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Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 9:36:00 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Do you feel that your bond with your lifestyle friends is closer than those that you have with non-lifestyle people? If so, do you think that it is the common interests that make the difference....or because they understand or come from similar perspectives that they can understand you more completely?

I have one male Dominant friend who sometimes seems to know me better than I do...and vice versa. This morning we were speaking on the phone and in the conversation I referred to something that he had said a few moments before. He busted out laughing. When I asked him what was so funny he said "I never said that...at least not out loud...I did think it but I never actually verbalized it". I swear I heard it...lol. This is something that happens frequently between us in different ways...finishing each other's sentences...that sort of thing.

Also, do you feel that you connect more on a friendship level with those of the opposite sex...or same sex?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 9:46:04 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Do you feel that your bond with your lifestyle friends is closer than those that you have with non-lifestyle people? If so, do you think that it is the common interests that make the difference....or because they understand or come from similar perspectives that they can understand you more completely?


The closest friend I ever had, and man who saved my life on one occassion, was vanilla... well if you can call gay, subbie natured and as camp as a row of pink tents to be 'vanilla'

My current closest friend IS from a D/s perspective. She is an older Domme and we share a VERY similar viewpoint on many things D/s related as well as general outlook (And I hope to eventualy drag her onto the forums here as well as out onto the scene around London and Bedford)

I wouldn't say it is the D/s that drew us together, we had been friends for a while before we realised it was something we had in common, but it MIGHT have some bearing on why we have quite such similar outlooks.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 10:00:54 AM   
TxBadMan


Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Do you feel that your bond with your lifestyle friends is closer than those that you have with non-lifestyle people? If so, do you think that it is the common interests that make the difference....or because they understand or come from similar perspectives that they can understand you more completely

No, not really. I have the same bond with my vanilla friends that I have with those who are non-vanilla. And yes, those outside the life-style know of mine.

_____________________________

Chris



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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 10:05:59 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     While my dearest friends know I'm into some strange stuff, none of them are in the lifestyle (except the best friend I'm married to, she's as much of a freak as I am).

       As to friends of the opposite sex, I've found that you have to get past all the sexual tension to really make it work.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 10:15:52 AM   
Kedikat


Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		I don't actually have friends in the lifestyle that I am in much contact with. It makes no difference to me. My so called vanilla friends are the type that I can tell anything to, and discuss all sorts of things, even BDSM.

Overall, I would say I enjoy more females as friends, but my best friends have been a very few excellent males.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 10:16:11 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich    
      As to friends of the opposite sex, I've found that you have to get past all the sexual tension to really make it work.


I've always had more male friends than female friends...lifestyle or not. Alot of that most likely has to do with my interests...things like hunting and motorcycling. I'm not sure what you mean when you say sexual tension though. I have not sensed any sexual tension between my male friends and I. Can you elaborate a bit?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 11:04:14 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		Considering the fact that I only have one person that I consider a Friend who is NOT involved in BDSM - and he's been talking about experimenting with it, to see whether he likes it - I suppose the answer is Yes, my connection to my BDSM friends is closer.
 
I've never noticed any sort of significant "sexual tension" between myself and my male friends - and males Are in the vast majority amongst those rare folks that I consider friends as opposed to aquaintances.  Heck, males are in the majority of those I consider Just aquaintances, come to think of it.  I grew up hanging around with my older brother and all of his (very male) friends.  I simply ended up being everybody's little sister, or just another one of "the guys" to all of them - and them to me.  The few females that I knew growing up all sort of made my stomach turn - petty, cliquish little twits who were more concerned with barbie dolls (and looking like them) than with the stuff *I thought was fun (camping, hiking, fishing, hunting, motorcycles.)  I simply got along better with guys, and that has never really changed.  Any sort of Tension is usually felt between me and other females - typically because they can't seem to comprehend that males and females can be friends without wanting (or expecting) to do the horizontal tango.  Granted, I flirt (sometimes outrageously) with most of my male friends and aquaintances - they know that's simply joking around, they don't take it seriously and neither do I.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 11:11:23 AM   
sweetbbwsub31


Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		I like to be able to be completely honest with my friends. Therefore, I find that I am able to be much closer with those that are either part of the lifestyle or at least kink friendly.
 
