Question about sharing subs (Full Version)

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dincubus -> Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 2:08:43 PM)

When one shares their submissive with others, are there ever issues that the Dom/me ever problems getting over? In effect I mean like jealousy or feelings of not being good enough? I am just curious if this is something that is common? thanks all



xxmstrchasxx -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 3:35:13 PM)

Dincubus,

I have seen the mean green eye of jealousy occur before in that the Dom/Domme they had shared their sub with seemed to do better that the regular Dom/Domme to the regular Dom/Domme.  Usually it's just a thing that really isn't there or doesn't matter to the sub or she wouldn't be with the Dom/Domme to start with.

I have shared my sub with a very good Dom friend of mine as I shared his sub too but I never got jealous about it in any way.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 3:53:52 PM)

It's not been an issue for us, but the way that we manage things, the people that we share with tend to be people with whom we already have a "what's ours is yours" policy. I think, in general, we tend to be unusually secure, and don't have many issues with jealousy or those kinds of fear throughout our gathering.

Da'Avatar ZWD


www.klashaan.org



PlayfulOne -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 4:31:39 PM)

When we interact with otheers it is usually with friends, or with someone who had a skill I was looking to learn more about.  Obviously in that case they are better at that task than I am, which is the reason for sharing with them so I can learn.  We have no jealousy issues so everything with us just becomes good ole fun. 

K



genvieve -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 4:45:19 PM)

Not being a Dominant, i couldn't answer this question except to say, i'm certain it has to happen.  After all, Dom/mes are people too.  -chuckles-  They get jealous and angry and pouty and sad just like the rest of U/us.
 
However, if a couple is going to enter into sharing... boundaries need to be set...communication needs to take place.  This way everyO/one can enjoy themselves without any of that yucky jealousy stuff.  [sm=dance.gif]



DommeChloe -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 4:53:06 PM)

We (My Husband and I) have discussed this at length. The only way We will share Our sub is if:
  • Allowing Another to use her would fulfill a fantasy for her.  Perhats the Dom/me has an expertise in something We are not trained in. 
  • If We know the Dom/me very well and desire Our sub to experience something He or She is trained in that We are not

I don't think of a slave or submissive as one who should be shared - when We find Our one - she will be Our treasure - and We will treat her as such.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 7:12:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus
When one shares their submissive with others, are there ever issues that the Dom/me ever problems getting over? In effect I mean like jealousy or feelings of not being good enough? I am just curious if this is something that is common? thanks all

Yes.  In fact at the class on Sacred Whores, Raven Kaldera shared a very awesome story about how, upon realizing that his slave needed to serve others sexually as a spiritual path, he had a LOT of problems with it- but felt it was a test for himself to get through and allow him to serve as he needed to serve.

He set some rules, and let it happen.  In the end he knew he had done the right thing for the relationship.




jezabelKH -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 7:16:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing

It's not been an issue for us, but the way that we manage things, the people that we share with tend to be people with whom we already have a "what's ours is yours" policy. I think, in general, we tend to be unusually secure, and don't have many issues with jealousy or those kinds of fear throughout our gathering.

Da'Avatar ZWD

W/we usually set up each others scene partners and are totally cool with who the other person is going to scene with beforehand, otherwise it does not happen. No greeneyed monsters in O/our house.

Master Ken only shares us for service and bdsm scenes, He never shares us for sexual relations of any kind.

sincerely,
jezabel{KH}
just simply a slave
Property Of Master Ken


www.klashaan.org



dincubus -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 8:42:09 PM)

Thank you, that is kind of the situation I am in, except for the spiritual path portion. It was more of a sharing for her, to fufill a fantasy/allowing her to grow as a person. You see she is Bi and she had never had a full on Bi experience before. And this sharing allowed her to experience that. It is something she had desired but had never had happen. So I told her that it was all good with me, as if I had told her no, it would have been as if I were controlling her on a basic level and denying her the person that she is. It was more than a bit tougher than I had expected.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus
When one shares their submissive with others, are there ever issues that the Dom/me ever problems getting over? In effect I mean like jealousy or feelings of not being good enough? I am just curious if this is something that is common? thanks all

Yes.  In fact at the class on Sacred Whores, Raven Kaldera shared a very awesome story about how, upon realizing that his slave needed to serve others sexually as a spiritual path, he had a LOT of problems with it- but felt it was a test for himself to get through and allow him to serve as he needed to serve.

He set some rules, and let it happen.  In the end he knew he had done the right thing for the relationship.





dincubus -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 8:44:15 PM)

Thank you all for your insight and input. I look forward to more thoughts, insights or even pointers. As my last post said, there were some different aspects to the whole deal. I guess it is a part of me I will have to put in a box and lock away for a while or learn to deal with it better than I had.



perverseangelic -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/1/2006 9:11:36 PM)

Yeah, there's jealosy sometimes, at least with us.

