Patience IS a needed virtue

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MHOO314 -> Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 9:21:16 AM)
( Not a rant, an observation)... I know in many postings, we have talked of and counselled about patience in contacts, waiting for reponses, waiting for consideration etc.--however, I really believe this is an issue that needs to be addressed by My esteemed colleagues-- Dominant, submissives and switches alike with many perspectives both from being the "pusher" and the "pushee". The internet has brought about the whole "online" concept that we all wrestle with where it has a place---then we encourage movement from online to RT for a meaningful relationship---what I am seeing is an overzealousness, an impatience, a lack of tolerance when things must progress in an orderly, intelligent, safe and sane manner, ( and I dont speak from the perspective of the trollers or the wankers, this comes from what we would consider potential candidates) None of us, or few of us LIVE in the computer, we have lives, jobs, other commitments that must be honored as well as attempting to interweave the initial stages of this life---panic ensues when someone does not get an IM or an email in what they perceive to be an expected timeframe-- Pushing begins when a face to face does not happen as soon as prudent, demands follow--and of course when this is done to Me--the submissives are sent on their way---I am not one to drag things out, but I am one who doesn't jump at day 3 to RT either--as I seek an LDR, many factors need to be in place before I even get to f2f meeting(s) I am honest and upfront as I am sure many of My peers are as well about availability, intent, process etc---yet there is this pushiness factor--yegads---are we so hmm desparate for community, for relationships, for some kind of identity that caution is thrown to the wind--- are we as human beings so insenstive to other's needs, wants, desires---LIVES? what is up with that? Patience is in deed a virtue, one that reaps many rewards, yes it is a delicate balance, but one must have some to start with--yes? Thoughts?

SCORPIOXXX -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 9:32:41 AM)
Patience is indeed a virtue and its own reward... However, and I may be alone in this, I also tie the situational occurrence to what used to be called "good manners" -- put it this way: if you are having coffee with someone and they suddenly get up and walk away with no word or explanation, then they come back a half hour later saying: "Oh, I just went to the library to read a magazine...", what kind of behavior is that? If you respond to a contact, be it a letter or an IM, stay with it; if you need time off, say so; if you say you'll be back at such and such a point, be back. But to just up and disappear is just plain rude and crude, and shows the party in question to be thoughtless and undependable. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Submotive -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 9:36:33 AM)
Patience in a fast paced world is a challenge. The urgency within to feel the whip, the crop, the sound of a command can interfere with consideration at times. And these are what appear at the forefront oftentimes when one has been without a P/partner for any period of time. Even in a r/t relationship, as You know MH, i lack patience at times and lose sight of my ultimate goal, which is to please and to serve. Perhaps impatience is just part of the human dilemna - selfishness vs. selflessness. Fear is also a contributor to impatience. i become very impatient when i'm afraid that something i want won't occur, even if it's something i wish to give - i tend to want to give it NOW. lol. Patience is indeed an art, and like any art, something to be learned and honed. It is not something that is put in place and remains there. It needs renewed attention and practice as each new situation occurs, testing O/our impatience and selfishness.

juliaoceania -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 9:40:03 AM)
There is the other side of this problem, being overly patient to meet someone that you are beginning to feel an attachment to them because of interactions over the internet. It happened to me, and I am embarassed to admit how long I allowed it to go on, so I won't. I feel in retrospect I was learning patience. I learned a lot about it too, but there is a season for everything under Heaven... and there is a season for letting go because you have exhibited superhuman patience... I reached that place and it was an invaluable lesson for me. I do not demand anyone meet me, but until they do I would remain on the market and getting to know many people... anyone worthwhile wouldn't demand exclusivity with one they hadn't met yet. Just my thoughts

michaelGA2 -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 9:42:50 AM)
patience tends to be tried and worn out, especially here

iliv2servher -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 9:51:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 ( Not a rant, an observation)... I know in many postings, we have talked of and counselled about patience in contacts, waiting for reponses, waiting for consideration etc.--however, I really believe this is an issue that needs to be addressed by My esteemed colleagues-- Dominant, submissives and switches alike with many perspectives both from being the "pusher" and the "pushee". The internet has brought about the whole "online" concept that we all wrestle with where it has a place---then we encourage movement from online to RT for a meaningful relationship---what I am seeing is an overzealousness, an impatience, a lack of tolerance when things must progress in an orderly, intelligent, safe and sane manner, ( and I dont speak from the perspective of the trollers or the wankers, this comes from what we would consider potential candidates) None of us, or few of us LIVE in the computer, we have lives, jobs, other commitments that must be honored as well as attempting to interweave the initial stages of this life---panic ensues when someone does not get an IM or an email in what they perceive to be an expected timeframe-- Pushing begins when a face to face does not happen as soon as prudent, demands follow--and of course when this is done to Me--the submissives are sent on their way---I am not one to drag things out, but I am one who doesn't jump at day 3 to RT either--as I seek an LDR, many factors need to be in place before I even get to f2f meeting(s) I am honest and upfront as I am sure many of My peers are as well about availability, intent, process etc---yet there is this pushiness factor--yegads---are we so hmm desparate for community, for relationships, for some kind of identity that caution is thrown to the wind--- are we as human beings so insenstive to other's needs, wants, desires---LIVES? what is up with that? Patience is in deed a virtue, one that reaps many rewards, yes it is a delicate balance, but one must have some to start with--yes? Thoughts? MH00314, Patience is certainly still a virtue, but much harder to find in this day and age of instant gratification. Perhaps it's the new generation who grew up with the expectation of everything handed to them instantly and effortlessly (though I think that there are people, young and old, who are still struggling on a daily basis to make ends meet). But is anything really worthwhile if it is simply handed to someone as an intitlement? I seriously doubt that anyone, other than the starving or homeless, would really appreciate being given something that they did not work hard for. And sometimes the anticipation of the achievement of a goal is more exciting than receiving the actual prize. If you are along for the ride, then why not enjoy the journey? Whether one comes to CollarMe.Com to seek information, whether they seek to find the Dom/Domme or submissive of their dreams, or whether it is just to satify a curiousity or to obtain a quick fix for their kinky fantasies, none should expect to find it instantly. Anything worthwhile here demands time and commitment, patience and a willingness to contribute, as well as to receive, and by all means a tolerance of the beliefs of others and respect for their point of view. -Phil

