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Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 2:42:26 PM   
iamalive888


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/12/2013
Status: offline 		I feel most submissive men want to say they want to lose control and be taken advantage of, but they don't really want this. They want to feel like they are submitting. It's evidenced by all the profiles that say I want to do this that and the other thing. Wouldn't a woman dictate exactly what they do? Shouldn't their profile read this is what I will not do at all, everything else is up to the Mistress? That seems to me to be the proper way to go about serving.

Am I the only one that thinks a lot of these guys just want the fantasy but none of the reality?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 2:48:08 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		A lot of guys that label themselves as submissives confuse kinky sex with submitting.

BDSM is bondage/discipline/Sado-Masochism. Basically kinky sex. You can engage in BDSM and not engage in D/s.

D/s is Dominance and submission. You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM.

They are not automatically inclusive of each other.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to iamalive888)
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RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 2:53:43 PM   
Firefly2005


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/7/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

A lot of guys that label themselves as submissives confuse kinky sex with submitting.

BDSM is bondage/discipline/Sado-Masochism. Basically kinky sex. You can engage in BDSM and not engage in D/s.

D/s is Dominance and submission. You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM.

They are not automatically inclusive of each other.


That's a really interesting answer. I'd always associated D/s with BDSM in my mind, just like I'd kind of associated the humiliation fantasies my wife has with BDSM somehow. Turns out when I get here, that BDSM is actually quite different from all the power/humiliation stuff she likes - it seems a lot more rule based and bondage based - somehow more stylised, almost like a game. I'm sure that's a huge generalisation and I don't want to offend... just first impressions

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 2:56:17 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I would actually classify humiliation under Sado-Masochism. Even though it's not physical, I feel it still goes under that umbrella.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Firefly2005)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 3:00:39 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

A lot of guys that label themselves as submissives confuse kinky sex with submitting.

BDSM is bondage/discipline/Sado-Masochism. Basically kinky sex. You can engage in BDSM and not engage in D/s.

D/s is Dominance and submission. You can engage in D/s and never engage in BDSM.

They are not automatically inclusive of each other.


You are defining two different things: "do-me subs", that want a service top to top them their way, and no-limits submissives. Most submissives fall between these two extremes.

What you call D/s and BDSM I tend to call relationships and sessions.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 3:30:07 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think a part of this you have to take with the understanding of what categories that CM has to offer.

There really isn't any way for a person to list themselves as a bottom or a bedroom submissive. They only get the choice of submissive or slave if they do not switch. The same thing goes the other way around. There are tops here who don't have much of a choice but to go with the label of Dominant, even though they aren't really interested in a power exchange relationship.

In My opinion, there's a line between a do-me profile and somebody explaining what they enjoy in their submission. I expect a person to have their own likes and wants. It's the only way to determine if there is any compatibility there.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 3:31:49 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		A lot of people get the terms bottom and submissive confused. If CM had the choices of Top and bottom, that would be perfect for some people. A bottom wants to receive sensations without necessarily submitting, in other words your basic "do-me sub," which is what you are talking about.

D/s is power exchange. BDSM is the kinky stuff. There can be either one separately or both together. For me, in a relationship I want both. Not everyone does want both in a relationship, some people never mix the two.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to iamalive888)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 4:53:56 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888

I feel most submissive men want to say they want to lose control and be taken advantage of, but they don't really want this. They want to feel like they are submitting. It's evidenced by all the profiles that say I want to do this that and the other thing. Wouldn't a woman dictate exactly what they do? Shouldn't their profile read this is what I will not do at all, everything else is up to the Mistress? That seems to me to be the proper way to go about serving.

Am I the only one that thinks a lot of these guys just want the fantasy but none of the reality?


I find this post very interesting considering how specific your profile is about just how you want to "serve."

