RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community?

RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (Full Version)

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leadership527 -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 2:26:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper Assume a dominant stance. Maintain eye contact. Do not back up. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT show fear. The ex in the wild is as afraid of you as you are of it. If you remain calm and keep your head on straight you can survive an encounter with a wild ex without incident! Personally, I think this should've gotten the Sunny quote of the day.

jewelsthepoet -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 2:53:36 PM)
I like the little button called block and if that isn't an option, i continue doing my normal activities and if i see their name pop up somewhere or happen to run into them, i lift my chin a bit and act like they don't exist. If they insist on approaching me, i tell them that they are unwanted in my presence and if they try to engage me further, i walk away. Guarantee they won't grab me because i am not above calling the cops to get rid of the problem if it is necessary and it's worked quite well in the past.

sunshinemiss -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 4:07:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: ParappaTheDapper Assume a dominant stance. Maintain eye contact. Do not back up. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT show fear. The ex in the wild is as afraid of you as you are of it. If you remain calm and keep your head on straight you can survive an encounter with a wild ex without incident! Personally, I think this should've gotten the Sunny quote of the day. I just got up! It's 8 a.m. Give a girl a chance to have a cup of coffee and read the boards! ETA: and it's SATURDAY!

Awareness -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 4:15:25 PM)
With class and integrity. In other words, exactly the same way you should have been dealing with them when they weren't an ex.

ThundersCry -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 6:17:20 PM)
Treat them like anyone else...kindly -L- Now kindly may mean telling her/him to F off and back away <g> If they are making THAT big of a scene they will in time leave anyways... Why stoop to their level...

falccon -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 6:32:59 PM)
be mature about the whole situation, and ignore them.

ResidentSadist -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 9:05:10 PM)
You can't rise above it if you let it "bug" you. People in the community will judge you by your actions (and reactions).

Hisprettybaby -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/13/2011 11:18:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact If I recall correctly from the prior thread: "It's a damn shame when a woman with a strap-on has bigger balls than you". When you want to be the bigger man, stop the junior high bullshit. Oooouuuuuuuuucccccchhhhhhhhhh. (And I wondered why I could smell scorched flesh when I opened the forum) and in further teeny tiny print-dude, think ahead, even a dog has enough sense not to shit where it sleeps. OMG! laughing my frikkin ass off!! This whole quote is funny but I just HAD TO bold that one part!!! ~Hisprettybaby~

SailingBum -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 12:05:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kaylive If they are the type who bugs you to death or someone you may have beef with? You be polite but then whisper bad ju ju about them... and of course it will get back to them and they will beat your scrawny ass. Then you either end up on springer... or in jail for killing the guy with a ice pick. You look like the springer type though.... BadOne

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 1:00:23 AM)
Say hello, and move along. "Ya keep your mouth shut, and it won't get back to her or him." Naughty by Nature

MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 2:52:48 AM)
I am of the opinion that this question has two answers: One if you are a Dominant, and one if you are a submissive. In the first part it's easy to say, "Just ignore him/her." That's kind of your job as a Dom in the first place - as a Dominant. If you don't want the sub you simply don't accept them. Or just tell the other party to go away. As a submissive it would be more complicated. Unless they were egregious in going past your boundaries, you need to understand that you are going to end up being viewed as a poor example of a submissive if you treat them poorly. If you have a hard-limit of blood and the Dom insisted on using knives on you: that's easy. If you have a bizarre hard limit with square knots and they were used on you, that's a little bit different. In that case I would suggest simply being very proper, prim and sincere. "I would prefer not to interact with you." Well, anyhow, that's my suggestion. Bear in mind that I haven't made my chops here yet so my advice is just my opinion.

DarkSteven -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 3:24:51 AM)
This happened to me. I had accepted a woman as a sub who turned out to have very serious mental issues. She took the inevitable breakup very hard and was trashing my name when and where she could. I continued to go to groups and was friendly, went out of my way to meet others and engage them in conversation, etc. I still have a bit of a black mark on my name, but it's fading fast. She's becoming just a bad memory for others, who have since realized how unstable she is.

littlewonder -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 6:26:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel I am of the opinion that this question has two answers: One if you are a Dominant, and one if you are a submissive. In the first part it's easy to say, "Just ignore him/her." That's kind of your job as a Dom in the first place - as a Dominant. If you don't want the sub you simply don't accept them. Or just tell the other party to go away. As a submissive it would be more complicated. Unless they were egregious in going past your boundaries, you need to understand that you are going to end up being viewed as a poor example of a submissive if you treat them poorly. If you have a hard-limit of blood and the Dom insisted on using knives on you: that's easy. If you have a bizarre hard limit with square knots and they were used on you, that's a little bit different. In that case I would suggest simply being very proper, prim and sincere. "I would prefer not to interact with you." Well, anyhow, that's my suggestion. Bear in mind that I haven't made my chops here yet so my advice is just my opinion. I don't see how being a sub or a dom has anything at all to do with it. You don't want to be near that person, want nothing to do with them. It IS that easy...ignore/delete/walk away...no matter if sub or dom. It's called being a grown up. I suggest lots of people try it. They may find their lives much more easier. Then again my experience has been that most people who have these problems also enjoy the attention/chaos of it all.

