RE: Question about sharing subs

RE: Question about sharing subs (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 2:47:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dincubus When one shares their submissive with others, are there ever issues that the Dom/me ever problems getting over? In effect I mean like jealousy or feelings of not being good enough? I am just curious if this is something that is common? thanks all Define what you mean by sharing please. As other threads have shown some folks reading this automatically assume you mean sexually while some of us do not assume this at all.

OedipusRexIt -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 3:07:36 PM)
For me, sharing is out. Unless it is a one-time play date, which I only infrequently will do, then I expect a dedicated relationship. I think sharing is, as so many things, in the eye of the beholder. If all are willing and interested in doing so, go ahead. Be advised though, that emotions are hardly scientific or well-ordered, and tend to get out of control before you realize it. What seemed not only ok, but downright appealing, could turn sour if it doesn't go exactly as you expected it. On the whole it most likely depends on your style and preference. If you don't form emotional attachments to your partner, as I do, then why not? ... but always with caveat emptor.

jadenth -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 3:22:47 PM)
thetammyjo, it was a sexual sharing. I allowed another female to have my sub to "use" as a sexual toy. Seeing as my sub is Bi, I knew it was a desire of hers to experience a female. So I let the experience happen. And as I had stated, the feelings that I experienced from it were a tad bit more intense than I had expected. It was great for my sub, and I am happy for that. Had I denied her the experience, I would have denied her the freedom to be who she is. That is something I would never do.

KnightofMists -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 3:26:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dincubus When one shares their submissive with others, are there ever issues that the Dom/me ever problems getting over? In effect I mean like jealousy or feelings of not being good enough? I am just curious if this is something that is common? thanks all First I want to compliment you on your courage of bringing this to the forum. I recalled your post of indicating a first time experience and remember thinking you are in for more of a learning experience than you realized. We so often hear from the gived side of the coin. Those have been given or to be given have shared alot of different view points on the issue. But, what about the giver? So often the giver's issues are without consideration or thought by alot of people. I have been sharing alandra for several years. But, it wasn't something that happened over night. I think it's important that you understand that the issue resides within you and not your girl. Jealousy is rooted in your own perceptions of insecurity of the relationship. Just as the trust you have for your girl is rooted in your own perceptions of your relationship. The question is which perceptions are you going to listen to... remember it's your choice. Any individual can pick apart their own relationship if they choose to. You can look at any singular behavior that occur's and allow it to undermind the strength of trust you have built in your relationship. OR you can choose to validate that trust you have built in the relationship and the experiences you share together. I believe it important to underestand that have to look at your beleifs that are generate some of the jealousy feelings. Many individuals, Dominant or submissive's in a relationship hold on to a fundamental belief that they are the "Everything" for their partner or their partner is "Their Everything". This belief will undermined any acts of sharing of any type. How can you be their everything if they are having so much fun with that person? How can they be your "everything" if they can enjoy giving to others? Now there is nothing wrong with this belief for those that hold to a monogamist lifestyle. However, such a belief is counter productive within open relaitonships and poly lifestyle. As a person that lives a poly lifestyle, I recognize that I can't be the everything to my girls or they to me. However, we can share everything! I can enjoy the expeiences they have directly or indirectly. As they can enjoy mine, directly or indirectly. The deeper your activities of open and/or poly relationship lifestyle, the further you must distance yourself of being their everything and they your everything. Just share everything. As I said, I have shared alandra in a great variety of ways. However, I haven't shared kyra. To be honest I am not ready to share her in any way. It has nothig to do with trust!, for I trust her very deeply. It is just somethings take time to share in. We are very new together and the distance make it difficult to have many physical experiences together. But, as we journey together and share things together, we build a relationship on sharing and being vulnerable to one another. This for me is the fundamental motivations of being in a relationship. To Share who I am, to have someone Share Who they are with me. I am not their everything, they are not my everything, but we share everything of ourselves slowly and carefully as we grow closer together. Ask yourself... Are you happy that you shared this experience with her? Would you want to have this experience with just anyone? Was this experience special for you? and her? Did you grow from the experience? Are you a better person for the experience? Ask yourself positive questions.... avoid the negative. Validate the experience.... do not undermind it!

