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CitizenCane -> RE: Old Fashioned D/s (6/29/2007 6:59:14 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Gabrielle
I wonder sometimes what became of the romance of Dominance/submission. The idea, that things come as they will, that progress is taken one step at a time. Where two people fall in love and just by nature and instinct they fall into their roles. Where no contract is needed, no negotiations.
I do respect those who use contracts and the such. I think it is a good way to protect yourselves and be clear on where the relationship is going. It just seems to me, this is the only way things go for the lifestyle.
I would love to hear from those who have a similar experience as myself. Where you met an amazing man, the relationship naturally developed over time where it only made sense to do whatever it took to make your partner happy and your partner would in turn do whatever it took to take care of you: guidance, discipline, setting rules, expecting respect at all times, but willing to give unconditional love in exchange.
Yes, at many stages he talked with me about what was to come. But never was he particularly explicit. I would hear something like "You are ready for me to take you to the next level. Do you trust me to take you there without question or doubt?" This was my opportunity to say no, but it was never a place for me to say, "Can you give me details and I will decide what I will accept and do and what I won't?"
I have my outlets for personal expression, but it always done with absolute respect and as a lady who loves her Dom. Then, if, and only if, he decides my feelings/thoughts need clarification, will he make the effort the do that for me. But sometimes, I am not to know what is to come until a certain time.
I understand where in some instances negotiations and contracts are necessary. Especially in situations with online meetings and 'swapping' (for lack of a better term-obviously something I have never experienced.) But I would love to meet others who never used those tools and experienced an "as it comes" situation in an "I own you and no one at any time will top you other than me" relationship. To not know in advance what your limits are and if/how they will be pushed or eliminated.
Thanks for articulating this both clearly and gently. It's largely the point I was driving at in my posts about 'consent', but I seem to have been percieved as a predatory psychopath. I think that D/s is a dynamic, not an agreement. Sometimes it's mutually beneficial, when both parties are well-intentioned and sincere, and have some basic good sense; other times not so much- but either way, it's a kind of interaction that doesn't really have much to do with contracts, agreements and negotiations.
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