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Subs who top - 6/16/2011 2:42:48 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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i've always been fascinated by other subs who top; i don't really have any desire to (i guess other than rope or cell popping, but those are mostly art projects =p). i know there are some who top for their masochistic dominants, or those who top others if given permission or ordered to, or those who are switches. if any of these describe you, do you care to elaborate on it?

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RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 3:53:48 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
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<I know I'm not one of them but I'm sure you won't mind me saying that> I luuuuuurve me some submissive tops! I have a friend (actually she's the Mrs of MrHCurious, but that's confusing written down) who likes to middle sometimes - I think she likes the effect of getting people to make pretty noises and things without actually having to be in authority.

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RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 4:04:04 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I would feel soooooo uncomfortable having to top anyone.
Thankfully, he hates that thought even more than I do.

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RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 4:12:02 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

Is that a nice way of saying that you hit like a girl?

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RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 4:14:42 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Submissive tops are FAB!! And so often, SO EVIL!

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RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 4:38:32 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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I am a sub who has occasionally topped. It helps that I am a sadist as well as a masochist because I know how to inflict pain with a minimum of damage and as I have been indulging for decades I am creative about it. I have topped for people I like and who have asked for it. It doesn't matter if they are dominant or not, once I am topping they are only targets for reaction. I aim for reaction. Although I am sadistic I mostly direct that toward myself, when I am being sadistic FOR another person it is strictly for reaction. I get no emotional/mental/physical jollies from giving them pain. I only view it as a service to them.

I do not top people unless there are special circumstances, such as when I have to demo at a party, or if my dominant partner wishes to indulge his inner masochist. In the last couple of years I have opted out of topping because at my age I find that is pretty much all people want from me. I would rather be nilla that be solely a top. I could never be dominant.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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Post #: 6

RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 4:48:27 PM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

I have a friend (actually she's the Mrs of MrHCurious, but that's confusing written down) who likes to middle sometimes - I think she likes the effect of getting people to make pretty noises and things without actually having to be in authority.

now that's interesting -- i like this "Middling" term
i've flitted around other people's scenes (where i've been invited) and tinkered with them; i find that fun at times, though i don't want to be the one calling the shots or planning things.
if someone's doing fire cupping, and they say "hey do you want to pull some cups off?" sure, i'll totally do that; it's very fun. =p but i don't want to be the one in control of it.

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Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

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Post #: 7

RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 4:52:48 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I would never want to top in real life, however, these boards oftentimes make me want to slap the shit out of people.

So perhaps I could be an online sub who tops.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 8

RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 4:57:41 PM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

now that's interesting -- i like this "Middling" term
i've flitted around other people's scenes (where i've been invited) and tinkered with them; i find that fun at times, though i don't want to be the one calling the shots or planning things.
if someone's doing fire cupping, and they say "hey do you want to pull some cups off?" sure, i'll totally do that; it's very fun. =p but i don't want to be the one in control of it.

...step into my parlour.

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Sthetic on FetLife.

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Post #: 9

RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 4:58:41 PM

LillyBoPeep

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Joined: 12/29/2010
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oh my... ^.^

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Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

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Post #: 10

RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 7:21:12 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

Give me a little saran wrap and duct tape....I think I could manage to top for while. But you might not like it LOL!

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Post #: 11

RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 7:42:34 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I am a sub who has occasionally topped. It helps that I am a sadist as well as a masochist because I know how to inflict pain with a minimum of damage and as I have been indulging for decades I am creative about it. I have topped for people I like and who have asked for it. It doesn't matter if they are dominant or not, once I am topping they are only targets for reaction. I aim for reaction. Although I am sadistic I mostly direct that toward myself, when I am being sadistic FOR another person it is strictly for reaction. I get no emotional/mental/physical jollies from giving them pain. I only view it as a service to them.

I do not top people unless there are special circumstances, such as when I have to demo at a party, or if my dominant partner wishes to indulge his inner masochist. In the last couple of years I have opted out of topping because at my age I find that is pretty much all people want from me. I would rather be nilla that be solely a top. I could never be dominant.

I can very much relate to this statement, except, I don't mind being dominant, I can easily do that. Yes, I am far more sadistic than I am masochist. The main thing is I aim for reaction, and I can see that in the doms who like me, they like my reactions.

I personally see BDSM as far more about reactions. I've had more than one dom not need to do anything other than fuck me well, he got the reaction he needed.

Having that synergy is all, it does not matter what you need to do to manufacture it.

As always JMO, YMMV.

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Post #: 12

RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 7:45:37 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I would feel soooooo uncomfortable having to top anyone.
Thankfully, he hates that thought even more than I do.

