The Nuclear Family (Full Version)

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FelineFae -> The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 2:23:45 PM)

quote:

Definition of NUCLEAR FAMILY
: a family group that consists only of father, mother, and children


How come ?[&:]

Do you, or have you ever, lived in such a household ?

What would you view to be the pro's and con's of such mode of co-habitation ?



littlewonder -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 3:19:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

quote:

Definition of NUCLEAR FAMILY
: a family group that consists only of father, mother, and children


How come ?[&:]

Do you, or have you ever, lived in such a household ?

What would you view to be the pro's and con's of such mode of co-habitation ?


It's how i grew up, it's how my child was raised until her father died, then it was me and her. We always had family living close by with their nuclear families within their own households but each house was separate.

For me personally a traditional nuclear family is the ideal family situation but again, I'm conservative and old-fashioned.





calamitysandra -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 3:45:37 PM)

I grew up in a family like this, and my childhood was not a happy one. But that had nothing, or not much, to do with the family constellation, and everything with the individuals involved.

Now I am raising my own children in the same situation, and I am doing damn well everything in my power to make sure that they will have happier memories.   



popularDemand -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 3:54:48 PM)

There is no reason for this 'mode of cohabitation' in the modern world.

Not since laws were braught in to restrict the age and manner at which children can be put to work.

pD



slaveluci -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 4:17:20 PM)

Yes, I have lived in "such a household." I was born and raised in a family situation that included mom, dad, brother and sister. Too many "pro's" to mention. No "con's" in particular. I was always aware that other living situations existed and that they were fine too.

luci



FelineFae -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 5:33:49 PM)

i believe any structure of family that is united in love is a wondrous thing.

Often i am saddened that our incarnation of the English language has so few words to denote various forms of love.
Mother, daughter, wife, grandmother, cousin, father, husband, brother, son, grandfather, uncle, aunt... there should be more variants of these as well, as i see it.

Akin to " brother-in-law " and " whomever-in-law " i have recently coined the term " brother-by-love " and " sister-by-love " to express my relation to my flat-mates. i do hope the terms will catch on. i do not feel that family is exclusive to whom we share our genetics.

Just my " two cents " and thoughts of fancy.[:)]

e2a

i also dislike the term " friend of the family ". It seems over-used, additionally, it has taken on a negative conotation in recent times.



LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 5:42:43 PM)

When my sister & I were growing up there was a woman & her nuclear family to whom we were very very close. They were like our second family. Their daughter Lois & I were very close. Nellie grew up in our grandparents' home & changed my mother's & her siblings' diapers, helped to care for them. Nellie was like the mom we'd wanted but didn't get.

One day a few years ago, my nephew asked his mother how we were related to Nellie & my sister said she couldn't come up with an answer. When she told me this, without hesitation I said, "That's easy! We're related by love."



juliaoceania -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 7:55:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

quote:

Definition of NUCLEAR FAMILY
: a family group that consists only of father, mother, and children


How come ?[&:]

Do you, or have you ever, lived in such a household ?

What would you view to be the pro's and con's of such mode of co-habitation ?



The happiest period of my life was spent in a nuclear family. There was my mom, my dad, my 3 siblings, and me. My father passed away when I was 13, and to be honest I cannot think of any cons of that arrangement. Our lives went to collective hell when he died. It took years for me to rebound from it as an individual.


My ex and I only lived that way for one year, and it was all cons, no pros.



0ldhen -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 8:05:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

i" i have recently coined the term " brother-by-love " and " sister-by-love " to express my relation to my flat-mates. i do hope the terms will catch on. i do not feel that family is exclusive to whom we share our genetics.



I love this....not to different from a bikerly Bro......



Termyn8or -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 9:45:34 PM)

FF, the nuclear family is the best way to educate the kids. One works, the other takes care. The one who works also takes part.

So many things go better, but that is not to say there is no other way. Does the plan for this specify gender ? After some learning, I think not. there were these stories about " How come you have two Moms ? ", but that is something that was bound to happen, and it's probably good that it did.

T^T



SternSkipper -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 10:16:42 PM)

quote:

There is no reason for this 'mode of cohabitation' in the modern world.
Not since laws were braught in to restrict the age and manner at which children can be put to work.


