How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive)

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How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 5:54:58 AM

LoveSparkie

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/17/2010
Status: offline

I have been asked so many times when my interest in this lifestyle started. To be honest, I ask myself the same thing. I have no idea!

I grew up in a STRICT religious home. I attended a small Christian school, attended church services 4-5x a week, no dating, even at a young age our interactions with the opposite sex was closely monitered. Our dress code was strict too... no pants for girls, no jewelry, no makeup, no haircuts. Even TV was not allowed and anything but gospel music and Christian radio was frowned on. You would THINK that I would have grown to become stand offish with anything to do with sex or anything "kinky".

Yet as far back as I can remember I have had this secret "freaky" side to me (that before I was sure meant something was very wrong with me)
When all my friends as young girls where dreaming of their first kiss...so was I, but in my fantasy..I was tied up. (I kid you not.)

My fascination with being dominated and becoming completely "helpless" and submissive seems to go back all the way to the age of 9 or 10 and considering my upbringing..it doesn't make sence. It wasn't until a few years ago I realized this actually had a name and an entire lifestlye surrounding it.

Any explanations? When did you become interested?

< Message edited by LoveSparkie -- 6/18/2011 5:55:55 AM >

_____________________________

"You'll never know the good with out the bad.
It's not until you experience pain that you will know pleasure.
It's not until you experience heartbreak that you will know true love.
It's when you face death, that you truly love life."
~Sparkie~

Post #: 1

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 6:23:57 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Find this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Some-Women-Laura-Antoniou/dp/1563335735

There is a piece about all the BDSM in the Christian Bible. It will explain everything.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 2

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 6:26:53 AM

LoveSparkie

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Find this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Some-Women-Laura-Antoniou/dp/1563335735

There is a piece about all the BDSM in the Christian Bible. It will explain everything.

Whoa..wait..theres something about BDSM in the Bible?! Apparently I missed that chapter.

_____________________________

"You'll never know the good with out the bad.
It's not until you experience pain that you will know pleasure.
It's not until you experience heartbreak that you will know true love.
It's when you face death, that you truly love life."
~Sparkie~

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 3

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 7:05:12 AM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

Myself and a great many others are like you in that we were born this way. I can remember intentionally getting into trouble just so I'd get a spanking for it. I especially loved the female baby sitters who were strict and would spank. I was like this long before puberty, my submissive and masochistic sides manifested well before my sexual awareness.

We have had similar discussions on this forum a number of times and I will caveat the following with the fact that it does/ means different things for different people. Here is my version, you are welcome to ask me any questions on here or privately.

In reading your profile, I find many things that I would say about myself. I submit and serve because I choose to do so, it gives me joy and fulfills a need just as being in a "normal" relationship fulfills a need for vanillas. I hear you saying that you are not a weak person and don't need someone controlling your life for you, but you do enjoy giving away control. If I read this correctly, that is exactly my personality as well.

For me, BDSM offers tremendous mental release and comfort as well as the pleasures. I've been in vanilla relationships where everything was good, but the 100% absence of submission was just too much for me and doesn't work for me.

I wish you the best in your search.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 4

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 7:07:51 AM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Find this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Some-Women-Laura-Antoniou/dp/1563335735

There is a piece about all the BDSM in the Christian Bible. It will explain everything.

Whoa..wait..theres something about BDSM in the Bible?! Apparently I missed that chapter.

I did a quick Google and didn't find what I was looking for (a sight I used to know of that gives a comprehensive listing of the verses), but it's mostly from the D/s aspect and there is a great deal addressing how a woman should submit to her husband.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 5

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 7:13:50 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline

i think Muttling has an apt interpretation of the profile; that's the way i feel about it, too. it's a choice you make (even if that choice is giving away your choice =p) not because you can't do anything else, but because you want to.

as far as BDSM in the Bible goes, i think it's more in the line of cultural themes or messages that can be interpreted as "BDSM-y" by someone who chooses to read them that way. there are verses that admonish slaves to serve their earthly masters just as well as they would serve God, etc etc.
of course some people argue that this is just a sneaky way to keep people held in slavery against their will from rebelling, but you can read that however you choose to read it.

i don't follow any organized religion anymore, but as far back as i can remember, despite the religious teachings, i had fantasies about all sorts of things that i thought were totally off-the-wall. =p it wasn't until i got to play on the internet that i found lots of other people were already doing the stuff i was thinking up. =p

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to Muttling)

Post #: 6

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 7:40:49 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

In a way I envy you Sparkie. I have no such story. There was no "secret freaky side" to me... not then and not even now really. Some times I wonder how different my relationship would be if either Carol or myself had such a thing to fuel it's freakiness.

For me, it's all terribly pragmatic. I'm a good leader comfortable with authority. Carol's not. We love each other but I'm in charge.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 7

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 8:25:12 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I come from a non religious Jewish home, we've summered in a gay community my whole life. You would think if exposure did anything, I'd be gay or bi. I'm not. I'm straight as an arrow.

Personally I'm a middle child of parents who tried to fight only when the kids couldn't hear them. I still did and I've always hated it. I'm more comfortable not being the person who has to make the hard decisions and carry them through.

Bondage has intrigued me since I saw Nell getting tied up in the old Dudley Dooright cartoons.

I was never spanked as a kid and not until I was 48 years old. It was an always positive experience for me. As to where it comes from? I assume it's hard wired. I could speculate that bondage is a regression in the same way some infants are calmed by tight swaddling. But that's entirely speculation with zero facts to back it up.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 8

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 8:25:46 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I thought you were a rastafarian. hmmmmmmmmmm......

