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How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/3/2011 10:20:56 PM

SAMHAIN09

Posts: 207
Joined: 11/8/2010
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I have been thinking what do you do when outside and un for seeable forces beyond your control change your whole D/S dynamic? Like what about when the sub gets sick and needs to be taken care of though this is clearly a temporary situation with a obvious answer so lets move on to a more dramatic life changing event like job loss. Say that you lost your job and start having to stay around the house and the sub starts being the main provider of the house and starts making the financial decisions and as things progress makes the oh so innocent suggestion "Um Mistress/Master I know that your working hard on finding a job but while I am gone would could you sweep and dust." Next thing you know one thing leads to another "innocent suggestion" like asking for foot rubs after a long days at work and slowly without realizing it you have both switched.

Post #: 1

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/3/2011 10:51:09 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

I have been thinking what do you do when outside and unforseeable forces beyond your control change your whole D/S dynamic?

The same thing everyone else does... the best you can. It's called LIFE.

quote:

Like what about when the sub gets sick and needs to be taken care of though this is clearly a temporary situation with a obvious answer so lets move on to a more dramatic life changing event like job loss.

An Owner cares for their property. Period.

quote:

Say that you lost your job and start having to stay around the house and the sub starts being the main provider of the house and starts making the financial decisions and as things progress makes the oh so innocent suggestion "Um Mistress/Master I know that your working hard on finding a job but while I am gone would could you sweep and dust."

1) If the dynamic is that person X makes the financial decisions, then that doesn't change.

2) You're assuming "sweeping and dusting" are submissive acts. They're not.

quote:

Next thing you know one thing leads to another "innocent suggestion" like asking for foot rubs after a long days at work and slowly without realizing it you have both switched.

Again, you're assuming both (i) an Owner doesn't care for/about their property, and (ii) that certain acts are Dominant or submissive. Anyone who's actually been involved in a 24/7 BDSM dynamic knows that "life" still happens, and it ain't that much different from most Vanilla dynamics -- especially "traditional" ones.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 7/3/2011 11:04:58 PM >

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RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/3/2011 11:00:01 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I'm with MSLA here - I can't see how things would change, except maybe the house is a little cleaner and you both have less money.

I'm hard-wired to be sub. He's hard-wired to be Dom. Being unemployed isn't going to change that.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

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Post #: 3

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/3/2011 11:03:06 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I'm hard-wired to be sub. He's hard-wired to be Dom. Being unemployed isn't going to change that.

It's like the old question... is ship out of water still a ship? Yes. Same thing here... we are what we are.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

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Post #: 4

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 5:08:10 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Its not about who dusts... or who brings what money home... those things are external... its about what's in someone's heart...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 5:08:35 AM

DecadentDesire

Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

I have been thinking what do you do when outside and un for seeable forces beyond your control change your whole D/S dynamic? Like what about when the sub gets sick and needs to be taken care of though this is clearly a temporary situation with a obvious answer so lets move on to a more dramatic life changing event like job loss. Say that you lost your job and start having to stay around the house and the sub starts being the main provider of the house and starts making the financial decisions and as things progress makes the oh so innocent suggestion "Um Mistress/Master I know that your working hard on finding a job but while I am gone would could you sweep and dust." Next thing you know one thing leads to another "innocent suggestion" like asking for foot rubs after a long days at work and slowly without realizing it you have both switched.

The problem I see is your premise and approach to the above situations. You seem to have developed stereotypes of actions and behaviors that are submissive and dominant.

Don't get me wrong. It's important to have a vision of how you want your relationship to be, but clinging too hard to the vision becomes a source of insecurity when life simply doesn't allow for things to adhere to the vision. At that point, attributing submission and dominance to actions and not simply who possesses the authority in the relationship becomes a hinderance.

Take, for example, the scenario of your girl/boy becoming sick. You can either view the above as
"serving them" or "taking care of them". Personally, I view it as "taking care of them" and since "taking care of them" is part of my responsibility as a dominant, the act of bringing them a bowl of chicken noodle soup while they are in bed strengths my identity and role instead of weakening it.

All of it just comes down to your perspective of the issue.

< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 7/4/2011 5:09:43 AM >

_____________________________

I was once a Rabbit, driven Mad, by the Decadence of his Desires...