If you say so. I think though it's kind of how humans have been coming together since at least primordial man to procreate and as the central organizing unit of societies. Sure, there are things that make it 'not necessary'. Hell procreation is not necessary when you take it at that level.
  With that said, plenty of people survive not being from a traditional nuclear family these days.





SternSkipper -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 10:19:12 PM)

quote:

Akin to " brother-in-law " and " whomever-in-law " i have recently coined the term " brother-by-love " and " sister-by-love " to express my relation to my flat-mates. i do hope the terms will catch on. i do not feel that family is exclusive to whom we share our genetics.


In my view, widening the scope of what "family" is to you is a pretty positive thing. Gives you more people to care for and be connected with.




popularDemand -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/8/2011 11:46:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SternSkipper

quote:

There is no reason for this 'mode of cohabitation' in the modern world.
Not since laws were braught in to restrict the age and manner at which children can be put to work.

If you say so. I think though it's kind of how humans have been coming together since at least primordial man to procreate and as the central organizing unit of societies. Sure, there are things that make it 'not necessary'. Hell procreation is not necessary when you take it at that level.
With that said, plenty of people survive not being from a traditional nuclear family these days.

You don't get it do you?

anyhow... the "gene" is 'kind of how' humans have been coming together etc etc.

That is our driving influence.

How we organise ourselves and how defend that gene is out of our hands.

You have no choice.
You have no control.

You are lost.

("You", refering to species, not individual)

pD



Termyn8or -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/9/2011 12:28:19 AM)

"There is no reason for this 'mode of cohabitation' in the modern world."

That is not true.

T^T



Termyn8or -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/9/2011 12:50:03 AM)

"If you say so. I think though it's kind of how humans have been coming together since at least primordial man to procreate and as the central organizing unit of societies. Sure, there are things that make it 'not necessary'. Hell procreation is not necessary when you take it at that level. "

One day we will have to compare dealers. But don't take that the wrong way. I get what you say. This "normal" nuclear family such as was prevalent up until the 1960s or so, it served a prupose. The two Parents each had their role. The provided in one way, or the other. This led to the development of healthy, strong and smart individuals from their spawn.

Now the biological fact remains that two, and only two people are responsible for the creation of a new human life, and logic follows that those two particular people will be the most interested in seeing that new life have the greatest potential possible, no holds barred.

Given that, it is a logical conclusion that if either or both of those particular people are replaced by others, those others will, despite their best intentions, never have the same loyalty to the cause. Be honest, if your kid is not yours, do you care as much ? To say yes is to lie. That is a fact, no matter how much anyone will avoid admitting it.

And don't discount the fact that this goes both ways. Adopted kids spend much time and money to find their estranged birth Parents, even though they were those who had abandoned them. There is something more in the equation here.

What gives to this desire ? Can you answer ? I doubt it. But then in the same breath I admit that I cannot either.

don't it always seem to go,
that you don't know what you got till it's gone,
they paved paradise,
and put up a parking lot.

People do not lament the loss of those things which they never had, and the trend is to take it away. Slowly but surely the fabric of society is being unwoven. Do you disagree ? If not why then disagree on this particular point ? It's all the same. Some things are more important than others but you have to realize, if you ain't got a Wii you ain't worth a pee. That is apparently the standard now.

Like I used to build PCs and practically give them out for people who didn't have money, now people do this with video games and everybody thinks it's the same thing. Like when I loaded the things with SAT improvement programs (which I stole) and all kinds of cool basic things and the usual editors, word etc. Encarta and all that, now assholes think that it's the same thing to get the little ficker a video game. And then they wonder why they raised a gangbangin' crackhead pimp.

Don't ask me. Remember, I know nothing.

T^T

(don't take the snarkiness personal, it's meant for society and well....whatever.)



FelineFae -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/9/2011 1:31:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

FF, the nuclear family is the best way to educate the kids. One works, the other takes care. The one who works also takes part.

So many things go better, but that is not to say there is no other way. Does the plan for this specify gender ? After some learning, I think not. there were these stories about " How come you have two Moms ? ", but that is something that was bound to happen, and it's probably good that it did.

