LafayetteLady
Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Kalista07
Well here's some pertinent details of the situation i may have left out previously..... He bought the house prior to us being married. So, while it is in his name we we were both well aware that we could not afford it with out each other.
So....I feel obligated to help him so he doesn't loose the house. Last time I talked to him she was not helping him with any of the bills.
Kali.
In most states, that will likely qualify as pre-marital property. HOWEVER, if you were already engaged and planning to wed, some courts will rule that the house was bought with the intent of becoming marital property.
What does that all mean? If he starts looking for you to pay him to support the house, you fight that it should be considered marital property with all the benefits that go with it, i.e. your share of the value. If the property is considered marital and he can't afford to buy you out (I assume you have no children together), then the house will be sold essentially immediately (unless you both agree to wait for the market to improve).
If the house is considered pre-marital property, then how he pays for it is his problem. You are NOT entitled to any remimbursement for money you put out or into the house, as you were living there and the court will consider monies expended "in lieu of rent."
In most states, if you are married less than 7-10 years, alimoney (paid to or by either party) will be unlikely. The fact that you apparently worked throughout the marriage (as did he, I assume), means you are both marketable (or still employed) and therefore should be self supporting.
If I remember correctly, you live in Ohio. Almost every state currently operates as a "no fault" divorce state with equitable distribution. That means that whether it was a poly relationship or he was out screwing the neighbor it doesn't change the distribution of marital assets. It could, however, garner you attorney costs (which are never the actual cost of your attorney, but helpful). Equitable distribution and community property are VERY different. Community property is almost always 50/50 split (think California). Equitable distribution, on the other hand, means that each partner receives their "fair share" of the marital assets. Biggest issue there is that the court decides what that "fair share" is.
Someone mentioned speaking to several attorneys not as a means of creating conflict of interest, but to find someone you are comfortable with. This is very good advice. If the first attorney you speak to (or any) rub you the wrong way or don't make you feel comfortable and confident of your position legally, RUN don't walk to the next. You have to feel comfident that your attorney is going to work for YOU, not simply the money. A shark, sadly, will often draw out the divorce in order to make more money. A shark makes more money the more acrimonious the divorce is. Something to be aware of and watch out for.
quote:
ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
Seriously! Girl, you need a mediator, badly. Someone to look out for YOUR best interests. I know where you are coming from. I do the same damn thing. ARGH. I just want to smack us both!
To be clear, a mediator is NOT looking out for YOUR interests. The job of a mediator is to negotiate a peaceful settlement between the parties. Most courts will order the parties to meet with a mediator anyway if there is no agreement.
For those who are saying don't listen to the advice of anyone on these boards....I worked as a Family Law Paralegal for nearly 20 years, and I can tell you that very few of the people here have delved into anything that you didn't talk about. Yes, there were a few that don't appear to understand matrimonial law and think that "fair" in legal terms is the same as "fair" in the world, and it isn't. That is why I tried to clarify above.
It is not bad to listen to the advice or experience of others. You are a smart cookie and can figure out what might or might not apply to your situation. If someone says something that strikes a cord with you, bring it up with the attorney you choose. Trust me, they are used to clients saying, "so and so said this happened in their situation," or "xyz said I should do this." They will clarify whether those things fit in your situation or follow the law in your state.
NEVER be afraid to ask questions, lots of questions, of your attorney. In fact, when seeking an attorney, asking lots of questions and seeing how they answer is a great way to determine if the attorney is right for you. I suggest you get yourself a notebook and start writing down your questions as you think of them to bring with you to the attorneys' offices. Many attorneys offer a free consultation (for about 30 minutes) and so you want to make good use of that time.
If one attorney's answers are different than another's, question them further. If one is different from several, ask why. Be honest. Tell them you have spoken to several others who disagree with his/her answer and ask why they have a different view.
Google is your friend in a divorce. You should be able to find a link to all the relevant statutes for your state, and that should help clear up questions, or help you develop new ones.
Divorce, regardless of the reason, is always a painful process on some level (except for rare circumstances). The more you know, the easier it is for you to finish it quickly and move on.
If you listen to NOTHING I (an experienced professional in the field) or anyone else says to you, listen to the resounding advice everyone has said about this: You do not owe him anything! Your first priority in this whole thing is YOU.
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RE: Honesty without outing - 
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