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Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:24:48 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		Someone in my town passed away last night. I was friends with him on Facebook, as I am with his ex-wife.

His ex-wife posted an announcement on her status that he had passed away. It was very nice...thankful and appropriate, letting people know who she didn't call personally.

On his Facebook page, many people are posting to his wall, with wishes to rest in peace, etc.

Now...I am actually a fan of Facebook. So why does this bother me? Facebook is how many of us communicate. I did go to his page to see if anyone posted (they did) and considered posting, myself. But...why? To who?

I would be posting on the page of a dead man.

Would you?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:27:02 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		You would actually be posting to the survivors. I agree there's something off-putting about it. On the other hand, it IS a way to get the word out, and maybe many people would appreciate knowing.

ETA: I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:28:30 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		Ive done it. My post, however was mainly to let the family know that I cared for them, I loved their loved one, and to send condolences. I dont put much thought to it. Either do it, or dont.

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(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:29:01 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Yes, I do that sort of thing all the time. Birthdays, anniversaries, just random comments. I do it on fetl, too.

I don't delete the dead people's phone numbers, either.

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(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:29:45 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5

You would actually be posting to the survivors. I agree there's something off-putting about it. On the other hand, it IS a way to get the word out, and maybe many people would appreciate knowing.



Well, that's actually what I thought. I mean, I went to his page, so I'm sure others will as well. And I can see it as a sort of commiserating experience.

I think what bothers me is that it is an intangible medium. It's not a card or something that his daughter can hold in her hand for some comfort. It's....Facebook. It makes me a little bit sad for humanity.

Or maybe I'm just sad in general about it.

(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:32:24 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		Well, it's the same as bringing flowers to a funeral - who are you bringing them for? The dead person? Doubt he or she can enjoy even the nicest flower arrangement, but for the family left behind, it is a nice reminder that people cared...

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(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:33:17 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't delete the dead people's phone numbers, either.



Curious. Why not?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:34:25 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		This is Kana

I've done it. It's a public forum that allows for a public outpouring of emotion. Hell, I got one buddy who's been dead for two years who still gets FB posts

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 8/14/2012 3:35:22 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:34:48 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't delete the dead people's phone numbers, either.



Curious. Why not?


Emotional masochism?

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(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:36:55 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Well, it's the same as bringing flowers to a funeral - who are you bringing them for? The dead person? Doubt he or she can enjoy even the nicest flower arrangement, but for the family left behind, it is a nice reminder that people cared...



Well, if I were posting on a family member's Facebook page, that wouldn't strike me as so eerie, I suppose. But posting on his seems...I don't know. Almost like maybe we think it's not worth the trouble to write out a nice note or go and visit the family. Like posting on Facebook is now how we pay our respects and...I just wonder how respectful it is.

Anyway, like I said, it was one of the first things I did - jumped right to his page - so obviously it's not all that far from making sense to me and I'm just as guilty. I guess I just haven't experienced it before and it's throwing me a bit.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:38:11 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't delete the dead people's phone numbers, either.



Curious. Why not?


Emotional masochism?


Ah. I understand.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:41:11 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Posting on someone's page didnt stop me from writing and from visiting the family...it was just another layer of commiseration.

I know what you mean, about everything being made so off the cuff and ephemeral. Not that we keep any remembrances in our own house, other than the spreadsheet we wrote thank you notes from.

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(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:42:39 PM   
hardcybermaster


Posts: 904
Joined: 10/6/2008
Status: offline 		you were a facebook friend to this couple, so why shouldn't you post facebook condolences to her?
It's a " nice " thing to do.
If you were a real life friend to them then you would have called her or sent a card or visited to say how sad you were.

but if your only contact previously to his death had been through FB then expressing your sorrow through FB seems like the right thing to do.

the deciding factor is how much that friendship means to you, if my partner died and someone who had never met her but was a FB friend came round to my house it would be a bit weird.....but then we are of an age where everyone who is a FB friend is a real life friend first.

A real life friend deserves a real life message, a FB friend deserves.......... your choice

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(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 3:54:02 PM   
LanaDeVille


Posts: 209
Status: offline 		Recently the husband of one of my former teachers passed away. I never met him, but I gave her my condolences on Facebook when it was posted that he had died.

I'm sure it'll make her day. Go for it.

(in reply to hardcybermaster)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 4:35:56 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I found out that a family member had died - via facebook. Time differences and such make a huge impact on my life. I can only talk to people early in the morning or late at night. When I learned of the death at the hour I did, everyone in the USA was at work, and all my friends in Asia were sleeping. The poor lady at the flower shop where I called to get flowers (actually plants - they don't die if you take care of them) sent for the funeral had to deal with my grief. (Thanks for being so kind!)

I'd definitely post there since it is where the survivor posted.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 4:48:59 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yes, I would and do.

After my husband passed away, I had created a page on Myspace as a memorial and where other people could come and give their condolences and such.

My daughter had a fellow school mate who either committed suicide or accidentally killed himself while playing the "hanging game". He used to come over to our house almost everyday. He has a facebook and his parents still have kept it up as a memorial and for people to remember him and as a way of warning others about the "hanging game". I think it is commendable of them.

My cousins and I always spend father's days, holidas and birthdays memorializing our fathers who have passed on by posting photos, giving thanks and condolences.

I think FB is also a good way for others who are not able to make the funeral for one reason or another, to keep in contact with the loved ones, to give their condolences and to show they care despite not being close enough to stop in and see the family. There have been quite a few times where my family members have died but I could not make it to the funeral or I did not know about the funeral until someone posted on FB. Sometimes it's because they didn't have my phone number or they didn't know where I was living now or something like that.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 8/14/2012 4:54:38 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 4:52:22 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

My daughter had a fellow school mate who either committed suicide or accidentally killed himself while playing the "hanging game". He used to come over to our house almost everyday. He has a facebook and his parents still have kept it up as a memorial and for people to remember him and as a way of warning others about the "hanging game". I think it is commendable of them.



Wow. That gave me chills.


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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 4:56:01 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I ended up removing two of my friends that passed on after awhile. It was too weird for me when things that they had "liked" would autopost under their names.

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 4:56:02 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yeah, it shook my daughter up as well as me. He just never seemed like the type that would do something like that. He always seemed to be playful and funny. Complete shock for us both.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Facebook RIP - 8/14/2012 5:42:34 PM   
LizDeluxe


Posts: 687
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		I've seen friends and/or family do the very same thing here on CM. It's thoughtful to let us know.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 20
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