(in reply to iamalive888)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 5:01:04 PM   
DrkOne


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/21/2010
Status: offline 		yeah well Steven. I consider most subs do me subs. Really that want what they want and they want it provided to them. (Most) of the sub/slaves of this site I consider the most backwards of human beings. But hey, some don't consider themselves human. Course, who taught animals to type anyway? It's all pretend and some are good at pretending and most aren't. Pretty simple really

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 5:46:24 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Just me but I think classifications of wants and needs are too arbitrary and restrictive to be taken literally. I list myself as a submissive because it is closer to my wants and needs….but…I think it makes little difference what someone is labeled.

When two or more people get together they will soon know if the other, or others have what they are looking for or close enough that they can compromise.

This is as it should be… the labels are just a general guide in my opinion.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to iamalive888)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 7:21:50 PM   
iamalive888


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/12/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle


quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888

I feel most submissive men want to say they want to lose control and be taken advantage of, but they don't really want this. They want to feel like they are submitting. It's evidenced by all the profiles that say I want to do this that and the other thing. Wouldn't a woman dictate exactly what they do? Shouldn't their profile read this is what I will not do at all, everything else is up to the Mistress? That seems to me to be the proper way to go about serving.

Am I the only one that thinks a lot of these guys just want the fantasy but none of the reality?


I find this post very interesting considering how specific your profile is about just how you want to "serve."


I get what you are saying. To me, I see a lot of subs (and Dom's complaining) that say "oh I'm full no limits sub" but then you contact them and they want to control every aspect of their domination. Having likes and dislikes happens obviously. Some people like to be a human toilet, some could not even fathom the idea. Like it's said about, D/s and BDSM don't run concurrently (although they could) with everyone. We can't all be no limit slaves which wouldn't be fun at all!

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 7:27:36 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888


quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle


quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888

I feel most submissive men want to say they want to lose control and be taken advantage of, but they don't really want this. They want to feel like they are submitting. It's evidenced by all the profiles that say I want to do this that and the other thing. Wouldn't a woman dictate exactly what they do? Shouldn't their profile read this is what I will not do at all, everything else is up to the Mistress? That seems to me to be the proper way to go about serving.

Am I the only one that thinks a lot of these guys just want the fantasy but none of the reality?


I find this post very interesting considering how specific your profile is about just how you want to "serve."


I get what you are saying. To me, I see a lot of subs (and Dom's complaining) that say "oh I'm full no limits sub" but then you contact them and they want to control every aspect of their domination. Having likes and dislikes happens obviously. Some people like to be a human toilet, some could not even fathom the idea. Like it's said about, D/s and BDSM don't run concurrently (although they could) with everyone. We can't all be no limit slaves which wouldn't be fun at all!



I don't think you picked up much at all of what was being put down there.

(in reply to iamalive888)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 7:38:31 PM   
iamalive888


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/12/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888


quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle


quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888

I feel most submissive men want to say they want to lose control and be taken advantage of, but they don't really want this. They want to feel like they are submitting. It's evidenced by all the profiles that say I want to do this that and the other thing. Wouldn't a woman dictate exactly what they do? Shouldn't their profile read this is what I will not do at all, everything else is up to the Mistress? That seems to me to be the proper way to go about serving.

Am I the only one that thinks a lot of these guys just want the fantasy but none of the reality?


I find this post very interesting considering how specific your profile is about just how you want to "serve."


I get what you are saying. To me, I see a lot of subs (and Dom's complaining) that say "oh I'm full no limits sub" but then you contact them and they want to control every aspect of their domination. Having likes and dislikes happens obviously. Some people like to be a human toilet, some could not even fathom the idea. Like it's said about, D/s and BDSM don't run concurrently (although they could) with everyone. We can't all be no limit slaves which wouldn't be fun at all!



I don't think you picked up much at all of what was being put down there.


In what way? How is what I said off from what was said?

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 7:51:59 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888


quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle


quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888

I feel most submissive men want to say they want to lose control and be taken advantage of, but they don't really want this. They want to feel like they are submitting. It's evidenced by all the profiles that say I want to do this that and the other thing. Wouldn't a woman dictate exactly what they do? Shouldn't their profile read this is what I will not do at all, everything else is up to the Mistress? That seems to me to be the proper way to go about serving.

