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SimplyMichael -> RE: Change of viewpoint? (6/16/2013 10:42:30 AM)
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What are views that havent changed?
Not much, hell some of the stuff I used to take as gospel makes me laugh or just feel sad. I think that the only thing that hasn't changed is that I want an equal but I think the "how" of how I see an equal. I have struggled to answer this as I couldn't put into words my thoughts. I think to some extent the concept of what I want hasn't changed, a committed relationship with a wonderful woman but what that will look like, how I will achieve that, and the underlying details have changed. Not exactly a clear answer but the words aren't coming. I think because for me, trying to find the "why" behind my kinks, pushing to explore good/bad outcomes, and the other things doing kink well can force you to explore have utterly transformed who I am, not in the sense of becoming perfect but more shedding lots and lots of unwanted crap.
Have your views on something changed more than once?
Oh god yes. Take control. At first, I was your typical asshat trying to punish my way to a good relationship. That shit doesn't work. Then learning much better ways to shape behavior and gain control. Works far better but I pushed farther, explored myself deeper. Then I started seeing control in a much different way. As I explored my need for control, the emotional drivers that forced me to seek out control I began to see that, at least for me, control is both real and an illusion. Take a remote control airplane, you are controlling the airplane, however, you are only in partial control, wind, radio interference, battery life, hell solar flares can all affect your control. In addition, if your unconscious needs force you to "need" control, you are, in some ways, not in control of your needs. In short, I have come to see my need for control as a weakness, I still desire control but I am striving to understand and "see" that need and to find a place where I exercise that need to control only when and where I consciously choose to do so. Oddly enough, as I have learned to let go of the need to control, I have found more control of the things that I truly want to and less need to try and control things that don't need to be controlled.
Certainly, how I view submission has changed in parallel. I started with the believe that submission was in response to my ability to exert control. That view has changed any number of times. Various versions of "if I do this, they do that" and I guess I am at the point where it is in many ways of all those things. Being a man worthy of an independent woman choosing to submit, choosing the right partner, and creating something that is more than the sum of its parts pretty much sums up where I am at now.
What change would most shock your earlier self and why?
The above certainly but the fact that I have come to be something of a sadist and find joy in "hurting" someone, in the art of applying pain. That people do not have to manipulate each other, that real and total honest can exist, that one can control your emotions and reactions to them, that one can hear shit that hurts and hear it from a place of peace. And certainly from my earlierst days to now, what I saw as "real" dominance then is exactly what I see as the shallowest, weakest, and most insecure dominance now.
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