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Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 6:14:55 AM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline 		I'm not talking about hooking up, or a letch of a doctor taking advantage of his position. I'm talking about two consenting adults who want to get to know each other.......

Not sure if it matters, but this isn't a doctor that I've gone to on a regular basis. He's a specialist who treated me briefly a few years ago. I went back recently for his opinion on another issue, and we totally clicked. Chatted about nothing for quite awhile. He didn't in any way act inappropriately or step over any boundaries, but there seemed to be mutual attraction.

< Message edited by littleone14 -- 2/1/2013 6:15:55 AM >
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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 6:20:49 AM   
Switcheroo1983


Posts: 238
Joined: 1/29/2013
Status: offline 		Do you mean OK as in society's eyes, or OK as in Medical Ethics wise? I see no harm. You both are grown, and he's not putting the moves on while your under anesthesia. However, I am not a Medical Ethics board. Could be dangerous for his position (I'm unsure if different states have different rules for/against it).

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 6:48:27 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Can't see a problem myself, though you/he might not feel like him treating you anymore.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 6:59:23 AM   
DarkSteven


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Status: offline 		I'm not sure that he even IS your doctor. You've seen him twice, and no assurance you'll see him again.

If a doctor, with seventeen patients stacked up after you, takes extra time to chat, he's likely interested.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 7:02:27 AM   
littleone14


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm not sure that he even IS your doctor. You've seen him twice, and no assurance you'll see him again.

If a doctor, with seventeen patients stacked up after you, takes extra time to chat, he's likely interested.


How do I approach it, then. Wait for him to hopefully call me, call him and see if he wants to go for coffee, message him on facebook...... I'm at a loss.........

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 7:13:24 AM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		I wasn't there in the room, so I can't say.
However, what is your definition of "quite awhile?"
Usually a certain amount of time is blocked off for each patient. If you were finished discussing your concerns, he may have kept chatting with you because of the time that had been allowed for your visit. (He was likely glad to have the chance to sit and take a break from a busy schedule.)

You know, many a patient has misconstrued the attentions of a physician....


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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 8:22:13 AM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14
How do I approach it, then. Wait for him to hopefully call me, call him and see if he wants to go for coffee, message him on facebook...... I'm at a loss.........


Become an ex patient and make the first move. This means to make sure you have another specialist on file and you clearly remove yourself from his patient list. Most doctors won't make the first move unless you are an ex patient and it is far removed from the office, like if they see you out and about in a social setting.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 3:30:01 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

I'm not talking about hooking up, or a letch of a doctor taking advantage of his position. I'm talking about two consenting adults who want to get to know each other.......

Not sure if it matters, but this isn't a doctor that I've gone to on a regular basis. He's a specialist who treated me briefly a few years ago. I went back recently for his opinion on another issue, and we totally clicked. Chatted about nothing for quite awhile. He didn't in any way act inappropriately or step over any boundaries, but there seemed to be mutual attraction.


I'd do you.....and I'd even pay for a mail order doctorate to do so.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 3:49:18 PM   
vincentML


Posts: 9980
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline 		Depends on his specialty.
An internist or general practioner maybe ok.
A veterinarian not so good.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 3:54:30 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
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Status: offline 		Oh lordy, you have a major crush on this man, don't you? Are you *sure* that you're reading the signs right?

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 4:12:27 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		it seems to happen a lot. I've seen it happen quite often. You also see doctors and nurses or pas or other doctors ending up dating each other all the time. I've had at least three doctors over time who were either married to a patient of theirs or their nurse/pa or another doctor.

I guess I could see some problems with it but I think as long as you both are ethical, don't take advantage of it in the office with each other and such then I don't see a problem. I mean, most doctors I know of eventually end up being the doctor for their spouse/partner and children anyway.

ETA: Go ahead and call him but don't be destroyed or start sulking or getting depressed if he says he's not interested or you find out he's married or whatever. Go on with your life.

Like others say, it could be he was just being polite to you and maybe felt you needed to talk to or wanted a break during some extra time. I've had doctors do both with me, both male and female.

So just don't go into it expecting anything. Don't get so tied up in this that you get a broken heart over nothing at all.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 2/1/2013 4:16:11 PM >

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 10:10:35 PM   
littleone14


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Joined: 7/4/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie


I'd do you.....and I'd even pay for a mail order doctorate to do so.


Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 10:15:23 PM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Oh lordy, you have a major crush on this man, don't you? Are you *sure* that you're reading the signs right?


Nope. Not sure. That's why trying to figure out what to do is tough. Would be easy if I knew for sure he was interested. Because of the circumstances even if he is interested he probably can't make the first move, which leaves it to me.

I was talking to some friends tonight. One was saying I should absolutely contact him, send him a note on facebook so its away from anything regarding his practice, and ask him to meet for coffee. Another friend said I shouldn't contact him at all. I'm so confused.......