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Post #: 6

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 5:22:56 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

I have been thinking what do you do when outside and un for seeable forces beyond your control change your whole D/S dynamic? Like what about when the sub gets sick and needs to be taken care of though this is clearly a temporary situation with a obvious answer so lets move on to a more dramatic life changing event like job loss. Say that you lost your job and start having to stay around the house and the sub starts being the main provider of the house and starts making the financial decisions and as things progress makes the oh so innocent suggestion "Um Mistress/Master I know that your working hard on finding a job but while I am gone would could you sweep and dust." Next thing you know one thing leads to another "innocent suggestion" like asking for foot rubs after a long days at work and slowly without realizing it you have both switched.

Ummmm, yeah no.
Let's put this as simply as possible.
I'm a controlling take charge alpha male driver, on crystal with rabies.
She's quiet, submissive, non-confrontational and yielding.
I'm a taker. She's a giver.
I'm bossy, confrontational, demanding. (In other words, a prick)
She's happiest when making others happy, giving in service, selflessly operating in the background taking no credit.
Screw the externals-the only way the interactions in my relationships shift is if aliens perform brain transplants and personality transfers(Which, kids, is why one should always always wear the tin foil hat to bed every night. And no cheap ass WalMart foil puullleeeeze-Reynolds Wrap only for maximum security and peace of mind).

Otherwise, we live the roles that we are.
Get it right. Get it straight. Get it now.
My BDSM is not what we do. It's who we be.

< Message edited by Kana -- 7/4/2011 5:45:39 AM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 5:25:23 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

My Owner sometimes brings me food that He has prepared and wishes to share with me.
He is still my Owner.

My Master has gotten on His hands and knees and scrubbed my floors ... and He is still my Master.
He has washed my windows and washed dishes as well.

My Owner/Master (the same person for clarity's sake) would be that to me no matter how much money I made.

My belonging-ness is related to who He is and that directly ties into what He is to me.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 6:18:29 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

i was very ill off and on for 8 months and a lot of the time i couldn tdo things i normaly did his order was to ge better and rest. if he brought me drinks food etc then it was becuase he was caring for me not serving me the intent is different behind how actions are taken. he knew how much i wanted to get back to serving him etc and he let me very slowly do things and made me stop if i did too much. as for cleaning cooking etc its life and you ahve to do life things who ever you are. its not about beign sub dom. he loves to cook and enjoys th eprocess i love to cook for him. i clean the floor to please him make the house nice he does it becuase it needs doing.

who we are doent change its whats inside us waht we are wired to be.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 6:40:09 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

The problem I see is your premise and approach to the above situations. You seem to have developed stereotypes of actions and behaviors that are submissive and dominant.

~DD

Cut out the stereotypes, it will not help you in any relationship endeavor.

BTW: If your sub really can dom you, she's not your sub and you weren't her dom. Just saying.

_____________________________

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 6:46:12 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I was sick for a good two/three months this spring. He was still bossy as hell. Dragging me to the doctor. Demanding I take my medicine. Insisting I eat. And while I was curled up in pain he cleaned up and made the kids clean too.

He was still in charge. I still wasn't. And he's always helped clean up after dinner because with both of us doing it, the work is done sooner and we have more time to spend together.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 11

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 8:21:16 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

We don't switch roles because we are not playing at this. We didn't take on roles to play. We just remain being the same people we always have been. That way no matter what happens, I still do what I do and he still does what he does.

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 9:11:59 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

This isn't really a possibility for us. Because Carol and I are submissive and dominant as a part of our personalities rather than as a relationship role we cannot just "switch". In order for this to occur at least one of us would've needed to go through a significant life changing event which radically changes our personality.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 10:22:25 AM

Asherscorp1

Posts: 143
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline

If Master rubs my feet, cleans the house, makes food for the family, takes care of my son while I go out for the night (all of which He does with no hesitancy) it doesn't have anything to do with our roles or our dynamic. I couldn't stand being with someone who wouldn't be nurturing, domestic, etc because it wasn't the "domly" thing to do. And I am free to make good suggestions, the key is that they are respectful SUGGESTIONS, and after they are made I no longer play any part in them. If He decides to implement that suggestion then it's in His hands alone. I don't pester, or push, the final say is His completely. So, even if I was the bread-winner and had all the responsibilities in running the household (which is not far from the reality) I still wouldn't be dominant because at any point Master can make any and all decisions He chooses to and know that His orders will be obeyed. He is sort of like a feudal Lord, He doesn't micro-manage every property holder, he trusts them to manage just fine and follow His edicts. Even if He were out in the field helping the farmers He is still the Lord of the Manor. It's much more about personality, temperment and authority than simply actions that have been socially defined as dominant or submissive.