All of my life I have been able to have more of a connection with my male friends than my female friends. I only have one really close female friend. The others are all male. I just relate better to them and find that there is less drama.
 
sub tara

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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 11:14:11 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach
I've never noticed any sort of significant "sexual tension" between myself and my male friends - and males Are in the vast majority amongst those rare folks that I consider friends as opposed to aquaintances.  Heck, males are in the majority of those I consider Just aquaintances, come to think of it.  I grew up hanging around with my older brother and all of his (very male) friends.  I simply ended up being everybody's little sister, or just another one of "the guys" to all of them - and them to me.  The few females that I knew growing up all sort of made my stomach turn - petty, cliquish little twits who were more concerned with barbie dolls (and looking like them) than with the stuff *I thought was fun (camping, hiking, fishing, hunting, motorcycles.)  I simply got along better with guys, and that has never really changed.  Any sort of Tension is usually felt between me and other females - typically because they can't seem to comprehend that males and females can be friends without wanting (or expecting) to do the horizontal tango.  Granted, I flirt (sometimes outrageously) with most of my male friends and aquaintances - they know that's simply joking around, they don't take it seriously and neither do I.


I relate to this so well I could have written it......

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 7/5/2006 11:15:04 AM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 11:16:59 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		If we include other Alternative Lifestyles such as Pagan and Medieval folk the answer is Hell Yes. I usually done find many other folk who are probably more close aquainences rather than friends have as much in common and whom I can relax and be open with.. 

< Message edited by IronBear -- 7/5/2006 11:17:31 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 11:20:52 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Most of my lifestytle aquaintances are flakes-I prefer my more traditional vanilla friends.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 11:22:07 AM   
PiggyPuta


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		i have many acquaintences, but few friends and even fewer female friends.  most of my friends are males but the one person that i am able to be completely myself (besides my Master and boyfriend) is a female submissive that we have become close friends and are able to share many experiences and frustrations with.  i truly value her friendship.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 11:25:16 AM   
lanwolf


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline 		I do find that the majority of my friends are in the life style and my closer friends are all lifestyle. I also find that the one friend that I connect the best with, to the point where we can relate on almost all levels of the lifestyle and vanilla world. In fact it was not until a few of my posts here that we discovered we had at least one topic where we had different views.
 Most of my friends lifestyle or not are of the opposite sex and there is no sexual tension in our interactions. There are attractions and various levels of friendships but that, to me at least, is normal and happens in all environments.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 11:31:02 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't really have many friends in the lifestyle.  I have a few and it's nice that they can usually relate to what I am saying when I am having issues or concerns about anything.  My other friends know about what I do..and who I am though.  Once I came out of the closet(with a woman), I pretty much decided that I wouldn't hide any of who I was again.  People could accept it or not. 
 
I still get the "I don't really get it" looks, but we are close and they love me anyway..so I can deal. 
 
I have more women friends, though I am not sure why (too much drama sometimes).  I am not a petty or uptight person so be they male or female... I won't be around that.  Some of my closest friends have been gay guys..(not generalizing..just talking about the ones I was with)..but we could shop.. gossip...talk like sailors..watch football..whatever.  I find with straight guys..there is a tendency there to flirt around...or have a friends w/bennies type of thing (at least the ones I have been friends with). 
                                 Respectfully, andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 11:49:17 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

Do you feel that your bond with your lifestyle friends is closer than those that you have with non-lifestyle people?


yes

quote:

If so, do you think that it is the common interests that make the difference....or because they understand or come from similar perspectives that they can understand you more completely?


Both.

quote:

Also, do you feel that you connect more on a friendship level with those of the opposite sex...or same sex?


I don't see a lot of difference in gender for purely friendship.  I have more of a camaraderie with dominants of either gender than submissives though I do have a few submissive friends.  Most submissives I am close to on a purely friendship level are female though. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 12:21:10 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		first off, this slave doesn't have a lot of friends to begin with---lifestyle or other.  Master is, indeed, her very best and closest friend as well as Master.
 
growing up as the only redhead in a small, rural school, this slave would have been voted "Most Likely to Return Later to Level the School" had the massacre at Columbine happened any earlier.  As a result, this slave never put much emphasis on having "friends".
 
