Change of viewpoint?

Change of viewpoint? (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 3:57:13 PM)
I know for me, the way I view most things in kink is oftentimes radically different than from when I started. What are views that havent changed? Have your views on something changed more than once? What change would most shock your earlier self and why?

LadyPact -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 5:15:46 PM)
Bahahahahahaha...... Seriously. How long have you got? I'm going to say this in My own defense. I came in backwards compared to most people who will hit this thread. I didn't research stuff on the internet and didn't see some things that I would have if it would have been the other way around. Views that haven't changed: Still a leather person at heart. Still believe in hands-on education. Still believe in the old fashioned way of handling group/event/club problems internally. Still believe that outting (either kink or sexual orientation) is pretty despicable and automatically nulls and voids a person's right to be a member of a kink organization. Still believe that organizations that have by-laws should be germane to that group's purpose and should reflect the majority vote. Views that changed: My definition of a Master grew. I came to understand fin kink. (I didn't at all when I first got on the net.) We went from monogamy to poly. The most shock: My former self would have never thought that I would acquire a taste for sadism.

JeffBC -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 5:19:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Bahahahahahaha...... Seriously. How long have you got? Yeah, that :) I used to believe the stupidest shit I can imagine. here's one of my personal favorites. I thought it was important to protect Carol from me ... the guy who loves her ... by not actually internally enslaving her. Let's not even start with how rigid I was with my label usage back then. Oh, and you know this personally Michael... I thought all you kinksters were crazy sick fucks who couldn't hold a relationship together because your genitals got in the way. I thought Goreans were into kidnap, torture and rape... at least if they thought they could get away with it. Oh man I could go on and on with stupid shit I thought. Here's one that did not change. I still think other doms are a danger to Carol. That, in fact, has been reinforced with practical experience.

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 5:28:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Bahahahahahaha...... Seriously. How long have you got? Ditto. [:D] - Didn't used to think switching was possible. - Didn't used to think that I could be sexually attracted to women, or male subs for that matter. - Didn't used to think I could be sadistic, or top from an other than service top perspective, or could genuinely desire to dominate somebody with or without kink involved. - Didn't used to think that I would ever be into edge play, or that edge play was "normal" or acceptable. - Didn't used to think that I could ever partake in bottoming for anything more harsh than a sued flogger. - Didn't used to be able to tell the different between "fantasies I enjoy fantasizing about" and "fantasies I want to make reality one day". - Didn't used to think that anything but TPE was a valid kinky relationship structure. That's the first ones that pop to mind. I could keep going for about half an hour more, depending on how far I go back.

TNDommeK -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 5:48:12 PM)
Hmmm, yea there's a few. I used to think I could never attend a play party. I'm suuuuuuuper private. I used to think switches were confused. [8\|] I used to think that Dom/Domme couples couldn't exist together. Even though hubby and I do. I used to be very put off by others kinks that weren't my own. (Especially if they were more over the top than normal..like blood, needles, etc. and now I'm finding myself curious about it) And this is embarrassing but I used to think that BDSM was cut and dry, meaning there's a right and wrong way. I never thought different ppl did their own thing. I'm soooooo glad I've learned different. I have these forums to thank for some of those things mentioned. The most shocking, I'd have to say would be my sadism. I always knew I loved being a sadist, but I've discovered that I'm more so a sadist that I thought at first. I think I scare Hubby sometimes,lol.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 6:50:23 PM)
~FRing it~ I used to be very anti-switch. I used to think switching with the same person was an impossibility. I used to have a more unfavorable view of the whole pro and fin Dom genre. I now realize that Im in no position to judge anyone else. I used to fear a loss of control. Seriously fear it. We're talking scared shitless I used to abhor the thought of attending public events. I used to think I knew it all. I realize now that there is always something new to learn and that bettering myself is always possible. I used to think that I'd never be compatible with another identified dominant. Too many bosses, not enough subordinates. Now I realize its more about the person, not about the title/role While I still can't imagine doing some of the more edgier activities, Im more interested in learning about things that are outside my scope of interests I used to think that a title made me "the woman" (think the expression "the clothes make the man"). But it's the actions I take, the way I handle my business, the way I carry myself make me who I identify as. I used to think it was all about me and what the submissive does for me. I now realize that it's 100-100 on both our parts