Caretakr -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 9:56:36 AM)
The more you narrow the field, the longer you can expect to wait. From the number of "slaves" I have had contacting me here-who wanted to call all of the shots-it's going to take a few years to find one who doesn't have her head up her ass, attitude-wise.

truesub4u -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 10:01:16 AM)
I guess I have more patients than most others when it comes to face to face meetings. I found more would prefer the fast track. That's ok by me as they go. But I'm not one to rush. I prefer to take time... see where this person is coming from. Learn more about them as a person before a dom. Let them know me as I am before they see my submission. What i've found on the internet more so is .... most not all .. but most have little patients when it comes to motherhood. When I tell a dom I have to tend to something concerning my girls... they get impatient. Or I tell them I can't talk of certain subjects.. they try to continue. Try to insist on cam... I tell them I can't and explain why... they get mad. I smile... and just tell them it appears this isn't going nowhere and leave. I don't just disappear... but to them...I appears I have. So be it. It's just not me or some dom that needs looking after.. I have responsiblities that need to be met. And it just seems that when some you meet on line (and a few off line that call and want now.. not later) just do not like being put on hold for reality. But at same time...expect you to hold while they're dealing with their reality. Which is fine with me.. because I understand reality and have patients for it. I guess patients is just something that is slowly disappearing just as common courtesy ... respect... manners.... and has become the NOW generation... fast food.... microwaves....and do me now crowds... and it's call...PROGRESS... if this is progress.. give me back time...

Caretakr -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 10:04:59 AM)
It's interesting that I state pretty clearly that I have a long term view. Two years minimum, before I even seriously consider a slave. And supplicants immediately start acting like we are negotiating for them to move in tomorrow. WTF????????[:@]

slavejali -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 10:09:06 AM)
Master made me play the song "patience - by guns n roses" everyday for like 9 months. We took that long to meet because well heck we were 14,000 miles apart and there were other significant factors like my husband had just died, so we had specified a grieving time that I wasn't allowed to change and Master would not change. If those factors were not present though, I think 9 months is waaaaaaaaaaay too long to wait to meet someone. Using your words " we have lives" away from the internet...I think 9 months is way to long in liasing with someone on the internet with a potential of meeting....it seems like too much of your life to waste on something that may not even work out. I'm just playing with this thought, cuz I really have no experience in this area...but say Master lived really close...I would think like a week of chatting would be enough time to work out if you wanted to hook up for coffee.

meatcleaver -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 10:14:30 AM)
If I did online I wouldn't wait more than a month or two to meet someone and I wouldn't consider conditions either other than rational safety issues. Meeting in public in a coffee house or a cafe should be enough. I dithered a long time once because of conditions I was asked to fullfill first were a little irrational and incomprehensible to me and when I did decide to meet the conditions POOF! Online is for suckers anyway and if someone keeps putting off a meet they aren't serious.

truesub4u -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 10:21:44 AM)
Not entirely true meatcleaver. Sometimes reality makes for meetings to be put off. It just depends. I've had local doms all wanting to meet. But I got kids at home that I can't just up and run out the door on. But then again... they're more of.. what are you doing today... not a few days from now. That's what I was refering to about SOME not understanding.. or ignoring ... anothers reality.. for the NOW group.. sucks.. but it's there.

