Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Telling Friends about bdsm


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Telling Friends about bdsm Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 2:29:36 PM   
GirlyDevil


Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		I've been in this lifestyle for a couple months off and on, and I have a great sub who I am very compatiable with. But for some reason because I'm in this lifestyle I feel that I should tell someone about it. I'm afraid that if I tell my parents, than they might think taboo right away without even listening. But I do have a really close friends who has told me numerous times that I can talk to her about anything. So I'm asking for adivce about whether or not I should talk to her about it or not. She is a open minded person who isn't afraid of anything just about. Any suggestions?
Thanks   
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 2:50:22 PM   
ray64


Posts: 18
Joined: 12/15/2005
From: Tahlequah Ok.
Status: offline 		       I just recently told my sisters that I am My Mistress's Slave. While I was apprehesive about it at first  I found blurting it out quite liberating. They were curious (Naturally) and I ended up answering questions they had and there are limits etc. Once we finished they responded that it made perfect sense to them. They know me quite well as sisters would. They accepted that this is what I like and a part of me that I can no longer ignore. I have a need to have this a part of my life to feel whole and complete. They responded that their only concern was my safety, health, and happiness. Since My Mistress is adamant about safety and I am happier than i have ever been, They have no problems with it and said that they were happy that I found someone who can share my needs in the opposite sense. All in all it was most relieving and when we were done talking I felt more free than I had ever known. I should not have judged them so cheaply. I was quite proud to discover that my younger sisters accepted and understood  my decision to pursue this lifestyle and were completely supportive. In fact  they have become very good friends with MY Mistress.  While My Mistress doesn't go into detail about what we do She has found it amusing that my sisters actually knew me better than I did. In conclusion I would highly recomend being open with your friend. Parents are of course another story and many have incorrect perceptions about our lifestyle and are not likely to give up those notions anytime soon. Respect your parents and their ways. THey will notice that you are happy, content and at peace. They won't feel the need to get details. Sometimes ignorance is bliss not to mention respectful.
    Best of luck and exponential Happiness


_____________________________

Ray
Collared Slave
of Mistress Brandye
(Dommeseeksone)
1/22/06

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 3:10:37 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		My best friend knows that I am into this. She doesn't understand it, but she loves and accepts me as I am so as long as I'm safe, she's okay with it.

My unmentionables (in their 20's and kinky too) are aware of me being in this as well, however, no one else in my family is. The rest of the family would have a joint hernia if they ever found out.

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 3:15:02 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		My best friend is a submissive, we both evolved into submissives at the same time without knowing at first about the other... it was a pleasant surprise to find out she was a submissive too. Maybe your friend is a kinkster and you do not know about it?...laughing here

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 3:19:22 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Maybe your friend is a kinkster and you do not know about it?...laughing here


She's probably a submissive, but she's been so badly hurt by the men in her life that overcoming her severe lack of trust would take the Dom of the Century!

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 3:34:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_87719/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#87743
talking to vanilla people

Reposted:
First, this is a lot like the coming out process that homosexuals have to deal with as well.

Secondly, make sure that you are prepared to handle questions and reactions that might come at you. Sometimes they might be ok with it, sometimes they might be confused, or angry or worried or other things- make sure you can handle whatever is going to be thrown at you.

Next, decide whether you think they are ready for you to come out to them. I'm out to my sister but not to my mother. I doubt I ever will come out t my mom. It's not so much about my own privacy, but about her comfort level. I don't need her to know about me being owned property in order for my relationship to be healthy with her.

Next, on a person by person basis, pick good timing. Holidays are not good. If you're telling casual friends, then do it at a party or some place where youa re being casual. If you are telling a best friend or relative, leave privacy and space to talk.

Your OWN attitude will shine through more than anything you actually say. Keep it simple, keep it generic, keep it nilla-friendly at first, and show that you are happy with this choice. Make sure that you project an attitude of confidence and sincerity. They don't have to understand the relationship as long as they understand it makes you happy.

