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s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 9:49:56 AM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

I'm not a new comer to BDSM, by any stretch. I am currently playing with a dear friend who is normally sub, but exploring the Dominant side with me as the subject of her explorations (its quite fun.)

In this position, I have had to learn much more about the skills of a good sadist so I can answer her questions. It has been quite an eye opening experience and my respect for all of the sadists I have known has greatly grown as all were really good.

Now my question.....

Do you as a masochist or the Sadists among us who have known the same masochist(s) for a long period of time, find that the pain thresholds between pleasure, discomfort, and limits vary?

Currently I'm in a mode where I'm a lot more sensitive to pain than I can ever remember being. I still love the intensity and love playing within my limits or going just a touch over the line, but the lines have definitely moved for me.

I am curious if others have experienced the same.

Post #: 1

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 9:54:01 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

everything varies, depending on mood, skill, timing, emotional state, job promotion, last blowjob, size of last gift of jewelry, etc.

(in reply to Muttling)

Post #: 2

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 10:00:08 AM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

everything varies, depending on mood, skill, timing, emotional state, job promotion, last blowjob, size of last gift of jewelry, etc.

hehe.........Yes, but not what I was getting at. Corporal is one of my favorites, but a spanking intensity that I used to find great fun or quite easily tolerated as a punishment is now extremely harsh for me. It's an odd change and has nothing to do with your list....except the possibility of emotional state (I've always liked more pain when under a lot of stress in vanilla life.)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 3

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 10:05:30 AM

DeviantMan

Posts: 131
Joined: 5/27/2011
From: Greece
Status: offline

What Michael said, is still accurate. If you take away the jewelry, blowjob, and promotion, and replace them with anxiety, stress, and daily-life peace levels, you get an answer. He did include mood, and state of mind, as well as... timing.
Like I once said to a friend, "If someone pours hot wax all over my dick, while I'm tied up, I might as well cum all over. If someone does that out there on the street, chances are he'll get his teeth in a plastic bag"

_____________________________

And, what if I told you that it's more sick to live a masquerade life, hiding your nature, until old age turns you into a bitter, and sore caricature of your former self?

(in reply to Muttling)

Post #: 4

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 10:09:55 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

Don't forget more physiological factors - how well do you regulate your blood sugar levels? How does your weight compare to your old weight? What about your water retention levels? Are you on medication that affects the thickness of your blood, or the dilation of your blood vessels?

(ETA: don't actually feel you have to answer those questions to a bunch of strangers on the internet; they're rhetorical.

)

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 6/3/2011 10:11:35 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to DeviantMan)

Post #: 5

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 10:19:45 AM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Don't forget more physiological factors - how well do you regulate your blood sugar levels? How does your weight compare to your old weight? What about your water retention levels? Are you on medication that affects the thickness of your blood, or the dilation of your blood vessels?

(ETA: don't actually feel you have to answer those questions to a bunch of strangers on the internet; they're rhetorical. )

I don't mind answering and have thought of this.

how well do you regulate your blood sugar levels? - I'm extremely well managed for a Severe Type I diabetic, but that's a relative statement. This hasn't changed in years.

How does your weight compare to your old weight? - My weight has been within a 20lb range for the last 10+ years. (200 to 220lbs.)

What about your water retention levels? - I'm always a bit on the low end of healthy hydration and always have been.

Are you on medication that affects the thickness of your blood, or the dilation of your blood vessels? - Type I diabetics have thin blood in general

To add one, my medications haven't changed in over 2 years either. I suspect it's just a physiological change with aging, but the change is dramatic enough and one that has persisted for several months (if not a year.) Thus, I thought I would ask others of their experiences over long periods.

< Message edited by Muttling -- 6/3/2011 10:21:30 AM >

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 6

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 10:53:30 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
everything varies, depending on mood, skill, timing, emotional state, job promotion, last blowjob, size of last gift of jewelry, etc.

^ What he said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If your question was about getting a "leather ass", then the answer is also yes. I don't know what they call it where you are, but around here when some experienced masochist over the years develops a super high tolerance to pain (usually her ass) they call it a "leather ass". After years of beatings and bruising, some of the nerve endings get damaged. This lowers their ability to transmit signals, pain or pleasure.

