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the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/23/2011 5:35:53 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		whatever happened to organic conversations in which both (or all, if there are more than two) parties were equally interested and invested in keeping up the momentum? i love talking to people who can let a conversation take its own course, run off on tangents, hit serious topics, skip back to giggle-inducing topics, and just be a nice, no-pressure way of getting to know each other.
now it seems like everything's got to be answered with as short a reply as you can possibly muster. =p and unfortunately, it's not just the internet... it's like people want the Cliff Notes on you so that it doesn't seem quite so awkward for them to ask you to hop into bed with them almost instantly. "well, i know all your favorite colors and foods!" sorry, but we still don't really know each other very well.

*le sigh*


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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/23/2011 6:26:10 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		People have no attention span. 

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/23/2011 6:37:12 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
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From: Hell
Status: offline 		If you figure it out, let me know. 
 
In all seriousness, I think the "information age" with its penchant for instant messages, texting, Twitter, and cell phone conversations while on the go have created a culture in which bite-sized snippets of information are expected.  We've moved away from the era in which conversation was a staple part of society.  It's a learned skill and people are no longer learning it because they don't feel they need it.  Regardless of whether or not it's true, that seems to be the perception.
 
Fortunately, there are still people who are great about maintaining a conversation.  I've got a genderqueer email pal who is just awesome about writing long, detailed messages.  He's got some serious health issues so it can sometimes take awhile for him to reply, but he always does.  He considers himself a "fop" and loves all things Victorian or from the Romantic period.  I think that plays a big part in his conversational skill. 
 
Conversational skill is one of my screening criteria.  If the person can't hold up his/her end of an intelligent conversation, I lose interest quickly and I move on to someone who can.

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/23/2011 6:41:17 PM   
pahunkboy


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From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Right= people are endlessly distracted.

Notice you cant even watch tv and just enjoy it-  they push what "is coming up".   So you get to the big event that came up and you cant enjoy that- because some other event is "coming up".  So you can never just take in the moment.   Ever.

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/23/2011 7:47:35 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Via email I tend to be very, to the point. But once you get past the computer, onto the phone or in person.........god help you.

There is a dear friend of mine, someone I adore, that used to participate here UR2Badored, or something along those lines. When we get on the phone, I can easily run my cell phone battery dead.

Whether it is artful conversation or not...........questionable

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 6/23/2011 7:48:53 PM >

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/23/2011 8:16:42 PM   
pahunkboy


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From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		The distractions annoy me../ but this week once again- I am dealing with 3 broken records.  Some people like to tell and retell me the same shit they told me 20 times before.   I have taken my phone off the hook most of the week.  I do not want to hear the big long story- that takes 40 minutes- for 2 mins worth of new info..

particularly when I cant get a word in edgewise....    makes me want to just set the phone down and go to lunch.

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/23/2011 8:55:14 PM   
Edwynn


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

If you figure it out, let me know. 
 
In all seriousness, I think the "information age" with its penchant for instant messages, texting, Twitter, and cell phone conversations while on the go have created a culture in which bite-sized snippets of information are expected.




Bingo.

And now you have to watch out for them in public lest they bump into you while poking a finger into some small device. But that might be another subject.

We get to hear all this whether we want to or not, almost anywhere we go in public. Another 'bonus.'






< Message edited by Edwynn -- 6/23/2011 8:57:43 PM >

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/23/2011 9:10:14 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
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From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		....oh yay not.  lol

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/23/2011 11:52:32 PM   
Awareness


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Status: offline 		  I go with laconic responses until the person I'm talking to has demonstrated they're not a fucking moron.  Because frankly, the odds are not in their favour.

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/24/2011 12:01:41 PM   
Fetters4U


Posts: 393
Joined: 5/25/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

whatever happened to organic conversations in which both (or all, if there are more than two) parties were equally interested and invested in keeping up the momentum? i love talking to people who can let a conversation take its own course, run off on tangents, hit serious topics, skip back to giggle-inducing topics, and just be a nice, no-pressure way of getting to know each other.
now it seems like everything's got to be answered with as short a reply as you can possibly muster. =p and unfortunately, it's not just the internet... it's like people want the Cliff Notes on you so that it doesn't seem quite so awkward for them to ask you to hop into bed with them almost instantly. "well, i know all your favorite colors and foods!" sorry, but we still don't really know each other very well.

*le sigh*


True!


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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/24/2011 12:06:59 PM   
Fetters4U


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Joined: 5/25/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy
Notice you cant even watch tv and just enjoy it-  they push what "is coming up".   So you get to the big event that came up and you cant enjoy that- because some other event is "coming up".  So you can never just take in the moment.   Ever.


You used to get about 40 mins of TV an hour.. The rest was commercials
Now you get about 20 minutes since they spend half the time telling us what they are going to do.Take the news.. By the time they get to the teaser at the end, they have shown the first part at least a dozen times, then if you are lucky, you get an extra 20 seconds or so.. It sux, and not in a good way!!


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Male-Dom-Straight

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up. -- Mae West
I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far. -- Mae West

To err is human; to edit, divine...

