In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have Towards Sub?

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In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have Tow... - 6/29/2011 11:10:48 PM

gorgeoushair

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Joined: 4/30/2011
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Question: During the time one, as a sub, is in training, either because that is the way the relationship has been established (W/we are going to have a D/s "training" relationship only), or it's on the way to being permanent someday, how much responsibility does the Dom have towards the sub's well-being, especially emotionally? I would think that if a Dom takes on a sub for training, He has the same responsiblities a permanent Dom would have, but I am interested in hearing from others.

Thank you.

ps. if this post shows a vanilla symbol; i have no control over it....lol.

< Message edited by gorgeoushair -- 6/29/2011 11:12:05 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/29/2011 11:31:07 PM

Aylee

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As much as you are willing to give him.

Ultimately you are always responsible for yourself no matter what kind of relationship you are in. It is that whole 'being an adult' thing.

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(in reply to gorgeoushair)

Post #: 2

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/29/2011 11:36:02 PM

myotherself

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From: The cold bit of the UK
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does it really matter about the length of the relationship?

Even a long-term, "love" relationship can end unexpectedly.

As Aylee said, it's up to you do decide how much responsibility you give the Dom/me has for your wellbeing, but remember that ultimately, YOU are responsible.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to Aylee)

Post #: 3

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/29/2011 11:41:10 PM

SpiritedRadiance

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Um Ive never had a "training" relationship because its usually just a Dom getting free service with no strings...

but no one has responsibility over myself except myself....

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 4

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 1:12:16 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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regardless of the length, I feel that BOTH are equally responsible.. to make sure that the well-being of each person is preserved, and that communication is open and is given it's proper attention.

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Post #: 5

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 1:23:08 AM

LadyPact

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Exactly as much as has been agreed upon. No more. No less.

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Post #: 6

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 4:02:30 AM

kiwisub12

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My question wouldn't be about "doms responsibilities", but about why is the OP in a "training" situation? Especially one where apparently the dom in question has placed limits that are less than optimal for the sub.

As for training itself?.................. thats a whole other can of worms - suggesting, as another poster said - free fun for the dom, or the bdsm equivalent of fuck buddies.

Since what this dom is suggesting isn't what the OP is looking for, I would suggest that the OP hold out for a dom that can connect with him/her on all levels - emotionally, physically and any other -lly

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 4:05:30 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

Um Ive never had a "training" relationship because its usually just a Dom getting free service with no strings...

but no one has responsibility over myself except myself....

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)

Post #: 8

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 4:17:55 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gorgeoushair

Question: During the time one, as a sub, is in training, either because that is the way the relationship has been established (W/we are going to have a D/s "training" relationship only), or it's on the way to being permanent someday, how much responsibility does the Dom have towards the sub's well-being, especially emotionally? I would think that if a Dom takes on a sub for training, He has the same responsiblities a permanent Dom would have, but I am interested in hearing from others.

Thank you.

ps. if this post shows a vanilla symbol; i have no control over it....lol.

I can't help but think you're being "led up the garden path" somewhat with the whole premise of training.

I teach/train my sub to serve my needs and generally do things how I want them done. But it's not like teaching a trade etc; beyond the experience of training, what she's taught is mostly useless for the next dom/me that comes into her life.

For example, I have rules and standards as to how she's to dress, groom and generally present herself in different situations. Since this is what I want and expect of her, I take the time to teach (train) her. But another dom/me may have completely different dress requirements, or none at all. So all she's really learnt is that different dom/mes will expect different things....

Which makes me think that any dom/me wishing to engage in a "training only" relationship is only looking for a no strings sexual fling under a premise that it's for your benefit. And you'd be monumentally naive to think your emotional welfare is anything such a "dom/me" wants to take responsibility for!

I'd never take on a sub for training - it's a fallacy. But for the subs I've enjoyed relationships with, there was inevitably much training involved.

And your "vanilla" symbol will be with you until you pass 25 posts. Welcome to the Forums.... :)

Focus.

_____________________________

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Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to gorgeoushair)

Post #: 9

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 4:46:54 AM

LillyBoPeep

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while i never got into a strictly training relationship (or maybe "experiential relationship" would be less icky? =p) i don't see them as totally horrible things wherein a sub is guaranteed to be taken advantage of by a guy who wants NSA everything. certainly that does happen, but i think, for some people, an experiential relationship could actually serve some purpose, as long as everyone is totally on board and understands that that's what it is.
anyway, the amount of responsibility depends on what's negotiated between the two people, but no matter what, you still have responsibility to yourself.