Am I the only one that thinks a lot of these guys just want the fantasy but none of the reality?


I find this post very interesting considering how specific your profile is about just how you want to "serve."


I get what you are saying. To me, I see a lot of subs (and Dom's complaining) that say "oh I'm full no limits sub" but then you contact them and they want to control every aspect of their domination. Having likes and dislikes happens obviously. Some people like to be a human toilet, some could not even fathom the idea. Like it's said about, D/s and BDSM don't run concurrently (although they could) with everyone. We can't all be no limit slaves which wouldn't be fun at all!



I don't think you picked up much at all of what was being put down there.


In what way? How is what I said off from what was said?



All I can say in response to your profile is, please join us back on Planet Earth.

I just don't know where to start. Your profile is 100% about your own fantasies, and what's just as bad is how juvenile and absurd those fantasies are.

"I am looking for a woman, prefer BBW who is interested in a NO SEX cuckold."



The grammar, capitalization, and abbreviation of your opening sentence there is enough to turn a woman off already. That's before even addressing the content.

"I enjoy the concept of....... maybe buy you a cute skirt or shirt (nothing expensive, 10-40 dollars)."



So, how's the search going for you thus far?

(in reply to iamalive888)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 8:06:08 PM   
iamalive888


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/12/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888


quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana


quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888


quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle


quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888

I feel most submissive men want to say they want to lose control and be taken advantage of, but they don't really want this. They want to feel like they are submitting. It's evidenced by all the profiles that say I want to do this that and the other thing. Wouldn't a woman dictate exactly what they do? Shouldn't their profile read this is what I will not do at all, everything else is up to the Mistress? That seems to me to be the proper way to go about serving.

Am I the only one that thinks a lot of these guys just want the fantasy but none of the reality?


I find this post very interesting considering how specific your profile is about just how you want to "serve."


I get what you are saying. To me, I see a lot of subs (and Dom's complaining) that say "oh I'm full no limits sub" but then you contact them and they want to control every aspect of their domination. Having likes and dislikes happens obviously. Some people like to be a human toilet, some could not even fathom the idea. Like it's said about, D/s and BDSM don't run concurrently (although they could) with everyone. We can't all be no limit slaves which wouldn't be fun at all!



I don't think you picked up much at all of what was being put down there.


In what way? How is what I said off from what was said?



All I can say in response to your profile is, please join us back on Planet Earth.

I just don't know where to start. Your profile is 100% about your own fantasies, and what's just as bad is how juvenile and absurd those fantasies are.

"I am looking for a woman, prefer BBW who is interested in a NO SEX cuckold."



The grammar, capitalization, and abbreviation of your opening sentence there is enough to turn a woman off already. That's before even addressing the content.

"I enjoy the concept of....... maybe buy you a cute skirt or shirt (nothing expensive, 10-40 dollars)."



So, how's the search going for you thus far?


Oh knoes! Some random woman picked apart my profile. What will I do! I am clearly establishing I am not looking for any sex, just a situation where the female can do what she pleases. Almost like a friendly gay best friend of sorts. I prefer BBW girls. I'm also establishing that I'm not buying Gucci or Prada shit.

Yeah it's crazy absurd that a woman wouldn't want a guy to lavish them. Maybe I'm not the most eloquent in text. You got me. I spelled out exactly what I was looking for. I didn't say NO LIMITS SLAVE, then proceded to try and overtake every conversation looking for what I described above. If hundreds of girls don't like it, so be it. Maybe there is one out there. If not, then life goes on. I'm not into this leather, whips and chains serve 24/7 lifestyle. We all have different lifestyles right?

What I meant by this post is that there are a lot that say they are submissive but then try to make demands of exactly what a woman should do. In their mind they think they are a full submissive. I am not a full submissive. I'm close to a switch with submissive tendencies.

