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RE: Evolving on CM - 6/27/2006 5:51:06 PM   
talibahh


Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline 		 
i joined CM a fair while before i became aware of the boards. And i was so happy when i discovered them. i lurked for awhile before i decided to post/join in, happy to just read and learn.
 
i have found it a great place to learn and grow from. It helps me in many ways to self-reflect on many issues. i enjoy reading others opinions and experiences and have learnt there are often more points of view to something than just one, two or three. my time spent here has taught me to *think outside the square*. i often read through a debate and can find myself agreeing and/or disagreeing with most or parts of each side of the arguement. Seeing that each person is entitled to their point of view/opinion, and genuinely interested in seeing how they came to that belief or opinion.
 
i try hard not to be judgemental of others, and even when i dont agree with something they may have done, i have learnt that reading from posts alone does not give the full perspective... there are always more than one side to a story, and often things written can be misunderstood/misinterpreted by the reader. i have had some *runs-ins* (i guess you could call them), unfortunately... they were never intended, but i don't hold grudges... life is too short. But even these have taught me valuable lessons and helped me grow.
 
There are many regular posters here that i enjoy reading and have learnt from, and even though i dont always agree with their stance, i admire and respect them.
 
i have learnt... that i still have so much to learn... and i love that!
 
The boards are a great place to come, no matter your mood... for a laugh, a cry, a debate, or just to spend time quietly reading, learning, watching and hopefully... growing...
 
i have made some great friends here... and thanks to all...
 
tali

Oh yeah! and i have also got some great topic ideas to talk with my Master about... and some great hints from fellow slaves/subs i admire and respect too. Especially Littlepita and slavejali... thanks  

edited for typos

< Message edited by talibahh -- 6/27/2006 6:03:19 PM >

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Evolving on CM - 6/27/2006 5:53:51 PM   
MstrTiger


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/14/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		I think I have become less tolerant of stupid people and also much more adamant in my convictions I have also become far more aware of the my way is better than your way thing than I have anywhere else.

I was originally hoping that there would by more practical BDSM advice discussed and was slightly disconcerted when I did not find it at first though I have become more aware of the reason why it is the predilection some people have to general newbie hatred that usually stops people from asking simple questions that often leads to people offering more complicated advice. I am far from a newbie myself and the sort of ideas I came here looking for would need to come from outside my own thinking so asking a question about something I have not thought of is impossible. In the few occasions that people who ask simple questions have not been openly mocked and abused for the usual silly reasons spelling etc I have picked up one or two things that I have found very useful and enlightening (mostly from ladyhugs, I find her willingness to share her knowledge to the benefit of other people and the humility in the way she does it extremely inspiring).

I do appreciate some of the lively discussions that people can have on collarme I find engaging in them and reading them quite entertaining I also find they help focus my mind when I am writing other things.

I know most of the point I have covered seam negative though I am the sort of person who sees knowing about bad things as being a good thing I think overall the most important thing I have gained is that is has refortified my belief that it is necessary for some people to offer as much practical advice and guidance as they can since few others appear to want to do so.

I also seen some people using collarme and as a sort of emotional safety net and I often find there are a lot of people within the BDSM community that could see that as an invaluable resource.

I sometimes use collarme as a sounding board by posting questions and I usually find the responses I get very helpful though because I usually have not fully formed the questions I am trying to ask into a salient point I am often quite surprised by that.

_____________________________

Visit my website http://www.tigerdom.com

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Evolving on CM - 6/27/2006 6:30:53 PM   
Sab


Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Many come and go on here.  Some stay for a short time... some for much longer.  Hopefully we all take something from here that will cause us to grow and evolve beyond what we were.

I ask... Becuase of your interactions on CM... in what way do you see that you have grown and/or evolved?  How have you seen some others on here grow or evolve?


'Nilla's really are nuts and Internet Explorer isn't a good browser at all!

_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Evolving on CM - 6/27/2006 6:53:23 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I realized I really AM better than everyone else. 

Okay, more seriously, it always broadens my mind and scope of thinking to see various thoughts and opinions discussed - some I agree with, some I do not, and some I had not previously considered.  It has been refreshing to converse with others who think like me, and enlightening to contemplate points of view that are foreign to me.  In ways it has been disheartening to see some of the mud-slinging (and not the fun kind of mud fights either), and I find myself at times not opening certain threads because I can already predict who is saying what in there.