The average mild flogging or spanking that leaves pink skin doesn't do much damage but hard beatings that leave bloody bruises can. This is why many experienced edge players won't cross their strokes or strike the same area over and over after it's been badly bruised. Beating on an already swollen nerve is even more likely to damage it.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 7

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 11:04:02 AM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
everything varies, depending on mood, skill, timing, emotional state, job promotion, last blowjob, size of last gift of jewelry, etc.

^ What he said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If your question was about getting a "leather ass", then the answer is also yes. I don't know what they call it where you are, but around here when some experienced masochist over the years develops a super high tolerance to pain (usually her ass) they call it a "leather ass". After years of beatings and bruising, some of the nerve endings get damaged. This lowers their ability to transmit signals, pain or pleasure.

The average mild flogging or spanking that leaves pink skin doesn't do much damage but hard beatings that leave bloody bruises can. This is why many experienced edge players won't cross their strokes or strike the same area over and over after it's been badly bruised. Beating on an already swollen nerve is even more likely to damage it.

I've never heard that term, but have certainly seen it. This said, I'm experiencing the exact opposite. More like a cotton candy ass than a leather ass.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 8

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 12:31:19 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

My question back to you would be, before you starting playing with this particular friend, how much playing were you doing prior?

Pain tolerance absolutely does fade. When clip came back from his deployment, his wasn't anything like it was before he left. If you were playing regularly, then went through a period where you were playing rarely, if at all, that tolerance will drop.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Muttling)

Post #: 9

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 1:03:26 PM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

My question back to you would be, before you starting playing with this particular friend, how much playing were you doing prior?

Infrequent, perhaps once or twice a month. This said, my frequency of play with her is about 2 to 3 times a month. (The vanilla Domme we call work is a quite selfish one.) I've never really been in a situation where I could play more than once a week and usually not even that.

I'm scratching my head for things that have changed in the past few years and not coming up with much.

< Message edited by Muttling -- 6/3/2011 1:05:42 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 1:18:53 PM

ParappaTheDapper

Posts: 190
Joined: 4/28/2011
Status: offline

Yes! My tastes are undeniably fickle, and this includes some tastes that might intuitively seem to be hardwired like pain threshold. A lot of it is probably physiological (the variables VC mentioned) and a lot of it is just that my brain is a big beautiful mystery, even to me!

I would also add though that another variable for me is who I'm playing with. Some people bring out the willingness, even eagerness, to take things to levels that I'd consider crazy with other partners. I just love when some people hurt me. In your case, I'm definitely more reserved and have a lower threshold around people who seem at all hesitant or halting in the way they approach a scene. I'm not sure how much faith I put in the notion of "experienced" vs "inexperienced" because Christ some people are just naturals and others just never quite click no matter how many times they play a certain role but it's also true that people very often feel nervous and tremulous when they are first starting out and any kind of apprehension on the part of a partner seems to affect the way my body responds to pain and pleasure even if it doesn't dampen my eagerness to play.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muttling

I'm not a new comer to BDSM, by any stretch. I am currently playing with a dear friend who is normally sub, but exploring the Dominant side with me as the subject of her explorations (its quite fun.)

In this position, I have had to learn much more about the skills of a good sadist so I can answer her questions. It has been quite an eye opening experience and my respect for all of the sadists I have known has greatly grown as all were really good.

Now my question.....

Do you as a masochist or the Sadists among us who have known the same masochist(s) for a long period of time, find that the pain thresholds between pleasure, discomfort, and limits vary?

Currently I'm in a mode where I'm a lot more sensitive to pain than I can ever remember being. I still love the intensity and love playing within my limits or going just a touch over the line, but the lines have definitely moved for me.

I am curious if others have experienced the same.

_____________________________

You can't say A is made of B, or vice versa. All mass is interaction--Feynman

...and if you missed it, I'm the one who said "Just grab 'em in the biscuit"--either Feynman or Humpty Hump, I forget

(in reply to Muttling)

Post #: 11

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 2:21:56 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The less you play, the less your pain tolerance is, generally speaking. So if you had a break, that could be why.

