitment that you are not willing to dishonor for something which you crave.. which is domination.

I will say this, your road will not be easy Michael, having cared for an ill person over a long period of time I can attest your road is hard.. but nothing worth doing is ever easy. Someone else will see the character you have, and the honor you bestow on your girlfriend and realize you are an excellent catch, because you are capable of giving what is needed. Take heart.. it might not be today or tomorrow.. but as someone that was married a short time, and has had more than a couple failed romances that have left me at times a very lonely single mommy... the wait is worth it in the end when you find a domme with enough substance to see yours.

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 9:35:58 PM   
reticence


Posts: 180
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

i should have said "why are married people excepted and singles in a long-term vanilla relationship are not?"


Michael, i am not picking on you, but did you mean "accepted"?  It changes the meaning of what you are saying and confused me..

I have not noticed that difference, either.  I agree with Stef, the only time i see a problem is when one partner is not aware of the other partner "seeking"

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 9:39:21 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		yeah, accepted is correct...it's late and my mind isn't functioning under normal perimeters.

is it possible to be too opened and honest?


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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 9:45:03 PM   
reticence


Posts: 180
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

is it possible to be too opened and honest?



I know this is difficult for you, you have been waiting a long time.  But to answer your question, i would ask you to put yourself in the shoes of a Domme that is looking, would you want to know that a potential submissive was in a committed vanilla relationship before you approached him?
I would..

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 9:47:42 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2


is it possible to be too opened and honest?



Yes it can be in the context of too much too soon. Being completely open and honest is great, but you don't have to tell it all right at the first meet or online chat, etc. Give and take convos where things come out naturally I think is better than say a bombardment of everything all at once.

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 10:09:04 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		well, so far, besides the few that i occaisionally email, i've been approached my a couple of ProDommes, a brief email chain from a Domme here in my city and surprisingly a lesbian Domme seeking a boy (goddess knows what for).

still haven't found "The One"


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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 10:14:32 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

surprisingly a lesbian Domme seeking a boy (goddess knows what for).


Well, did you ask her? I know you are not interested in sex with your Mistress, perhaps she was looking for a submissive who will serve her without sex? Maybe she just wanted a house boy to do her cleaning, laundry, run her baths, take care of her and pamper her without the worry of having a sub who is wanting to have sex with her. If that is the case, she sounds perfect for you.



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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 10:18:09 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		i got no answer so i have no clue


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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 10:19:04 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

{clipped} and surprisingly a lesbian Domme seeking a boy (goddess knows what for).



Michael,

I've been following your search through your posts, and this struck me as... surprisingly dismissive on your part... Perhaps she's looking for someone for -service- or as a play partner without sex... If she's looking for a boy, and you're looking for a mistress, why discriminate (unless it's all about the sex)? If it were me, I would have at least met with her, to see what she was looking for and if it was compatible with what I was looking for, instead of dismissing her outright just because she has a gender preference that isn't het.

ZWD

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RE: Married or other vanilla relationships - 7/8/2006 10:21:10 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		Michael,

quote:

I've been following your search through your posts, and this struck me as... surprisingly dismissive on your part... Perhaps she's looking for someone for -service- or as a play partner without sex... If she's looking for a boy, and you're looking for a mistress, why discriminate (unless it's all about the sex)? If it were me, I would have at least met with her, to see what she was looking for and if it was compatible with what I was looking for, instead of dismissing her outright just because she has a gender preference that isn't het.


lol GMTA :)


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