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/25/2011 10:59:47 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Edwynn

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

If you figure it out, let me know. 
 
In all seriousness, I think the "information age" with its penchant for instant messages, texting, Twitter, and cell phone conversations while on the go have created a culture in which bite-sized snippets of information are expected.




Bingo.


agreeeeeed; most people don't read full articles anymore, they just breeze through for buzzwords, and call it a day.
when i was much younger, i remember the oldsters complaining about this and i thought they were just being silly old people. fast forward to today and i actually agree with them.

pahunkboy actually has a good point, too -- "the moment" is never good enough; we're caught up in big event chases; once one passes there's got to be another one, or it doesn't hold interest. i used to really enjoy just sitting in the basement with M and talking about nothing in particular; it worries me that moments like that might become more and more rare


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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/25/2011 11:13:09 AM   
windchymes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

  I go with laconic responses until the person I'm talking to has demonstrated they're not a fucking moron.  Because frankly, the odds are not in their favour.


LOL....and when people give me laconic answers when I'm trying to get to know them, I conclude they're a fucking moron.....

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/25/2011 11:22:34 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I agree that our accelerated technology and digitally focused world has reduced our ability to communicate in a meaningful social way.

Even for business it hampers expression. As someone in sales, I long ago mastered the art of selling, and part of that was actually speaking to a prospect or client.

Now, with the digital age and sound bytes, that art of selling has turned into a science of selling, because of the reduction in the personal touch. You spend more time trying to get in front of people than ever before.

How can I evangelize a value proposition to someone in just an email? I can do it far better in person or on the phone.

In terms of conversation, I find it difficult to find people who are good communicators. I can tell within 5 minutes of talking to someone whether they are a good communicator and even more, a good listener.

One pet peeve I have is when I finally give someone my phone number, I expect them to actually call me within a reasonable amount of time (3 days). I cannot tell you how many men text instead. I refuse to deal with those men.

Interestingly enough, I find the older guys text instead of call while the younger ones, who you would think would text, do call.

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/25/2011 11:50:09 AM   
popularDemand


Posts: 228
Status: offline 		... sorry, what were we talking about?

pD

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/25/2011 1:08:03 PM   
Edwynn


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Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
pahunkboy actually has a good point, too -- "the moment" is never good enough; we're caught up in big event chases; once one passes there's got to be another one, or it doesn't hold interest. i used to really enjoy just sitting in the basement with M and talking about nothing in particular; it worries me that moments like that might become more and more rare



Actually, "the moment" seems to be useful only to the extent it can be texted or cell-phoned nowadays. It's amazing, when people are at a concert to see a band they supposedly like so much, then spend the half the time texting and sending their cell phone cam transmission to several of their friends while paying half-attention to the show itself: "hey! I'm at the Blind Birth Binki show! look at me!"

I was taking a walk around the lake the other day and this nice young couple were strolling along, each on the cellphone, talking about nothing at all important (since they made it easy for everyone else to hear) to someone else, instead of enjoying what was a really nice day outdoors and the company of each other, either in shared experience silence and observation of what was around them or r/l conversation.



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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/25/2011 1:14:28 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I take people as they come. If they are unable to have a conversation (which seems extremely common from the men that email me) I do not expect more out of them. They self selected out of my dating pool, and I am sure they are happier for it.

I do not think much about the lost art of conversation. I just think that when it is right conversation isn't forced and it flows easily. It is one way I have of determining if I 'click" with someone. If we cannot talk easily and often I know I am not into them.




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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/25/2011 1:20:28 PM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes


quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness

  I go with laconic responses until the person I'm talking to has demonstrated they're not a fucking moron.  Because frankly, the odds are not in their favour.


LOL....and when people give me laconic answers when I'm trying to get to know them, I conclude they're a fucking moron.....


I conclude they are not right for me...

To me conversation has to be a two way thing... in other words if the guy isn't carrying his end of the canoe, I get to feeling as though they are not going to be very much fun to talk to, and nothing but work. If I am not invested in them, why work for them?

On the other side of the coin are men who will only talk about themselves. I am willing to listen to as much as they will tell me, because if often tells me that they are self absorbed and we share little in common. I am a very good listener, though, and they usually do not suspect what I am thinking.

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/25/2011 7:14:01 PM   
sunshinemiss


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Status: offline 		It's simple, silly lily.

Everyone wants to be the Quote of the Day!

:)



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RE: the Art of Conversation -- what happened? - 6/26/2011 12:37:12 AM   
SexyBossyBBW


Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
Status: offline 		I'm terrible at small talk.
With some people I had had conversations that are hours long, and with others, there are lots of pauses. If I know someone is smart, but we're having lots of pause, I usually chalk it up to nerves, and shyness.

If we simply disagree on most things under the sun, I don't tend to pursue that.
I don't know why I converse well with some people, and have nearly nothing to say with others.... Oh, there are also times where there is intense chemistry, and I can't think clearly, but that hasn't happened often at all.

I haven't really replied to your question, but that's all I've got to say to this. M

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