s/M Question to all...

s/M Question to all... (Full Version)

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Muttling -> s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 9:49:56 AM)
I'm not a new comer to BDSM, by any stretch. I am currently playing with a dear friend who is normally sub, but exploring the Dominant side with me as the subject of her explorations (its quite fun.) In this position, I have had to learn much more about the skills of a good sadist so I can answer her questions. It has been quite an eye opening experience and my respect for all of the sadists I have known has greatly grown as all were really good. Now my question..... Do you as a masochist or the Sadists among us who have known the same masochist(s) for a long period of time, find that the pain thresholds between pleasure, discomfort, and limits vary? Currently I'm in a mode where I'm a lot more sensitive to pain than I can ever remember being. I still love the intensity and love playing within my limits or going just a touch over the line, but the lines have definitely moved for me. I am curious if others have experienced the same.

SimplyMichael -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 9:54:01 AM)
everything varies, depending on mood, skill, timing, emotional state, job promotion, last blowjob, size of last gift of jewelry, etc.

Muttling -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 10:00:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael everything varies, depending on mood, skill, timing, emotional state, job promotion, last blowjob, size of last gift of jewelry, etc. hehe.........Yes, but not what I was getting at. Corporal is one of my favorites, but a spanking intensity that I used to find great fun or quite easily tolerated as a punishment is now extremely harsh for me. It's an odd change and has nothing to do with your list....except the possibility of emotional state (I've always liked more pain when under a lot of stress in vanilla life.)

DeviantMan -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 10:05:30 AM)
What Michael said, is still accurate. If you take away the jewelry, blowjob, and promotion, and replace them with anxiety, stress, and daily-life peace levels, you get an answer. He did include mood, and state of mind, as well as... timing. Like I once said to a friend, "If someone pours hot wax all over my dick, while I'm tied up, I might as well cum all over. If someone does that out there on the street, chances are he'll get his teeth in a plastic bag"

VaguelyCurious -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 10:09:55 AM)
Don't forget more physiological factors - how well do you regulate your blood sugar levels? How does your weight compare to your old weight? What about your water retention levels? Are you on medication that affects the thickness of your blood, or the dilation of your blood vessels? (ETA: don't actually feel you have to answer those questions to a bunch of strangers on the internet; they're rhetorical. [8D])

Muttling -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 10:19:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious Don't forget more physiological factors - how well do you regulate your blood sugar levels? How does your weight compare to your old weight? What about your water retention levels? Are you on medication that affects the thickness of your blood, or the dilation of your blood vessels? (ETA: don't actually feel you have to answer those questions to a bunch of strangers on the internet; they're rhetorical. [8D]) I don't mind answering and have thought of this. how well do you regulate your blood sugar levels? - I'm extremely well managed for a Severe Type I diabetic, but that's a relative statement. This hasn't changed in years. How does your weight compare to your old weight? - My weight has been within a 20lb range for the last 10+ years. (200 to 220lbs.) What about your water retention levels? - I'm always a bit on the low end of healthy hydration and always have been. Are you on medication that affects the thickness of your blood, or the dilation of your blood vessels? - Type I diabetics have thin blood in general To add one, my medications haven't changed in over 2 years either. I suspect it's just a physiological change with aging, but the change is dramatic enough and one that has persisted for several months (if not a year.) Thus, I thought I would ask others of their experiences over long periods.

ResidentSadist -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 10:53:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael everything varies, depending on mood, skill, timing, emotional state, job promotion, last blowjob, size of last gift of jewelry, etc. ^ What he said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ If your question was about getting a "leather ass", then the answer is also yes. I don't know what they call it where you are, but around here when some experienced masochist over the years develops a super high tolerance to pain (usually her ass) they call it a "leather ass". After years of beatings and bruising, some of the nerve endings get damaged. This lowers their ability to transmit signals, pain or pleasure. The average mild flogging or spanking that leaves pink skin doesn't do much damage but hard beatings that leave bloody bruises can. This is why many experienced edge players won't cross their strokes or strike the same area over and over after it's been badly bruised. Beating on an already swollen nerve is even more likely to damage it.

Muttling -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 11:04:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael everything varies, depending on mood, skill, timing, emotional state, job promotion, last blowjob, size of last gift of jewelry, etc. ^ What he said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ If your question was about getting a "leather ass", then the answer is also yes. I don't know what they call it where you are, but around here when some experienced masochist over the years develops a super high tolerance to pain (usually her ass) they call it a "leather ass". After years of beatings and bruising, some of the nerve endings get damaged. This lowers their ability to transmit signals, pain or pleasure. The average mild flogging or spanking that leaves pink skin doesn't do much damage but hard beatings that leave bloody bruises can. This is why many experienced edge players won't cross their strokes or strike the same area over and over after it's been badly bruised. Beating on an already swollen nerve is even more likely to damage it. I've never heard that term, but have certainly seen it. This said, I'm experiencing the exact opposite. More like a cotton candy ass than a leather ass.

LadyPact -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 12:31:19 PM)
My question back to you would be, before you starting playing with this particular friend, how much playing were you doing prior? Pain tolerance absolutely does fade. When clip came back from his deployment, his wasn't anything like it was before he left. If you were playing regularly, then went through a period where you were playing rarely, if at all, that tolerance will drop.

Muttling -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 1:03:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact My question back to you would be, before you starting playing with this particular friend, how much playing were you doing prior? Infrequent, perhaps once or twice a month. This said, my frequency of play with her is about 2 to 3 times a month. (The vanilla Domme we call work is a quite selfish one.) I've never really been in a situation where I could play more than once a week and usually not even that. I'm scratching my head for things that have changed in the past few years and not coming up with much.

