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Personally, I don't need to use white lies, to keep from hurting someone's feelings.  I always think someone I love or care for is beautiful.  Even if they look like shit, the person they are is still beautiful to me and that is how I see them.  If their ass looks huge in a dress, I'm ok with telling them that too, although it usually comes out more like,  "honey, I just gotta say, that ass of yours would look way better out of that dress than in it." 

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

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Personally, I don't need to use white lies, to keep from hurting someone's feelings.  I always think someone I love or care for is beautiful.  Even if they look like shit, the person they are is still beautiful to me and that is how I see them.  If their ass looks huge in a dress, I'm ok with telling them that too, although it usually comes out more like,  "honey, I just gotta say, that ass of yours would look way better out of that dress than in it." 

I do the same. The man often asks me how he looks before work. If I like what he wears, I tell him. If I dont, I suggest something else. I would never say "That looks horrible!". I get no thrill out of hurting someone.

But, when I say thats what I do to other people, Im often called a liar... lol

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ORIGINAL: fragilepieces

Sam how different would all of this be if it were a vanilla relationship?

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ORIGINAL: BKSir

I don't LIKE hurting other people's feelings, but, I would much rather just not waste anyone's time and just put it out there like it is.

Edit to add: I expect the same from others as well.

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BKSir
Disobedience, annoys the shit out of me. Such as Haus's example though, that would piss me off something fierce.

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I know a lot of people are going to bring up trust and honesty and all those other nice words that folks use when it comes to "realationships" but I personally will just keep reminding myself that rarely in this "lifestyle" when talking about such things do people use the word human. We are all human. Humans are flawed, they make mistakes. The mistakes help them learn(hopefully) I believe at my core that if someone ventures into this kind of realationship looking for someone that will never tell them a fib, never let them down, never leave them wondering why they got into the realationship to begin with...then they would do best to stay out of not only this kind of realationship but every other kind as well.

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They tell you they are working (1) when really they called in sick (2) so they could go watch the big foot ball game (3) that you forbade (4) as part of a punishment (5).

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I'm slightly more blunt than that. I'd rather have the truth be known. I mean really, "That hair style makes you look kind of old." hurts a lot less, I think, than wondering why everyone seems to be chuckling and talking about you behind your back because of it.

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Dunno maybe I misread the post. I don't see me not telling you something about my past as a lie. It's not incumbent on me to give you the details of my life before you. What is important is how I treat you since we met. What would it matter if I were say a drug dealer and have since stopped??? I don't get what the big deal is.

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ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

I should say right now by forgivable I mean if you found out it just mean a punishment or severe lecture would be in the subs future and not the relationship itself ending.

Okay if your submissive or slave has lied and is keeping a secret(though not one that has potential to wreck the relationship such as cheating) by lie I mean something small like they were told to do something lied and said they did it when really they forgot and then ever so stealthly completed the task before you ever had the chance to check leaving you none the wiser.

Okay this should be dealt with. a slave must learn NOT to lie. There is nothing submissive about lying. IT is a control tactic.



Now by secret I mean two things one something that happened years ago and is deeply personal to the sub/slave basically anything dark but not to too dark like they were convicted of rape or murder or anything like that. I basically mean like said person had kids they walked out on or had kids when they themselves were just a kid and couldn't handle it, was a former street junkie and did terrible things to support the addiction(In retrospect I can see how this is something a dominant might want to know) is in witness protection(I think this is a bit of a grey area considering the golden rule of witness protection)

These are big deals. They need to be honest now. The distant past is past, but can bite you in the ass later. This should have come up before, now that it has. The Dominant needs to determine how bad this is and does it still reflect fatal flaws? A Dominant needs an honest reliable slave or sub as much as a slave or sub needs a reliable and honest Master or Dom/me. Dumping kids is a big deal and i would REALLY consider the ramifications of that in character and also the future. Child support, and serious responsibility issues etc.


The second is that they originally were just using you for the ever reason or started getting involved with you and the bdsm lifestyle on a bet but over time became genuienly committed, while your relationship was starting the sub or slave was in another one that was clearly heading down hill and neither person was doing the other any favors by staying.

If they started on a bet- i wouldn't hold that too much againt them as they DID become committed. i would wonder that they cheated on another as most cheaters are serial cheaters.

Now for the acts of disobedience...
They tell you they are working when really they called in sick so they could go watch the big foot ball game that you forbade as part of a punishment.

