RE: D/s In sickness and in Health

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RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/8/2006 9:34:39 PM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

LotusSong,

What a beautiful post. Too many people forget that D/s is a mutual relationship and your post expressed it all. You don't need whips, chains and nipple clamps to establish being a Dom/me - it is the mindset of the couple.

I wish you both the very best for all future

Brosco

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 21

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/8/2006 9:54:11 PM

gardenbluebird

Posts: 131
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

From the flip side -

I have been dealing with my husband's chronic illness for 10 of our 11 years of marriage. Illness destroyed our sex life (eight years now and counting), destroyed the D/s relationship, damaged the emotional intimacy, compelled me to become the primary breadwinner, compels me to do all the housework, all the yardwork, and the majority of the childcare. All this and he is grumpy as hell from the pain, and thinks it's perfectly OK or order everyone around and complain that we don't do things right and are too slow for his liking. This is compounded by friends who can't cope and drift away, and of course all the doctor and hospital time too. Not to mention the expense of all that medical care and equipment and the loss of his income. Then there is the grief of losing so many hopes and dreams, and the grief over seeing one you care for slowly fail. I bandage his constant wounds, help him shower, cut his food, take care of his urine bag, and (on occasion) clean up his bathroom accidents. Most people have no clue what it really takes to take care of a very ill person. This is certainly not what I expected out of a marriage. I'm still here, still doing the right thing, and it's harder than most people can imagine.

Don't be so quick to judge those who cannot cope. 80% of marriages where one becomes chronically ill or disabled eventually fails, and many of the remaining 20% are too darn tired to see straight. Those marriages don't fail because all those people are shallow and weak, but because it is simply too much to expect one person to carry.

For most people the Hollywood fantasy of illness creating a closer and more loving relationship simply isn't so. I sincerely hope that you are the exception to the rule and that you and your slave continue to have a wonderful and fulfilling relationship for the remainder of your days.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 22

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/8/2006 10:33:56 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gardenbluebird

From the flip side -

I have been dealing with my husband's chronic illness for 10 of our 11 years of marriage.

gardenbluebird,

If you contact the local chapter of the society that is related to your husband's illness, many of those societies have "care team" lists -- individuals who are volunteers who offer their services to come in for a few hours a week to give the primary care-giver a break from the constant work of caring for a chronically ill life-partner. Often, these volunteers are trained in specific tools to help improve the patient's quality-of-life as well, including things like therapeutic massage, accupressure, etc., and these teams will also often help with things like some of the chores around the house, so that you can get out and do something recreational for a few hours a week, and know that your mate is still being cared for.

If your local chapter doesn't have the resources, another option is to speak with the social work provider at the hospital or through your mate's key medical practitioner -- the social worker is there for this reason -- helping the family to stay healthy despite a loved one's prolonged illness.

Many people are too proud or ashamed to ask for help. They feel obligated to try to do it all themselves, or feel like they "should" take care of this on their own -- and they often burn out on the constant demands. These resources are in place for a reason -- the need is evident. You'll be able to help your mate more if you use the resources available, and perhaps you will be able to share a more relaxed, healthier, and more peaceful relationship with your mate, despite the heavy challenges of coping with raising a family and his illness, once you have the help you need to ease some of the burden.

Hope this helps,

ZWD

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 23

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/9/2006 12:16:11 AM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

Very touching. Thank you for sharing.

I can understand how your slave feels. Making my dom's life easier is a joy, whether it's laundry, serving as furniture, pushing a wheelchair, or oral worship.

It's not what you do...it's why you are doing it.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 24

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/9/2006 12:23:29 AM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
PS, I come from one of the MS hotspots
of the world, southern Alberta,

Didn't realize you were "one of us".

What ARE you doing so far south? LOL

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to DoctorDubious)

Post #: 25

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 10:48:44 AM

dincubus

Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline

I was very touched by your words LotusSong. thank you.
Personally i do not know how others can simply abandon those whom they profess to care about. I can understand if the abilities do not exist to care for someone whom is seriously ill and the ill person needing to be hospitalized or to have them be in an enviroment of 24/7 nursing care. but still that does not mean one can forget about them. i do realize that it can be very hard. and i admire those whom choose to make that committment to do so.
For my own self, i would lay my life down for those i care about deeply in a family way. i also have a select group of friends i would give the last shirt i owned to them.
there are two different movies that remind me of what i would do for my kids and significant other. as cliche as it may seem, both of these movies illustrate what they mean to me. The first one is Armageddon.. when i first saw that movie, i had to walk out of it near the end because it got to me.. what bruce willis' character did.
the other movie is deep impact. same idea.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 26

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 12:04:07 PM

fyrekittyn

Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline

Stunningly written, and I agree that it should be required reading!

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to dincubus)

Post #: 27

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 12:15:13 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

It's not the trappings of dominance or submission that makes you what you are.. YOU make you what you are. You are no less or more than each other. It's not about the individual..it's about the unit of both. A blending of souls. The caring.

"They, too, serve.. who sit and wait".

I enjoyed reading this when I first read it several years ago, Lotus and I believe I told you that then. It is no less pleasure to read it again.

I bolded what I believe should be the mantra of a slave.. well, my mantra anyway.

By the way, welcome to the boards. I look forward to reading your straight 'talk' even if I don't always agree with you ... but then, you know that already. ::chuckles::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 28

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 12:24:58 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

To the squirrels..I thank you :)

People wonder how we met. He bought me at a fund raiser "auction" at the local dungeon. What was to be one night thingy.. evolved.

