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RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 12:55:31 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

"So should I apologize? "

Absolutely not. I haven't read any other replies at this time, so this is how it is.

However you were you were when he took you. You did not change.

However he was when you took him, he did change.

They say don't try to change people and they are right. But don't change yourself either. Evn if he wants to be a beach bum, well that can be his life, you don't want to share that kind of life that is your perogative. Period.

If he cops an attitude fukum, well I don't mean that, I mean let him go fuck hinself. He copped an attitude, so much for him. Move on. Now if he was cool about it at least maybe you could hang around, bu the crux of the matter is that you didn't change.

Next.

T^T

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 21

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 2:06:00 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Iggy him like he doesn't even exist. To acknowledge him is to give him power.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 22

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 2:58:31 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

Just let it be. If I had a nasty taste in my mouth from a prior relationship I would spare myself the headache and forget their existence unless it was in civil terms (you run into eachother in public).

He's your ex for a reason. You're giving him satisfaction and I will wager that he'll mention the idea of being "just friends" while still trying to get back into a proper relationship with you. For what motivation who knows.

This! Oh and as for why. So he could continue to leech off her of course silly man.

_____________________________

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The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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(in reply to NocturnalStalker)

Post #: 23

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 4:06:08 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Aileen's right. Period.

As for recovery, what kind of recovery or therapy plan allows someone to continue to blame someone else? I can just imagine some therapist encouraging this guy to demand an apology from the person who kept his ass for all that time.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

Post #: 24

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 7:03:49 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

you were young. This guy was 50.
Ou

quote:

ORIGINAL: Djducati

When I got out of the military, I hooked up with this girl,
Its fair to say I was a deadbeat.
I blew a lot of money on stupid shit like cars and bikes.

I never really anticipated coming back alive so I was like

WTF do I do now?

I deeply regret everything I put that poor girl through.

I have since grown up and made amends but it still really fucks with me that I should have been better.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to Djducati)

Post #: 25

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 7:16:28 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

I don't anything to apologize for, seems like you've already extended yourself a lot further than is absolutely called for, cut your losses, move on.

But do consider how you got into that relationship to begin with - the real danger here is you're just gonna do it again.

Simple solution, find a guy who already has a job, even if it's a shit job.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 26

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 7:22:07 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline

Thing here is, people do get overstressed, need to fall out for a while, need some help and support - problem is, that typically, when they do finally pull themselves up, especially guys, they decide they're too good for you and leave anyway, so consider yourself lucky to have avoided worse drama.

If they can't care about themselves, they're not going to care about you.

(in reply to xssve)

Post #: 27

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 7:28:53 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

It wasn't just about him not having a job, it was more his attitude about the whole thing. In any case, that relationship did cause me to examine what I was looking for in a partner, with pretty happy results.
No apology no further conversation. Turns out, he has remained FB friends with one of my close friends, so he may have been finding out what is going on in my life. Maybe that is why he has resurfaced. She has unfriended him now.

quote:

ORIGINAL: xssve

I don't anything to apologize for, seems like you've already extended yourself a lot further than is absolutely called for, cut your losses, move on.

But do consider how you got into that relationship to begin with - the real danger here is you're just gonna do it again.

Simple solution, find a guy who already has a job, even if it's a shit job.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to xssve)

Post #: 28

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 7:31:57 AM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I broke up with my previous boyfriend about a year ago. Today he called me and demanded an apology
for the way I treated him. I told him I'd get back to him. So should I apologize? I did kind of lead him on
about getting back together

You broke up over a year ago, and he is suddenly back in the picture demanding an apology?
Or have you been leading him on with the promise of reconciliation during this year long seperation?
I find it kind of odd that he would just randomly show up after all this time, if there wasn't some motivation.
Regardless of the history between you, this is the time to be firm and clear about your intent.
Closure, as painful as it can sometimes be, is the best gift you can give yourself and to him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
I might consider apologizing on the condition that he never contact me again. Is that likely to work?