If this is recent, then lying is clearly a way of life for them. You either have to accept you can not trust them and work on that issue with them, or realize this person is not ready to be a slave or sub Again lying is topping, regardless of the intent. If you are going to punish then part of the punishment should FIX the crimes. They should be forced to make amends and repair things with others and you. They should have training to overcome their tendency to lie their way out of messes and to stop making messes entirely. If they are a masochist (speaking as a masochist) pain is NOT going to have a lot of effect if any. Even unpleasant pain. Lectures can be tuned out, so make him/her take notes

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MIP
Go over the rest of the post FF.

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SAMHAIN09
I should say right now by forgivable I mean if you found out it just mean a punishment or severe lecture would be in the subs future and not the relationship itself ending.

Okay if your submissive or slave has lied and is keeping a secret(though not one that has potential to wreck the relationship such as cheating) by lie I mean something small like they were told to do something lied and said they did it when really they forgot (1) and then ever so stealthly completed the task before you ever had the chance to check (2) leaving you none the wiser (3)

Now by secret I mean two things one something that happened years ago and is deeply personal to the sub/slave basically anything dark but not to too dark like they were convicted of rape or murder or anything like that. I basically mean like said person had kids they walked out on (4)or had kids when they themselves were just a kid and couldn't handle it, was a former street junkie and did terrible things to support the addiction(In retrospect I can see how this is something a dominant might want to know) is in witness protection(I think this is a bit of a grey area considering the golden rule of witness protection)

The second is that they originally were just using you (5) for the ever reason or started getting involved with you and the bdsm lifestyle on a bet but over time became genuinely committed, while your relationship was starting the sub or slave was in another one (6) that was clearly heading down hill (7) and neither person was doing the other any favors by staying.

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4/ This is so much less important than some other things, it is only abandoning ones child. It's not like hurting someone. And of course it would never happen again, except that it is still happening and that is why it is a secret. I'm skipping the rest of this paragraph because of the word OR after the number 4.

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ORIGINAL: slaverachel2Him

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ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

I should say right now by forgivable I mean if you found out it just mean a punishment or severe lecture would be in the subs future and not the relationship itself ending.

Okay if your submissive or slave has lied and is keeping a secret(though not one that has potential to wreck the relationship such as cheating) by lie I mean something small like they were told to do something lied and said they did it when really they forgot and then ever so stealthly completed the task before you ever had the chance to check leaving you none the wiser.

Okay this should be dealt with. a slave must learn NOT to lie. There is nothing submissive about lying. IT is a control tactic.



Now by secret I mean two things one something that happened years ago and is deeply personal to the sub/slave basically anything dark but not to too dark like they were convicted of rape or murder or anything like that. I basically mean like said person had kids they walked out on or had kids when they themselves were just a kid and couldn't handle it, was a former street junkie and did terrible things to support the addiction(In retrospect I can see how this is something a dominant might want to know) is in witness protection(I think this is a bit of a grey area considering the golden rule of witness protection)

These are big deals. They need to be honest now. The distant past is past, but can bite you in the ass later. This should have come up before, now that it has. The Dominant needs to determine how bad this is and does it still reflect fatal flaws? A Dominant needs an honest reliable slave or sub as much as a slave or sub needs a reliable and honest Master or Dom/me. Dumping kids is a big deal and i would REALLY consider the ramifications of that in character and also the future. Child support, and serious responsibility issues etc.


The second is that they originally were just using you for the ever reason or started getting involved with you and the bdsm lifestyle on a bet but over time became genuienly committed, while your relationship was starting the sub or slave was in another one that was clearly heading down hill and neither person was doing the other any favors by staying.

If they started on a bet- i wouldn't hold that too much againt them as they DID become committed. i would wonder that they cheated on another as most cheaters are serial cheaters.

Now for the acts of disobedience...
They tell you they are working when really they called in sick so they could go watch the big foot ball game that you forbade as part of a punishment.

If this is recent, then lying is clearly a way of life for them. You either have to accept you can not trust them and work on that issue with them, or realize this person is not ready to be a slave or sub Again lying is topping, regardless of the intent. If you are going to punish then part of the punishment should FIX the crimes. They should be forced to make amends and repair things with others and you. They should have training to overcome their tendency to lie their way out of messes and to stop making messes entirely. If they are a masochist (speaking as a masochist) pain is NOT going to have a lot of effect if any. Even unpleasant pain. Lectures can be tuned out, so make him/her take notes

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I am so sorry, Tazzy! I will go practice in front of the mirror, right now!

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Tazzygirl
Do you also need a writing assignment?