Meeting as Equals

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Meeting as Equals

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Meeting as Equals

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:06:49 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Disclaimer before reading this thread, it is not the intent of this opening post to debate whether a dominant and their sub are equals within the context of their relationship... it is a more broad question for the board.

I have often wondered whether or not dominants that post here view all submissives as unequal to them, not just the ones they own, but everyone that self identifies as a submissive. I have also wondered whether or not submissives view everyone that identifies as a dominant as someone who is their superior in some way, someone that deserves deferential treatment because they identify as a dominant. Do you consider whether or not someone is a sub or a dom when reading advice they post for example?

Basically I am curious as to whether or not you view inequalities in your interactions with others on CM? Personally I haven't seen much of that, but I have seen it crop up occasionally and I wonder how others feel about this or if it is in my mind and doesn't exist at all.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

Post #: 1

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:12:19 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I view everyone on the boards as being my equal as I am not in a relationship with anyone here. I don't believe that dominance equals superiority outside of the confines of an individual relationship where that is the agreed upon dynamic.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 2

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:13:03 AM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

Personally i view Dominants and submissives as equal. Their relationship with and to each other is not equal, but the individuals themselves are. i tend to use capitals for Dominants as a courtesy because Master enjoys that. However, if a Dominant proves Him/Herself to be someone i don't or can't respect, then i don't use capital in relation to them.

Believeing or thinking A/another is equal is different, for me, than addressing T/them according to the position T/they've chosen. For example, i believe a boss and his/her employee are equal as people, yet their positions are not equal.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 3

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:14:43 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

I see any girl as an equal up until the collar goes on her neck.

It helps to reduce the aspects of frenzy, and unwanted emotional attachments, from ones I may well find to be unsuitable. And the vast majority will wash out in the first weeks of contact.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/7/2006 10:15:37 AM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:16:07 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

I personally do not treat all doms ....as doms.. just because of titles. I see them as people. Male and female. Nothing more...nothing less. I do not expect to be treated as a submissive by anyone. And I actually get offended when someone tries to make me submit to them with out even knowing my name or anything about me.. or me them..... those are the ones I step back from and have to laugh at sometimes. Now there are a few I do refer to as Ma'am.. or Mr. But it's the person I've come to have respect for. Not the title. And it comes from not just reading their post. But other communications as well. Either it be e-mail... phone calls.. IMs or off line meetings. But they have earned my respect as people....

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 5

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:16:28 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

All are equal.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:23:25 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

Personaly, to view someone your not in a relationship with as equal or unequal, to me, is to place a value to that person. I view people with indifference. Male, female, Dom/me, sub/slave, it doesn't matter. In my eyes they have no value until I'm in a personal relationship, then I judge their value as to whether they're equal or not. This, for me, is especially true for people here on CM. People here are faceless. Some not even really who they say they are. I can't place a value on something I can use four out of five senses on.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 7

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:24:39 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

Personally I prefer ballsy women who know their place when scening

but then I'm not into D/s. I really can't stand deference and if someone showed me deference I would probably think they were taking the piss.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 8

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:24:47 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Basically I am curious as to whether or not you view inequalities in your interactions with others on CM?

Of course it isn't equal... I'm real and sat in front of the keyboard, everyone else is just a collection of pixels on the screen

Seriously though, the only thing I expect is reasonable politeness wether the person is Dom/mme, sub or switch. If I don't get it then I can either respond in kind, ignore or block.

I will admit to maybe expecting a little more from those identifying as fellow Dominants and a certain, at least superficial attitude from Gorian collared, but there is only one here currently who has submitted to me and only her whom I can direct her actions.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:30:13 AM

wild1cfl

Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

Juliaoceania,

I always try and treat everyone as an equal whether they are Dominant or Submissive, male or female. I do not feel I am any better than anyone else or that they are any better than I am. Their kinks are just that their kinks, who am I to think less of them because their kinks are different from mine.
Where I draw the line is respect, while I do try very hard to treat everyone equally, I do not always treat everyone with respect mostly due to the fact that they have shown that they do not respect me or someone else that I have respect for. In this situation I am a fierce opponent to disrespect.
This is an excellent question and I think a very well thought out one. Lots of good answers as well.

_____________________________

Wild

My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 10

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:34:59 AM

APerfectParadox

Posts: 95
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

I believe that the thoughts , belief's, wants, needs of the people inside each of the roles are of equal value ...both the ones i am personally invovled with and the ones I am not , the only difference being when I am involved with a Dom he is in the position of authority .

_____________________________

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

If there were dreams to sell, what would you buy?

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 11

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:35:20 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Every once in awhile, some dominant gets bent out of shape when a sub posts in the "Ask A Master" or "Ask A Mistress" sections. Their view of the sub as not worthy of posting comes through loud and clear. I haven't seen this lately.

< Message edited by Estring -- 7/7/2006 10:36:20 AM >

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:37:18 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear juliaoceania, Ladies and Gentlemen;

You wrote;

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Disclaimer before reading this thread, it is not the intent of this opening post to debate whether a dominant and their sub are equals within the context of their relationship... it is a more broad question for the board.

