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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/13/2011 7:58:49 PM

sinandhoney

Posts: 61
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
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I've dated all sorts. The thing that drove me nuts the most was since I dated black guys it was assumed I'd date ANY black man. Um no. I swear if I would have heard "it's all good" or being called a racist bitch for turning them down I might have hit them with a bottle. I date people I'm attracted too.

I can also understand the not wanting to be someones fetish. I get frustrated by male subs because they make me feel the same way. They aren't attracted to me, just the thought I could get their kink off.

I can certainly understand the frustration.

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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/13/2011 8:53:26 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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I have dated men of various skin tones. .
I've had cultural differences with most men I've dated, no matter the amount of melanin in their skin. I grew up in the country on a farm, poor and white. One guy was a son of a .............doctor (ha ha) who was an over privileged only child. Another (a white guy) grew up in a large family in the city---he has trouble understanding why I love my flowers and digging in the dirt.
The “issues” I had with the black or brown men were the same ones I had with the paler men; some were jerks, sometimes it was simply a matter of it didn't work out.
My experience on line with some black guys has been they play the race card in their first email (as in 'do you like big, black cock?') I always respond with a paraphrase of MLK; I write back that I judge a man by the content of his character, not the color of his cock. Oddly,

only one man ever responded to that, and we chatted on IM for awhile but we lived very far apart.

< Message edited by catize -- 5/13/2011 8:54:50 PM >

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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/14/2011 9:03:31 AM

paulmcuk

Posts: 80
Joined: 4/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

wank down the streets do they? how very avante garde.

cor blimey, guv. england swings like a pendulum do, indeed....

Hence the famous Cockney song from "Me and My Girl":

Any time you're Lambeth way,
Any evening, any day,
You'll find us all
Doin' the Lambeth Wank. Oi!

Every little Lambeth gal,
With her little Lambeth pal,
You'll find 'em all
Doin' the Lambeth Wank. Oi!

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Post #: 43

RE: Interracial whatever - 5/14/2011 1:39:46 PM

Wheldrake

Posts: 477
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
* To anyone -- have you ever even had an interracial relationship? Issues of attraction and such are mostly involuntary and personal, so no one can really be judged for that. i'm just wondering who actually has had one. =p how did you end up with the person? how'd it all go? did you have "issues" to deal with?

I'm a white Canadian with ancestry mostly from the British Isles, and for a few years now I've been with a southeast Asian woman. We met kind of randomly, got talking, and clicked at multiple levels, so race didn't have much to do with the initial attraction. (I find women of all races physically attractive in their different ways, and for me attraction has a lot more to do with demeanour and personality traits anyway.) We're still together and mostly happy with each other, so I guess it's going well. There have been "issues", but they almost all revolve around culture rather than race per se. We come from societies that have rather different concepts of how responsible adults should behave and communicate, and it does cause misunderstandings and frustrations sometimes. Over the years we've got better at talking through problems like this without getting too fed up.

We're not in 24/7 ownership mode at the moment, but there are times when I submit to her. We've never really done what I would call overt race play, but the racial difference is there as a subtext and it does spice things up in interesting ways. I'm helpless in the power of a woman from the exotic and cruel Orient (old people in her country can remember a time when there were genuine head-hunters in some remote areas) and she has a descendant of the arrogant colonial oppressors stretched out naked at her feet. We both enjoy those historical resonances, though we don't take them too seriously. More importantly, our style of play involves a certain sense of distance and alienation, since she enjoys treating me like an object and I enjoy being treated that way. The fact that we come from different races makes distance and alienation just a bit easier to conjure.

I should add that none of this interferes with our perception of each other as individuals. Some people seem to worry that anyone who is at all interested in What they are (whether the What is a racial category, a gender, a D/s orientation, or a body type) must be totally indifferent to Who they are. My girlfriend and I find that we can have a little fun with the What without losing sight of the far more important Who.

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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/14/2011 3:34:10 PM

faithbunny

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/28/2007
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I identify with so much of what I'm reading here! And I apologize in advance because I know this would be better written if I didn't have a murderous headache at the moment. I am engaged to my beloved, who is black. We have been together for 10 years.

I dated my first person of another race at 14. White girl that I am, I have dated women of 3 races and men of pretty much every race plus a bunch of other countries. Generally speaking, I am most attracted to black and Latin men. Why? I grew up in a black neighborhood, and I suspect that has something to do with opening my mind. I am very comfortable around black folks, and roughly half of my friends are black. Coming from where I come from, I think I have more in common with them, especially at the age I am now, where it seems like white guys are usually concerned with their golf and 401Ks. I just find white guys of my age group boring, mostly, and a white guy has to work harder than a black or Latin man to get my attention. Regardless of color, smart geeky guys are kind of my thing, really. I date guys who keep their pants up and speak like they passed high school English (assuming it's their first language) and never call me shorty or boo a second time.

As for the Latin guys... I find differences intriguing. I love that I grew up in DC where there are people of every walk of life. I love that I can date boys and girls and that I've dated someone 16 years younger and am a bit disappointed that I've only dated maybe 15 years older. I love that I am marrying a total perv who I also happen to be in love with. So few limits! So, all that said, I don't speak Spanish well at all. Which makes it sound so damn sexy to listen to a man I know carnally speaking it (or singing it!), especially to me. And never even having left the country, dating my Peruvians and my Salvadorans and my Chileans was a fascinating learning experience, and I think I'm better for it.

