Sex & BDSM

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LordMasterM -> Sex & BDSM (8/31/2011 11:00:18 PM)
Joined this wonderful community recently. I am from India and very little, almost negligible opportunity here to interact with other BDSMers. Did a lot of that when I used to visit US a lot. My question to all and especially the dominant males is how important is sexual gratification in a BDSM context? Both for yourself as well as your partner. In other words how important is the "sexual prowess" of the Dom/Master/Top? I have a premature ejaculation condition and always considered myself to be less of a "man" and hence not really a true Dom. I am 55 now and alwasys shied away from real life play because of this self perceived inadequacy. Of course inputs from the femsubs are also valuable. If there are any femsubs from India here (that will be a miracle though) would like to hear from them too. Hope to have a good feedback and apologies if this topic has been debated earlier. LMM

Endivius -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 3:30:27 AM)
There is no such thing as a premature ejaculation. If you cum, you cum. In a BDSM context, dominance for me is less about sex and more about everything else. I'm allways dominant when being intimate sexually, so it's just normal subconsciously for me. In my relationship sex is less about D/Toping and more about connecting physically and releasing emotionally. Does it make you less of a man because you climax fast? You are the only one who can solve this riddle.

DarkSteven -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 4:49:46 AM)
LMM, this thread gets a chuckle from me because of how many times the male Doms are accused of focusing exclusively on sex. If you've got a good personality, you can get a woman. Period. There are plenty of men with your issue in this world, and they get women. In the D/s community as well. I'd suggest going to some clubs and play parties. I have seen hundreds of scenes there, and very few of them included actual sex. You will be able to watch/learn flogging, whipping, spanking, and bondage there. You sound like an educated and self-aware man of 55. There are a LOT of single sub women 40 and up that would love to sub to a man like you in a LTR. The demographics are in your favor.

littlewonder -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 7:06:13 AM)
some women like "premature ejaculation". Some women don't care about sex at all. For some sex is simply part of a normal, loving relationship. See what I'm gettin at?

winspiritsbaby -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 7:17:20 AM)
FR I agree with Endivius and DarkSteven. A relationship is about the whole picture, if the other aspects are on an even keel then the actual BDSM aspect will fall into place in a way that works for you and your partner.

rulemylife -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 7:23:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Endivius There is no such thing as a premature ejaculation. If you cum, you cum. In a BDSM context, dominance for me is less about sex and more about everything else. I'm allways dominant when being intimate sexually, so it's just normal subconsciously for me. In my relationship sex is less about D/Toping and more about connecting physically and releasing emotionally. Does it make you less of a man because you climax fast? You are the only one who can solve this riddle. No kidding? I bet your girlfriend is really thrilled with that idea.

rulemylife -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 7:30:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder some women like "premature ejaculation". Some women don't care about sex at all. For some sex is simply part of a normal, loving relationship. See what I'm gettin at? No.

littlewonder -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 7:34:55 AM)
there's a lid for every pot.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 7:37:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rulemylife quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder some women like "premature ejaculation". Some women don't care about sex at all. For some sex is simply part of a normal, loving relationship. See what I'm gettin at? No. she must be a Republican. [:)]

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 8:09:49 AM)
your cock is the least fucking important part of your body when it comes to sex. it is replaceable.

Missokyst -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 8:47:36 AM)
Serious question here because I have always wondered about this. Why does premature ejaculation have to be a bad thing? Just because you cum does not mean you have to sleep for a few hours. Men who experience this should just take it as taking the pressure off so they can spend hours playing with their partner. I know in my life men have easily had 2-4 orgasms in the course of our intimacy. The x used to grab a BJ from me first before moving on to hard play, then 30 mins or so later have another orgasm before we moved on to more.

NuevaVida -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 9:20:49 AM)
While sex is very important to me, it is but one aspect of a much bigger picture - his dominance and my submission to it, in all areas, Premature ejaculation would not bother me.

