Giving up something you love for your Love.

Giving up something you love for your Love. (Full Version)

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LoveSparkie -> Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/24/2011 5:52:54 PM)
Yes, another question from me. Hey, I'm learning here.. Have you ever had to give up something you love for your significant other? I am speaking both to doms and subs here, because I'm sure there are a few things doms have had to give up in the name of love (or lust..whatever). Reason I'm asking is because I am getting to the point where I am realizing all the things I may have to give up for a future dom and wonder, am I ready for that? What was it you gave up? How did you feel about it? Why did you make the decision to give it up?

StrongSpirit -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/24/2011 7:40:26 PM)
Pretty much the same things as in vanilla relationships. Housing location, privacy, computer games, time ( spent watching movies I wouldn't normally watch, with their family, etc. et.c), money, opportunities with other submissives (I prefer monogamy), etc. etc. Of course, a good BDSM relationship is worth it.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/24/2011 7:46:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie Yes, another question from me. Hey, I'm learning here.. Have you ever had to give up something you love for your significant other? I am speaking both to doms and subs here, because I'm sure there are a few things doms have had to give up in the name of love (or lust..whatever). Reason I'm asking is because I am getting to the point where I am realizing all the things I may have to give up for a future dom and wonder, am I ready for that? What was it you gave up? How did you feel about it? Why did you make the decision to give it up? All the things? Really? Um, please don't give up all of you for someone else. I know the macho uber dom thing can be attractive. Lord knows, I've been attracted. I get that. Hawt as hell. But, listen, please, it's not worth giving up all of you. Don't do that for anyone. A good dom, one who relates to you? He won't expect it. Just talking from experience and now I will put my old tired ass to bed.

OsideGirl -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/24/2011 7:55:28 PM)
It would depend on what I'm expected to give up. My family? Never. My friends? No way. My career. Nope. My pets? Nah uh. Who I am? Not bloody likely. Will I always wear skirts with no underwear? Unlikely. Will I give up what I want to watch on TV? Sure, I'll just record it for later. Will I let you dictate my side of the bed? Absolutely. Will I let you determine what I'm eating for dinner? Of Course. Bottom line, I'm willing to give up a lot of little things. But, I'm not willing to give up somethings. Matter of fact, on some of the things, I would consider them a red flag.

lizi -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/24/2011 8:27:15 PM)
I had to think about this. I chose my SO very carefully so I wouldn't have to give up things that are meaningful to me and I got really lucky this time- he and I fit each other incredibly well. I never even have to ask for some things to do with family or school, he gets there first and tells me to do those things first and he'll wait. I love it when he does that, I don't have to feel guilty. It doesn't sound domly to put himself last but I love him for it and for being so understanding to me. I have had to give up things to do with food. After we were together for 1 1/2 years he had quadruple bypass surgery and eats a very restricted diet. Cooking and eating with him isn't as easy as it used to be, I miss the days when I didn't have to worry so much about that. We can't go to a restaurant till we've checked out the menu meticulously, I can't cook till I've vetted all the ingredients with him. I'ts a small thing though, I haven't had to give up anything big and honestly, I'm not sure I'd want to. There are worse things in life than being alone.

sexyred1 -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/24/2011 8:54:14 PM)
I gave up some of my sanity in my last relationship. Thankfully, I got it back. Never give up the important things.

erieangel -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/24/2011 10:24:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 I gave up some of my sanity in my last relationship. Thankfully, I got it back. Never give up the important things. Ditto Not likely to give up much of anything that I don't want to give up anyway. And I figure a good Dom would likely help in the endeavor of giving up some of those things that I don't want but know I should give up. The important things--they are what makes me, me.

tazzygirl -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/24/2011 11:01:12 PM)
quote: It doesn't sound domly to put himself last but I love him for it and for being so understanding to me. Sounds extremely Domly to me....

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 1:33:20 AM)
With the right match I didn't have to give much of anything up.

needlesandpins -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 2:03:47 AM)
not a D/s relationship, just 16yrs with my ex, but i gave up everything i wanted for myself to be with him because i loved him. it was fine at the time because i thought that we would have new things together instead. he made alot of promises that ended up all being broken. now while he was a great partner for a big part of my life, we most certainly weren't going in a direction that suited me. in the end i started to resent him for stiffling me and keeping me from what i wanted. i felt like i'd become a ghost of myself. now we are not together i'm alot happier. i'm free to just be me. it's hard to explain, but after two years it finally feels like i'm taking that first propper deep breath that i've struggle through an asthma attack to get. there are things that it doesn't really matter to give up, and there are somethings that you can easily compromise on. but those things that are essentially you, or those things that are most important to you? no, don't give them up. needles