That being said, I have conversed with some people here whom I now consider friends.  And in those friendships, I have learned a good deal about submission, myself, and concepts from both a submissive's and a Master's point of view.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Evolving on CM - 6/27/2006 7:44:51 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well for me CM has given me the opportunity to meet and converse with others that are actually nearby instead of only in the US or half way across the world.

I've had the wonderful opprortunity of meeting one wonderful person and her husband so far and hope to meet in person many more.

Plus the other people here on the boards are great. I've learned alot and wanted to slam my head into the wall alot with some of the threads and posts on here

I've re-thought some things that I thought I was totally against and realize that my views were stemmed purely by fear and not reason.

Most of my adult life i've been too far away or restricted as to my involvement with in the local or even online communities. Now tht I have the opportunity and the ability (being single and all) I want to learn, meet other and just figure myself out. I'm still fairly isolated as to my ability to attend many functions. Having to travel 4 hours to them is a bit of a hassle. and for some reason Munches are held on odd days lol. I am looking forward to attending a play party but again schedules of my friends and my ability to get there are an issue.

I'm sure it will all come together one day but in the mean time even if only by reading and talking to people here my ideas and ideals are expanding and growing.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Evolving on CM - 6/28/2006 7:20:24 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Just as one can learn history by reading historical fiction where characters come to life, CM works that way for me. Coming to learn the people and see their styles in BDSM and life is enlightening. Plus, we have the Emily Post of BDSM in Lucky Albatross….:).

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Evolving on CM - 6/28/2006 7:28:31 AM   
sweetnessforsir


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		Reading online forums on all of the sites has helped me expand my view of what is available. 

My experience prior to reading the forums and interacting with people online was very narrow.  It revolved around a small segment of a community.  The focus on power exchange, but not so much protocol.  Even when that segment changed, there was only limited exposure to new ideas.  There was more protocol and seemingly less power exchange.

Now it is clear to me that there are a plethora of combinations and levels and interactions people mold to fit their relationship.  This has given me the power to negotiate from a different place--a better place.

s.



s.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Evolving on CM - 6/28/2006 8:07:19 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		It has given me greater insight into how others view both their Dominance or their submission. i tend to be one who likes to figure out how everything works, and while i may never be able to do that completely, CM has allowed me to ask some questions that i would be reticent to ask someone face to face. There are times that the question that i would like an answer to may be a bit personal or take a while to answer fully and this format allows those who do not wish to answer to not answer without any face-to-face pressure and it gives time for people to formulate the answer that they wish to give.

Although the answers on CM can run to childish from time to time, i have, in the main, received and seen many well-constructed, informative and wise answers to many of the questions myself and others have posted here.

(in reply to sweetnessforsir)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Evolving on CM - 6/28/2006 8:25:01 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Evolve? not particularly 'because' of CM, we evolve all the time, every event, every interaction, changes us by tiny amounts as it adds to our knowledge and adds to our experience.

The main thing I get from CM is the high concentration of relevant experience and the viewpoints shared from those diffrent experiences from all diffrent facets of WIITWD. Viewpoints that I rarely have access too elsewhere (I don't interact much with male subs other than here for instance, but have found one or two to be worth taking notice of (*Waves to littlesarbon*))


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Evolving on CM - 6/28/2006 8:44:45 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Evolution proceeds at a glacial pace.  Maybe in a few million years, we'll see new species on Collarme.  For now, it's just monkeys.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I ask... Becuase of your interactions on CM... in what way do you see that you have grown and/or evolved?  How have you seen some others on here grow or evolve?

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Evolving on CM - 7/2/2006 3:17:18 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Many come and go on here. Some stay for a short time... some for much longer. Hopefully we all take something from here that will cause us to grow and evolve beyond what we were.

I ask... Becuase of your interactions on CM... in what way do you see that you have grown and/or evolved? How have you seen some others on here grow or evolve?


I work out of the home and do not have any kids and I've crossed the 40 year old yard line (41). Being active in BDSM has been a relatively recent event in my life as well. Although I would not credit the CMMB for my evolvement, it helps me feel less isolated and alone to post here. Also, I think this MB is a decent litmus test toward peoples' attitudes and outlooks on BDSM. So, having never been to a munch or a general function, having never been part of the "lifestyle," and having never been to a public event ---- I feel I would have some footing as to how I would fit in if I tried to be more social and meet others w/in the scene.

(I am happy to keep things private, but I still like to know where I stand in relation to things bigger than myself.)

Here are the most striking things I've found out here.

1) Attitudes toward marrieds here tend toward the judgmental, all-or-nothing, and not thinking outside the box mentality.