And I think you build preferences based on good experiences. My beloved is the great love of my life, and while we were apart for awhile I kept trying to recreate him, so I dated a lot of bossy masculine black guys. I have a Latin ex who I loved very much as well, and my thing for a brownish man with a beak of a nose was born right there. Whereas my abusive ex-husband was white, the 'man' who raped me was white, and my absentee father was white, so my white-guy relationships, maybe not such good experiences. There's really only been white guy whom I still think of fondly.

As to issues: members of my family have had a problem with it. I no longer speak to those members of my family. If they don't love me enough to accept whatever makes me happy, I don't need them. You can't choose your family, but you don't have to talk to them, either. I have had some hostility in the past with older black women I worked with, but they always got over it in time, because I am just too lovable to stay mad at. My best friend is a black guy, and his mom hates him dating white girls but she actually loves me now and kind of wants us to get together. And from time to time I'll have some internet troll, almost always a white guy, calling me n-lover or something clever like that. I usually respond that I understand that it's his tiny penis talking from a place of jealousy and then block him, unless I'm feeling especially mean, in which case I'll bat him around for awhile first.

As to fetishism: I have not participated in it nor been involved with anyone who was into it (aside from the occasional 'do you like that big black cock' during sex.) However, I have had white men approach me who were interested in me in part because I date black guys, some of whom were interested in cuckolding. I have also met women, in looking for a girlfriend for my beloved and I, who have said things like, Oh, I've always wanted to try a black guy, as though my man were some new brand of detergent or something. In each case I have dropped that person like a hot potato.

I think when you're in a real relationship, not choosing a partner based on sex or aesthetics, you don't think about the differences much. My beloved is younger than me, and blacker than me, but those things occur to me only occasionally--the one I think about a lot is how he's dommer than me. ; ) And my beloved, bless him, doesn't care at all that I'm white, or how anybody else feels about that. One of the reasons we're so compatible--we're both great at discarding people who we think are jerks. I do think his skin is a pretty color, though!

Tantriqu: Maori, you say? Cliff Curtis from Trauma... sooooo damn sexy....

~faith

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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/14/2011 6:52:06 PM

BlackWomanSubNJ

Posts: 54
Joined: 2/11/2007
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Race is not a sex toy. Shame on all who think it is.

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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/14/2011 6:56:47 PM

willbeurdaddy

Posts: 11894
Joined: 4/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackWomanSubNJ

Race is not a sex toy. Shame on all who think it is.

Who are you to decide what kinks are acceptable for others?

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and harken
to the barking of the dogfox,
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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/14/2011 6:56:48 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Well golly, thanks mom for letting us know! A wooden spoon isn't a sex toy either, but some people just have no sense!

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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/14/2011 7:00:38 PM

willbeurdaddy

Posts: 11894
Joined: 4/8/2006
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To the OP:

Yes I have had an interracial relationship (two actually, one black woman and one asian woman) and no, I never found a need to take any action out of guilt or any other motivation related to their race (except to the extent that THEY had certain preferences related to their race).

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Hear the lark
and harken
to the barking of the dogfox,
gone to ground.

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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/14/2011 11:20:43 PM

bilbo0s

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Joined: 10/4/2009
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Interesting collection of responses...definitely gives me hope for the future of mankind.

Almost all are thoughtful, non-negative and most importantly ... they have an honest feel about them.

I suppose I should give my impression on the OP's questions. I play with whomever it pleases me to play with,
some are from other races, but in the interest of honesty I should disclose that I generally care a lot more
about my pleasure than their race.

I have never had race-based play...and no issues with race in my play.

One aspect of my experience that seems to be different from the experience of everyone else, is that I
got FAR more negativity from black women than from black men for instance when I was out and about
with a black woman. I don't know...not disputing other people's experience, just mine seems to have been
significantly different in that regard.

< Message edited by bilbo0s -- 5/14/2011 11:21:14 PM >

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RE: Interracial whatever - 5/15/2011 5:30:20 AM

ebonywarqueen

Posts: 60
Joined: 5/11/2011
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Hi. I am a black female Dominant who does engage in race play. There was a time I never would have considered it, but a white male slave I met introduced me to that form of play and I found it very hot. While it may not be politically correct its what I enjoy and I only engage in it with slaves who enjoy it as well. I am not sure why it pushes my buttons but it does. Of course I am not sure why anything in D/s pushes my buttons so I don't try to understand it, I enjoy it.

In my vanilla relationships I have dated every race and culture I can possibly think of Asian, black, white, native American, Latino...you name it. When I dated vanilla, if the person struck my interest that was enough. In my D/s relationship I actively seek out white males slaves. Its a preference stemmed partly from the fact that most slaves that approach me are white and the scarcity of black male slaves in the lifestyle. I have had to learn to ignore the ignorance of other people when it comes to my relationships and I have also learned to develop very thick skin.

I live in a very racist area of the country so yes I have a lot of issues to deal with here. When I have a slave come here to spend time with me I usually have to make it a rule that they do not engage anyone who shows a racist attitude towards us. Most are unprepared for the level of racism that they will experience in my neck of the woods. From stares, to uncalled comments, right down to idiots screaming racial slurs from their cars.....it happens. I once caused a big stir at my workplace because a white man I was seing picked up some lunch and dropped it off at work for me. My supervisor had an immediate negative reaction to it and to this day I think it was the underlying reason why I was released from that job. But of course I can't prove that. For my personal experience, choosing to date outside of my race has caused me a great deal of hurt at times both professionally and personally. But who would I be if I let other peoples hangups decide who I get to love? I am happy, I have a slave I adore and I am loving this life. So what else matters?

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