How do you deal with an ex in the community? (Full Version)

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kaylive -> How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/12/2011 11:30:57 PM)

If they are the type who bugs you to death or someone you may have beef with?



GreedyTop -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/12/2011 11:38:15 PM)

ignore.



LadyPact -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/12/2011 11:40:05 PM)

Paying for that crap you related on other threads, are you?

Personally, I've never had a problem.  I had exes years ago.  None of them ever could say a word about My integrity.

The problem with the electronic age is everyone knows everything.  Cowardly crap is publicized for the world to see.

If I recall correctly from the prior thread:

"It's a damn shame when a woman with a strap-on has bigger balls than you".

When you want to be the bigger man, stop the junior high bullshit.



myotherself -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/12/2011 11:41:11 PM)

You deal with it in exactly the same way as if it was an ex who was part of your vanilla social group.




SylvereApLeanan -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/12/2011 11:42:01 PM)

It's LP's turn to save me typing.  Generally, when I have an ex who travels in the same circles as I do, I try to act like a mature adult.  You might want to try that.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 1:29:09 AM)

some exes are trouble. those ones you just stab in the face repeatedly til they leave you alone.

hannah lynn



sunshinemiss -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 3:38:07 AM)

Here's what you do... Well, here's what *I* do anyway.

I make a pact with myself to always act appropriately and to be an adult.

Then I figure out what that means. For me, it means that if I'm having an emotion around the person, I don't engage with them. I don't approach them more than to nod a hello. If they approach me, I merely state something along the lines of, "I'm doing well, but at the moment I'm not able to talk with you. Will you excuse me, please?" and then I walk away. There is no lie in that (I am doing pretty well generally speaking most of the time, I am not able to speak with them because I don't trust myself to not say something that I will regret, and I do need to leave them.).

I did this with an ex who was g*d - awful horrible to me, and I can tell you that it was devastating when time after time I was treated badly. I did succumb one, and only one time to my feelings, and that lasted about 7 seconds (I started to say something and shut my mouth before the first word came out.). I high tailed it out as fast as my little feet could take me, and then I called a friend who had coffee with me. Of all the behaviors that I exhibited (walking away, nodding in acknowledgement, etc.) those 7 seconds are the only ones that have stayed on my mind all these years later. But what a good lesson to learn. Today, I can say that I am pretty much proud of the way I handled that whole situation because despite some rather ugly opportunitites, I handled myself with grace and dignity (except for those 7 seconds).

But this leaves an empty space. Now what do you do?

You stay away. You get a new hobby, you change groups, you go to different restaurants, cafes, take a different bus or subway or sit in a different section. You avoid the people who are the links between you if they talk to you about that person. You tell your friends that this topic is off limits for the time being. You focus on YOU.

AA has a saying - people, places, and things. These are what you avoid until you no longer need to avoid them - if that day ever comes. In the process, you grow up. Not a bad plan.

Good luck,
sunshine



LadyConstanze -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 3:48:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kaylive

If they are the type who bugs you to death or someone you may have beef with?


I would like to echo what you said in this post



Focus50 -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 4:01:30 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kaylive

If they are the type who bugs you to death or someone you may have beef with?


Hmmm, sounds like two very different situations....

Sooooo, you're sincerely seeking advice or just throwing hypotheticals about?

There'll be no magic from moi if this is just hypotheticals....

Focus.



littlewonder -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 4:21:31 AM)

don't hang out in the spots, ignore, walk away. pretty easy really



LaTigresse -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 4:38:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kaylive

If they are the type who bugs you to death or someone you may have beef with?


Grow the fuck up, behave like a mature adult and be the better person in all situations.

It has worked fabulously for me.



sunshinemiss -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 5:38:36 AM)

When I was the OP's age, I remember feeling like the rest of the world had gotten the "adult" rule book while I hadn't. I figured that even if the OP is just joshing, well, I could let somebody in on the info I was given. Hope it can help someone.

best,
sunshine



Kana -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 6:43:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If I recall correctly from the prior thread:

"It's a damn shame when a woman with a strap-on has bigger balls than you".

When you want to be the bigger man, stop the junior high bullshit.




Oooouuuuuuuuucccccchhhhhhhhhh.

(And I wondered why I could smell scorched flesh when I opened the forum)

and in further teeny tiny print-dude, think ahead, even a dog has enough sense not to shit where it sleeps.



leadership527 -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 6:51:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kaylive
If they are the type who bugs you to death or someone you may have beef with?

I smile and say "hello". I'm generally courteous but leave lots of space if wanted. I keep my mouth SHUT to others about whatever did or did not happen in the relationship.



NocturnalStalker -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 12:32:19 PM)

Hire ninja assassins.



juliaoceania -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 12:38:01 PM)

It depends on how I feel about the entire thing. If I do not want to deal with the drama, I might find a new group to hang out with, or not, it just depends on my mood really. It also depends on the strength of my attachments to those within a given group. If I am not that attached I am definitely moving on from the entire thing. I like fresh starts, though.




cactustree -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 12:43:34 PM)

Harshly

Cactus



ParappaTheDapper -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 1:01:00 PM)

Assume a dominant stance. Maintain eye contact. Do not back up. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT show fear. The ex in the wild is as afraid of you as you are of it. If you remain calm and keep your head on straight you can survive an encounter with a wild ex without incident!



Tantriqu -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 1:04:48 PM)

As above, and grin broadly. Drives 'em nuts!



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 1:09:41 PM)

I (attempt to) behave with the maximum of civility and courtesy and the minimum of drama.

Mostly it's not an issue, I tend to stay friends with exes at least on some level.



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