I think the sucessful D/s relationships happen when you aren't looking. This one took me totaly off guard.

For the male servants out there.. please notice..not once did he ask me "Mistresse may I? or Would Mistreese allow me?". At times like this you have to anticipate need. You have to know you partner other than "that is my Dom/me or That is my Slave". He has a sixth sence about me it seems. He knew I would never ask for help. I'm the type that will not do so untill I've fallen flat on my face (and I have-litereally).

He behaved as the quintessential gentelman. He was brave enough to evaluate the situation and anticipate need and therefore acted without putting me in the spot of having to "order" him to do something. He left me my pride in that situation.
Without saying a word.. he remained in service to me.. and I remained his focus.

Yup.. I've got him right were he wants me

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 7/10/2006 12:26:49 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 29

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 1:31:03 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Dear gardenbluebird,

I do understand your situation.. it is totally different from ours. Slave and I do not live together, so he is not 24/7. Perhaps if he was..the situation might be a bit more stressful. It's funny, now my husband.. will wait untilI get up to get something.. and he'll say.. "Can I get that for you?" I just sigh and say.. "I'm up and halfway there..next time".. and this is after 33 years married! LOL In the book Illusions it says- Your friends will know you the first time you meet better than your family will know you in a miliion years.

as Jimmy Stewart said in Harvey-- One can either be very smart or very pleasant - I choose to be pleasant. I would parapharase that by a choice between being depressed about something I can do nothing about.. to being very pleasant and grateful for those around me.

I hear you and I appreciate you sharing because what I think I have is pretty rare.

If D/s is all that is holding a couple together.. I don't think it lasts in an unexpected situation like health and other misfortunes. This is what we mean by being a whole person first before you act on submission or dominance because then you have something to offer.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 7/10/2006 1:34:55 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 30

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 1:55:21 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

To Vancouver_cinful

I ask myself that question EVERY summer!

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 7/10/2006 1:59:58 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)

Post #: 31

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 2:07:13 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

To dincubus

When I was first Diagnosed with MS... I told my husband that it probably wasn't going to be pretty, so if he wanted to depart to do it then. His reply was "I know you wouldn't do that if it were me , so I'm not gonna do it to you".

And one more thing (gad, I feel like Columbo when I say that):

Slave was lamenting his 60th birthday.. He said he was looking in the mirror wondering what I saw in him. I told him next time he is looking in his mirror to think of me and then look at his eyes and know THAT is what I see. Look at your eyes sparkel..

And then it was my turn this past birthay.. I mused the same thing.. and he gave me my reply back "Look into your eyes Mistresse.. and think of me.." :)

Lotus

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 7/10/2006 2:09:10 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to dincubus)

Post #: 32

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 4:05:35 PM

ang248

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

You forgot strip me and tie me. You delicious slut.
Angelo in Detroit

(in reply to fyrekittyn)

Post #: 33

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 4:47:24 PM

ang248

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Ditto.
Angelo in Detroit

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 34

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 4:55:41 PM

ang248

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Ditto,
Angelo in Detroit

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 35

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 4:58:12 PM

ang248

Posts: 4
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

God you are beautiful Susan.
Angelo in Detroit

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 36

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 5:27:10 PM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

Using fast reply

Master and I deal with His chronic ill health every day. He has renal failure and diabetes along with arthritis throughout His body and several other issues as well.

Our life revolves around haemodialysis 3 mornings a week. Afterwards He is pretty washed out so we can't do too much on those days. Some days He is just exhausted (He has insomnia). I keep a careful watch on blood sugar levels (His control is pretty brittle sometimes - we joke that logic goes out the window when it comes to Master!) and make sure He eats regularly (sometimes getting Him to eat is a battle - damn nausea

). He hasn't been able to shower since February because of the vascath in His chest for dialysis so it has been sponge baths. Hopefully that will end soon as the fistula access in His arm is almost ready to be used, then the vascath can come out.

We have been through a lot of illness and surgeries as well as clinic visits and hospital stays. So many clinics - renal, diabetes, cardiologist, eyes, pain management

We will be seeing the transplant surgeon soon and hopefully He will go on the list to get a new kidney. Even if he gets on it, it will be a long wait.

He was ill when we met.....I loved Him anyway. He's a wonderful man who is in pain 24/7 yet hides it well and never complains. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and we have set our wedding date for December 9 which will mark almost 3 years together by then.

(in reply to ang248)

Post #: 37

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 5:45:25 PM

Deemondess

Posts: 21
Joined: 7/6/2006
Status: offline

I have to admire these posts ,,,, although a newbie to this forum I   am learning so much here

I too cared for My husband although it was non D/s he died    of cancer in a bad way
if it was My sub then I wud have cared and tended for him in exactly the same way
a true d/s relationship shud be loving and caring and if the Dom/Domme gets ill or the sub/slave gets ill it shud be mutual in caring for them ,
can Y/you love a Domme or sub by gawd of course you can ,
to the original poster here your message here is great and ts nice to see   You have someone who cares for you
I wish you well

Dee

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 38

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 7:09:01 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

If nothing else, I hope this thread gets people thinking "what if".

D/s may have brought you together.. but what will keep you together?

Lotus

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Deemondess)

Post #: 39

RE: D/s In sickness and in Health - 7/10/2006 7:44:57 PM

MistressWolfen

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

Thank you for sharing your story (it was inspiring).

_____________________________

Quoth the raven

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 40

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