Change up to high school, bigger suburban school now, with teenage hormones running rampant all over the school and all of a sudden this slave was bombarded with male attention...the females either continued to hate this slave for new reasons, or tried(transparently, this slave might add) to be friendly in order to get in on some of that male attention that followed this slave around like a dense fog.  As a result, this slave's previous perceptions about having "friends" were further confirmed.
 
long story short:  there isn't one person that this slave went to grade school or high school with that this slave formed a bond of friendship with that lasted longer than the school year, if that, male or female.
 
shortly after the onset of adulthood, this slave was faced with the question of unmentionables and, choosing that path threw her into situations that promoted friendships with other parents in the neighborhood as a means of fostering good relationships for this slave's unmentionables.  there are a few of those relationships that exist to this day(one male-gay switch and two female hetero vanilla's), however, we are distant friends, they live 3 hours away...the only one this slave keeps up with on a regular basis is the aunt of this slave's eldest unmentionables---obviously, family ties promoted the friendship and we have remained in contact, usually twice a week or more, over the phone.
 
this slave has met quite a few folks in this "lifestyle" (online and off) that she would consider friends, but our relationships really are more that of good acquaintances that bump into each other at events, functions and online.  we share good times, especially if Master decides we will connect again at home or outside of those functions and events, but like this slave said before, she really never has been one to need to have a handful of girlfriends (or slave/sub-sisters)to dish with.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 7/5/2006 12:22:31 PM >

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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 12:59:17 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich    
     As to friends of the opposite sex, I've found that you have to get past all the sexual tension to really make it work.


I've always had more male friends than female friends...lifestyle or not. Alot of that most likely has to do with my interests...things like hunting and motorcycling. I'm not sure what you mean when you say sexual tension though. I have not sensed any sexual tension between my male friends and I. Can you elaborate a bit?



     I'd refer you to Billy Crystal's character in  "When Harry Met Sally" for a great overview.

     Part of this is going to be on how we define "friends".  I was thinking of that small circle that lasts a lifetime, not the much broader group of people I hang out with for various activities. 

     Assuming the people involved are heterosexual, some level of sexual thinking is going to occur eventually, even if it's just the phrase "nice ass" passing through your mind.  Perhaps it is more of a testosterone thing in general.  With drinking buddies etc, these are just passing thoughts that don't amount to anything but to go beyond that, into the deeper realms of a lifelong, one-on-one friendship, they have to be addressed somehow.

    

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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 1:01:51 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, they certainly know things about me my most of my vanilla friends don't, so in that sense I'd consider them "closer freinds" I suppose. In most all other ways, they are the same for me.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 6:17:00 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

Interesting question.  One of the dearest people in my life has been part of my life since childhood.  Now I am a slave, she is married and coming to learn things about herself through what I share.  She has never experienced submitting, and likely will not as her marriage is not geared to that and she will not go outside of it.  So, in a way she is 'vanilla" in a way she is not. No matter what she is, however, she "gets" me, and understands me, and our bond is deep.  My other very dear friends are "very vanilla" but accept me for who I am.  Our friendships are more about our lives, loves, spirits, connections.  I do have a two close friends who are slaves, and who understand my slavery more than anyone else.  So it's a mix and match with me. 

I never did male friendships well.  Those are few and far between.  When I do let a male friend in, I consider him to be rather special. 

Overall, my circle of friends is quite small.  I don't let that many people in.

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: Lifestyle friends - 7/5/2006 6:48:34 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Do you feel that your bond with your lifestyle friends is closer than those that you have with non-lifestyle people?

Also, do you feel that you connect more on a friendship level with those of the opposite sex...or same sex?


No... my lifestyle is not a fundamental requirement for the depth/connection I may have with my closest friends.... Character of the person has been and always will be the most important aspect.  I would add that sharing experiences with people whose character I have come to admire and respect has a tremendous bonding experience.  In one situation, I grew closer with one friend and his wife as they where in the delivery room when my youngest was born.  We grew closer still when I supported and walked with him as his wife passsed away unexpectedly.  I rushed there to be with him in the emergency ward, spent the hours, I alone was with him when the decision of removing life support was discussed and made.  I then spent hours with him as they took life support away and we said goodbye to her.  I was with him when the funeral arrangements had to be made and then I stood up in front of several hundred people to give the eulogy.  He doesn't know my BDSM or D/s lifestyle... but we are bounded first by character and it grew thru experiences.

My friends denika and her husband are again bonded by character and it is growing thru experiences... with them it just happens to be lifestyle experiences as well.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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