T^T


i'm not sure i follow you here, Termy'. Okays, lets see if i can toe the line of something i feel rather strongly about. In the US, a great many parents depend on the government for the majority of their offsprings' education. Lesser matters such as "the birds and the bees" and driving an automobil still seem to be instructed by those in the parental roles... but reading, writing, and 'rithmatic, those come from the State.

Personally, i feel quite lucky. One set of my grandparents, and part-time guardians, had an RV. We went so many places and i learned so much. Another grandfather had two masters degrees and was an officer in the USAF, he was responcible for the bulk of my education. Over the years i spent time at many boughs of my family tree, learning from all of them. Even my Uncle was my first Art teacher. i still happily remember my lesson, instructions as to the convience of depth. A great aunt taught me piano lessons, and my mother was a small time professional singer, she gave my vocal lessons. Now if only someone had taught me to spell...[8|] Still, i do not think that two traditional parents could have offered such a positive exposure to education.

Sorry for any and all typos i may have missed this morning. my meds are having fun at my expence.



Termyn8or -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/9/2011 2:11:41 AM)

I think you spell just fine. (I know that is technically grammatically incorrect)

You feel lucky. How is that ? I feel lucky too. (that is grammatically incorrect also)

Enough on that. A fellow member mailed me and asked me if I thought that if we took babies at birth to a common upbringing would they score the same on intelligence tests. I think there would be minor discrepancies, but MINOR. That influence and environment are of prime importance. Now on the surface this may appear to be a clanish thing, but that is far from my belief.

In this particular subject, if you are a living, thinking and relatively normal human being, who would be the most important person in your life ? Your offspring. There is no denying it. Whe you have two people maintaining the environment for the offspring and teaching it, there are no two people in the world who will be more devoted to that task than the actual Parents of that offspring. There is no question. Any Parent on this board will support this claim.

So many things happen. Dad is a drunk, or Mom is on crack or something. Many variables cloud the picture. Also there is the fact that what a person becomes is much more dependent on his environment than his genetics. However if all else is equal, the REAL Parents will have the strongest loyalty, the strongest connection. And the reverse is true. Imagine turning ten and finding out you were adopted.

There is no argument against this, and I do not encourage any. I do admit that there are so many incubators and sperminators on this planet that many offspring must be taken into care by more competent individuals, adults preferably. But that is not how it was meant to be.

If you think this archaic, think of this. What was the survival rate of the human race many years ago when these things were upheld as the greatest virtues ? Now in compare, what do you think the chances are now ? It used to work and there is no reason for it not to work now.

But that is not to say that something else might not work. Two people devoted to that upbringing can make a difference, of that I have no doubt. But it happened naturally in the past, because those two people were related by baby, in a way blood. They took some stake in that. They thought it meant something.

Since we are here, they may have been right.

T^T



FelineFae -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/9/2011 2:41:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

Imagine turning ten and finding out you were adopted.



You may have read in my past posts, that at the age of ten, i was adopted. [8D]



DesFIP -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/9/2011 4:38:01 AM)

Mostly this was how I was raised. But I had a great uncle who would come and stay with us for six months or so at a time. Grandmother on the other side might stay for three months.



sunshinemiss -> RE: The Nuclear Family (6/9/2011 5:26:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

i believe any structure of family that is united in love is a wondrous thing.

Akin to " brother-in-law " and " whomever-in-law " i have recently coined the term " brother-by-love " and " sister-by-love " to express my relation to my flat-mates. i do hope the terms will catch on. i do not feel that family is exclusive to whom we share our genetics.


Fae,
I snipped your post.  When I worked with children in foster care, I often talked to them about "family of the heart" and how that was the only one that matter.  Who is in your family of the heart?  It was wonderful to see them understand this concept immediately.  Oftentimes, the family by blood were also members of the "family of the heart" so when they drew pictures of their family or talked about them, I 100% supported them. 

I don't know how I came up with that term - may have even read it in a book, but it has always stuck with me. Many people have less than perfect relationships with family, and it is a real joy to see how wonderfully people are able to embrace this concept. 

Richard Bach (anyone who knows me, knows that I absolutely adore that man's writings) wrote in one of his books something I 100% believe:

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.   Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.

Best,
sunshine



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