With the Owner, it isn't jealousy that I'm going to leave him, or care more about someone else. We settled all that stuff. It's that he feels that I might be more "satisfied" with someone else in terms of BDSM. That is, he sometimes feels that he cant' fufill all my kinks, and that other people might be able to do it better. Among other things, he's not really a sadist except as it dirrectly ties into sex, and I enjoy playing with someone who hurts me because they enjoy hurting me. I used to read this as him not trusting that I care about him most and will never leave him. It made me feel like he thought I'd run off to someone else 'cause they liked hitting me more. We've talked about it a lot, though, and understading what he's feeling helps me understand it isn't that he doesn't trust me.

I like to think we're mostly over it, but I imagine there'll be issues in the future just as there have been in the past.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 8:48:46 AM)

my Master shares me (sexually, domestically, and in other ways) with other Dominants and occasionally even vanilla Men quite frequently, and has done so since the start of our union 6 yrs ago. jealousy has never once been an issue in such activities. perhaps part of the reason could be that my being shared really has nothing to do with what i want or what i like...it's about serving my Master, fulfilling his needs, desires and perversions. i am His to use as He pleases...and He certainly takes advantage of that fact. what i feel about it, or how i feel about whomever i'm serving, is irrelevant. so because it has nothing to do with my pleasure, He really has no reason to be jealous. also my Master is an extremely secure, confident Man...which are qualities one would think would come naturally to a Dom anyway.




WhiteRadiance -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 10:34:23 AM)

I have a fear of how my feelings may change towards my boy if he were to serve another in a sexual way...  I consider him to be mine.. I think (in all honesty) that it would bother me if he WANTED to serve someone else (or multiple others).  So in a way I am possessive, and perhaps jealous.  I am not sure it would not make the relationship self-destruct.  It is not a matter of trust, but the level of committment and devotion.  How can a sub be devoted to a Master/Mistress and WANT to serve others?  (It has been explained but my point is I want a sub who is content with me)..

Just my thoughts.. not that I have a lot of experience in this field. :)
 
**I am also not implying that those who serve others are not devoted.  I am truly in awe of those who are open and have that ability to share. **



champagnewishes -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 12:01:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dincubus

Thank you, that is kind of the situation I am in, except for the spiritual path portion. It was more of a sharing for her, to fufill a fantasy/allowing her to grow as a person. You see she is Bi and she had never had a full on Bi experience before. And this sharing allowed her to experience that. It is something she had desired but had never had happen. So I told her that it was all good with me, as if I had told her no, it would have been as if I were controlling her on a basic level and denying her the person that she is. It was more than a bit tougher than I had expected.


It sounds like you have already allowed her the opportunity so my thoughts probably won't apply but i will give them anyways.  I only can speak from personal experience and as i am not a slave or have been with a Dom who hasn't allowed me to express my thoughts,  my experiences do not reflect those of someone who is told that i am going to be shared and i do it.

Open discussion before hand to me is a must.  The reasons why this is desired and the concerns of why not need to be explored and weighed out.  In the end, if the why's are valid and provide a positive outcome, the why not's can be worked out and are understood, both are in agreement... then great. 

Open discussion afterwards is a must.  Sharing of the experience, the feelings both are having etc. is important.  I would do my best to acknowledge my partners feelings (whether it be jealousy or something else)...for these feelings are valid whether i feel they have reasons for them or not, they can't be simply dismissed.   It would be at this point and time that it would become obvious if the price was worth the experience. 




Suleiman -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 12:07:49 PM)

Well, the fact is, however self confident a dominant is, however self-assured they are in their relationship, however certain of their ownership of a sub, dominants are still human, and suffer from the same frailties as any other person. It is a mark of real trust to offer up something so precious, while being painfully aware of how easily it can be taken away by an unscrupulous rival.



1969slave -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 12:31:28 PM)

i hate being given to others, i'm required to be naked at home so i'm open to touches and probing, but it's when they cum between my udders and it pools at my neck they dip their toes in and have me lick it off. it's humilating but it gives Master a real power high



Lashra -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 12:38:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 1969slave

i hate being given to others, i'm required to be naked at home so i'm open to touches and probing, but it's when they cum between my udders and it pools at my neck they dip their toes in and have me lick it off. it's humilating but it gives Master a real power high

If you hate it and don't enjoy it you shouldn't do it regardless what a high it gives master.

Just my opinion

~Lashra



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 12:39:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman
It is a mark of real trust to offer up something so precious, while being painfully aware of how easily it can be taken away by an unscrupulous rival.


In my experience, it has been those that share that have the least to worry about in rivals.  Finding someone who is willing to let  you be with others (if that is your desire) is a lot more than most people can offer...

Taggard



JassWolf -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 12:50:24 PM)

At first, I thought the question was about a future event, and I was going to suggest that perhaps the question revealed your answer -- and that if "problems" were anticipated, perhaps that issue should be dealt with before moving ahead.

But since it appears that it is in past tense, my thought is that your reaction is just about natural, that trust will continue to come with growth, and that your question suggests not problems but (maybe) that you're gradually coming to terms with it already.

I know "what next" is still an issue, but it may be too soon for you to grapple with that one.

JW



PlayfulOne -> RE: Question about sharing subs (6/2/2006 1:41:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman
It is a mark of real trust to offer up something so precious, while being painfully aware of how easily it can be taken away by an unscrupulous rival.


That's a joke, right?  if something can be that "easily" taken away then it really wasn't yours to begin with.

K



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