Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Sex & BDSM


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Sex & BDSM Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Sex & BDSM - 8/31/2011 11:00:18 PM   
LordMasterM


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/30/2011
Status: offline 		Joined this wonderful community recently. I am from India and very little, almost negligible opportunity here to interact with other BDSMers. Did a lot of that when I used to visit US a lot. My question to all and especially the dominant males is how important is sexual gratification in a BDSM context? Both for yourself as well as your partner. In other words how important is the "sexual prowess" of the Dom/Master/Top? I have a premature ejaculation condition and always considered myself to be less of a "man" and hence not really a true Dom. I am 55 now and alwasys shied away from real life play because of this self perceived inadequacy. Of course inputs from the femsubs are also valuable.

If there are any femsubs from India here (that will be a miracle though) would like to hear from them too.

Hope to have a good feedback and apologies if this topic has been debated earlier.

LMM
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 3:30:27 AM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		There is no such thing as a premature ejaculation. If you cum, you cum. In a BDSM context, dominance for me is less about sex and more about everything else. I'm allways dominant when being intimate sexually, so it's just normal subconsciously for me. In my relationship sex is less about D/Toping and more about connecting physically and releasing emotionally. Does it make you less of a man because you climax fast? You are the only one who can solve this riddle.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to LordMasterM)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 4:49:46 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		LMM, this thread gets a chuckle from me because of how many times the male Doms are accused of focusing exclusively on sex.

If you've got a good personality, you can get a woman.  Period.  There are plenty of men with your issue in this world, and they get women.  In the D/s community as well.

I'd suggest going to some clubs and play parties.  I have seen hundreds of scenes there, and very few of them included actual sex.  You will be able to watch/learn flogging, whipping, spanking, and bondage there.

You sound like an educated and self-aware man of 55.  There are a LOT of single sub women 40 and up that would love to sub to a man like you in a LTR.  The demographics are in your favor.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 7:06:13 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		some women like "premature ejaculation". Some women don't care about sex at all. For some sex is simply part of a normal, loving relationship. See what I'm gettin at?



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 7:17:20 AM   
winspiritsbaby


Posts: 141
Status: offline 		FR
I agree with Endivius and DarkSteven. A relationship is about the whole picture, if the other aspects are on an even keel then the actual BDSM aspect will fall into place in a way that works for you and your partner.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 7:23:11 AM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

There is no such thing as a premature ejaculation. If you cum, you cum. In a BDSM context, dominance for me is less about sex and more about everything else. I'm allways dominant when being intimate sexually, so it's just normal subconsciously for me. In my relationship sex is less about D/Toping and more about connecting physically and releasing emotionally. Does it make you less of a man because you climax fast? You are the only one who can solve this riddle.


No kidding?

I bet your girlfriend is really thrilled with that idea.

(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 7:30:06 AM   
rulemylife


Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

some women like "premature ejaculation". Some women don't care about sex at all. For some sex is simply part of a normal, loving relationship. See what I'm gettin at?



No.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 7:34:55 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		there's a lid for every pot.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 7:37:46 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

some women like "premature ejaculation". Some women don't care about sex at all. For some sex is simply part of a normal, loving relationship. See what I'm gettin at?



No.



she must be a Republican.

_____________________________



(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 8:09:49 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		your cock is the least fucking important part of your body when it comes to sex. it is replaceable.


_____________________________

clique? i don't need no stinking clique!

fuck a duck ~w. disney

My Twitter: http://twitter.com/HannahFuck

i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to LordMasterM)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 8:47:36 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Serious question here because I have always wondered about this. Why does premature ejaculation have to be a bad thing? Just because you cum does not mean you have to sleep for a few hours. Men who experience this should just take it as taking the pressure off so they can spend hours playing with their partner. I know in my life men have easily had 2-4 orgasms in the course of our intimacy. The x used to grab a BJ from me first before moving on to hard play, then 30 mins or so later have another orgasm before we moved on to more.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to LordMasterM)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 9:20:49 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		While sex is very important to me, it is but one aspect of a much bigger picture - his dominance and my submission to it, in all areas,

Premature ejaculation would not bother me.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to LordMasterM)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 9:22:47 AM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife
No kidding?

I bet your girlfriend is really thrilled with that idea.


Girlfriends.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Serious question here because I have always wondered about this. Why does premature ejaculation have to be a bad thing? Just because you cum does not mean you have to sleep for a few hours. Men who experience this should just take it as taking the pressure off so they can spend hours playing with their partner. I know in my life men have easily had 2-4 orgasms in the course of our intimacy. The x used to grab a BJ from me first before moving on to hard play, then 30 mins or so later have another orgasm before we moved on to more.