Otherwise, emotional state. Since you're helping teach her, with you as test dummy, you can't relax and just float. You have to stay alert in order to give her feedback and suggestions. I would imagine that this is what the root cause is.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ParappaTheDapper)

Post #: 12

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 2:31:28 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantMan

What Michael said, is still accurate. If you take away the jewelry, blowjob, and promotion, and replace them with anxiety, stress, and daily-life peace levels, you get an answer. He did include mood, and state of mind, as well as... timing.
Like I once said to a friend, "If someone pours hot wax all over my dick, while I'm tied up, I might as well cum all over. If someone does that out there on the street, chances are he'll get his teeth in a plastic bag"

That is true. I said the same thing about hot wax, if I am tied up and someone is pouring hot wax over certain areas, I am in bliss, but if they poured it on my hand in a restaurant I would scream in pain.

For me, it is all about my arousal level. The more aroused I am, the more I can take. If I am upset, stressed, scared, not feeling well, or the person is fucking up what they are doing to me, then I cannot take alot of pain.

(in reply to DeviantMan)

Post #: 13

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 2:32:56 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Uh, yeah.............

The blowjob stays.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 14

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 2:47:01 PM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

A very good discussion and thanks to all. Lets keep it going.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

For me, it is all about my arousal level. The more aroused I am, the more I can take. If I am upset, stressed, scared, not feeling well, or the person is fucking up what they are doing to me, then I cannot take alot of pain.

You've hit on something that strikes a note with me. She's not screwing it up, I am very comfortable with her, and she can take me into sub space which I totally love. This said, there is a different metric to the relationship and the play. As with you, my thresholds vary with the feel of the scene.

Part of what I really like about the BDSM community is that there are always new things to learn, people willing to help you figure it out, and playmates willing to explore with sanity.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 15

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 2:51:22 PM

DeviantMan

Posts: 131
Joined: 5/27/2011
From: Greece
Status: offline

What do you mean "the blowjob stays"??? The blowjob comes AFTER the spanking... never before.

_____________________________

And, what if I told you that it's more sick to live a masquerade life, hiding your nature, until old age turns you into a bitter, and sore caricature of your former self?

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 16

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 2:53:12 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

My ex was not experienced with any of this; I had to teach him everything. So in his ignorance and eventually, selfishness, he thought that just because I moaned in ecstasy over one thing that produced pain, meant, Yippee!! now she must like every evil, sadistic thing I want to do to her.

Uh, no. That was a big problem with us because the longer we were together, the more he found himself wanting to be far more sadistic than I could deal with. I am not a masochist; I just like some eroticized pain. But he did not get it.

I love floggers for example. But I don't like wire hangers. So if you hit me with one, even if I am aroused, I will instantly fall out of the scene and get really, really mad. That is a bad pain vs. a good pain.

(in reply to Muttling)

Post #: 17

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 2:54:15 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantMan

What do you mean "the blowjob stays"??? The blowjob comes AFTER the spanking... never before.

Or during....just sayin'.

(in reply to DeviantMan)

Post #: 18

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 2:57:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Spankings can come before, during or after the blowjob. Preferably all of the above.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 19

RE: s/M Question to all... - 6/3/2011 2:57:59 PM

Muttling

Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

My ex was not experienced with any of this; I had to teach him everything. So in his ignorance and eventually, selfishness, he thought that just because I moaned in ecstasy over one thing that produced pain, meant, Yippee!! now she must like every evil, sadistic thing I want to do to her.

Uh, no. That was a big problem with us because the longer we were together, the more he found himself wanting to be far more sadistic than I could deal with. I am not a masochist; I just like some eroticized pain. But he did not get it.

I love floggers for example. But I don't like wire hangers. So if you hit me with one, even if I am aroused, I will instantly fall out of the scene and get really, really mad. That is a bad pain vs. a good pain.

I totally understand this. For me it's a matter of a caring Domme which she definitely is. A caring Domme can accidentally go to the bad pain side and I actually like that one step over the line, it's when they stay over the line and ignore the line (what I am hearing you say) that is a big turn off.

This said, my current playmate doesn't turn me off and I don't play with her just for her benefit.....I enjoy it toy. I just wish I weren't getting so wimpy about pain. <sigh>

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 20

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