Apologies are supposed to be heartfelt, not conditional. Apologize if you feel a sincere need to, and then
close the door.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 29

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 7:55:44 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

Yep. I haven't talked to him for a year, and even when we communicated very briefly after he moved out to work out some details, my communication was short and impersonal. I only talked about doing counseling a few days after he moved out. When I told him I would only consider counseling if he got a job, he let loose with the venom. After that, he got two word replies to his emails.
I think he saw something on FB that triggered this, but I should stop wasting energy figuring out his motives.

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I broke up with my previous boyfriend about a year ago. Today he called me and demanded an apology
for the way I treated him. I told him I'd get back to him. So should I apologize? I did kind of lead him on
about getting back together

You broke up over a year ago, and he is suddenly back in the picture demanding an apology?
Or have you been leading him on with the promise of reconciliation during this year long seperation?
I find it kind of odd that he would just randomly show up after all this time, if there wasn't some motivation.
Regardless of the history between you, this is the time to be firm and clear about your intent.
Closure, as painful as it can sometimes be, is the best gift you can give yourself and to him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
I might consider apologizing on the condition that he never contact me again. Is that likely to work?

Apologies are supposed to be heartfelt, not conditional. Apologize if you feel a sincere need to, and then
close the door.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 30

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 8:57:46 AM

samboct

Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline

Semisweet

An observation if I may...

One of the things I learned along life's journey is too identify whose problem is what.

In this thread- I've noticed some anger from your viewpoint. Why?

The guy you describe sounds like a sponge with little/no ambition. OK, that's who he is. If he's broke- it's his problem.

You chose to support him financially for a while- clearly your choice. He probably wants more of the same, you don't.

Why the anger, and why the need for some coerced meaningless apology? Seems to me a simple statement of dear so and so- I've moved on with my life and I don't see you as part of my future. Good luck!

Regards,

Semi...

Would show that you really have moved on- and the dwelling over this indicates something unresolved on your end. Feel free to discuss with a decent shrink...

Sam

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 31

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 9:31:29 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If he was working a program, then it would be his responsibility to apologize to you.

Tell him that you have done nothing worth apologizing to him for, and you hold the same views towards him that you did when you kicked him out.

And that you do not want him to contact you again. Because this way, if you've already told him to stay away and he doesn't, you can get an order of protection to stop him calling you.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 9/22/2011 9:35:28 AM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

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(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 32

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 10:00:52 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

let me see..you two are no longer together. I'm not even sure why you're entertaining his communication let alone even thinking about an apology.

ETA: Read your other posts. That's not how recovery works. He should be making amends and taking responsibility for his part, not asking you to take full responsibility. Block his number and move on.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/22/2011 10:05:32 AM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to tj444)

Post #: 33

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 10:08:56 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

Huh? He called me, I didn't call him. The only reason I answered is because I didn't recognize the number. Once I found out who it was, I figured he must have a legitimate reason to be calling me (left something at my house? Had a disease he needed to tell me about?). I wasn't angry, particularly, until he intruded in my life again, however slightly, once again making demands. So, no shrink for me, thank you very much, particularly on that subject. I was feeling slightly guilty about leading him on for a short while after we broke up, but I don't even feel that any more.

Also, I didn't exactly choose to support him financially, that wasn't quite our agreement. I certainly agreed to subsidize him, but he abused that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct

Semisweet

An observation if I may...

One of the things I learned along life's journey is too identify whose problem is what.

In this thread- I've noticed some anger from your viewpoint. Why?

The guy you describe sounds like a sponge with little/no ambition. OK, that's who he is. If he's broke- it's his problem.

You chose to support him financially for a while- clearly your choice. He probably wants more of the same, you don't.

Why the anger, and why the need for some coerced meaningless apology? Seems to me a simple statement of dear so and so- I've moved on with my life and I don't see you as part of my future. Good luck!

Regards,

Semi...

Would show that you really have moved on- and the dwelling over this indicates something unresolved on your end. Feel free to discuss with a decent shrink...