LadyConstanze -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 2:17:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie Yes, another question from me. Hey, I'm learning here.. Have you ever had to give up something you love for your significant other? I am speaking both to doms and subs here, because I'm sure there are a few things doms have had to give up in the name of love (or lust..whatever). Reason I'm asking is because I am getting to the point where I am realizing all the things I may have to give up for a future dom and wonder, am I ready for that? What was it you gave up? How did you feel about it? Why did you make the decision to give it up? Actually it has nothing to do with BDSM but being with a partner... I gave up a huge flat with a roof garden (bloody miss that) in the center of a big city to move to a small town in the UK, I had to give up a few thousand books, lots of clothes, lots of furniture, a few walls full of records, being in the middle of a thriving big city, surrounded by great restaurants, having a lot of friends living nearby... I didn't really like giving it all up but I couldn't take it with me, and we both decided we'd move, so we both moved and settled in the middle. Would I do it again? Yes, I just wouldn't ever again move to the North of the UK, London anytime but not the dreaded North...

sunshinemiss -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 2:42:24 AM)
Funny. I took this a totally opposite way of the rest of the folks. My lover was a world class swimmer. I was afraid of water. One can't swim without water. So, I gave up my fear for him. It was't like I didn't have the fear, I just didn't let them surface. (A year after we broke up, I lived on a boat for a while to REALLY get rid of that fear.) He never even knew I was afraid of the water (at least I don't recall ever telling him). He just said, "sunshine, I have a swim meet. Will you come and watch me? I'd love to have you there." deep breath Well what's a girl to do? I went, I breathed through the whole thing, and celebrated his victory afterward! I also gave up my hard shell. When we first started dating, I had several lovers - lots of quantity and not much depth. We broke up and one point, and I was like "Fine. That's fine. I didn't want you anyway. Hmph." Well, a few weeks later, he called me and we went out again. He gave me a very sentimental gift and said to me, "sunshine, I want to be with you. But I won't be with you if I'm just a man you have a good time with. I want your heart, not just your body." deep breath Well, what's a girl to do? We went to his apartment, and he did an actual trust exercise with me, and I sobbed. He broke through my hard exterior in about ten minutes. I told him my deepest darkest secret that night, and he understood. And still, he loved me. And finally, I didn't give this up, but I knew I was in love, I stopped fighting when I realized (and then told him) that I would gladly convert to Catholicism for him. I wanted to be the mother of his children, and he was Catholic. His children would be raised Catholic. deep breath What's a girl to do? My love for him, and my understanding of spirituality went deeper than my choice of religion. The wonderful thing about him was that he never once demanded anything of me. He told me what he needed, what he wanted, and that was it. If I wanted to be with him, I had to be what he needed. He knew that the woman that I am was who he needed. The question was whether I was willing to stop hiding. Giving up the fear and learning to trust, being visible and loved for all of me were the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me. While we didn't work out in the end, I will always be grateful for what I gave up and for what I received. Before him, I didn't think I was capable of loving. In truth, I have never been so loved in all my life. best, sunshine

Charnegui -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 3:02:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Funny. I took this a totally opposite way of the rest of the folks. My lover was a world class swimmer. I was afraid of water. One can't swim without water. So, I gave up my fear for him. It was't like I didn't have the fear, I just didn't let them surface. (A year after we broke up, I lived on a boat for a while to REALLY get rid of that fear.) He never even knew I was afraid of the water (at least I don't recall ever telling him). He just said, "sunshine, I have a swim meet. Will you come and watch me? I'd love to have you there." deep breath Well what's a girl to do? I went, I breathed through the whole thing, and celebrated his victory afterward! I also gave up my hard shell. When we first started dating, I had several lovers - lots of quantity and not much depth. We broke up and one point, and I was like "Fine. That's fine. I didn't want you anyway. Hmph." Well, a few weeks later, he called me and we went out again. He gave me a very sentimental gift and said to me, "sunshine, I want to be with you. But I won't be with you if I'm just a man you have a good time with. I want your heart, not just your body." deep breath Well, what's a girl to do? We went to his apartment, and he did an actual trust exercise with me, and I sobbed. He broke through my hard exterior in about ten minutes. I told him my deepest darkest secret that night, and he understood. And still, he loved me. And finally, I didn't give this up, but I knew I was in love, I stopped fighting when I realized (and then told him) that I would gladly convert to Catholicism for him. I wanted to be the mother of his children, and he was Catholic. His children would be raised Catholic. deep breath What's a girl to do? My love for him, and my understanding of spirituality went deeper than my choice of religion. The wonderful thing about him was that he never once demanded anything of me. He told me what he needed, what he wanted, and that was it. If I wanted to be with him, I had to be what he needed. He knew that the woman that I am was who he needed. The question was whether I was willing to stop hiding. Giving up the fear and learning to trust, being visible and loved for all of me were the greatest gifts anyone has ever given me. While we didn't work out in the end, I will always be grateful for what I gave up and for what I received. Before him, I didn't think I was capable of loving. In truth, I have never been so loved in all my life. best, sunshine Ohhh Sunny, veryveryverybigghuggss..... You're a brave woman! And now you've put it into words, it is so reconizable to me.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 5:18:48 AM)
Wow...I haven't had to give up anything. Quite the opposite. I've gained so much more because of him.

Charnegui -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 7:08:53 AM)
It does not actually feel like giving up something. It feels like winning the lottery (in my case that is) But I also do have my issues and troubles, we'll see if upcoming time will better it.

