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Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 1:45:34 AM   
OneKinkyArtist


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline 		The title is a bit of a loop but this line from Kanye West from “No Church in the Wild” (Watch The Throne album) is one of the realest statements ever. Love truly is cursed by monogamy. I say that because quite honestly no one person can be the total satisfaction for another person, for there is always something that other person may be lacking. The lack may be economical as well as emotional. It can be spiritual, morally, and mentally. The point is there is no perfect person. We may construct a blind belief to believe that there is a perfect person , but the truth be told that person is the best fit. The sad part is many people sell themselves short seeking the perfect person when in actuality that person just doesn’t exist.

I have been in a relationship with a young woman on and off for the last 4 years. In the time with this relationship we have both hurt from the choices of the other party. In that time there has also been alot of emotional selfishness in which our collective mindset has been “give me what i want” in retrospect to “what can I do to make this relationship better’. That choice coupled with circumstance has led to an outside influence on who or what we allow to better us. While in one sense it would seem that the trials and tribulations of the relationship are what are to be expected, yet at what cost?

I’m inclined to believe that alot of the problems experienced are because we fail to be honest with ourselves as well as allow our better judgement to take over. We make situations worst by a failure to be coherent to the truth within; meaning its best for us to be a bit more caring and attentive to both sides of the story instead of what we want. The selfishness is our yearning to be a total being to another when we’re not even a total being to ourselves. It just isn’t possible when you really think about it.

Love is cursed by monogamy not because I feel that is a way to get out of being in a committed relationship. I feel its cursed because of the lack of belief in the truth that nobody is perfect. Its on the contrary a beautiful thing to simple make it work for the greater good. I inclined to believe it goes under the same guise as falling in love with someone except in this case the falling in love is growing with someone. When you allow the relationship to grow then youre not only being honest but youve gotten to the point where you are allowing yourself to grow as well. That is how you can maintain a positive relationship.

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything
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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 2:01:04 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OneKinkyArtist


Love is cursed by monogamy not because I feel that is a way to get out of being in a committed relationship. I feel its cursed because of the lack of belief in the truth that nobody is perfect. Its on the contrary a beautiful thing to simple make it work for the greater good. I inclined to believe it goes under the same guise as falling in love with someone except in this case the falling in love is growing with someone. When you allow the relationship to grow then youre not only being honest but youve gotten to the point where you are allowing yourself to grow as well. That is how you can maintain a positive relationship.

That's one school of thought. There are others.

I never looked for someone perfect myself so I can't really relate. What I can say is that being an imperfect creature myself, I have some components which are still and will probably remain missing. Having a partner who has traits I lack fills in my chinks. Having a partner who does that and has an incredible overlap of compatible traits makes things better. When I have all that AND fill in my partners chinks.. bliss.

As a favored poster often says.. may we all find our bliss. Some will do that via their monogamy.. others through their poly families.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 9:47:56 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		The concept that one person can fulfill all roles for another is sheer hubris.

Alas, the idea that such is possible and even expected is force fed from shortly after the cradle. So when you get disappointed you get to turn to the church for solace.

Hmmm, glad I'm not a conspiracy theorist or I'd be harping on that.

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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 10:06:33 AM   
OneKinkyArtist


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline 		I often find the real struggle is excepting monogamy while trying NOT to make a fool of the concept if thats said agreement within the relationship

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to MercTech)
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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 10:11:12 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Life's hard for you, huh?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 10:32:37 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't know. I really don't see it like that.

People don't focus enough on compatibility. That goes for both monogamous and poly folk. It's not so much perfection for Me, but it has to be at least contentment and happiness. Too many folks become poly (or attempt it) because they feel they are lacking something. Almost the same as a couple who have a baby to *fix* a marriage.