And give it time. Coming out is a PROCESS, it rarely happens all in one bunch. The more practice you get at coming out, the easier it gets.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 3:40:08 PM   
PiggyPuta


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		i have mentioned somethings to a co-worker but could never imagine telling my family about this.  they consider me very much of a prude...would they get a shock of their life...LOL.

i have many submissive friends (both male and female) that i communicate with, but at times i do wish i had a vanilla friend that i could share this with.

piggyputa

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 3:43:44 PM   
Jorjia32


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/21/2006
Status: offline 		WOW, do I understand this post.  It is so hard to find people to talk to and to be honest most of the people I share this lifestyle with are on-line.  But I have meet some nice people in cyberspace and am thankful they are there to share my thoughts with.

I have always dropped little lines and hints and studied the person's reaction.  I have one friend I always felt I could tell about this lifestyle but she insist I think she is more liberal than she is, ha! I have always thought she is more dominant than she allows herself to be.
Presently I have a friend staying with me and she like another poster is damaged when it comes to men and sex, she doesn't understand sex, let alone this lifestyle.  But I am fixing to have some free time for the first time in 16 years and I have told her I plan to enjoy myself and this is how, either get okay with it or find another place to go.  She has no job or money and depends on me, so I have simply said, hey I need to depend on you too.
But to the poster who has the submissive friend, good for you, I am pea green with envy, what a blessing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 5:28:17 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		I have 2 friends that know one worries all the time and is great for a safe call.  The other worries but is very accepting but encourages me to make sure i am safe at all times.  It is wonderful to have good friends that know however keep in mind not all will accept you and perhaps you will become an outcast.  Just be careful who you tell and makes sure they are the type of person that does not go shouting it to all those folks you just might not want to know about your kink.

(in reply to Jorjia32)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 5:33:01 PM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		I told a friend once, and I say once because I don't think I will do it again.  When I told my friend she said 'Oh so you like to play games and role play"  My response was "No this is my way of life it's not a game to be put down at random for me, it's how I love the one I'm with" She then answered "oh that's so CUTE" I tried to explain that it's not cute that it can be raw and anguished or soft and pleasurable but it's anything but cute unless there are pig tails involved.  She still didn't get it, I tried to explain really I did, but in the end I had to settle with her thinking I'm cute. UG!

Maybe next time master gets out the whip I'll respond with "Oh that's so cute" Oh yes and then I'd have to prepare myself for a beating of a lifetime !

~dancer


_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 5:49:48 PM   
jonathan


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline 		i'm very new to the boards, but as part of my training i am here and like it. It's both a shame that i see many of the same faces wherever i go and not many others, and also great because those same faces have minds as well. Not surprised to see you on this one, LA.

Lucky me, i have one old true female friend of my age who considered me once 15 years ago, but decided She could only switch, and i can't. So we dump on each other and get great hugs when we get together. She hears all and knows more, without words. So i get to tell Her about being considered by my Goddess, and She gets both playfully jealous and supportive. As i said, i'm lucky.

This is similar to another new thread, "If you really cared about me, you'd do me." Check it out.


_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 6:15:28 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am 46 years old, and I felt this way once, too and concluded I was just happy I'd finally (after years of wondering if there was something wrong with me) found out there were many other people interested in the same things.

That, plus, it can be viewed, I suppose, as slightly avante garde. In reality its been around for centuries and longer than anyone knows about, probably since it's based on (I think) "animal instincts". But - I really have concluded it is about as much of anyone else's business as me asking for their financial statements, for instance - in other words, next to none.

Maybe you're just happy to have found a "home" after a long while. Or maybe need to feel other people "accept" this? My opinion is - they don't have to (and they might not). I am very, very selective who I tell I am interested in all this (I don't need or want to have to spend hours "explaining myself").

Bottom line- my view is: It is none of anyone's run-of-the-mill, every day type of business. I am not ashamed but I also realize there are quite a few out there (I live in Nebraska) who would think this is all insane. If anyone you are not an intimate friend of (and sometimes even then) thinks this is necessarily their automatic business - then I think they are wrong.

Maybe you are just happy about discovering it and there are many people "like you" in the world. Well I am  happy for you.