(don't be offended by the vanilla cone -- what's so wrong with that vanilla cone anyway? =p)

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Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 10

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 4:50:10 AM

pwnerandpwned

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Joined: 4/13/2010
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*Tries to find a way to word his thoughts...can't...so will throw words blindly at the screen and pray*

I would say the extent of responsibility of the dominant relates to how those things (emotions, safety, etc) relate to their relationship. For example, if the girl is is feeling self conscious due to something that happened during this "training", then that seems his responsibility to consider and deal with. If the girl has come to him with lifelong depression, he would not have responsibility to find her a psychologist and medication to help remedy these problems.

None of my answer has anything to do with D/s, though...more just being a good person. Whatever the scope of my interaction is with anyone, I feel the loving thing to do is to make sure those experiences are a positive part of their life and deal with any complications created by anything that is part of our relationship. If they are having problems outside of that relationship, once I become closer to them, I may well want to take responsibility in providing help there, as well, but at a minimum I'd always feel a responsibility over anything that directly stemmed from our relationship and contact.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 11

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 5:32:03 AM

HannahLynHeather

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quote:

W/we are going to have a D/s "training" relationship only

what the fuck does that mean? training for what?

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i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to gorgeoushair)

Post #: 12

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 6:58:12 AM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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You make a point of saying, "especially emotionally," which leads me to believe you might be in a situation where the guy doesn't seem to have any interest in how his "training" makes you feel emotionally and is tacking the "I'm training you" statement on as an excuse for it.

Only in so much as the emotions are attached to the "training" activities, in my opinion, anyone who doesn't care how the activities are effecting the other emotionally is a jerk. As others have said though, ultimately everyone is responsibly for their own physical and emotional safety. You have to be the one who asks yourself, "is this person supportive or interested in my feelings?"

Personally, I have never and never would enter a situation where someone wanted to "train" me, regardless of whether it was no strings attached or in the *hope* of the relationship turning long term. "Training" to me (and others as they have stated) says that the dom wants to have the luxury of playing with me and wanting me to be exclusive to him while he is out "training" anyone who will accept that situation.

(in reply to gorgeoushair)

Post #: 13

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 7:03:53 AM

DecadentDesire

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Joined: 6/18/2011
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I can't really comment on the whole "training" relationship thing without hearing the viewpoints of the dominant. It's simply foreign to me. I know some dominants use that as a replacement for the word "dating" (Personally, I just call it "dating"), but it could be as other people describe and some flowery bullshit being used as an excuse to have a sexual fling with no strings attached. Of course, nothing wrong with that if that's what you want, but if it's not, I would be cautious.

As far of the question of responsibility, the topic is too broad to narrow down into anything but a broad answer. I have a strong sense of responsibility for my girl. It's part of my personality type, the whole "guardian" and "protector" thing. However, despite my inclination to take the entire weight of the success or failure of the relationship on my shoulders and beat myself up when something goes wrong, I'm pragmatic enough to realize that's not how things work.

As far as the line that divides the responsibility, it's dealt with on a case by case scenario. Who's responsible for what is determined by the context of the situation. However, I can say that I try to have some investment in whatever problem or issue the girl I am with (or even dating for that matter) is facing in order to help them (even if that investment is simply support while they resolve it on their own). Their well-being should always be my concern.

< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 6/30/2011 7:06:39 AM >

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Post #: 14

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 7:24:37 AM

leadership527

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He has as much responsibility as he has authority. He is responsible for all the outcomes of any command which he gave and you obeyed. Yes, that includes emotional outcomes. In my world, you don't agree to give him responsibility, you agree to give him authority and the responsibility comes along for the ride.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to gorgeoushair)

Post #: 15

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 7:28:50 AM

SpiritedRadiance

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But Jeff, shes the one deciding to obey, its her job to think of the emotional ramifications of obeying said order.

they arent in a relationship from what I gather from the OP just an ongoing training situation. there for its on her. He isnt claiming responsibility or authority in the relationship hes simply training.

_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 16

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 7:30:07 AM

sunshinemiss

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I heart Jeff.

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RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 7:32:51 AM

kalikshama

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I think because you asked the question you already know the man in question is not the D for you.

Because you say:

quote:

W/we are going to have a D/s "training" relationship only

it sounds to me like this guy plans to have no strings fun with you rather than what Focus50's post (in green) describes - training as part of a relationship, not the whole relationship.

Also beware of men who use Under Consideration to accomplish no strings fun. (I read your profile so I can see that's not what you are looking for.)

Since both these terms are also used by people seeking other than casual sex, you need to know what the term means to them.

(in reply to gorgeoushair)

Post #: 18

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 7:44:03 AM

pwnerandpwned

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I heart Jeff.

I'm gonna second that. I always find him typing words that are in my head, but I can't manage to type.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 19

RE: In Training How Much Responsibility Does a Dom have... - 6/30/2011 7:49:50 AM

MstrPBK

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The Dom/Master needs to take 100% responsibility during training ...
The slave needs to learn that they have responsibility when they owned, being owned does not mean not having responsibility.

(in reply to pwnerandpwned)

Post #: 20

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