I have often wondered whether or not dominants that post here view all submissives as unequal to them, not just the ones they own, but everyone that self identifies as a submissive. I have also wondered whether or not submissives view everyone that identifies as a dominant as someone who is their superior in some way, someone that deserves deferential treatment because they identify as a dominant. Do you consider whether or not someone is a sub or a dom when reading advice they post for example?

I can only speak for myself
Basically I am curious as to whether or not you view inequalities in your interactions with others on CM? Personally I haven't seen much of that, but I have seen it crop up occasionally and I wonder how others feel about this or if it is in my mind and doesn't exist at all.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 13

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:39:28 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I pretty much agree.. I don't look at whether they are Dom or sub.. I just write back what my thoughts are in a respectful (if they are being also) type of way. I usually do look and see who wrote it..but that is just to keep myself up to date on who is on the boards.

Respectfully, Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to wild1cfl)

Post #: 14

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:42:48 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I dont see dominant and submissives as equal, just as I dont see a dog and a cat as being equal. They aren't less by their inequality though, just different. I do view dominant and submissives posts differently, because basically they are coming from a different perspective on some subjects.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 15

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:57:36 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

People are people, no matter their kink/sexual/spiritual orientation. Two people entering into a relationship, no matter what kind, should come together as equal, consenting adults. THEN, the relationship dynamics can take hold.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 10:59:37 AM

wild1cfl

Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I dont see dominant and submissives as equal, just as I dont see a dog and a cat as being equal. They aren't less by their inequality though, just different. I do view dominant and submissives posts differently, because basically they are coming from a different perspective on some subjects.

Very good point and I can understand your point of view. I am thinking more from teh perspective as a person rather than their particular persuasion as a Dominant or submissive, so this is definitely a different way of approaching it. You express it in a way that makes me think about it differently. Excellent post !!

_____________________________

Wild

My Falcon now is sharp, and passing empty; And, till she stoop, she shall not be full gorg'd, For then she never looks upon her lure. Another way i have to man my haggard, to make her come and know her keeper's call. Wm. Shakespeare

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 17

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 11:08:28 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I do not think of submissives as less than equals, as submotive said, the relationship is merely balanced differently. I don't always go and look to see if the poster is D or s unless they are a brand new poster and their reponses are way out there.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 18

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 11:10:10 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear juliaoceania, Ladies and Gentlemen;

First, my apologies for the incomplete response and send. Hopefully, this one will complete and send properly.

Juliaoceania wrote;

Disclaimer before reading this thread, it is not the intent of this opening post to debate whether a dominant and their sub are equals within the context of their relationship... it is a more broad question for the board.

I have often wondered whether or not dominants that post here view all submissives as unequal to them, not just the ones they own, but everyone that self identifies as a submissive. I have also wondered whether or not submissives view everyone that identifies as a dominant as someone who is their superior in some way, someone that deserves deferential treatment because they identify as a dominant. Do you consider whether or not someone is a sub or a dom when reading advice they post for example?

I can only speak for myself however, I treat everybody the same regardless of title or status. You are an individual first, role secondly. Respect goes both ways in my mind's eye. And, words of wisdom comes from every level of education, class and or experiences and or profession. What is said and the 'tone' of the message is what I value, as to establish the 'intent' of the posted advice as to create the affect/effects on my sense of logic.

As a dominant, I listen very carefully to what my slaves and or submissives tell me. And, they do the same. Otherwise, we both cheat ourselves out of good communications and a healthy respect we have for each other. I also have the same feeling to those in the community. I really do care about people-Dominant and submissive; close or far. I feel honored when slaves, submissives and or my peers return the courtesy and respect as much as I feel good in giving respect.

Basically I am curious as to whether or not you view inequalities in your interactions with others on CM? Personally I haven't seen much of that, but I have seen it crop up occasionally and I wonder how others feel about this or if it is in my mind and doesn't exist at all.

I do occassionally see inequalities in some interactions with others on CM. I think any new person coming into a forum is judged immediately and established dominants and or submissives,take it upon themselves to be the ones to sit in judgment and many just follow. In my mind's eye, I believe the first post anybody makes will set the tone and treatment by others in the future. Being a polite person, I always hope to start any posts accordingly. Unfortunately, some souls come on and off the mark per se, step on the wrong foot due to how they express themselves rather than the contents of the post. Words are very powerful and people judge you by the words you use. Especially when the written word is the only means of expression. History shows this as well as modern forums such as this. The next tier in judgment is the person's consistancy.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 19

RE: Meeting as Equals - 7/7/2006 11:15:34 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I guess I just see D/s differently. People say their orientation is part of them, and those orientations of domination and submission are obviously different from each other, so why would I have to make everything and everyone the same to interact with someone.

quote:

People are people, no matter their kink/sexual/spiritual orientation. Two people entering into a relationship, no matter what kind, should come together as equal, consenting adults. THEN, the relationship dynamics can take hold

Sorry to use your post for this example MasterFireMaam....
See what that statement says to me is, "equal, consenting adults THEN" means something other than someone who is dominant or submissive...as if being an adult means..I have to act some other way than submissive or dominant? I don't get the need for the differentiation. It's either an orientation or a play act? Which is it? I think its perfectly ok to be submissive within interactions, doesnt make me less adult, less intelligent, less anything....

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to wild1cfl)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Meeting as Equals

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094