-Susan  

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/1/2006 6:28:46 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 6:37:12 PM   
doll


Posts: 296
Joined: 7/10/2005
From: Middle Georgia
Status: offline 		Most of my family knows to some extent that I am in this lifestyle.  Most of them don't agree and I can respect that...but both of my sister's are subs as well...so it makes it a bit easier on me to be accepted with the family. 

Most of my friends are in the lifestyle, so it wasn't an issue for me to come out to them.

_____________________________


Official Member Of MoGa's IN-crowd!
*sexylicious doll* as proclaimed by DRH
*dollface* as proclaimed by Lady Hib
*parkay* as proclaimed by buttah

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 7:56:05 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline 		I think it's important for my friends to know, and they all do. If I had to hide this from them, then they woouldn't know the real me, and that isn't a friend.

Half my friends are into BDSM, and the other half seem to at least enjoy the dress-up aspect. (My gay male friends seem to jump on the fashion side of it - Go figure!)

The few friends I have who are not into BDSM are supportive, and have taken the time to understand it. I would expect no less from a friend, and would do no less for a friend.

Going to munches is a great way to make lifestyle connections.

As far as I'm concerned, if you can't tell a friend, then how much of a friend are they, really? I'm just not a closet sort of person.

On the other hand, family is another issue. I have put off telling anyone in my family because I know they would worry that some man pretending to be a sadist might put me in danger. Since they don't really want to know about my sex life, and I'm not presently in a relationship, it seems there's no reason to burden them with worry.

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to doll)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 8:50:49 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		I came out to a fairly vanilla friend of mine a few weeks ago.  I explained what bdsm stood for and told her that the man she knew as my boyfriend, was also the man I was collared to and branded by.  She listened and in the end, she looked at me and said, "As long as you two are happy, that's all that really matters, so be happy."  Then she gave me a hug and gave Daddy a kiss on the cheek, with a great big grin.

Another of my gal pals who has dabbled in bdsm in the "role playing" area and some extremely rough play and sex, also knows that I am collared to Daddy.  She has known about this part of me for almost as long as we have been friends.  She is a "swinger" as her alternative lifestyle choice, so we accept each other for who we are. 

There are a couple other folks I know from places I used to work who know about me, and they have actually created CM accounts as they want to see what parts of bdsm they might enjoy with their partners.  (My little converts... lol)  I've shared my copy of The New Bottoming Book with one of them, and she is still finishing it. 

I also have a great many bdsm friends, some from here, and some from the local dungeon.  My family do not know, although my father sees my relationship with my Master as one that is "very traditional" (in that I am submissive to Him and I am nothing like I was in my marriage, where I was totally dominant).  My Master says that there is something very peaceful in my face when I am able to just be who I am, and don't have to watch out for any revealing statements made by me. 

I wish you well as you venture out there... 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 9:11:38 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline 		I have never told any of my vanilla friends the full extent of this part of me.  I have a couple male friends who are curiouse and like to make suggestive remarks...i humor them and play along...it dies out quickly.  Just an indication to me that they aren't mature enough for the whole truth and would lack any understanding.  People often make jokes of things that differ from their own thoughts. 

I definately would not discuss it with any family....but then again, i wouldn't discuss any vanilla sex details with them either.  Not that close with my family in that way.  I almost fell over when my mother IM'ed me telling me to go buy a vibrator one time...it was so out of character for her...we never even had a sex talk....hmmm or maybe that was it...lol.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 9:28:52 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		My father still thinks I'm a virgin.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 9:34:56 PM   
GirlyDevil


Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		Hey everyone,
Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I'm probably going to tell her next time we get together which is Tuesday.

(in reply to ray64)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 9:36:42 PM   
GirlyDevil


Posts: 104
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you to everyone who has inputted their own advice/suggestions.  

(in reply to ray64)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Telling Friends about bdsm - 7/1/2006 10:04:08 PM   
fyrekittyn


Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline 		Personally, I told my mother when I started exploring the lifestyle at a jailbait age. I don't make any secrets about it. People can either accept me, or not. Their choice.

(in reply to GirlyDevil)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Telling Friends about bdsm Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.086