RE: Is BDSM a "Lifestyle" (Full Version)

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Kana -> RE: Is BDSM a "Lifestyle" (5/14/2011 6:31:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

More like a, game, really.


BDSM  is fun, but I don't see it as a game. Not even kinda sorta close. Not when peoples hearts are involved. That's not a thing I tend to take lightly.



leadership527 -> RE: Is BDSM a "Lifestyle" (5/14/2011 7:45:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
If there is a BDSM lifestyle, then I'd certainly like to hear someone define what that entails.

Oh come now Roch... it's not that hard. I'd say that someone has a BDSM lifestyle if I saw a bunch of stuff like this.

  • The person's income comes from BDSM related activites
  • The person's friends are all BDSM people
  • The person's house is decorated in a BDSM-ey theme
  • The person mostly attends events which are BDSM related
  • The person's day to day wardrobe is fetishey
  • The person's primary relationship (if they have one) is a 24/7 BDSM something or another

In short, if I see BDSM woven in and throughout their entire life then I'm going to call it, quite reasonably I think, a BDSM lifestyle. I don't need to look at specific activities to make that assertion. I'd say Carol and I do not have a "BDSM lifestyle" because despite being married in a 24/7 TPE relationship, that's the only part of our lives where anything "BDSM-ey" shows up. Sure, we have some kinky friends, but also a lot of non-kinky ones. We seldom go to BDSM events. Our income comes from the vanilla world, etc. The fact that an authority dynamic is woven throughout our marriage doesn't make it woven through our entire lives.



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Is BDSM a "Lifestyle" (5/14/2011 8:50:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
If there is a BDSM lifestyle, then I'd certainly like to hear someone define what that entails.

Oh come now Roch... it's not that hard. I'd say that someone has a BDSM lifestyle if I saw a bunch of stuff like this.
  • The person's income comes from BDSM related activites
  • The person's friends are all BDSM people
  • The person's house is decorated in a BDSM-ey theme
  • The person mostly attends events which are BDSM related
  • The person's day to day wardrobe is fetishey
  • The person's primary relationship (if they have one) is a 24/7 BDSM something or another


That's why the mythical "BDSM lifestyle" is such an elusive beast.  I can find plenty of people who say that they live a BDSM lifestyle who don't fit any of the criterion that you listed.  The form of the "BDSM lifestyle" is ever changing.  I think the BDSM lifestyle must be a shapeshifter.

But based on your list, I guess I live an "NBA lifestyle".  Hmmmmm, who knew?  [:D]



Iamsemisweet -> RE: Is BDSM a "Lifestyle" (5/14/2011 9:11:51 AM)

My first Dom insisted bdsm was a lifestyle. All I could think when he was going on about that was "you may have a lifestyle. I have a life."



leadership527 -> RE: Is BDSM a "Lifestyle" (5/14/2011 9:14:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
That's why the mythical "BDSM lifestyle" is such an elusive beast.  I can find plenty of people who say that they live a BDSM lifestyle who don't fit any of the criterion that you listed.  The form of the "BDSM lifestyle" is ever changing.  I think the BDSM lifestyle must be a shapeshifter. But based on your list, I guess I live an "NBA lifestyle".  Hmmmmm, who knew?  [:D]

See, I don't find it "elusive" at all. Granted, it's a bit of an amorphous blob, but "I know it when I see it." I also don't see it as some sort of holy grail. It's just an observation about how central sex/kink is to someone's life. I see no problem with you having an "NBA lifestyle". I'd know that when I saw it too. I wouldn't be looking for something like, "Must have at least 12 basketballs presented in their house somewhere". I'd just be looking for a general ambiance of basketball in and around their lives.



NuevaVida -> RE: Is BDSM a "Lifestyle" (5/14/2011 9:15:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

In short, if I see BDSM woven in and throughout their entire life then I'm going to call it, quite reasonably I think, a BDSM lifestyle.



This.

I started getting into cycling for awhile.  But I didn't consider myself to have a cycling lifestyle.  However, I got to know a bunch of cool people who I *would* consider to have a cycling lifestyle.  They didn't make income in cycling, but cycling was a major part of their lives - evenings and weekends consisted of training for the next "century ride." - They had all the biking gear you could imagine: Clothes, equipment, amazingly expensive bikes and accessories, etc.  They hung out with other cyclers.  They lived and breathed their bikes, for the most part. All their friends were cyclers. It's almost cult-like (tongue in cheek). 

Me? I just liked a casual ride once in awhile, and the most I ever rode in a day (or cared to ride) was 30 miles.  I enjoyed it, and it was part of my life, but it did not make up the majority of my off-work focus.

The same applies to my photography friends.

I know people in the "BDSM lifestyle."  They ran groups, owned clubs and/or were very active in them.  The circles they ran in were comprised of others who were immersed in the same.  Much of their off-work focus was on BDSMy stuff.  They lived a "BDSM lifestyle."

I think the term is often used as an easy descriptor for people who enjoy BDSM.  I'm not bothered by it, but I don't consider myself to be a "lifestyler."  I live a life in which is led by the man I love, and we enjoy BDSM activities, but no more than we enjoy going to concerts, art & wine festivals, movies, and sampling different wines (ok, maybe a *little* more...except the wine sampling - that's in close competition, lol).  I've learned not to take the "lifestyle" term too seriously, and instead understand the overall message people are trying to convey, that happens to use the word in their message.



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