Musicmystery -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 7:24:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie Yes, another question from me. Hey, I'm learning here.. Have you ever had to give up something you love for your significant other? I am speaking both to doms and subs here, because I'm sure there are a few things doms have had to give up in the name of love (or lust..whatever). Reason I'm asking is because I am getting to the point where I am realizing all the things I may have to give up for a future dom and wonder, am I ready for that? What was it you gave up? How did you feel about it? Why did you make the decision to give it up? At the risk of sounding idealistic..... I strongly believe that when two lovers sit down and talk, even at an apparent impasse, and agree to continue to talk until they find a solution mutually satisfying, that they will find such a resolution. I've seen it happen repeatedly. But often people don't do that. They get to the perceived impasse, and decide something's gotta give, jumping right to loss and sacrifice. And sure, that's OK to a point...but it's not the best approach, and it all too often is the beginning of cracks in the relationship's foundation, as small but denied resentments creep in. There are always more options. We just need to learn to look for them.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 7:27:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Charnegui It does not actually feel like giving up something. It feels like winning the lottery (in my case that is) But I also do have my issues and troubles, we'll see if upcoming time will better it. The material stuff (flat, furniture, books, records, clothes etc.) was easy, but giving up a place of my own that I quite liked (even if I just spent about 4 month a year there) and moving into a house that belonged to both of us, that was the hard part. I wasn't sure if I could wake up next to somebody for the rest of my life, but we solved that problem by getting a house that was bigger than we actually need it, so we had spare rooms and I got a room that is just mine, not my office, just my own bolthole, it's not even a guest room, it's just MINE.

Musicmystery -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 7:30:13 AM)
quote: While we didn't work out in the end, I will always be grateful for what I gave up and for what I received. Before him, I didn't think I was capable of loving. In truth, I have never been so loved in all my life. stands and applauds, long and loud Congratulations, sunshine. Would more people could look on their lives this way. Good things will always come to you.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 7:33:22 AM)
Whilst I was dating my ex I was tolerating not having cats...as he has allergy and gosh was he a fuss pot (there would have been no way to have a cat with him...no matter how little or how strong his allergy actually is...). So once it was clear its time to give up on him I got my cats [:D] Would I give them up for a dom? One dom thought so but he was wrong. I am fine to avoid having cats if I meet the dom during a time when I don't have a cat...however, once they are there they do have priority, so I won't dump them for anyone...so quite frankly if he doesnt like cats or has allergy against them then fine...but that doesn't cause me to dump them, once they are there, not gonna happen [:)] Apart from that I can only second what ChatteParfaitt said: quote: All the things? Really? Um, please don't give up all of you for someone else. I know the macho uber dom thing can be attractive. Lord knows, I've been attracted. I get that. Hawt as hell. But, listen, please, it's not worth giving up all of you. Don't do that for anyone. A good dom, one who relates to you? He won't expect it. Meaning once I own my own place which will be the case in about 3 years time (either due to buying my own place or due to receiving grandmas house), I would never give that up for anyone. So any oh so great dom who might think I could just include him in the ownership would be incompatible to me, cause as great it is to hand over control etc....I would not hand over my security onto anyone else...have seen too many bad outcomes (as well as near bad outcomes) that I am dead serious about such stuff...and at the same time I would not expect any inclusion in his mortgage or house, if he would have one. So whilst someone might think it would be great to sell my place for him or so...simply would not gonna happen, as currently grannys house is rented out and if I buy a place it will be only a small place I would buy and as I am realistic that any relationship can go wrong at some point in life, I would value to have my own place when I would need it if at a later stage a relationship would turn sour (though, wish I would have it right now already [8\|]). So if I don't have something I might able to accept of not having it...but once I have it, I am unlikely to just toss it over board..

leadership527 -> RE: Giving up something you love for your Love. (6/25/2011 8:07:05 AM)
I gave up my career which was (and is) a foundational element in my self-image. I was terrified. In my own head, I was risking becoming not worthy as a male (failure to provide). It's been 4 years and I still am a bit. I somehow doubt I could ever express this strongly enough, but my father pretty much wrote into the very fabric of our souls that a man provides for his family.... period... without fail or excuse. I made the decision because it's what my marriage needed. As Merc said so long ago, "We both serve the relationship". I submitted. Reason I'm asking is because I am getting to the point where I am realizing all the things I may have to give up for a future dom and wonder, am I ready for that? THIS I find to be a highly suspect line of reasoning. I'm of mixed minds on it. On one hand, Carol and I have both proven willing to give up pretty much everything for the sake of the marriage. This is what happens when you have a priority in your life. It is... well... more important than other stuff. There's nothing unusual about it and it has nothing to do with D/s. It has to do with valuing the union over the individuals. We call it "love". On the other hand, as carol's owner, I go out of my way to give her wondrous things. The very last thing I'm seeking to do is have her "give up things". I'm busy shoveling coins into her great big bowl o' happiness as fast as I can shovel. I also call that "love". So why, exactly, are you anticipating you're going to have to give up all those things?

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