Endivius -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 9:22:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rulemylife No kidding? I bet your girlfriend is really thrilled with that idea. Girlfriends. [sm=owned.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst Serious question here because I have always wondered about this. Why does premature ejaculation have to be a bad thing? Just because you cum does not mean you have to sleep for a few hours. Men who experience this should just take it as taking the pressure off so they can spend hours playing with their partner. I know in my life men have easily had 2-4 orgasms in the course of our intimacy. The x used to grab a BJ from me first before moving on to hard play, then 30 mins or so later have another orgasm before we moved on to more. Never understood people's affinity with that term, or associating it with some kind of "condition". Probably some kind of anxiety based on a fear they create for themselves. Who knows though. I just tell people to stop obsessing over it and they probably will get over it. I don't know any men that complain about "premature" ejaculations. Although, I know several that would like a bigger penis.

LadyPact -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 11:10:32 AM)
Second thread today where I'm confused. Since the post comes across that you are looking, rather than currently have a submissive female in your life, where is the premature ejaculation actually being a problem? If you're not involved with another person right now, there's nobody who really cares how quickly you orgasm. I highly doubt that your right hand (or left, as the case may be) is really complaining about the situation, so why is this an issue? As for the premature ejaculation itself, at 55 I'm sure that you have some idea that there are other ways to make a woman happy sexually other than just thrusting your dick. If you build a woman's anticipation in the right way, she's going to be very satisfied, even if the actual copulation is rather short. Even at that, I've never met a man who reached orgasm as quickly the second time around as he did the first time. During the time between, you can either rest or continue playing, giving her additional orgasms until you're ready for round two. Heck, have some of your sexual fun the night before and then wake her up the next morning while she's still sensitive with some early in the day play. She'll think your the best thing since sliced bread. It's not complicated. There is a bit of irony, however, that a straight chick has to tell you how to keep a woman happy in bed.

slaveluci -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/1/2011 4:28:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact It's not complicated. There is a bit of irony, however, that a straight chick has to tell you how to keep a woman happy in bed. That's not really ironic. If you're a straight chick, one assumes you've spent your time in bed with men. Telling him how a man can make a woman happy would kinda be part of what you know about personally. Although, really, you're just telling him what would work for you, not all womankind in general because that would definitely be impossible.........luci

wolf223 -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/2/2011 8:23:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather your cock is the least fucking important part of your body when it comes to sex. it is replaceable. I agree I have brought many women to orgasm and never took off my clothes. Often more fun that way, make them cum then walk away.

ricken -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/2/2011 8:50:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordMasterM .... I am 55 now and alwasys shied away from real life play because of this self perceived inadequacy. ... That.... Sometimes when we play I get myself so woked up, I get off faster than the time it took me to reply here. If I'm feeling like I might be too horned up I just don't go in her more more than a minute or two...and if I cum fast? It doesn't mean happy-crazy-funtime stops...

LordMasterM -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/2/2011 9:17:43 AM)
Thanks to all of you for the candid feedback! Did help to clear my own thinking. I guess the male sexual prowess is in general hyped up. May be by the porn industry. Also, another thing I noticed that most of the MaleDom movies have some amount of penetration, whereas very few FemDom movies will focus on sex. Or am I totally wrong! I guess a Domme being penetrated by Her male sub just doesn't work. Strap on sex may not appeal to all. Just my $0.02 [:D] @DarkSteven, thanks for the words of encouragement. However, finding a femsub in India is lot harder than finding the proverbial needle in the haystack! I used to visit the PE and other clubs in San Francisco on one of my many visits to the US. However, that has come down significantly mainly because of the economic turmoil in the US. Being part of the IT industry the business scene in the US is not very encouraging. However, would not mind a cyberrelationship with some of the femsubs on this group. If that really works out in the long run! LMM

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Sex & BDSM (9/2/2011 2:33:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordMasterM Thanks to all of you for the candid feedback! Did help to clear my own thinking. I guess the male sexual prowess is in general hyped up. May be by the porn industry. Also, another thing I noticed that most of the MaleDom movies have some amount of penetration, whereas very few FemDom movies will focus on sex. Or am I totally wrong! I guess a Domme being penetrated by Her male sub just doesn't work. Strap on sex may not appeal to all. Just my $0.02 [:D] LMM Yes, please LMM, try to disengage porn from what real people in the lifestyle actually do with each other. Porn is meant to make money, not friends. As for the premature ejaculation issue...I'm female, and could care less about how long or even if the dick gets/stays hard in a partner I care about. For me, there are SO many more effective things than a thrusting penis. If my partner is adept at THOSE things I will get what I need.

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