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Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 9:48:47 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

I broke up with my previous boyfriend about a year ago. Today he called me and demanded an apology for the way I treated him. I told him I'd get back to him.
The deal was, we moved in together. Because he wasn't making much money, I asked him to contribute $300 a month towards rent and utilities and I would pay everything else. The money he saved in rent he was supposed to use to buy health insurance. Well, after a year, he still hadn't bought insurance. What's more, he was making no effort to find a job, and I found out he let his contractor's license lapse. While he had initially done quite a bit of work at my farm, that had slacked off too. When I asked him what he wanted out of life, he said he just wanted a quiet, stress free life. This pissed me off, because I have a high stress job, and I wasn't interested in paying for his low stress life style.

Supporting some fucking deadbeat is somewhat of a hard limit for me. When i confronted him, he actually broke up with me. Initially I was upset, but I quickly realized I was selling myself short being involved with such a loser. While he believes I broke up with him for financial reasons, there was more to it that I didn't tell him, like that I didn't respect him. He was in Vegas on vacation with his cousin when I confronted him about letting his license lapse. I never saw him again, because he moved out when I was at work.

The only part I felt guilty about was that I did initially tell him I would consider counseling to see if we could work it out. I quickly changed my mind, though, and he became very upset about that, and sent me this incredibly nasty email. I did not respond, although I did respond briefly to an apology he sent me later.

So should I apologize? I did kind of lead him on about getting back together, but other than that, I was very fair, in my opinion. I might consider apologizing on the condition that he never contact me again. Is that likely to work?

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

Post #: 1

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 9:51:58 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Why should you apologize? Seems to me that he was the one leeching off of you and he should be apologizing.
Tell him to fuck off.

_____________________________

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 2

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 9:56:38 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Aileen, she is really smart. Listen to her.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 3

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 9:56:42 PM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

Tell him to fuck off.

This

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 4

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 9:58:35 PM

RexDarcy

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/23/2010
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Things happen. People move on. If he doesn't like it, thats on him - not you.

_____________________________

"Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding."

"I am who I am today because of choices I made yesterday."

"To bring the pieces back together - rediscover communication."

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 5

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 9:59:35 PM

NocturnalStalker

Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

Just let it be. If I had a nasty taste in my mouth from a prior relationship I would spare myself the headache and forget their existence unless it was in civil terms (you run into eachother in public).

He's your ex for a reason. You're giving him satisfaction and I will wager that he'll mention the idea of being "just friends" while still trying to get back into a proper relationship with you. For what motivation who knows.

_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 6

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 10:04:05 PM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

NO! NO! NO!

.. you have nothing to apologize for, he was the one that didnt keep his end of the agreement!

besides,.. if you apologize he might want to move back in with ya!

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 7

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 10:04:25 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

My initial reaction was to tell him to fuck off, but I wanted to think about it. I think I am going with my first instinct. I am actually really pissed off he called me, but I think I will limit what I say. I respect him even less now. I thought he was in another relationship.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 8

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 10:07:01 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Has he often guilt tripped you into doing things? Thats what it sounds like to me. And he probably is for one of two reasons... 1) to see if he can still get to you.. and 2) to see if he has a shot to get you back. He had a good thing with you. Maybe he is realizing just how good.

Rip that rear view mirror off and keep racing down the highway... he is an exit you passed long ago.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 9

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 10:07:27 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Waaaay too much drama to even consider any more contact. There isn't any good reason why you should continue with this in any way, shape, or form. Everything you said here was that he wanted this and he wants that- I'm not seeing anything that says you feel that you want to do this apology crap for yourself. You really don't owe him a thing, not sure why you think you do- you did more than enough for him now tell him to go fuck himself with a rocket launcher.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 10

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 10:23:17 PM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

What a manipulative douche. You're not with him anymore, why the hell does he think you owe him anything? If I'm not mistaken you're very happy now with someone new so cut this loser off. There's nothing to be gained by getting sucked into his games. Guess what, people are free to change their minds- you don't owe him a thing for having changed your mind on the counseling. You changed your mind, end of story. You don't need to explain the why's to anyone.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 11

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 10:23:21 PM

DeviantlyD

Posts: 4382
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Canada
Status: offline

Is it possible he was depressed? I don't know the entire situation, but it was a thought that popped in my head when I read your posting.