sunshinemiss -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 6:28:19 AM)
Hello MalcolmNathaniel, Your words are in black; mine are in red. I am of the opinion that this question has two answers: One if you are a Dominant, and one if you are a submissive. In the first part it's easy to say, "Just ignore him/her." That's kind of your job as a Dom in the first place - as a Dominant. If you don't want the sub you simply don't accept them. Or just tell the other party to go away. Nothing but love, man, but that's a submissive person's job, too. If I don't want the Dom, I simply don't accept them. Or I just tell the other party to go away. As a submissive it would be more complicated. Unless they were egregious in going past your boundaries, you need to understand that you are going to end up being viewed as a poor example of a submissive if you treat them poorly. Why's that? Anybody that thinks I'm a bad submissive for treating a jerk poorly has a warped definition of being a person who is also submissive. I can live without those types of folks. I would certainly view a dom as a poor example of a dom if he treated an ex poorly. Grown ups in my world generally act like grown ups. What label is attached to that person is irrelevant. If you have a hard-limit of blood and the Dom insisted on using knives on you: that's easy. I'm not sure how much of an issue that would be. Ha ha ha. It'd be amazing if he was still standing. :) If you have a bizarre hard limit with square knots and they were used on you, that's a little bit different. In that case I would suggest simply being very proper, prim and sincere. "I would prefer not to interact with you." Why would that be any different than what a Dominant person would say? Well, anyhow, that's my suggestion. Bear in mind that I haven't made my chops here yet so my advice is just my opinion. I think you have forgotten that submissve people are people first. I don't owe any Tom, Dick or Harriet more than any other person just because he slaps a label on himself. And if he acted like a jerk, I'd see him as a jerk. Best, sunshine

RedMagic1 -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 8:33:08 AM)
quote: Well, anyhow, that's my suggestion. Bear in mind that I haven't made my chops here yet so my advice is just my opinion. After you post five hundred times, your words will have the power of natural law.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 9:19:02 AM)
It also always helps to have your arm around someone really, really hot when you run into an ex.

littlewonder -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 9:30:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet It also always helps to have your arm around someone really, really hot when you run into an ex. When I see that with the ex my first thought is about the girl and thinking "poor girl" lol But then my second thought is "well good for him. I hope he's happy". And I keep walking.

mech1nomics -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/14/2011 4:03:17 PM)
LMFAO!!!! theres too much comedy to even begin quoting some of your responses. Ill just give my 2 cents and hope for some change! your best bet is if they have some embarrasing stuff on you to let them post it. How else do you think a future dom or sub will know youre a hard ass or a real bitch boy...have fun and let the winds of the bull whip hit you...hard!!

xssve -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/15/2011 10:32:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven This happened to me. I had accepted a woman as a sub who turned out to have very serious mental issues. She took the inevitable breakup very hard and was trashing my name when and where she could. I continued to go to groups and was friendly, went out of my way to meet others and engage them in conversation, etc. I still have a bit of a black mark on my name, but it's fading fast. She's becoming just a bad memory for others, who have since realized how unstable she is. Am I attracted to women like that or do they see me coming? Haven't figured that out yet. I think one Red flag is if she runs down every other man shes ever met - while eventually, it all comes out in the laundry, chances are pretty good you're just going to end up at the end of that list, they can't have all been that bad, and if they were, it speaks to her judgment. Unfortunately, this is a strategy designed to appeal to your White Night syndrome, and if you're thinking with the wrong head, she's just going to lure you into the Dragons lair - nowadays if this happens, I simply risk immediate alienation rather than risk deeper entanglement by question her role in the affair, and see if she's honest enough to admit that there's Two sides to every story: if she can't get real, it's a big red flag for me. My ex had serious sympathy fetish, she made up stories of abuse so people would feel sorry for her - she had all her friends giving me the stinkeye - Six months later they were all calling me asking me what the fuck was wrong with her, lol.

Awareness -> RE: How do you deal with an ex in the community? (5/15/2011 11:31:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven This happened to me. I had accepted a woman as a sub who turned out to have very serious mental issues. She took the inevitable breakup very hard and was trashing my name when and where she could. I continued to go to groups and was friendly, went out of my way to meet others and engage them in conversation, etc. I still have a bit of a black mark on my name, but it's fading fast. She's becoming just a bad memory for others, who have since realized how unstable she is. Hmmm. Is that entirely unjustified? If you're not screening your subs for sanity and stability, then that would tend to imply you're suffering from a rescuer complex and need to do some change work on yourself. Having dealt with whacked out vanilla women, I have a very clear idea of what to look out for. Generally impatience, flashes of irrational anger and a love me/hate me personality. If their self-esteem is in the toilet, I also keep them at a distance. Whether this is all simply a perspective gained from experience or if there's universals here which anyone can screen for is the question.

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