Oh yeah! I had a Dom who wanted me to do this. I absolutely hated it! It made me freak out everytime. It was one of the first things I asked Master when we got together because if he even had even a slight interest in it I would have been gone. lol.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 13

RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 8:37:33 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i've always been fascinated by other subs who top; i don't really have any desire to (i guess other than rope or cell popping, but those are mostly art projects =p). i know there are some who top for their masochistic dominants, or those who top others if given permission or ordered to, or those who are switches. if any of these describe you, do you care to elaborate on it?

I fall into the S/M switch catagory. I like to coax blood out of the body in a creative fashion and if I can create an atmosphere (and I can) where someone is just begging to bleed for me, all the better.

I get high on movement.. so watching a drop of blood roll down the small of the back, being the instrument that brings up the welt or watching someone walk after I've done a needle fish net all work for me. It's not sexual .. just powerful - a rush and much better for me than doing drugs.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 14

RE: Subs who top - 6/16/2011 8:43:30 PM

sexisubi

Posts: 373
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

If I do it for a Dom I'm fulfilling a fantasy of theirs its normal for some Doms to want a little action but when I've done this they never really lost control. They just let me do a little more, rp'ed a scene where they were still a bad ass, or over powered me at least once for fun.

I also Domme'd for a submissive for a short time, and that was fun.. but it just wasn't for me i just wanted to know what it was like on the other side... short story: wasn't my bag of glitter, I'm a sub no doubt about it, even though probably a better one for doing so. It did give me a different perspective on my own submissive nature and what I desired as a submissive, and from a Dom.

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bound by love,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIvvaqUdDm8

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Post #: 15

RE: Subs who top - 6/17/2011 7:33:47 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

I don't know that there is much to describe Lilly.

Carol is socially submissive. Someone... anyone really... tells her to do something and she's going to be very inclined to do it (within the limits of safety/stupidity). I don't have any explanation for that. It just is.

In the bedroom, Carol has a toppy streak. It's taking some effort for me to unearth it. I think her submissive personality rejects it as inappropriate. Again, I don't think there's any "why" exactly. She's sex positive in general. She's always had a serious dark & dangerous side. I think "domme clothes" fit her better than silks. Although what's true here is that the social overrules the sexual. If she was being all "toppy" and I gave a command or just rolled her over and took her then she'd suddenly be all bottom-ey.

She doesn't do it because I order her to. I'm not masochistic at all (and for us, topping doesn't mean sadism necessarily). Nor am I very bottom-ey in the bedroom although sometimes I'm lazy. It's just a thing that's in there. We do not see social d/s and bedroom d/s to be even remotely connected so for us it's not really a mystery that she is sub in one category and switch in another.

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 16

RE: Subs who top - 6/17/2011 7:45:39 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
I think her submissive personality rejects it as inappropriate.

i can relate to that, really. i know i have a sadistic streak (i've always had that), but i generally only feel comfortable letting it out through "middling" (i love that VC!) and tinkering with people under the command of someone else. i have no desire to actively and independently scene with someone as a top. i wouldn't even know where to start.
in my last relationship, i'd occasionally start a wrestling match with M, but that was mostly so that i could lose, because physical power was a turn on. sometimes i'd be wily and get some good pins in there, but it was honestly primarily so that i could lose. =p but if he wasn't game, and told me "cut it out," that was it.

OH! and i also think it's really important to be wary of over-analyzing an organic interaction. if you're sitting there thinking "holy crap, am i topping?!" rather than being yourself and living in the moment, then i think the terminology is getting in the way. when i'd start wrestling matches, i thought of that as just being playful, even if i was sitting on top of him "holding him down," which he only let me do for a little while. =p it wasn't a big "ah ha, no i'm topping you!" moment, just something organic.

< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 6/17/2011 7:48:01 AM >

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

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Post #: 17

RE: Subs who top - 6/17/2011 7:52:03 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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*nods* This is why I'm working on it with her. As far as I am concerned, it is a valid part of her personality just like all the others. By definition it cannot be in appropriate. It is CAROL. So we're working through it slowly. But if we're already fooling around and I see the right kind of energy start in her I'll try to fan the flames and see where it goes. I'm working on reassuring her that in the end, we both know who's boss. She can't really do anything to displease me whether or not she's all toppy at the moment. I'm pondering getting a bedroom collar for me. Back when I was new to being her master the collar served as visible permission. Perhaps it'd do the same in her eyes?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 18

RE: Subs who top - 6/17/2011 7:55:17 AM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

*nods* This is why I'm working on it with her. As far as I am concerned, it is a valid part of her personality just like all the others. By definition it cannot be in appropriate. It is CAROL.

that's a really nice, simple way to state it. who you are can't be inappropriate because it's who you are. that's an issue that a lot of people with vastly conflicting parts of personality have trouble with.

always nice to hear your levelheaded approach to things. ^_^

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

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Post #: 19

RE: Subs who top - 6/17/2011 7:58:08 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I have no desire to top in the bedroom but have been known to be quite assertive outside of a sexual dynamic. In fact, my workers who know I'm on CM assume I'm a Domme.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 20

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