ETA - I do have a friend who's a doctor. I think I'll call her and ask her opinion.......

< Message edited by littleone14 -- 2/1/2013 10:18:46 PM >

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 10:18:07 PM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


ETA: Go ahead and call him but don't be destroyed or start sulking or getting depressed if he says he's not interested or you find out he's married or whatever. Go on with your life.

Like others say, it could be he was just being polite to you and maybe felt you needed to talk to or wanted a break during some extra time. I've had doctors do both with me, both male and female.

So just don't go into it expecting anything. Don't get so tied up in this that you get a broken heart over nothing at all.



I'd be bummed if he wasn't available or wasn't interested, but would deal with it fine. I'm more concerned with stepping over boundaries that I really shouldn't, and possibly ruining the patient/doctor relationship if he really isn't interested.


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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 11:43:54 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		Well, it is basically unethical for a doctor to ask a current patient on a date and remain their doctor. Since you just consulted him recently, yes you are a current patient.

Check out his facebook page and find out if he is married. Send him a friend request and see if he responds.

Frankly, while he may have been flirting a little, I don't think he would date you. Not because it is you, but because he likely has a policy of not dating his patients. That's a lot different than dating/marrying his PA/nurse or whatever.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/1/2013 11:48:03 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I had a doc I was interested in so I asked the rules for such things in a round about way. Turned out his new girlfriend was an ex-patient (2 answers w 1 stone). What he told me was you need to make a formal letter request to end professional relationship & have file transferred to another doc. 6 months after end of professional relationship its ok to date.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/2/2013 12:25:44 AM   
stephINca


Posts: 87
Joined: 1/19/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

I'm not talking about hooking up, or a letch of a doctor taking advantage of his position. I'm talking about two consenting adults who want to get to know each other.......

Not sure if it matters, but this isn't a doctor that I've gone to on a regular basis. He's a specialist who treated me briefly a few years ago. I went back recently for his opinion on another issue, and we totally clicked. Chatted about nothing for quite awhile. He didn't in any way act inappropriately or step over any boundaries, but there seemed to be mutual attraction.



Ethically he will have to stop treating you. Other than that have at it girl.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/2/2013 2:02:29 AM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Oh lordy, you have a major crush on this man, don't you? Are you *sure* that you're reading the signs right?


Nope. Not sure. That's why trying to figure out what to do is tough. Would be easy if I knew for sure he was interested. Because of the circumstances even if he is interested he probably can't make the first move, which leaves it to me.

I was talking to some friends tonight. One was saying I should absolutely contact him, send him a note on facebook so its away from anything regarding his practice, and ask him to meet for coffee. Another friend said I shouldn't contact him at all. I'm so confused.......

ETA - I do have a friend who's a doctor. I think I'll call her and ask her opinion.......


Littleone, many here have given good advice, and only I wish I could offer something wise and pithy, but fear I cannot. Whenever I hear someone say they're confused, the best advice I offer is, when in doubt, do nothing. Maybe give it a little time to clear the fog a bit. Maybe pray on it, or ask Universe for guidance, or muscle test yourself, etc. Whatever you ultimately decide, I hope it works out for the highest good of all involved.

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/2/2013 7:36:00 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		There are standards of ethical practice for any medical job. It would be unethical for anyone administering treatment to a patient to date them. It is not unethical for 2 people who are not in a client-practioner relationship to date....there's your solution. Inform the office that you will no longer be needing Dr. So and So's treatment so that there is a "patient requests discharge" notice in your chart and you're good to go.

As far as how to approach it, I'd send him a little note via mail or email if you have it and say thanks very much for his help, you've asked to be discharged from his current patients and if there was ever a time he wanted to have coffee to please let you know. That's ambiguous/pointed enough that if he wants to pursue something he can and on the other hand its nothing that can point to anything improper in his conduct as a medical professional.

Edited to add: I just saw theRose4U's advice, I wasn't aware of the formal letter and of waiting 6 months...still, if you did it the way I suggested he could respond by saying he'd love to take you up on the coffee in a few months. That way he'd be letting you know that there was interest. Something to think about...

< Message edited by lizi -- 2/2/2013 7:38:06 AM >

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RE: Is it ever ok for a doctor to date a patient? - 2/3/2013 7:19:02 AM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

I'm not talking about hooking up, or a letch of a doctor taking advantage of his position. I'm talking about two consenting adults who want to get to know each other.......

Not sure if it matters, but this isn't a doctor that I've gone to on a regular basis. He's a specialist who treated me briefly a few years ago. I went back recently for his opinion on another issue, and we totally clicked. Chatted about nothing for quite awhile. He didn't in any way act inappropriately or step over any boundaries, but there seemed to be mutual attraction.


I have several doctor friends, and they all agree, it is NEVER appropriate to date a patient unless they're heavily sedated and naked.

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