RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience forgivable?

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/2/2012 7:59:24 PM

DesFIP

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About forgetting to do so something and having to lie about it, instead of saying "Shit, I forgot, thanks for reminding me. I'll get right to it". That means to me there's a problem in the relationship to begin with. There should be no reason that you can't be human and make mistakes and then correct them. If your relationship demands perfection, and you are so afraid whenever you aren't perfect, then it isn't a healthy relationship to begin with. At which point it isn't a matter of lying about forgetting to stop for milk, but deciding why I would have committed to someone like that in the first place.

As far as the rest? I don't believe that anyone's morality has ever swung that drastically. Addicts do get sober/clean but they wouldn't lie about it. Because if you do lie about being in recovery, then you're heading for a slip.

Otherwise, I can only think of people who have gotten religion and changed. Unfortunately they change into people who don't forgive fallibility in anyone else, and wouldn't be people I could consider it healthy to be with.

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/2/2012 8:10:09 PM

MissImmortalPain

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Okay, see, this cleared lots up for me at least from your point of view, which I was missing. When I read the op I started with the title. "Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience forgivable" My answer started with...depends on the person. It also depends on the action. I'm pretty sure we can all think of things that if we heard them as lies would be deal breaks, but really every little lie in the world? If I tossed people out of my life for every lie they ever told I would have to stop speak to , well, everyone. It wouldn't matter what the lie was about because at some point or another every person has lied (congrats to those that learned as a kid not to do it, but you most likely learned it because you got caught at it and didn't like what happened to you) To say nothing of the fact that as I and others pointed out if someone lies about doing something and you didn't catch them at then you don't know they lied so how are you doing to fogive them(or not) for something you don't know about. Really I get that if someone was with someone that did ALL of these things why they might walk away. Even some of these things, most of these things, etc. But really add a question to the list....My sub breaks a coffee cup. I don't notice for a long time(I don't like coffee and have lots of cups) I finally do notice and ask, "hey did you break a coffee cup" He says "nope" Do I toss him out for....something he won't admit to, even if he had a dad that beat him until he couldn't walk for breaking dishes when he was a kid? Do I toss him out over something that wasn't even important enough for me to notice? Do I toss him out for something he might have forgotten he did(I have kids they break things all the time) ? Maybe I did it wrong when I answered but my mind didn't go straight to is the sub is a serial killer. It went to do people make mistakes, are there sometimes real reasons for mistakes, can mistakes be forgiven. My answers were ...yes, yes, and sometimes yes. I think my mind went there because the op said this "I should say right now by forgivable I mean if you found out it just mean a punishment or severe lecture would be in the subs future and not the relationship itself ending" It doesn't sound to me like the op is asked what anyone would do if they found out their sub was a serial killer either. Thank you for explaining your point of view it gave me something to think about.

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 1/2/2012 8:14:36 PM >

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/2/2012 8:27:16 PM

FrostedFlake

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A pleasure to have been of service, Miss IP.

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/2/2012 8:52:30 PM

MissImmortalPain

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I always like it when someone gives me something to think about. Of course it doesn't mean I think they are right, but I like the challenge to understand why someone thinks the way they do.

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/3/2012 7:50:21 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I don't see me not telling you something about my past as a lie. It's not incumbent on me to give you the details of my life before you. What is important is how I treat you since we met. What would it matter if I were say a drug dealer and have since stopped??? I don't get what the big deal is.

BadOne

I actually kind of agree with this. A number of thoughts come into this.

1) How old is this relationship? Because according to the OPs profile he doesn't have a relationship. It takes a large amount of trust to open up some items in our past. Maybe you just haven't gotten there yet.

2) The OP is 19. I'm guessing any woman involved with him is about his age. Kudos to anyone on this board that can claim that they didn't do at least one massively stupid thing at that age.

3) While I believe that the past does matter on some level, I'm more interested in who that person is now.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 1/3/2012 7:57:29 AM >

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/3/2012 8:24:29 AM

SAMHAIN09

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This clip is pretty much what got thinking of this topic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEBWFIyQjIg

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/3/2012 9:56:02 AM

Epytropos

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The kind of thing I think you're talking about, absolutely not. Will there be consequences? Absolutely. Will I demand absolute honesty in the future? Of course. Will I abandon someone for being a liar? No. People are what they are, and it is my job as a dominant to take them from what they are to what I want them to be. Throwing them away doesn't accomplish that.

That said, there are levels and patterns of disobedience that may lead to parting ways - I am not going to beat something out of a sub, and if they do not display a desire to obey and to accept discipline and instruction that is going to be a problem. I won't abandon them completely, but if a slave is unwilling to accept direction then I've already lost them in all but the formalities.

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/3/2012 10:43:35 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

This clip is pretty much what got thinking of this topic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEBWFIyQjIg

So, entirely theoretical....

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/3/2012 7:07:23 PM

FrostedFlake

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quote:

Osidegirl
So, entirely theoretical....

What you mean is (drumroll) ...fictitious!

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/3/2012 9:03:01 PM

Casteele

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quote:

Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience forgivable?

Yes.

I could join the long discussion/debate about what qualifies as forgivable or not, what qualifies as this or that, what exceptions exist, and so on. But just about everyone has pretty much acknowledged that there are always exceptions. So, as long as there is even one forgivable exception then the criteria of "some" .. "forgivable" is met, and the answer to the thread title is "yes [some x, y, and z's are forgivable]." The only real differences I see is differing ideas on when, how often, how severe, etc. Since those are very subjective and individual things, the answers will vary widely.

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/8/2012 5:24:41 AM

SAMHAIN09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I don't see me not telling you something about my past as a lie. It's not incumbent on me to give you the details of my life before you. What is important is how I treat you since we met. What would it matter if I were say a drug dealer and have since stopped??? I don't get what the big deal is.

BadOne

I actually kind of agree with this. A number of thoughts come into this.

1) How old is this relationship? Because according to the OPs profile he doesn't have a relationship. It takes a large amount of trust to open up some items in our past. Maybe you just haven't gotten there yet.

2) The OP is 19. I'm guessing any woman involved with him is about his age. Kudos to anyone on this board that can claim that they didn't do at least one massively stupid thing at that age.

3) While I believe that the past does matter on some level, I'm more interested in who that person is now.

20 soon to be 21 this march actually.

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RE: Are some secrets, lies, and acts of disobedience fo... - 1/9/2012 12:11:27 AM

DivineDemise

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Wharever is in the past that Im not apart of doesnt bother me. What I focus on is what concerns what has occured during our time. I normally cut ties with a person the moment Ive been betrayed depending on situation.

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