BambiBoi -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 7:47:43 PM)
What are views that haven't changed? I still have an innate distrust of dominant men. I always have a flickering thought that goes through my head: You're just in this for kinky sex and blow jobs on demand. I still feel out of place at a play party if I don't have a woman or top by my side. Alone, I feel like a wolf sneaking into the hen house. Slightly less so at a munch, but not enough for me to seek them out when I'm unattached. Have your views on something changed more than once? I'm only a tyke, but I started out as a top mainly on account of gendertyping norms. As I developed an understanding of power exchange, I learned a more fluid "yin and yang" approach. I went from purely dominant, "master" of a pet to a bottom, including some gender bending. Now I'm more "whatever needs doing" which I guess is switching. (For that reason my posts mainly use top/bottom to describe the power roles instead of D/s or M/s). I suspect this will all change again. I can't tell if I'm a selfish person who uses BDSM as a vessel to be giving because it pleases me, or if my interaction in BDSM is evidence that I am a giving person. I waiver on which kinks I enjoy and which are important. What change would most shock your earlier self and why? My earlier self was a 100% hetero-dominant male. Now? [sm=modxiiswatching.gif] Like Ullrs, I came to understand TPE as a sustainable lifestyle. In fact, I don't think I would be fulfilled moving back to a purley vanilla relationship. When I first got into this, it was for the kinks, not it is part of my identity.

Greta75 -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 8:17:02 PM)
I learn alot of new shocking things from collarme forums. I think the most shocking revelation is how many people do not believe in Sane Safe and Consensual, and consider that a limiting belief towards their own bdsm experience. I still believe in SSC, but it's mind boggling that so many people aren't and don't advocate it.

littlewonder -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 8:18:35 PM)
because we see it as a false sense of security instead of relying on constant communication and getting to know the person you are with and realize nothing is ever really safe.

KnightofMists -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 8:18:42 PM)
quote: What are views that havent changed? Gosh you know this might be the hardest one to come up with. I am not sure if anything has been a constant in my view of things. That is not to say that I been flip flopping. Just that my views and opinions on things have become more evolved and informed. quote: Have your views on something changed more than once? Changed.... Mmmm. Everything has evolved. But I think the view on Leather is something that has been the most difficult to pin down for me. Actually very recently I came to a realization of sorts that has helped me to understand it. Soon I will be doing my own writing on the topic to put my view out there. quote: What change would most shock your earlier self and why? That community would become important to me. I have to say that for the longest time.. I didn't have a lot of value for the community as a whole. That view is changing for me and I know years back that change would surprise my old self

UllrsIshtar -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 8:28:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 I think the most shocking revelation is how many people do not believe in Sane Safe and Consensual, and consider that a limiting belief towards their own bdsm experience. That's funny, because I was shocked, after hearing the slogan for years, to find out that there where actually people who literally ascribed to it in a serious way. I've always felt that SSC was like answering the question "what color are you painting the bedroom in?" with "blue". It gets a general jest of the idea across, but both parties still know that if they want to go in more detail, an answer like "azure" would be more appropriate. I was shocked to find out that some people consider SSC as a description to be on par with answering "azure" to a more detailed question.

DesFIP -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 9:13:53 PM)
I think, because I was near 50 when I started, that I knew myself quite well then. So the things I was uninterested in ten years ago still hold no attraction for me. I'm still interested in the things that I liked then.

tazzygirl -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 9:26:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 I learn alot of new shocking things from collarme forums. I think the most shocking revelation is how many people do not believe in Sane Safe and Consensual, and consider that a limiting belief towards their own bdsm experience. I still believe in SSC, but it's mind boggling that so many people aren't and don't advocate it. I look at SSC as the beginner's level. First step in, SSC. Consent is paramount, be as safe as you can, and, please, make sure all parties are sober and no anger. As you go deeper and you learn more, then I switch over to RACK. I want to know everything about what I enjoy. How far can I push the limits. Even canI slip over the edge and what are the risks. I dont run my whole life by either. I just incorporate the "meaning" behind each into my decisions.