ParappaTheDapper -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 1:18:53 PM)
Yes! My tastes are undeniably fickle, and this includes some tastes that might intuitively seem to be hardwired like pain threshold. A lot of it is probably physiological (the variables VC mentioned) and a lot of it is just that my brain is a big beautiful mystery, even to me! I would also add though that another variable for me is who I'm playing with. Some people bring out the willingness, even eagerness, to take things to levels that I'd consider crazy with other partners. I just love when some people hurt me. In your case, I'm definitely more reserved and have a lower threshold around people who seem at all hesitant or halting in the way they approach a scene. I'm not sure how much faith I put in the notion of "experienced" vs "inexperienced" because Christ some people are just naturals and others just never quite click no matter how many times they play a certain role but it's also true that people very often feel nervous and tremulous when they are first starting out and any kind of apprehension on the part of a partner seems to affect the way my body responds to pain and pleasure even if it doesn't dampen my eagerness to play. quote: ORIGINAL: Muttling I'm not a new comer to BDSM, by any stretch. I am currently playing with a dear friend who is normally sub, but exploring the Dominant side with me as the subject of her explorations (its quite fun.) In this position, I have had to learn much more about the skills of a good sadist so I can answer her questions. It has been quite an eye opening experience and my respect for all of the sadists I have known has greatly grown as all were really good. Now my question..... Do you as a masochist or the Sadists among us who have known the same masochist(s) for a long period of time, find that the pain thresholds between pleasure, discomfort, and limits vary? Currently I'm in a mode where I'm a lot more sensitive to pain than I can ever remember being. I still love the intensity and love playing within my limits or going just a touch over the line, but the lines have definitely moved for me. I am curious if others have experienced the same.

DesFIP -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 2:21:56 PM)
The less you play, the less your pain tolerance is, generally speaking. So if you had a break, that could be why. Otherwise, emotional state. Since you're helping teach her, with you as test dummy, you can't relax and just float. You have to stay alert in order to give her feedback and suggestions. I would imagine that this is what the root cause is.

sexyred1 -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 2:31:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantMan What Michael said, is still accurate. If you take away the jewelry, blowjob, and promotion, and replace them with anxiety, stress, and daily-life peace levels, you get an answer. He did include mood, and state of mind, as well as... timing. Like I once said to a friend, "If someone pours hot wax all over my dick, while I'm tied up, I might as well cum all over. If someone does that out there on the street, chances are he'll get his teeth in a plastic bag" That is true. I said the same thing about hot wax, if I am tied up and someone is pouring hot wax over certain areas, I am in bliss, but if they poured it on my hand in a restaurant I would scream in pain. For me, it is all about my arousal level. The more aroused I am, the more I can take. If I am upset, stressed, scared, not feeling well, or the person is fucking up what they are doing to me, then I cannot take alot of pain.

mnottertail -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 2:32:56 PM)
Uh, yeah............. The blowjob stays.

Muttling -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 2:47:01 PM)
A very good discussion and thanks to all. Lets keep it going. quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 For me, it is all about my arousal level. The more aroused I am, the more I can take. If I am upset, stressed, scared, not feeling well, or the person is fucking up what they are doing to me, then I cannot take alot of pain. You've hit on something that strikes a note with me. She's not screwing it up, I am very comfortable with her, and she can take me into sub space which I totally love. This said, there is a different metric to the relationship and the play. As with you, my thresholds vary with the feel of the scene. Part of what I really like about the BDSM community is that there are always new things to learn, people willing to help you figure it out, and playmates willing to explore with sanity.

DeviantMan -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 2:51:22 PM)
What do you mean "the blowjob stays"??? The blowjob comes AFTER the spanking... never before.

sexyred1 -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 2:53:12 PM)
My ex was not experienced with any of this; I had to teach him everything. So in his ignorance and eventually, selfishness, he thought that just because I moaned in ecstasy over one thing that produced pain, meant, Yippee!! now she must like every evil, sadistic thing I want to do to her. Uh, no. That was a big problem with us because the longer we were together, the more he found himself wanting to be far more sadistic than I could deal with. I am not a masochist; I just like some eroticized pain. But he did not get it. I love floggers for example. But I don't like wire hangers. So if you hit me with one, even if I am aroused, I will instantly fall out of the scene and get really, really mad. That is a bad pain vs. a good pain.

sexyred1 -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 2:54:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeviantMan What do you mean "the blowjob stays"??? The blowjob comes AFTER the spanking... never before. Or during....just sayin'.

DesFIP -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 2:57:04 PM)
Spankings can come before, during or after the blowjob. Preferably all of the above.

Muttling -> RE: s/M Question to all... (6/3/2011 2:57:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 My ex was not experienced with any of this; I had to teach him everything. So in his ignorance and eventually, selfishness, he thought that just because I moaned in ecstasy over one thing that produced pain, meant, Yippee!! now she must like every evil, sadistic thing I want to do to her. Uh, no. That was a big problem with us because the longer we were together, the more he found himself wanting to be far more sadistic than I could deal with. I am not a masochist; I just like some eroticized pain. But he did not get it. I love floggers for example. But I don't like wire hangers. So if you hit me with one, even if I am aroused, I will instantly fall out of the scene and get really, really mad. That is a bad pain vs. a good pain. I totally understand this. For me it's a matter of a caring Domme which she definitely is. A caring Domme can accidentally go to the bad pain side and I actually like that one step over the line, it's when they stay over the line and ignore the line (what I am hearing you say) that is a big turn off. This said, my current playmate doesn't turn me off and I don't play with her just for her benefit.....I enjoy it toy. I just wish I weren't getting so wimpy about pain. <sigh>

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