SusanofO
Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005 Status: offline
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No, almost nothing shocks me anymore. Someone could tell me they are a cannibal and I'd probably say "Cool. Go for it". So, I say go for it - it certainly won't bother me (ever). I do still cringe at murder and doing unmentionables and there are some things I am personally scared to try right now (maye ever) but I couldn't care less if other people do them (except the murder and the unmentionables). But - I personally worry about being a "ho" at this point in time (and I am not a "ho" - I am truly not a "ho"). I am not hi-jacking this thread - it's late at night and I am talking to myself (I am not looking for an answer, just getting this out of my system I guess, so feel free to ignore it). I've read about "sub frenzy" and don't want to victimize anyone with it - I want no part of whatever "fallout" results from it. On here, or in my home town. I know there are people that might think: "What's the problem? If you want to do something, just do it and don't tell anyone". Well, maybe...I am a little embarrassed to be talking about it - I guess it could be construed as a little TMI (too much possibly unnecessary information) but - I really want to get it out - it's a serious question I am dealing with. I am wondering what some men do about this kind of thing. This is not a gamey plea for a _uck buddy. Maybe I have "issues" about anonymous or near anonymous sex (or maybe I might not, and that's what scares me). I have people I could do that (have sex) with - it's that I am too scared I will mess with their minds right now to seriously consider being with them. The people I'd actually want to do it with are people I can't even think about doing it with because I either like them or think I could really like them in the future and I am way too weird right now to want to risk possibly hurting them. I wonder if anyone else has had this problem? I wonder what some men do - maybe I can just do that (no offense to some guys and I do mean that). Some guys might be scratching their heads and saying: "What? What is the issue here?..." but, you know that saying: Don't _uck your friends (or was it don't _uck with your friend's heads?) - that is what I do not want to do (or potential friends' hearts or minds). I know what I am going to do - I am going to go pick up an anonymous person (well maybe not totally anonymous), take them home, tie them to my bed, and not let them out of my house for a week. At the end of that week they will either be so happy maybe they will practically pay me or else have me arrested (and at that point I will be so happy it will have been worth it). I know some will suggest masturbation but I've been doing that for years - I want another person. I just don't want any kind of emotional tie right now. But I am really ashamed of it - I really am ashamed I would want that. Just not ashamed enough to not want to do it. That's not like the kind of person I'd normally aspire to be, but it's truly where I am at right now. Hearing that might not go over too well with some folks -but now it's out there so it's too late to take it back. I guess I know just what I am going to do - find someone (not here on CM there are too many people I really respect here - or could, and I really mean that) - someone I don't know and will maybe never see again who doesn't care about "ties" and just do them until their brains fall out. I should probably be embarrassed but I am just not (geez, maybe I am a "ho". Well I've never been a "ho" before (really) so if I am one for a week that's not a crime. I am a grown woman. Please (please please) nobody write me and "volunteer" (really, that is Not, despite what it could be construed as - what this is about) I think I know who I can go with and this isn't meant to sound arrogant (who wants an insane chick anyway); but it really was a serious question. I probably didn't even need to write it - it sounds pretty stupid and self-centered and like: Why did she even have to say that? Now I feel like a nitwit(won't be the first time). Boy maybe I am really a Catholic girl scout. I need to get over it. - Susan
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/29/2006 2:16:07 AM >
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"Hope is the thing with feathers, That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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