littlewonder -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 9:30:32 PM)
Can't really say I've changed my views on or in bdsm. My views on bdsm have always been pretty much what they are now. About the only thing that changed for me was that I went from always wanting to play and hard because of major emotional pains and grieving I was going through to escape to not really having a big desire for it anymore and not really being able to take pain. But I don't see that as having changed my views but more along that I fixed what was wrong with me.

sexyred1 -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 9:38:16 PM)
One thing that changed is that I am very seldom shocked by things I thought I should be shocked by. I am surprised that some people are upset over their desires. I am surprised that people view all of this as a community or lifestyle; to me it was always just how I operate in a relationship. I am surprised that people think being into this makes us somehow more special or less special than anyone else. I am surprised that I went pretty far in my last relationship, doing things I thought I would never do, and did them out of misplaced trust and love. My view of what I prioritize in a relationship has changed.

tazzygirl -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 9:48:51 PM)
quote: What are views that havent changed? Havent changed? That Im not a doormat, even when I want to be. That some people are inherently good, and some are not, and we cant always tell one from the other. That im still not a pain slut... lol quote: Have your views on something changed more than once? Many of my views have changed as a result of interacting with some of the most delightfully kinky, if not infuriatingly stubborn, people I have met on these boards. And from me, thats not a put down. Even you have managed to change my views on a few things. Not going to tell you what, though. I dont want to handle your ego about them... lol My views on FinDommes.... definitions of the many "roles".... have changed more than once. quote: What change would most shock your earlier self and why? My ability to accept in others what I cannot accept in myself. My views on certain lifestyles have done a complete 180. Something I would never have thought possible. My desire to explore more than before. My lack of desire to please everyone. That I dont need an emotional roller coaster to feel anymore. That I can actually demand what i need, instead of just quietly accepting what I have. My lack of desire to judge other people's kinks. As long as everyone is happy, then its all good. My views on kinks... blood letting, needles, rope, pain... none of those, and more, held no interest for me before. Jealousy used to be a huge issue for me. I find I am able to watch someone flirt outrageously now, and laugh along with them as they are enjoying themselves instead of feeling hurt that they are enjoying that moment with someone else. My views on what constitutes a "Master" had softened a bit. Imnot as rigid as I used to be. Thats something my old self would have been completely shocked by. This list could go on and on.... lol Good topic!

Itsthetruth -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 10:04:40 PM)
There are many in the kink community who do believe in and advocate SSC.Perhaps many here on collarchat do not believe in SSC but collarme is just one part of the bigger community.Too many people have taken this issue from one extreme to another. quote: ORIGINAL: Greta75 I learn alot of new shocking things from collarme forums. I think the most shocking revelation is how many people do not believe in Sane Safe and Consensual, and consider that a limiting belief towards their own bdsm experience. I still believe in SSC, but it's mind boggling that so many people aren't and don't advocate it.

MasterCaneman -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/13/2013 10:53:55 PM)
I have a simple rule when I scene: don't do anything that can haunt me later. I've been with raving pain freaks and women who only want theatrical performances. When I'm in the mode, I don't do anything I wouldn't want done to me that I would regret come the dawn's early light.

kiwisub12 -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/14/2013 3:41:39 AM)
my point of view hasn't changed at all - I still see bdsm as being essential to my wellbeing. However, how I practice it, and need it has changed. I no longer need (NEED!) daily rules to make me feel submissive. I'm leading more of an internal life now than external. I don't require the ritual. Its easier for me as a submissive to be in a relationship with someone who spells out exactly what he wants, but I don't have to have it that way. I guess you could say that I've loosen up in my expectations of my dominant. Yes, I know, submissives aren't supposed to have expectations of their doms - but being human , expectations happen. [:D]

FrostedFlake -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/14/2013 3:51:02 AM)
Now that I think about it, I don't recall ever changing my mind. I've always been just the way I am right now. Annoying.

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