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RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 8:34:56 AM   
HannahLynHeather


Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline 		i don't now, i guess my mum's ok, she was always there for my sister and i growing up, and she was pretty much always supportive. we just haven't spoken in 2 or 3 years. no big blow out, she disapproves and has for a while, and we just ran out of things to say that weren't negative.

ah fuck it, i think i'll give her a call and let her tell me just how badly i'm messing up, what with ns & domi not being around to tell me i'm almost beginning to think i might have done something right somewhere along the line.

thanks icky, luvs ya.


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(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 8:35:44 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Icarys,

Thank you for beginning this thread.

I loved hearing about your relationship with yours.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 9:02:11 AM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		This is me saying you're welcome and thanks, if you could see it. :)

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 10:05:42 AM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline
quote:

What is it about your mother that you appreciate?
Nothing. She failed me when I needed her. No, not just failed me, she turned on me. My uncle, her brother, who lives with my parents, started molesting me when I was 15. When I finally went to her and told her, she refused to believe me, she accused me of either lying or sometimes she maintains that I seduced him. She still holds that view.

That's why I don't speak to her.

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 10:36:28 AM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

quote:

What is it about your mother that you appreciate?
Nothing. She failed me when I needed her. No, not just failed me, she turned on me. My uncle, her brother, who lives with my parents, started molesting me when I was 15. When I finally went to her and told her, she refused to believe me, she accused me of either lying or sometimes she maintains that I seduced him. She still holds that view.

That's why I don't speak to her.


Strewth. I'm not surprised*.

A mate of mine had a similar thing going on ... molested by his mum's brother a few times when he was in his early teens, so he told his mum, who laughed it off. It all came to light when we were sitting in our local pub years later and his uncle walks in, and before I really know too much of what was happening, my mate had shoved a rather large knife (which was on the bar top, to cut bar snack cheeses with) into the guy, to quite a surprising (well I was surprised, and I'm fairly sure his uncle was) depth, in such a casual and un-angry way that, even at that moment, I thought "there's something fishy going on here". Especially as my mate is about the least aggressive bloke you could ever wish to meet.

The uncle didn't die, but of course the police had to interview him, and then, by turns, the truth outed. His uncle ended up (once out of a prolonged stay in hospital) going to jail for it, and his mum never "forgave" my mate for that although, as I pointed out, he (my mate) didn't have anything to apologise for, as best I could see.

It was that incident I was thinking about when I said I was really grateful for the mum (and family) I had, above.

*that you don't speak to her, not that ... well, you get it.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 10:57:33 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		My mother...mixed feelings. As a child, I had a good loving home. No abuse, always love. As time went on, when I entered my teens, things were really unraveling with both of my parents. Both with their marriage and themselves. My parents never should have married. It was a relationship built on a rotten foundation. Both very weak and deeply flawed individuals. My father's issues came to a head in alcoholism and my mother's in infidelity and ever worsening mental illness.

I can say that both of my parents taught me about love. Our home was full of it. Hugs, kisses, and "I love you"s were abundant. My mother taught me the importance of good, healthy food......even though her foray into it was temporary, it was at a very influencial time in my life and stuck. Those two things, love and healthy living, are the two positive things I took from my childhood.

Most everything else.....my mother has been a lesson in how not to be. How not to be a mother and grandmother. How important my kids and grands are to me are taken from seeing my mother disappear into her mental illness and away from her children and grandchildren. Seeing what her fade has done to her family and relationships with them has given me a reason to never EVER go there. My kids and my grandkids will ALWAYS remain as big a part of my life as they wish to be. I WILL attend their activities, I will remember their birthdays. I will play with them, make cookies with them.........and all the other things my kids and younger siblings missed out on.

I haven't seen or spoke to my mother in two years. Before that it was 2007. It is as much her choice as mine.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 12:31:04 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		My parenting consisted of trying to decide what my mother would have done in a particular situation, and then not doing that. Went pretty well, I am close to my kids.
Still, she is a smart, assertive woman and I like that

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The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 12:36:04 PM   
Marisol


Posts: 43
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		Well, my mother and I don't always get a long. We have completely opposite views on life and everything in it. However, my mother does love me, she raised me when my dead beat father wouldn't help, she would read me stories before bed as a child, she took me places, I have great childhood memories(even with all the bad) thanks to her. Despite times getting rough, and her sometimes being a complete raging bitch I love her.

(in reply to Tantriqu)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 3:18:24 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		UFR

I love my Mother, and I don't have to tell her. Over the years we have learned that the woprds "I love you" mean nothing. And this is nothing new. We cringe when we hear those words. And life was not perfect. The olman took off, well she put him out but then he booked state because of legal problems. Times were tough, and she didn't get a really decent job until I had been long moved out. But I applaud her for getting and doing that job. It was pretty fucking tough when she had finally retired and had a heart attack on the way to a gambling junket. She had a quad bypass and is doing well, which is good because she finally has a taste of the good life. All the years she struggled to keep us kids alive and well, words have no fucking meaning.

"When I finally went to her and told her, she refused to believe me, she accused me of either lying or sometimes she maintains that I seduced him. She still holds that view."
 