meatcleaver -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 10:29:45 AM)
I'll accept that reality can get in the way but reality can be easily explained. I think one can sense when someone is making excuses for excuses sake. Even I could though I refused to see it.[sm=ofcourse.gif] Edited I need to stop concetrating on work while I'm writing on CM

agirl -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 10:51:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: meatcleaver If I did online I wouldn't wait more than a month or two to meet someone and I wouldn't consider conditions either other than rational safety issues. Meeting in public in a coffee house or a cafe should be enough. I dithered a long time once because of conditions I was asked to fullfill first were a little irrational and incomprehensible to me and when I did decide to meet the conditions POOF! Online is for suckers anyway and if someone keeps putting off a meet they aren't serious. Not necessarily the case....but an understandable thought. I know that even meeting people from online as a FRIEND, I'm likely to put off the meeting .......due to rather odd personality quirks.(mine) There is some interaction I'd certainly restrict to online .....and it can be a mutual thing. Speaking via this forum, for instance............It's online, I'm unlikely to physically meet most folks from here.......I can still enjoy the interaction for what it is. Having said that .....I understand that you are probably speaking of relationships of a rather more intimate nature. agirl

yourMissTress -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 11:12:05 AM)
Patience is not granted, instead we are given many an opportunity to practice it. I agree with you MH, patience is absolutely necessary. With out it we would all be jumping from one boat to another in almost constant motion. Patience isn't just waiting for the right person, waiting to see if they are the right person, careful planning to make life changing decisions, making those decisions and taking the time to carry them out correctly, taking time to grow together...and so on. But patience can also be allowing the other person time to do all the same things at their own pace. Then we have another kind of patience, the patience to see someone through a rough time. The patience to allow our loved ones to grow and expand and change. Patience when we or they are having a bad day, week, or month. We live in a fast paced society where communications around the world take place in less time than it takes to walk to your neighbors house. The internet has made talking to anonymous strangers more common place than having a discussion with your family members. Crossing cultures over modems has brought together people that having spoken for the first time face to face wouldn't have given each other a second thought. And all the "old fashioned" ways of getting to know someone and judging their character, assessing their likelihood to fit into your life or you to fit into theirs get thrown out the window for so many people. Heat of the moment passion wins out and there are people everyday making U-haul and other movers rich, because they don't exercise the least bit of self control and patience. edited for a long nails error.

diamonddreamlove -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 11:31:02 AM)
Patience is wonderful but waiting too long to meet is just putting off the reality of this world. I have met many online that wanted to string me along until something better came along? or for whatever reason. I like to meet the person f2f with in a short time and that does not mean play with them. I want to get to know them first but i do have a 2 strikes your out rule. If we set up 2 consecutive meetings and at the last minute you can't make it then i do plan a 3rd. I do get tired of arranging my schedule just so that someone can decide at the last minute nope i like blue eyes better than green or whatever. If there is a valid reason then by all means give it to me don't just ignore me. I really probably would consider a good reason but damn i have heard some really bad ones. As for stopping the search just because one is chatting with someone, forget it. Chatting alone does not make a relationship.

Fawne -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 11:37:06 AM)
This one agrees "patience is a virtue" If I feel a click with someone I try and meet within a couple of weeks. No use wasting time, especially since that type chemistry seems rare. No bull. Patience is needed after meeting too. Not games. Clear communication and a willingness of both to not jump and label. Often, inner work is needed and one may pass by a diamond in the rough. best to all, fawne

firstsub -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 1:14:32 PM)
Master is still teaching me patience......

Misstoyou -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 2:13:08 PM)
I am not the most patient person in the world but I, personally, don't see moving quickly from online to a real life meeting as being impatient. I see it as being more efficient in weeding out both the online players, and the nice-but-not-for-me individuals. Assuming, of course, that I have some interest in the submissive, the meeting fits into my schedule, and that the submissive is intelligent enough to understand that "meet" is not a synonym for "play," and that one meeting does not equal a relationship.

MHOO314 -> RE: Patience IS a needed virtue (7/7/2006 2:30:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: truesub4u .... most not all .. but most have little patients when it comes to motherhood. Let Me add that as a "Yes Maam"-- for it happens to the Dominas as well---it is very few that get it through their head, LTR means integration into MY life in which there is an unmentionable---one even had the audacity to send Me a list of boarding schools! quote: When I tell a dom I have to tend to something concerning my girls... they get impatient. Or I tell them I can't talk of certain subjects.. they try to continue. Try to insist on cam... I tell them I can't and explain why... they get mad. I smile... and just tell them it appears this isn't going nowhere and leave. I don't just disappear... but to them...I appears I have. So be it. It happens here too true--I quite frankly do not have any use for webcams, but that is MY thing, My job is confidential, I homeschool and I don't want some cyber freak trying to decipher where I live--- quote: It's just not me or some dom that needs looking after.. I have responsiblities that need to be met. And it just seems that when some you meet on line (and a few off line that call and want now.. not later) just do not like being put on hold for reality. *But at same time...expect you to hold while they're dealing with their reality.* Again, I could not agree more, arrogant obnoxiousness and demands gets the door from Me---we ALL have life issues and the only way you will ever get to My personal door is to realize that and deal with the realities NOT the fantasy du jour. quote: I guess patients is just something that is slowly disappearing just as common courtesy ... respect... manners.... and has become the NOW generation... fast food.... microwaves....and do me now crowds... and it's call...PROGRESS... if this is progress.. give me back time... Truesub this was all beautifully said, yes I want time, I want courting, I want slow walks along shady lanes, I want slow food restaurants, I want lazy days in the hammock---and by goddess, I will have that in My world!

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