_____________________________

"The path to slavery is so narrow that two cannot walk upon it at the same time, hence why the slave must crawl behind." -- Unknown

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 10:59:44 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

An additional note... consideration does not equate to submission.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 11:03:01 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
An additional note... consideration does not equate to submission.

In your head... and in my head for that matter. But honestly that single thing is the largest reason why I no longer am interested in any of the BDSM dominant roles. As a community, there is just too much selfishness attached to those roles and I'm not that selfish. Being Carol's husband is nice and easy. I get to do nice things for her because I love her.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 11:06:25 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

I have been thinking what do you do when outside and un for seeable forces beyond your control change your whole D/S dynamic? Like what about when the sub gets sick and needs to be taken care of though this is clearly a temporary situation with a obvious answer so lets move on to a more dramatic life changing event like job loss. Say that you lost your job and start having to stay around the house and the sub starts being the main provider of the house and starts making the financial decisions and as things progress makes the oh so innocent suggestion "Um Mistress/Master I know that your working hard on finding a job but while I am gone would could you sweep and dust." Next thing you know one thing leads to another "innocent suggestion" like asking for foot rubs after a long days at work and slowly without realizing it you have both switched.

I am curious Sam. Is the above written as a genuine reflection of where your head is at or is it just some trivial bullshit dreamt up to create another 'what if' thread?

The reason I ask.....anyone that actually lives, or has lived, a power exchange dynamic would not be asking these questions.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 11:17:11 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Yeah. If I bring my sub a cupp, it's because I want to, not because my brain changed. If he gets sick, I dish the chicken soup and bring on the vicks.

Real life. Live it!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 11:57:07 AM

SAMHAIN09

Posts: 207
Joined: 11/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

I have been thinking what do you do when outside and un for seeable forces beyond your control change your whole D/S dynamic? Like what about when the sub gets sick and needs to be taken care of though this is clearly a temporary situation with a obvious answer so lets move on to a more dramatic life changing event like job loss. Say that you lost your job and start having to stay around the house and the sub starts being the main provider of the house and starts making the financial decisions and as things progress makes the oh so innocent suggestion "Um Mistress/Master I know that your working hard on finding a job but while I am gone would could you sweep and dust." Next thing you know one thing leads to another "innocent suggestion" like asking for foot rubs after a long days at work and slowly without realizing it you have both switched.

I am curious Sam. Is the above written as a genuine reflection of where your head is at or is it just some trivial bullshit dreamt up to create another 'what if' thread?

I have no idea it was just a genuine question man though looking back I shouldn't have mentioned the sick in bed scenario as that is a stupid example of what I was trying to get at.

< Message edited by SAMHAIN09 -- 7/4/2011 12:07:01 PM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you avoid the roles switching? - 7/4/2011 1:26:34 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: SAMHAIN09

I have been thinking what do you do when outside and un for seeable forces beyond your control change your whole D/S dynamic? Like what about when the sub gets sick and needs to be taken care of though this is clearly a temporary situation with a obvious answer so lets move on to a more dramatic life changing event like job loss. Say that you lost your job and start having to stay around the house and the sub starts being the main provider of the house and starts making the financial decisions and as things progress makes the oh so innocent suggestion "Um Mistress/Master I know that your working hard on finding a job but while I am gone would could you sweep and dust." Next thing you know one thing leads to another "innocent suggestion" like asking for foot rubs after a long days at work and slowly without realizing it you have both switched.

I am curious Sam. Is the above written as a genuine reflection of where your head is at or is it just some trivial bullshit dreamt up to create another 'what if' thread?

I have no idea it was just a genuine question man though looking back I shouldn't have mentioned the sick in bed scenario as that is a stupid example of what I was trying to get at.

You seem interested in learning about a lot of different aspects.
Have you looked into where there are local events/munches in your area?
In some locations they have some geared specifically for younger people called TNG.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to SAMHAIN09)

Post #: 20

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