I consider Myself poly optional. I can do either one where some folks are wired entirely one way or the other. Either way, if I considered something a curse, you can be damn sure I'd be doing something else.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 12:24:48 PM   
OneKinkyArtist


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Life's hard for you, huh?



yes...everyday i find it hard not to take those drops of visine like a shot of Jack

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 12:31:37 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		In reading this thread I am reminded of several, not necessarily connected, thoughts.

Something I've consistently told my kids........"No one ever promised life would be easy. Quit whining and get on with living."

Something I once told Generic Dude that he said was one of the most freeing things ever "I am not responsible for your happiness!"

And in my life, the only perfection is in imperfections. I love imperfection. It is what makes everything, life, people, art.......interesting and utterly enchanting.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 4:04:17 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

no one person can be the total satisfaction for another person,


I guess I've been doing it all wrong all these years.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 7:49:55 PM   
OneKinkyArtist


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

no one person can be the total satisfaction for another person,


I guess I've been doing it all wrong all these years.



you sound like a politician in confessional...

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 7:52:28 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Of course we're not perfect. Why on earth would you expect anyone to be?

I am monogamous. I am with a monogamous man. Nine years now and still going strong.

The fact that you aren't monogamous does not mean no one is. It just means that you need a poly or open relationship. It doesn't say anything about any of the rest of us.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 7:56:20 PM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		What DesFIP said goes double for me. Thanks for putting into words what I couldn't.

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"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 8:00:16 PM   
OneKinkyArtist


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Of course we're not perfect. Why on earth would you expect anyone to be?

I am monogamous. I am with a monogamous man. Nine years now and still going strong.

The fact that you aren't monogamous does not mean no one is. It just means that you need a poly or open relationship. It doesn't say anything about any of the rest of us.



do you believe that person is absolutely perfect for you in literally every single way and if so congrats

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 8:06:06 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Why would you expect such a thing? Would you have one person in your life and NO other friends?

I want compatibility, common goals, some shared interests, but no man is going to replace my friends, no more than I can replace his.

I am one of those people that needs to be someone's whole world, and vice-versa, but I certainly don't expect we'll be living on a deserted island.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 8:06:41 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OneKinkyArtist

do you believe that person is absolutely perfect for you in literally every single way and if so congrats


No, but the one I got is perfect for me in every way that matters, and everyday is better than the last for over 3 years now.

We actually started off poly (and were both poly when we met), and realized we were more than enough for each other 9 months in. It wasn't fair for any of our partners because they would never come close to what we had with one another.

We've never looked back from deciding to become monogamous.

This is not to say that poly is bad, but your attitude is, and nothing is going to get better (poly or mono) until you fix it.

< Message edited by sheisreeds -- 7/21/2012 8:10:30 PM >

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 8:07:16 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Of course not, and that's what makes the bond that much better. Because we have to stretch ourselves for love. If you want someone who is perfect, get a robot programmed. That's lazy, not love.

You come across as very young with this. Real life isn't like what you fantasize about. It's much harder, and much more satisfying.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 7/21/2012 8:08:43 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 8:11:07 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		FR

I really need new glasses, which is irksome since the current pair is less than a year old. I read the title on the scroll as "Love Is Cured by Monogamy"!

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 8:16:51 PM   
OneKinkyArtist


Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Of course not, and that's what makes the bond that much better. Because we have to stretch ourselves for love. If you want someone who is perfect, get a robot programmed. That's lazy, not love.

You come across as very young with this. Real life isn't like what you fantasize about. It's much harder, and much more satisfying.



I can understand where you can get that ideal from , but read not into my personality from this post..

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/21/2012 10:32:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		The only "need" Master cannot fill for me is my need for a community since I moved here and don't know anyone else. Other than that, yeah....he fulfills all my needs. There is nothing I do without from him.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
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RE: Love is Cursed by Monogamy - 7/22/2012 11:16:56 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Des,

quote:

Real life isn't like what you fantasize about. It's much harder, and much more satisfying.


Would you mind terribly if I stole this for My sig line? With where My family is right now, it would be perfect for us.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 20
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