That really fucking sucks. Someday in your heart you might find understanding, but maybe not. Forgiveness is your perogative and I have nothing to say about it. She was obviously torn between her brother and you, which is a tough spot in which to be. One thing my Mother told me that made alot of sense was that Parents are human. Humans make mistakes. If my sinister had kids and I even thought of touching them that way she would have blown my head off. If you forgive, you don't have to tell her. You just get on with life.

"my mate had shoved a rather large knife (which was on the bar top, to cut bar snack cheeses with) into the guy,..."

Good. Payback is a bitch. I hope your buddy went on to be more well balanced after. The old motherfucker who did the abuse, fuck him.

More later.

T^T

(in reply to Marisol)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 3:56:15 PM   
LinnaeaBorealis


Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline 		I've always said that my mother was a "difficult" woman. Because I want to say kind things about her. I mostly got through my childhood by reading books & the day after I graduated from high school they put me on a bus to Los Angeles & they drove off to Bethlehem, PA. I'd just turned 17 years old & she hugged me for the first time in my memory that day. My sister used to laugh at me because when I wanted "mom", I'd call our mother & always be disappointed that it was our mother & not my fantasy mother.

When I was growing up, she played Bridge with her friends & every now & again, there would be a game at our house in the daytime when I was home. I'd be told to stay in my room, but I would sneak out & marvel at this woman who was wearing my mother's body & spoke with my mother's voice but who really wasn't anything like my mother. She was adored by multitudes. So I decided in my early 30's that she was always going to be her, so I would change my attitude & figure out a way to not only get along with her, but to enjoy her. And I did just that. She was very intelligent & wise in some areas. And I discovered that if I asked her for life advice & then did what she told me to, she was invariably correct & things worked out very well.

As for love??? Who knows. Perhaps we loved each other in our ways, but I seriously don't remember her ever saying the words to me. When she died, I had no regrets about our relationship, there was nothing left to fix, no unspoken words, no hard feelings. But love????

She died 25 years ago & there are times when I want to ask her something, and then I miss her because she would know the answer. There were things about her parenting that I adopted & other things that I avoided as best I could. One of the things that I have done is to tell my daughter that I love her every time we speak & to hold her & kiss her every chance that I get. I've made sure that she knows how very much she means to me & how proud I am for her accomplishments. She knows that I think that she grew into a most amazingly wonderful woman who I admire. And she knows that I love her to distraction. She made my life infinitely better, something I'm fairly certain my mother would never have said about me. But who knows?? Mom wasn't much for expressing her good feelings. After all, my daughter had no idea how much her Grandmother adored her & how proud she was of her & how much Grandma talked about her until after Mom's funeral. Sad, that.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 6:55:36 PM   
erieangel


Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*hugs erie* I cant imagine how rough that was for you.. I'm sorry for your loss..



Thank you Greedy. There are times when it is still hard. Like recently, as I would love to ask her advice on things.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 7:04:34 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		My mother is my best friend and so is my dad, but this is about mothers.

She is fiercely loyal to our family, has supported me day and night through my entire life, is brutally honest with me and she is really smart and funny.

Last week, I was unexpectedly hospitalized and I told my parents not to come to the hospital because they are an hour away and it was over 100 degrees out.

They ignored me and said, wherever our daughter is, we are there. There is no one I could trust like I do my parents.

Frankly, when I was lying in the hospital and they looked so sad, I thought to myself, I am glad it is me, and not them, in this hospital bed.

I don't know what I would do without my mother and I am getting concerned since they are both close to 80. They are healthy and active but you never know.

I hope I go before them, although I know that would kill my mom.

The love I have for my parents is beyond words.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: MOTHERS! - 7/30/2011 7:05:58 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

No this isn't a complaint about Mothers. Actually it's to show the love.

I call my mother usually once a week to say hello and see how she's doing. Sometimes I call a few times a week, it really depends on what's going on and if I need to get some stuff off of my chest or there's stuff going on with her. She's always there to give advice (even if it's obvious and/or naive at times). I never really call just for "advice". Mostly it's because I miss her voice or I'm worried about her.

What a really wonderful woman she is. Sweet as can be. Always there for me when I need an ear. She was one of the women in my life that has taught me just how great some women can be.

I have no problem showing my affections and feelings nor do I think I could hide them for any woman and I surely wouldn't want to. As a matter of fact, I make it a point to tell the women in my life that I love them every single time we talk. I won't hang up without saying it. You never know when that might be the last time you get to. I know that may be a depressing thought for some of you but I look at it as a real motivation to let those I love know what I think. Not to mention, it's just a fact of life.

What is it about your mother that you appreciate? When's the last time you told her how much you do appreciate her?


Well I appreciate that she was a very traditional mother, and has been happily married to my awesome father for 46 years. I appreciate that she always worked ( she is a nurse ) and yet still made us cookies and took us ( me and my sister ) to girl scouts, camping, dance classes, all that stuff, and made a very happy home. I appreciate that she showed us a happy life and that she taught us that men were good and loving and that a woman was and is equal to a man and that even though she did appear to be a sort of old school 50's wife she really was a rather independent sort of woman, and she encouraged us to be what we chose to be.

I tell her I love her every time I see her and I think now I will tell her that I appreciate her too Icarys. My Mom just rocks.  Yep it's sort of simple stuff I am saying but to me it was really really wonderful. I love my Mom.


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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Profile   Post #: 33
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