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sunshinemiss -> RE: Submission - Low Self Esteem or Something Higher (8/21/2011 7:50:45 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gorgeoushair
Sometimes i wonder about submission and whether it is about low self esteem or whether it is really a very positive thing, even exploring a higher part of myself. Anyone else have thoughts about this?
I think your question is a very common one - the wondering that is. If one does something that, at first blush, looks like something we've been told should be labeled "low esteem action" then it is natural to wonder at some point if it is in fact a manifestation of low self-esteem. However, it is about going beyond what is obvious that one realizes the reality.
How about an analogy? There are people who deliberately dress in baggy, unattractive clothes. Some people would say that is proof of their low self-esteem. However, perhaps there is a different reason. Perhaps it is a woman who was recently raped, and this is one of her (very healthy) ways of managing the aftermath. Perhaps it is someone who recently had surgery and the rubbing of the cloth hurts. Perhaps it is someone who just feels more comfortable in those clothes or they work in a job where those types of clothes are wiser than others. Perhaps this is the sweatshirt that her father used to wear, and she is grieving his death. When we look at the person, and we see them in unattractive, baggy clothes, we may label them as "having low self esteem." However, that may very well NOT be the case.
The same is true with submission. And frankly, many (if not most / all) submissives question their behavior, question the meaning of the role that seems to fit them. We can't pretend that our culture, our fairy tales, our norms, the peer pressure, parental demand, the media don't affect us. They do. Sometimes in wonderfully positive ways, sometimes in ugly ways.
Service to others is generally accepted as a positive thing in many cultures - some more than others. Even within those cultures there are neighborhood norms, religious norms, familial norms, even the norms of one person - not everybody in the family does things the same way after all!
Here is a website that discusses the way many religious view service to others - in a very positive light, by the way.
There are any number of studies on people helping others and what it does for the helper. No action is in and of itself anything in particular. It is only what we ascribe to it.
Best,
sunshine
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