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 8:32:18 AM

tj444

Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

I think we are born that way, for the most part.

For me as a child, fantasies of being dominated...
I grew up on a farm. I rejected God and religion as a child. I was the oldest of 3 kids so training my parents was all on my shoulders, they needed to learn to let me live my life as I wanted.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 10

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 9:46:23 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

why not just accept and enjoy who you are. Will you ever really figure it all out anyway? Probably not.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 11

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 9:51:49 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive)

Next time anyone asks, just tell 'em you've been PROGRAMMED submissive... like in "The Matrix". They'll never bother you again.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 12

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 9:56:44 AM

Back2theFuture

Posts: 183
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline

Me? I was once an innocent young boy(ok more innocent than I am now) until I was corrupted by the evils of dominate women.

I am just a happless victim.

< Message edited by Back2theFuture -- 6/18/2011 9:57:08 AM >

_____________________________

　／l、
ﾞ（ﾟ､｡７
　l、ﾞ ~ヽ
　じしf_, )ノ

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Post #: 13

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 10:46:31 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

When I discovered that others had similar wants and desires I was stunned. I wanted to know why I was like this. I researched everywhere online. I researched in books. I spent 9 months researching and asking why.

I finally found the answer. The answer is that is does not matter at all. What matters is that I accept myself for what I am and that I love myself. Once I had my priorities straight I could continue on with exploring and learning.

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 14

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 10:50:05 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

In a way I envy you Sparkie. I have no such story. There was no "secret freaky side" to me... not then and not even now really. Some times I wonder how different my relationship would be if either Carol or myself had such a thing to fuel it's freakiness.

For me, it's all terribly pragmatic. I'm a good leader comfortable with authority. Carol's not. We love each other but I'm in charge.

That suprises me Jeff. Does it matter how or why you do what you do with Carol?

Unless you're back-scratching, what on earth are you envying?

Your route to a sweet-bippy relationship doesn't have any hidden angst or weird childhoody perviness.......? Discovering an interest via Second Life is rather dull, translating that into your rl marriage is utterly usual and rather dull........??

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 15

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 11:31:53 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl
That suprises me Jeff. Does it matter how or why you do what you do with Carol?

It's a grass is greener thing.

No, my common sense tells me that only a very seriously stupid person would question the happiness my relationship generates. I try really hard to not be that dumb when I can avoid it. But it's hard not to wonder at least what it would be like fueled by hot childhood fantasy rather than the cold pragmatism of leading my marriage (which, granted, is getting a lot less cold and pragmatic as time wears on ~laughs~)

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 16

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 12:18:52 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

why not just accept and enjoy who you are. Will you ever really figure it all out anyway? Probably not.

That's how I see it as well. We often have people come to CollarMe and ask "Why do I <fill in kinky behavior here>?" The real answer is, "How the hell should we know?"

People will inevitably give their theories, yet the reality is that nobody knows how the OP became this way. Moreover, even is she visits an army of psychiatrists, the OP is never likely to find the answer she seeks. But does it really matter why? As you said, "why not just accept and enjoy it?"

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 17

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 12:43:52 PM

scarletsubbie

Posts: 31
Joined: 10/27/2010
Status: offline

for example, some could say that being raised strictly led to a desire to rebel, but a nagging feeling that you will get what's coming (so why not enjoy it all together? a reasonable view, to me)
others would say you crave the domination of the religio-patriarchal society in which you were raised. (psychologically reasonable)

still others would say that the two can exist hand-in-hand, a deep belief and a freaky side. (one of the freakiest people I know is a young earther Xtian, and I know a good handful of kinky fundies in the Jewish and Hindu traditions)

Some are to the manner born (yes this is a pun and I can spell and use manor correctly), some discover it at life crossroads.

be you, be joyful, be a little freaky!

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 18

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 12:59:08 PM

LordOdhinn

Posts: 37
Joined: 11/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

People will inevitably give their theories, yet the reality is that nobody knows how the OP became this way. Moreover, even is she visits an army of psychiatrists, the OP is never likely to find the answer she seeks. But does it really matter why? As you said, "why not just accept and enjoy it?"

Especially if you visit an army of psychologists!

The OP is fortunate that she is accepting of her own nature. Those of us in an older generation grew up in a world where being dom or sub meant for many of us that we felt very isolated and strange for being true to our natures.

That said, I think a good proportion of how we fall on the dom/sub scale is inherent in our brain wiring. I certainly grew up in a nonreligious/non-authoritarian household. Did some inherent need to have more structure make me dom rather than sub. Perhaps that is part of it, but clearly if a strict or loose upbringing was the key factor, there would be a lot more of us out there than there are.

I wish the best for the OP. Enjoy who you are. It is wonderful!

_____________________________

Chatte Wrangler Extraordinaire

50% Humbler than the Other Leading Brands!

Bearer of the "Heather Seal of Trustiness"

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 19

RE: How did I become to be this way?! (Submissive) - 6/18/2011 1:09:15 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Find this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Some-Women-Laura-Antoniou/dp/1563335735

There is a piece about all the BDSM in the Christian Bible. It will explain everything.

Whoa..wait..theres something about BDSM in the Bible?! Apparently I missed that chapter.

There's a whole explanation in that book. Enjoy!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to LoveSparkie)

Post #: 20

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