RE: How long to withhold info?

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RE: How long to withhold info? - 7/12/2012 6:42:14 AM

NuevaVida

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It really boils down to good judgment. If she used good judgment in withholding, compliment her for it. If she didn't, teach her what you consider good judgment to be in this type of situation.

It seems here that her intentions were good, or that maybe she was afraid, but that she didn't use good judgment in your eyes. Be grateful she cares about you and show her what you want from her in the future, and why.

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RE: How long to withhold info? - 7/14/2012 1:01:19 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I would be deeply greatful Daddy held off a day or two, to not ruin a good time i was supposed to be having, but more than a few days or what ever and i wouldn't be very happy.

It would leave me confused and hurt and upset to be left muddling through by myself trying to figure out why he's acting "off" as you said you were left trying to figure out.

There's a great possibility i'd worry it was something i had done and he's simply to mad to tell me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

My sub had some stressful news, which she withheld from me for a few days because she "didn't want to add to my stress". I was bent out of shape when I found out that she was carrying the burden by herself (and leaving me to try to figure out why she was "off").

Then I remember once when I had been laid off and withheld the news from my then-wife because we were going to a party that night and I wanted her to focus on enjoying herself at the party. I broke the news to her next morning. I still think that was the right decision.

So what's your take? What's the difference in withholding bad news for a day vs. a few days? Does it make a difference that I was holding back until a specific event had passed? Any way that I can be right and my sub wrong?

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RE: How long to withhold info? - 7/14/2012 2:06:40 PM

sheisreeds

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So much of this depends on the news. Some stuff is deeply personal (family conflict, health issues) that sometimes people need to process it first before telling anyone. Being in a better headspace with it personally can make it less stressful on the self and others. News that can impact gravely both members of the relationship should not be kept a secret long (financial issues, personal risk, employment, housing), as these issues affect more than one person.

When we're dealing with stress, I and my partner both go through times when we hold back. I work a job which is stressful pretty much by design, so when he's going through something I don't talk as much. If I am getting so "off" that he's noticing and it's bothering him it's on him to ask me. When he's holding onto stress and/or stressful news and I'm noticing it's on me to ask him about it, and be in the right place to be there and be open to whatever he is going to tell me.

When crazy shit happens that effects the two of us, and I'm the first to know I try to get things under control and learn as much as I can before I call him at work. At the same time I don't want to make any major decisions without his input because it impacts both of our lives.

This is a complex question, though I would said it's partially your responsibility to ask if she's acting like something is wrong, and your responsibility is to be ready to listen. Her responsibility is to be ready to communicate, be responsible, and take opportunities to get support.

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RE: How long to withhold info? - 7/14/2012 5:56:44 PM

thishereboi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

My sub had some stressful news, which she withheld from me for a few days because she "didn't want to add to my stress". I was bent out of shape when I found out that she was carrying the burden by herself (and leaving me to try to figure out why she was "off").

Then I remember once when I had been laid off and withheld the news from my then-wife because we were going to a party that night and I wanted her to focus on enjoying herself at the party. I broke the news to her next morning. I still think that was the right decision.

So what's your take? What's the difference in withholding bad news for a day vs. a few days? Does it make a difference that I was holding back until a specific event had passed? Any way that I can be right and my sub wrong?

Depending on the "news" I may want to talk about it right away or I may want to process it for a few days. I can also understanding not wanting to add stress to someone I care about. I wouldn't worry about this too much at this point. It doesn't sound like she can't talk to you, she just wasn't ready to yet.

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RE: How long to withhold info? - 7/15/2012 6:34:49 AM

LizDeluxe