2) There seems to be a shortage of happy malesubs.

3) Switches seem to me to be the most grounded individuals and the least touchy about the general issues raised.

4) Poly BDSMers are a minority in a minority.

5) The Board itself has its ups and downs, but something interesting and new tends to roll around if you look for it:. On the other hand, there is a lot of recycling on themes of jealousy, extra marital needs and problems, finding-a-partner frustrations and the like.

6) Many posters tend to be defensive only when challlenged and fail to use an opposing viewpoint as a chance to broaden themselves. Specifically for me, I have found that when I challenge FEMDOMS about their outlooks and expectations, I'm often both dismissed and attacked --- and rarely are my points in such debates addressed head on.

7) When things go sour on a thread, I've usually been able to mitigate the personal stuff with my opponents in PMs. Sometimes I don't make this effort though.

8) There is an art to not running afoul of the moderators, here. I've learned that when I engage, I need to be either as high minded as possible or as humorous as possible. Going for the jugular (I like to do this when I think someone is being a hypocrite or a nutcase) usually results in nothing more than post deletion.

9) The CMMB has led me to contact about four posters either by phone or in RT, and each experience for me has been a good one.

10) Veteran posters, as I've seen it, tend to migrate towards the off topic discussion forum after a while --- as they tire of the recycled topics and issues.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 7/2/2006 3:23:33 PM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Evolving on CM - 7/2/2006 3:53:48 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		I have evolved through using this site,before I started with it some ten months ago,I thought I was just weird,having an interest I could not fathom,something that plagued me all my life.Now through intereraction with some good friends made on the personals side of CM and now on this side,I know I am not weird or sick or whatever label the vanilla world wants to fit me with,I am me and happy with it.This site has been a great help and thankyou to all here.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Evolving on CM - 7/2/2006 3:57:32 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I ask... Becuase of your interactions on CM... in what way do you see that you have grown and/or evolved?  How have you seen some others on here grow or evolve?


One of the things that I most appreciate about CM is that over the last year it has sparked many in-depth conversations between you and I that caused us to deepen our understanding of each other.  Many of the posts you have written have validated and reinforced things that I already knew about you.  CM has also given me the opportunity to broaden my perspective and exposed me to other interests that I may have never learned about.

These things probably would have happened without CM, but they happened at a much faster rate because of our interactions on the boards.

kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Evolving on CM - 7/2/2006 4:20:49 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think CM has played a part in any evolution for me, although I think it has reaffirmed my personal beliefs and convictions in certain areas.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Evolving on CM - 7/2/2006 6:26:33 PM   
aleshaDreams


Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

... Becuase of your interactions on CM... in what way do you see that you have grown and/or evolved? How have you seen some others on here grow or evolve?


Response (cause I don't know how to quote properly on this board)

This board has certainly widened my perspective and aided in defining what and whom i wish to be, and the character set i feel i will be compatible with for the long haul.  The board in itself has not fully defined all parameters but has certainly helped clarify some of those in question.

I can not address the second reflection as I honestly have not paid much personal attention to development processes of others over time - my focus has been selfishly about me.


< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 7/2/2006 6:27:58 PM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Evolving on CM - 7/2/2006 6:33:48 PM   
liljeanti


Posts: 15
Joined: 5/30/2006
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		I think I have evolved more offline than online.  CM has just given me a place to find others around me and the threads here are always informational to read.  CM has given me a better prospective on some things and I have met some very awesome people here.

_____________________________

I may not be perfect, but I am always me.

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Evolving on CM - 7/2/2006 8:18:57 PM   
shyfem


Posts: 101
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		In some ways Collarme has helped me, the forums more than anything.
I have learned about things that I would have never considered doing and now have a different perspective from reading other's reflections on the subject.
 
There are several people who post on here frequently that I like to read, even though they may have a different opinion from my own on the subject, I keep an open mind while reading their views.
 
There are things I love to read about and many posts touch me deeply. I tend to read a lot more than I comment on though. Some things I do not feel qualified to post on so I just read and take away what I can. Unfortunately, there are also times when threads have been reduced to mudslinging, dom/me bashing or sub bashing of which I will take no part in. As another poster put it sometimes you can feel a thread going in that direction, when that happens I move on to a different thread.
 
However, even with the negative I have learned a lot from the other members here at CM and would not trade my time on the message boards.
 
~shy
---------------------------------------------------
May all who tread here find what they seek!

(in reply to liljeanti)
Profile   Post #: 37
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