Do I think you owe him an apology? Not from what you've described. But I can't help wonder if there is something more behind his apology demand. Without anger, would it be possible for you to ask him why he believes you owe him an apology?

_____________________________

Goodnight! And if you dream of me remember I like it rough. 😁

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 12

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 11:03:37 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

I was wondering if he contacted me because he was doing recovery, and it was part of that.
I am sure he would be thrilled to describe at great length how I wronged him, but I didn't encourage him to tell me, I was rather short. I don't think I want to encourage him to tell me, either. I am sure he has some legitimate issues about me as well, I just don't care.
If apologizing won't make him go away forever, I am not doing it.
Was

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD

Is it possible he was depressed? I don't know the entire situation, but it was a thought that popped in my head when I read your posting.

Do I think you owe him an apology? Not from what you've described. But I can't help wonder if there is something more behind his apology demand. Without anger, would it be possible for you to ask him why he believes you owe him an apology?

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)

Post #: 13

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 11:09:13 PM

Djducati

Posts: 84
Joined: 9/15/2011
Status: offline

Yeah, fuck that douche, if they wont make the effort let them fall.
His fault not yours, and his loss, not yours.
Plenty of people out here you get one that treats you right.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 14

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 11:11:17 PM

soul2share

Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline

um dear, I think you already know what you need to do....but, at the risk of sounding repetitive......keep right on moving. If your gut is telling you he is a lost cause, then for heaven's sake, LISTEN TO IT!

He is probably still out of a job, and seeking someone to support his "stress free lifestyle". Don't be that person....especially if you already have lost all respect for him.

You owe him nothing...for heaven's sake, it's been a year and he's now sniffing around you? My guess is that other relationship you mention may have just gone up in flames and he's looking for that free ticket.

Hate it or not, most people don't change.....call me callous, but that's just my .05.

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to DeviantlyD)

Post #: 15

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 11:14:05 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

He guilt tripped me plenty of times. Very passive aggressive. Maybe that is his motive. Dumb bastard.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Has he often guilt tripped you into doing things? Thats what it sounds like to me. And he probably is for one of two reasons... 1) to see if he can still get to you.. and 2) to see if he has a shot to get you back. He had a good thing with you. Maybe he is realizing just how good.

Rip that rear view mirror off and keep racing down the highway... he is an exit you passed long ago.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 11:15:36 PM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I was wondering if he contacted me because he was doing recovery, and it was part of that.

really? if he is in recovery then shouldnt he be the one doing the apologizing in part to make amends? I thought that was the way it worked...

eta- maybe he has heard that you are starting a business and thats why he's sniffing around? just a thought..

< Message edited by tj444 -- 9/21/2011 11:17:48 PM >

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 17

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 11:25:06 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

I don't know much about recovery programs, but maybe some kind of therapy? I just can't imagine what would motivate him to call me. But now I have his number on my caller ID, so I don't have to answer him if he calls again.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I was wondering if he contacted me because he was doing recovery, and it was part of that.

really? if he is in recovery then shouldnt he be the one doing the apologizing in part to make amends? I thought that was the way it worked...

eta- maybe he has heard that you are starting a business and thats why he's sniffing around? just a thought..

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 18

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 11:38:02 PM

Djducati

Posts: 84
Joined: 9/15/2011
Status: offline

When I got out of the military, I hooked up with this girl,
Its fair to say I was a deadbeat.
I blew a lot of money on stupid shit like cars and bikes.

I never really anticipated coming back alive so I was like

WTF do I do now?

I deeply regret everything I put that poor girl through.

I have since grown up and made amends but it still really fucks with me that I should have been better.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 19

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/21/2011 11:48:03 PM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I don't know much about recovery programs, but maybe some kind of therapy? I just can't imagine what would motivate him to call me. But now I have his number on my caller ID, so I don't have to answer him if he calls again.

but if he is wanting you to apologize, then he is in denial and that is not the way any recovery therapy works that i have ever heard of.

I dont think he has changed (for the better) at all since he blamed you then and he is still blaming you now. Imo, he wants something, but whatever it is you should keep that door shut tight, imo. If it were me i would block his calls, i wouldnt even want him to be able to leave any messages either..
jmo

_____________________________

As Anderson Cooper said “If he (Trump) took a dump on his desk, you would defend it”

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 20

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