Never understood people's affinity with that term, or associating it with some kind of "condition". Probably some kind of anxiety based on a fear they create for themselves. Who knows though. I just tell people to stop obsessing over it and they probably will get over it. I don't know any men that complain about "premature" ejaculations. Although, I know several that would like a bigger penis.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 11:10:32 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Second thread today where I'm confused.  Since the post comes across that you are looking, rather than currently have a submissive female in your life, where is the premature ejaculation actually being a problem?  If you're not involved with another person right now, there's nobody who really cares how quickly you orgasm.  I highly doubt that your right hand (or left, as the case may be) is really complaining about the situation, so why is this an issue?

As for the premature ejaculation itself, at 55 I'm sure that you have some idea that there are other ways to make a woman happy sexually other than just thrusting your dick.  If you build a woman's anticipation in the right way, she's going to be very satisfied, even if the actual copulation is rather short.  Even at that, I've never met a man who reached orgasm as quickly the second time around as he did the first time.  During the time between, you can either rest or continue playing, giving her additional orgasms until you're ready for round two.  Heck, have some of your sexual fun the night before and then wake her up the next morning while she's still sensitive with some early in the day play.  She'll think your the best thing since sliced bread. 

It's not complicated.  There is a bit of irony, however, that a straight chick has to tell you how to keep a woman happy in bed.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Endivius)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/1/2011 4:28:28 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

It's not complicated.  There is a bit of irony, however, that a straight chick has to tell you how to keep a woman happy in bed.

That's not really ironic. If you're a straight chick, one assumes you've spent your time in bed with men. Telling him how a man can make a woman happy would kinda be part of what you know about personally. Although, really, you're just telling him what would work for you, not all womankind in general because that would definitely be impossible.........luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/2/2011 8:23:24 AM   
wolf223


Posts: 89
Joined: 3/4/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

your cock is the least fucking important part of your body when it comes to sex. it is replaceable.



I agree I have brought many women to orgasm and never
took off my clothes.
Often more fun that way, make them cum then walk away.



(in reply to HannahLynHeather)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/2/2011 8:50:16 AM   
ricken


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordMasterM

.... I am 55 now and alwasys shied away from real life play because of this self perceived inadequacy. ...



That....

Sometimes when we play I get myself so woked up, I get off faster than the time it took me to reply here. If I'm feeling like I might be too horned up I just don't go in her more more than a minute or two...and if I cum fast?  It doesn't mean happy-crazy-funtime stops...

(in reply to LordMasterM)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/2/2011 9:17:43 AM   
LordMasterM


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/30/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks to all of you for the candid feedback! Did help to clear my own thinking. I guess the male sexual prowess is in general hyped up. May be by the porn industry. Also, another thing I noticed that most of the MaleDom movies have some amount of penetration, whereas very few FemDom movies will focus on sex. Or am I totally wrong! I guess a Domme being penetrated by Her male sub just doesn't work. Strap on sex may not appeal to all. Just my $0.02

@DarkSteven, thanks for the words of encouragement. However, finding a femsub in India is lot harder than finding the proverbial needle in the haystack! I used to visit the PE and other clubs in San Francisco on one of my many visits to the US. However, that has come down significantly mainly because of the economic turmoil in the US. Being part of the IT industry the business scene in the US is not very encouraging. However, would not mind a cyberrelationship with some of the femsubs on this group. If that really works out in the long run!

LMM



(in reply to ricken)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sex & BDSM - 9/2/2011 2:33:11 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordMasterM

Thanks to all of you for the candid feedback! Did help to clear my own thinking. I guess the male sexual prowess is in general hyped up. May be by the porn industry. Also, another thing I noticed that most of the MaleDom movies have some amount of penetration, whereas very few FemDom movies will focus on sex. Or am I totally wrong! I guess a Domme being penetrated by Her male sub just doesn't work. Strap on sex may not appeal to all. Just my $0.02


LMM



Yes, please LMM, try to disengage porn from what real people in the lifestyle actually do with each other. Porn is meant to make money, not friends.

As for the premature ejaculation issue...I'm female, and could care less about how long or even if the dick gets/stays hard in a partner I care about. For me, there are SO many more effective things than a thrusting penis. If my partner is adept at THOSE things I will get what I need.

(in reply to LordMasterM)
Profile   Post #: 19
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Sex & BDSM Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.203