Sam

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to samboct)

Post #: 34

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 10:37:44 AM

samboct

Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline

To Semisweet

I'll lay it out from my perspective-and keep in mind all I have is your posts- that's it.

1) You entered into a romantic relationship with significant financial strings attached- call it what you will, but that you need to obfuscate the issue suggests that you're not comfortable with it. Subsidized rent and it sounds like some employment as well.
2) It's harder to dissolve a business partnership than a marriage.
3) Why the drama? Seems to me that you've made something that should be easy more complex than it should be. You want this guy out of your life- tell him so. Why post about it on an internet board?
4) This smells like guilt to me- you're unhappy about your own actions and looking for justification- hence the drama.
5) My guess is that the guilt stems from a broken business relationship as well as a romantic one.

If you're going to try and buy your way into someone's heart- it often backfires. Hence the suggestion to find a good shrink to understand why you tried to do so.

If you're getting pissed off at me- again, it's your problem. From my perspective, you asked for an analysis and I provided it. If you don't like my conclusions, well, I won't charge you for the session : ).

Cheers,

Sam

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 35

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 10:44:42 AM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

This conversation is probably not worth the time I am spending on it, since I know what I am going to do now, BUT:

quote:

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct

To Semisweet

I'll lay it out from my perspective-and keep in mind all I have is your posts- that's it.

1) You entered into a romantic relationship with significant financial strings attached- call it what you will, but that you need to obfuscate the issue suggests that you're not comfortable with it. Subsidized rent and it sounds like some employment as well.
               I entered into a relationship with someone I cared about. We talked about finances before he moved in. He didn't live up to the agreement. He decided he wanted to be some kind of "house husband". I didn't want one of those. I have gotten some criticism for not being willing to support him, mostly from my house wife friends.
2) It's harder to dissolve a business partnership than a marriage.
         Not married.
3) Why the drama? Seems to me that you've made something that should be easy more complex than it should be. You want this guy out of your life- tell him so. Why post about it on an internet board?
         I DID tell him. I mean, I could tell him exactly what I think of him, but there would be little purpose in that. He would be more likely to get blasted at this point, than an apology. So, I won't do either one.
4) This smells like guilt to me- you're unhappy about your own actions and looking for justification- hence the drama.
        As I said, I did have some people who were critical. ANd I sometimes do make use of these boards as a sounding board.
5) My guess is that the guilt stems from a broken business relationship as well as a romantic one.
        I have been in broken business relationships. This was different.

If you're going to try and buy your way into someone's heart- it often backfires. Hence the suggestion to find a good shrink to understand why you tried to do so
Sweetie, I don't need to buy my way into someone's heart. I tried to deal with the financial issues up front. That seems the responsible way to enter a relationship. I got lied to. .

If you're getting pissed off at me- again, it's your problem. From my perspective, you asked for an analysis and I provided it. If you don't like my conclusions, well, I won't charge you for the session : ).

Cheers,

Sam

Anyhow, thanks for your opinion!

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 9/22/2011 10:50:42 AM >

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to samboct)

Post #: 36

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 11:08:04 AM

samboct

Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline

You're welcome.

Cheers,

Sam

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 37

RE: Not such a blast from the past - 9/22/2011 11:33:13 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

Everything that happens in life does not need to be analyzed, especially a year later. Why you two broke up is really irrelevant a year later. Even if you kicked him in the nuts during an argument, it's over, time to move on.

Just a side note: the idea of, "if you tell him to stop contacting you and he doesn't, you can get a protective order." Unless he is threatening you, that is abusing the time of the legal system that can be spending it's time helping those in truly frightening and dangerous situations.

Everyone needs to take responsibility for their actions. You moved on, no apologies necessary. That happens in relationships, everyone can be adult and let it go. You can now recognize his number on caller ID, so don't answer. He will give up soon enough.

Of course, if he does become threatening, you are a smart girl, you know what to do.er on caller ID, so don't answer. He will give up soon enough.

Of course, if he does become threatening, you are a smart girl, you know what to do.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 38

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