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 8:16:21 PM   
anyandevery


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/5/2013
Status: offline 		I always make sure to list my basic three limits when messaging or talking to a domme (mine are no scat, piss, or blood play). These are things I will NOT do. Other than that I try to be very open and communicate before D/s play and make sue there is a safeword. On the flip side some things I like because they add to the humiliation/ control factor but don't feel "good" such as crossdressing or caning for me. Other things I like because they feel good such as edging and bondage. In the end it comes down to what the domme likes to do to get her enjoyment and what reactions she wants out of me.

(in reply to iamalive888)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 8:25:01 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Good question

Some subs are actually doms in disguise.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to anyandevery)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 9:03:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888
Oh knoes! Some random woman picked apart my profile. What will I do! I am clearly establishing I am not looking for any sex, just a situation where the female can do what she pleases. Almost like a friendly gay best friend of sorts. I prefer BBW girls. I'm also establishing that I'm not buying Gucci or Prada shit.

Yeah it's crazy absurd that a woman wouldn't want a guy to lavish them. Maybe I'm not the most eloquent in text. You got me. I spelled out exactly what I was looking for. I didn't say NO LIMITS SLAVE, then proceded to try and overtake every conversation looking for what I described above. If hundreds of girls don't like it, so be it. Maybe there is one out there. If not, then life goes on. I'm not into this leather, whips and chains serve 24/7 lifestyle. We all have different lifestyles right?

What I meant by this post is that there are a lot that say they are submissive but then try to make demands of exactly what a woman should do. In their mind they think they are a full submissive. I am not a full submissive. I'm close to a switch with submissive tendencies.

Hey, kiddo. Is there any chance I could talk you into trimming your quotes? There's a tutorial around here somewhere on how to do it if you need some help. Thanks.

OK, here's the fallacy in your logic. You may not think other people are submissive because of what they state they would like to have in a dynamic. At the same time, this post alone tells Me that you would never be submissive enough for Me. A good example of this would be that you aren't willing to engage in "leather, whips and chains serve 24/7 lifestyle" but plenty of submissives do these things because they are actually submitting to the other person in the dynamic. If you were in a dynamic with a sadist and refused to endure pain for that person, you wouldn't be submitting.

Does that mean that I get to call you not submissive? No. I'm sure you think you are submitting when you are doing what you are willing to do. It just means that you don't hit the mark when it comes to My definition of submissive. One statement is accurate. The other is rather judgmental.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to iamalive888)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 9:22:18 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iamalive888
It's evidenced by all the profiles that say I want to do this that and the other thing.

You mean like your own profile?? Go back and take a good hard look at your own profile. Now try to imagine how that looks to a Domme reading it. It's all about your fantasies and what you want.

Cuckolding is all about your dick because it's what gets YOU off. I'm the kind of Domme that wants to make sure my sub is also happy and his needs are met, but your profile is ALL about your needs, what you will and won't do. That alone would make me pass over someone with a profile like yours. You are the perfect example of a do-me sub.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to iamalive888)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Are Subs really Subs? - 4/7/2013 9:29:23 PM   
iamalive888


Posts: 23
Joined: 1/12/2013
Status: offline 		Aww, using little demeaning words like kiddo. You must be a REAL Dom.

You can say ACTUALLY submitting, but whips etc doesn't necessarily mean you are submitting. You are correct that submission is in the eye of the beholder. My post was more like a comment that many guys like to state they are subs and will do anything for exposure, but then want someone to do all the work for them. Like "I love exposure, please take all my pics and post them around". They are really controlling a Dom like a Dom to get what they want to get off.

Little more, little less. Whether leather and whips gets you going or just the mind screw of having a girl deny you sex or sexual advances. It's all relative. If you want to yell and scream that I'm not submissive enough and I'm not into the things other Dom's want? Oh well. It's my life. I am honest and straightforward with what I am looking for. If that doesn't match up, so be it.

And like you said, if I was in some relationship with a sadist and I didn't like pain, I would not be submitting for them. But the easiest way to avoid this is to be upfront. To tell people what type of sub you are and to move on from that. Not make up tons of fantasies you will never do just to get off. That wastes everyones time, doesn't it?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 20
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