ownedgirlie -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 6:20:58 PM)
Using Fast Reply here... I asked Master last night, if it was awkward to watch another man with me like that (speaking of last weekend's experience, a first time for us both). He said no, rather the man used me at Master's consent, with Master's direction, and Master's terms. In other words, Master saw him as his own tool to use on me, which basically equated the man to a dildo. Hmm.

enigmabrat -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 6:34:01 PM)
to me shareing your Dom or your sub is like shareing your Spouce and I guess Im very manocomouse but I would never do it. I do get jelouse I guess butt if swinging is your thing thats fine However if you get jelouse or upset maybe you shouldnet be shareing at all

dincubus -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/3/2006 1:51:01 PM)
Knight of Mists, Thank you for your kind words and understanding. And the both of Us do realize that the feelings are within myself. Thankfully my sub is very understanding and willing to work with me upon this. It was something new for the both of us and we both reacted in a very different way to it. She said that it had put her into a sort of "subspace" that is different than what I put her into when we have a session. So the experience was something she did enjoy, the experience is something that she needed to grow as a person and as a submissive, in my opinion only. And it is something that is uniquely her own at this point. Future experiences, if there are any, will be a shared experience. And also Knight of Mists, may I send you a message in the future? Dincubus quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: dincubus When one shares their submissive with others, are there ever issues that the Dom/me ever problems getting over? In effect I mean like jealousy or feelings of not being good enough? I am just curious if this is something that is common? thanks all First I want to compliment you on your courage of bringing this to the forum. I recalled your post of indicating a first time experience and remember thinking you are in for more of a learning experience than you realized. We so often hear from the gived side of the coin. Those have been given or to be given have shared alot of different view points on the issue. But, what about the giver? So often the giver's issues are without consideration or thought by alot of people. I have been sharing alandra for several years. But, it wasn't something that happened over night. I think it's important that you understand that the issue resides within you and not your girl. Jealousy is rooted in your own perceptions of insecurity of the relationship. Just as the trust you have for your girl is rooted in your own perceptions of your relationship. The question is which perceptions are you going to listen to... remember it's your choice. Any individual can pick apart their own relationship if they choose to. You can look at any singular behavior that occur's and allow it to undermind the strength of trust you have built in your relationship. OR you can choose to validate that trust you have built in the relationship and the experiences you share together. I believe it important to underestand that have to look at your beleifs that are generate some of the jealousy feelings. Many individuals, Dominant or submissive's in a relationship hold on to a fundamental belief that they are the "Everything" for their partner or their partner is "Their Everything". This belief will undermined any acts of sharing of any type. How can you be their everything if they are having so much fun with that person? How can they be your "everything" if they can enjoy giving to others? Now there is nothing wrong with this belief for those that hold to a monogamist lifestyle. However, such a belief is counter productive within open relaitonships and poly lifestyle. As a person that lives a poly lifestyle, I recognize that I can't be the everything to my girls or they to me. However, we can share everything! I can enjoy the expeiences they have directly or indirectly. As they can enjoy mine, directly or indirectly. The deeper your activities of open and/or poly relationship lifestyle, the further you must distance yourself of being their everything and they your everything. Just share everything. As I said, I have shared alandra in a great variety of ways. However, I haven't shared kyra. To be honest I am not ready to share her in any way. It has nothig to do with trust!, for I trust her very deeply. It is just somethings take time to share in. We are very new together and the distance make it difficult to have many physical experiences together. But, as we journey together and share things together, we build a relationship on sharing and being vulnerable to one another. This for me is the fundamental motivations of being in a relationship. To Share who I am, to have someone Share Who they are with me. I am not their everything, they are not my everything, but we share everything of ourselves slowly and carefully as we grow closer together. Ask yourself... Are you happy that you shared this experience with her? Would you want to have this experience with just anyone? Was this experience special for you? and her? Did you grow from the experience? Are you a better person for the experience? Ask yourself positive questions.... avoid the negative. Validate the experience.... do not undermind it!

KnightofMists -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/3/2006 1:59:14 PM)
if you feel my thoughts or feelings may of be useful for you... by all means message me. take care

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